Search results for query: *

As the cell door slams behind Rolf Harris, the lights instantly go out and he collapses to the floor, with his head in his hands, sobbing.... Then, in the pitch black, he hears a rich Jamaican baritone voice which starts to sing..... "Do you think I would leave you crying when there's room in my...

Any predictions for the Malaysian Grand Prix?................ Mine is the whole field will mysteriously disappear!

Had a bad mix up at the supermarket today... The female cashier said "Strip down facing me." ..Apparently she meant my credit card

How many screws are there in a lesbian's coffin? None, it's all tongue-in-groove, with no studs.

SBS are about to release a new gay sitcom.....it's called "Leave it, it's Beaver!"

If a group of Swans is called a Bevy.. a group of Dogs, a Pack...a group of Crows, a Murder.... and a group of Lions is a Pride...Then one of the group of Essendon drug cheats must be a Hird!..

Oskar Pistorious is really hoping his case doesn't go to trial....officially he hasn't got a leg to stand on.... And news just to hand.. http://www.theonion.com/articles/burglar-hiding-in-pistorius-bathroom-figures-now-p,31393/?ref=auto

Holidays were over and I was feeling a bit down. Picked up my car from the long term carpark and on the drive back from the airport, saw a big billboard that said.... "Depression...you're not alone"...I thought to myself, 'Really?'..So I pulled over and got one of my personalities to search the car.

Years ago in the middle of summer, on a first dates I got in trouble with the girlfriends old man. He said "I want my daughter back by 8:15."..I said "Cool, the middle of August."

One for the animal lovers....What's the difference between a walrus and a fox?.....about 7 double scotches.

^^^ LOLED....:thumbsu:

LOL....reminds me of the prostitute without any legs....Her only means of support was her crutch.

A Chinese man and a Jewish man found themselves sharing a carriage on a long train trip After about 2 hours the Jewish man stands up walks over to where the Chinese man is sitting and whirls the old roundhouse and slugs the Chinese man with an uppercut, that knocks the living crap out of...

If I said mail..would the reply be... "Good get over here this femail wants her **** sucked?"

Um...... it's all in the delivery.

And one for the men.. This really works... Step 1: Lock partner & dog in boot of car. Step 2: Wait an Hour.. Step 3: Open Boot.. Step 4: Note which one is happier to see you...

A guy walks into a bar wearing pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers, he heads up to the bar and orders a double scotch, bourbon on the rocks and a triple vodka. He says to the bartender: "I shouldn't be drinking this with what I've got.".... "Why, what...

One day a female gynecologist decided that she wanted to become a car mechanic so she went back to college for two years, She studied hard and carefully prepared for her final exam. All seemed to go well at the exam and a couple of weeks later she had her results back. She was...

Straight out of the Ricky Nixon joke book?

A young couple making love in the back seat of their car. Temperatures were rising and things were getting intense, and finally the girl gasped, "Oh darling, darling, kiss me where it smells!" So he drove her to Werribee!

An attractive woman walks into a local hardware store with a hinge in her hand.... The sales man seeing the hinge looks at the woman and enquires 'Would you like a screw for that madam?" 'No' says the woman without missing a beat 'But since we're bartering, I'll give you a head job for that...

Spot the odd one out..... A shark, a crab, a lobster, a prawn...or a Japanese man found under 10 foot of rubble left by the tsunami?...... If you said the Shark you're right...all the others are crustaceans (crushed Asians)...

A wife comes home and find her husband in bed with a female dwarf. The wife goes into a complete rage and starts throwing things and screams:... "I thought you said you were never going to cheat on me again." The Husband looks up and says:.. "Ease up Babe, you can see I'm actually cutting down."

What's grey,pink and wrinkley and hangs out your P.J's Your mum

A teacher was reading the story of the "Three Little Pigs" to her first grade class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home....She read, "......and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said...

Cheers Nardz....

Paddy's been arrested for punching his wife again and appears before the Magistrate court.... The Magistrate asks; “ Paddy, why do you keep beating your wife?" Paddy answers: “I think it’s my weight advantage, longer arm reach and superior footwork.......”

I cheated...lol...sad thing is I'd choose 9 above the other titles....:p

Movie Test AMAZING! This math test can predict your all-time most-watched movie. Mine was "Forest Gump" Try it without looking at the answers. It's easy and really works: Pick a number from 1 - 9. Multiply by 3. Add 3. Multiply that by 3. Add those two digits together. Use that...