Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

[CakeEater]

This is part one of this thread. Part 2 can be found here:

https://www.bigfooty.com/forum/threads/awkward-flirting-stories-part-2.1146379/


Inspired by this dude......
http://www.news.com.au/travel/news/...t-horribly-wrong/story-e6frfq80-1226065356205
Cant see how this guy didnt Pick Up.....

Gibbsy's Hall of Fame

HALL OF FAME

Here it is, the long-awaited compilation post. Revisit this if ever you're in need of a laugh. The particular popular ones have been highlighted (30+ likes) but all are great. A few recurring names, which can be a good or bad thing depending on which way you look at it. Coming up with one-word descriptors was nearly as funny as reading the stories all over again.

Enjoy:

Drakescoffeecake - "Harmless"
deled3 - "Smokka"
middy - "Batteries"
The Emu - "Jaffas"
Bateanator - "Chivalry"
woopedazz - "Michael"
Probst - "Pantyhose"
fuzzyswan - "Jacinta"
Postman_Pav - "Opportunity"
freofan_mundy - "Unsure"
BigKahunaBlue - "Housemate"
BigKahunaBlue - "International"
Inciting Violence - "Pool"
Punt_Road_Roar - "Cards"
Harvey Leadpipe - "Messy"
Bowski - "Cue"
Sheeds - "Autocorrect"
bunsen burner - "Wife"
Xtreme - "Fire"
Bunk Moreland - "Floodgates"
deeman12 - "Disappointing"
LouisCK - "Double"
Igloo - "Waiting"
IceNine - "Gorgeous"
LouisCK - "Worried"
getthefooty - "Year 9"
vealesy - "Kids"
d0gs - "Threesome"
blueboy25 - "Interrupted"
HARKER - "Sister"
blueboy25 - "McCoist"
standingroomonly - "Clothes" (45 likes )
Mooster7 - "Santa"
Igloo - "Checkout"
Barry Zuckercorn - "Dogs"
Phenotype - "Friends"
Poseidon - "Blowdry"
Waynesworld - "Single"
Catsmaninamerica - "Heady"
Jimmy1992 - "Friends"
Jimmy1992 - "Glasses"
Mogwai - "Friendzone"
I bleed Blue - "NYE"
Phenotype - "Surprise"
LouisCK - "Thailand"
Mogwai - "Hawkins"
Jeremy Jordan - "Cops" (77 likes )
I bleed Blue - "Rescue"
Northhawker - "Lost"
Phenotype - "Fish" (47 likes )
Gibbsy - "Face"
walshy93 - "Psycho"
triplejdude - "Bushpig"
Gibbsy - "Orgy" (50 likes )
Bob Vance - "First" (44 likes )
Jimmy1992 - "Tired"
blueboy25 - "Park"
Illinois Nazi - "Next"
Barry Zuckercorn - "Mate"
Gibbsy - "Goon"
Dukes of Hurley - "Stain"
Dukes of Hurley - "Bite"
A Swallow - "Pub"
Van Nostrand - "Watch"
Jimmy1992 - "Grind"
cAsEy_18 - "Tok Tok"
Jimmy1992 - "Valentine"
Sheeds - "Date"
CakeEater - "Taxi"
blue boy jatz - "Hockey"
getthefooty - "Big"
Jimmy1992 - "Night 1"
tants - "Emails"
I bleed Blue - "Blood"
Jimmy1992 - "Night 2"
RU486 - "Backpacking"
Confuscius - "Catholic"
Dan3490 - "Dad"
HugeJohnson - "Bonnet"
Jimmy1992 - "Facebook"
getthefooty - "Honest"
A Swallow - "Trevor"
Jack Package - "Stan"
Doss - "Jacket" (30 likes )
Phenotype - "Wet"
Doss - "Tape"
Doss - "Bump"
Senatorguesty - "Visitor"


Will add more as they roll in. Cheers.

Part 2 Hall of Fame (April 13 to Sep 2013)

Part 3 Hall of Fame (Sep 13 to Feb 2014)

 

[Leslie_Chow]

[youtube]BFjgoP7d7Mg [/youtube]

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

I had a weird one on Saturday night.

