Beauty & Style Defecating oneself

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cats81

cats81

Team Captain
Oct 7, 2007
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Does anyone have any good storys of shitting/pissing themselves as adults?

In the past couple of years I have...

Pissed myself while drunk sleeping in a tent with 6 blokes at a music festival...soaking myself and the tent floor in piss, luckily it was the last night and we just left the tent there.

Pissed the bed when concussed which is excusable I guess

Shat myself at the footy...was in a corporate box and did a silent fart and a piece of poo escaped with it...thought oh wow how am I going to get out of this, on closer inspection it was a solid ball of poo and I left the box (the toilet was occupied) and let the poo ball fall down my pants and out onto the carpet on the hallway just outside the box. Have always thought what would the cleaner who found it thought.

Also shat myself driving back from the footy from Geelong had to cop the slops in my pants half the ring road home

Am I normal? Or is this unusual for a grown man to still have 'accidents' from time to time?
 
Definitely not normal C81, you better go see a specialist mate. :D

Btw, new sig material I reckon. :thumbsu:
 

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I shat myself six times this morning, and that was before I even got out of bed.

But seriously, the last time I really crapped my pants was years ago after a massive bender in Kings Cross. I was standing out in the main drag and suddenly without much warning filled my pants.

I went to the nearest McDonalds and discarded my jocks on the toilet floor and cleaned up.

I think I improved the general ambience, both of McD's and the Cross.

Oh, I destroyed a hotel room in Shepparton after I graduated from uni with massive uncontrollable shitting/vomiting, but that was alcohol poisoning and gastro combined. It was like the hotel scenes in 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.'
 
Yeah last week actually, there was a thread saying if you are far from home but need to defecate you can always hold it in. But as you get close to a toilet it becomes impossible.

So I was at the supermarket and I felt the need to defecate, but it was no big deal.. but the closer I got to home the more I felt it... And as I opened my front door it was impossible to hold it in. So I tried a little 'psychological trick'

I put my shopping on the table and meditated, imagining I was back at the supermarket far from a toilet. I looked at my shopping as though it was on a the shelf and casually chose my items.

Anyway it didnt work and i shat all over the kitchen floor, obv only try this when no one else is home
 
Only once as an adult when I sharted at home sitting on the couch, ran to the toilet, boxers in the wash straight away. Little did I know it was the beginning of food poisioning and me pissing out my arse every 15 minutes for about 2 1/2 days.
 
occasional shart but nothing too serious.

saw an old (50 to 60 years) guy completely obliterate himself, his jeans and the floor at the village belle in st kilda some time last year.... well i didn't see him actually do it, but i walked in what couldn't have been too far after and was greeted with the aftermath.... is there any obligation for me to help?? i was way to hungover and coming down to deal with it. i'm not so sure i would've if i wasn't though....
 
I was running in a marathon and had been training for months and months. With about 5km's left i needed to fart yet it was actually diarrhea and due to my fatigued state, i couldn't stop. Anyway i had trained too hard to give up at that stage and just continued on running.

Heres a photo:

shit.gif
 
half_back_flank said:
I was running in a marathon and had been training for months and months. With about 5km's left i needed to fart yet it was actually diarrhea and due to my fatigued state, i couldn't stop. Anyway i had trained too hard to give up at that stage and just continued on running.

Heres a photo:

shit.gif
Click to expand...

Loving the looks on the faces of the spectators.
 
A while back I was just chillin' on the computer and I HAD a comfy office chair that I used to sit on. Anyway, cracked a fart and had a little chuckle to myself as you would, and the smell was just horrendous and I was thinking to my self "oh yeah, this ones a ripper!". All was normal, I didn't really notice any squishy feeling at all until I got up off the chair and the whole of my ass was planted to my trackies and the chair was completely ruined. I thought it was pretty funny actually haha.

Another time was when I was a little tike and I was at the shopping centre and I layed a massive one in my pants and didn't really tell my mum until she found out on her own haha
 
Never done it as an adult, but I've come dangerously, dangerously close. Having a fairly decent goon sesh on campus about 5 minutes walk from college, I go to take a piss in the bushes. I realise that I need to do more than that, but it doesn't feel too bad, so I start walking back to college, telling my mates I'll be back in 10. About half-way there, something shifts in the bottom of my gut, and I realise this has been creeping up on me. Things get urgent, and I quicken my pace, but I don't want to full-on run for fear of loosening my sphincter. Eventually I have no choice, burst through the door at college, find the bottom floor bathroom, lift the lid, drop my pants, turn around, and as I'm sitting down, finally release my bowels.

So I'm sitting there, feeling pretty proud that I made it. It was a genuine photo-finish, timed to perfection. I go to wipe, and feel something warm and wet on the back of my hand. I bring it up, and it's brown. And smelly. God damn. I stand up, shorts around my ankles, and see that my aim as I was sitting down wasn't quite perfect. A large portion of fecal matter is sitting on the back left (stage right) section of the toilet seat. Furthermore, this has been rubbing against my arse cheek.

I proceed to wipe my arse, my arse cheek and my hand while standing up, and then get to work on the toilet seat. It was still going to smell, but at least I could get rid of the visual evidence. I then realise that a little bit of shit has got on the bottom of my t-shirt. ****.

I race up to my room (thankfully avoiding anybody), strip off, and have a 2 minute, bottom-half shower. Get changed into jeans and a shirt, get back, and explain that the reason I've been gone for 20 minutes is that I took a long shit, and then took the chance while at college to change into jeans and a shirt for going out later. Potentially embarassing situation avoided.