Girl I've known for a few months now was at this party at a hotel and throughout the night she sent these texts to me on separate occassions:

"You coming tonight? I wanna see you" - before I came out
"Where are you?" - 1.40am when I was in the toilet
"Where are you???" 3.43am when we were both maggotted and i was downstairs
"Did you go?" - 4.18am

Throughout the night she was on the dancefloor a lot and that 'I just wanna make you sweat' song came on, and she pointed at me as she was singing it.

Despite all this I texted her at about 5am and said something like "why did u want to know where I was?" and she said "Because I was wondering, I wanted to go home and if you were gone I didn't wanna hang out by myself" So this would suggest she doesn't want my penis?

Wtf? Is that harmless flirting or does she actually want me?

 

[sgnl00]

I had a weird one on Saturday night.

Girl I've known for a few months now was at this party at a hotel and throughout the night she sent these texts to me on separate occassions:

"You coming tonight? I wanna see you" - before I came out
"Where are you?" - 1.40am when I was in the toilet
"Where are you???" 3.43am when we were both maggotted and i was downstairs
"Did you go?" - 4.18am

Throughout the night she was on the dancefloor a lot and that 'I just wanna make you sweat' song came on, and she pointed at me as she was singing it.

Despite all this I texted her at about 5am and said something like "why did u want to know where I was?" and she said "Because I was wondering, I wanted to go home and if you were gone I didn't wanna hang out by myself" So this would suggest she doesn't want my penis?

Wtf? Is that harmless flirting or does she actually want me?

Are you ******ed?

 

[yirra_kurl]

Are you ******ed?

I just had a coughing fit from laughing so hard.....

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

Are you ******ed?

I prefer to call it mentally challenged

 

[rofltown]

I had a weird one on Saturday night.

Girl I've known for a few months now was at this party at a hotel and throughout the night she sent these texts to me on separate occassions:

"You coming tonight? I wanna see you" - before I came out
"Where are you?" - 1.40am when I was in the toilet
"Where are you???" 3.43am when we were both maggotted and i was downstairs
"Did you go?" - 4.18am

Throughout the night she was on the dancefloor a lot and that 'I just wanna make you sweat' song came on, and she pointed at me as she was singing it.

Despite all this I texted her at about 5am and said something like "why did u want to know where I was?" and she said "Because I was wondering, I wanted to go home and if you were gone I didn't wanna hang out by myself" So this would suggest she doesn't want my penis?

Wtf? Is that harmless flirting or does she actually want me?

not sure if troll

 

[sgnl00]

I prefer to call it mentally challenged

No, seriously. Does a woman have to approach you and specifically ask '...could you please unzip my pants and your own, then our underwear(s). Get out your wallet, take out a condom, take off the wrapper, and roll it onto your erect penis ensuring a small air pocket is left at the tip for future seminal fluids...'

I can go on if you want.

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

Women are the hardest creatures to understand.

I've since learnt from that night that she has no interest in me. So what does that say?

 

[sgnl00]

Women are the hardest creatures to understand.

I've since learnt from that night that she has no interest in me. So what does that say?

It says you missed your chance and she is no longer attracted to you because you are socially inept and/or have multiple tumours on your anterior cingulate cortex.

 

[BABYBOMBERS2007]

Inspired by this dude......
http://www.news.com.au/travel/news/...t-horribly-wrong/story-e6frfq80-1226065356205
Cant see how this guy didnt Pick Up.....

That is pathetic, haha. He got arrested

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

It says you missed your chance and she is no longer attracted to you because you are socially inept and/or have multiple tumours on your anterior cingulate cortex.

Or because I'm not single? It's not as clear cut as you think!

 

[sgnl00]

Or because I'm not single? It's not as clear cut as you think!

Nope, attractiveness to other women increases if you gain a girlfriend. Unless she is a he.

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

Nope, attractiveness to other women increases if you gain a girlfriend. Unless she is a he.

Wait wut, she knew I had a girlfriend, yet she still texted me constantly - amongst other things, has out and out said to a friend of mine that she has no interest in me, which really means she wants me?

Women are ****ed.

 

[sgnl00]

Wait wut, she knew I had a girlfriend, yet she still texted me constantly - amongst other things, has out and out said to a friend of mine that she has no interest in me, which really means she wants me?

Women are ****ed.

Don't stick your dick in crazy. Also, why do you care if you have a girlfriend?

To add to the topic, a story from across the net (not me):

I was pumping gas after work and a girl from work stops and we start talking, we have some laughs there at the gas station, she then informs me that her parents are gone for the weekend and asks if I want to come over and go swimming.
At this point I say "Sorry, I don't have any swim shorts with me." She says ok and we both leave. About 15 minutes later the mouse in my head takes a step on the wheel and I let out the loudest FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! ever.

 

[prankmonkey]

women can lie to their friends

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

Don't stick your dick in crazy. Also, why do you care if you have a girlfriend?

I don't care. I didn't reply to any of the texts or anything (except that one at the end of the night). Just dont understand it, considering everything else I've mentioned.

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

women can lie to their friends

Why would she though? It's her best friend and she has simply said I am not her type and that she's not interested - which is why I don't understand the constant texts and shit.

 

[-CG-]

She was probably just drunk.

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

She was probably just drunk.

Precisely. Combined with harmless flirting. Still doesn't make sense though. She also had hundreds of guys to choose from but kept coming back to me. I told my girlfriend about it and I'm currently hiding in the bedroom.

 

[sgnl00]

Why would she though? It's her best friend and she has simply said I am not her type and that she's not interested - which is why I don't understand the constant texts and shit.

What else is she going to say? 'Yes, I fancy your boyfriend, can we take turns?'

Don't know why you care, either. Not your problem. Unless you want in on some of that.

More pathetic stories from the web that remind me of the previous poster:

This gorgeous girl and I were out having a nice time, and then I walked her home after a really nice long afternoon at the park (it was only 8 o'clock or so).
Just as I drop her off she looks at the empty car space, and mentions her parents won't be home for a couple days.
I tell her how jealous I am, because my parents are always home.
She invites me in for a glass of water.
I say no thanks, I'm not that thirsty.
She asks if I'm sure, and beckons me closer.
I say my goodbyes and start to walk up the driveway, I turn my head and notice that she is still standing at the doorway, with the most puzzled expression I've ever seen.

 

[Andre]

Nope, attractiveness to other women increases if you gain a girlfriend. Unless she is a he.

Womens logic is the higher you are up the relationship 'food chain' the better you are - you've been vetted by another female and the higher up, the assumed more seriousing vetting.
Therefore everything else being equal Married man more attractive than engaged man, whose more attractive than man in relationship with single man at the bottom of the heap.

Of course if you attempt to return the flirting you instantly invalidate any of this attractiveness. Or if you leave said relationship you instantly lose it. Thereby making it have no beneficial purpose to guys, the opposite in fact. 'Yeah, you're hot and I want you, except if you try to return it at all, then I don't. What? Illogical! It makes perfect sense to any woman. Men!!!'

 

[woopedazz]

I had a weird one on Saturday night.

Girl I've known for a few months now was at this party at a hotel and throughout the night she sent these texts to me on separate occassions:

"You coming tonight? I wanna see you" - before I came out
"Where are you?" - 1.40am when I was in the toilet
"Where are you???" 3.43am when we were both maggotted and i was downstairs
"Did you go?" - 4.18am

Throughout the night she was on the dancefloor a lot and that 'I just wanna make you sweat' song came on, and she pointed at me as she was singing it.

Despite all this I texted her at about 5am and said something like "why did u want to know where I was?" and she said "Because I was wondering, I wanted to go home and if you were gone I didn't wanna hang out by myself" So this would suggest she doesn't want my penis?

Wtf? Is that harmless flirting or does she actually want me?

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Nah, she's not interested.

 

[Drakescoffeecake]

What else is she going to say? 'Yes, I fancy your boyfriend, can we take turns?'

She told this to her best friend who I am good friends with, not my girlfriend.

Don't know why you care, either. Not your problem. Unless you want in on some of that

Shit yeah If I was single.

 

[Sebastian Balboa]

Womens logic is the higher you are up the relationship 'food chain' the better you are - you've been vetted by another female and the higher up, the assumed more seriousing vetting.
Therefore everything else being equal Married man more attractive than engaged man, whose more attractive than man in relationship with single man at the bottom of the heap.

Of course if you attempt to return the flirting you instantly invalidate any of this attractiveness. Or if you leave said relationship you instantly lose it. Thereby making it have no beneficial purpose to guys, the opposite in fact. 'Yeah, you're hot and I want you, except if you try to return it at all, then I don't. What? Illogical! It makes perfect sense to any woman. Men!!!'

We can't ****en win! Might as well turn gay*















*nogay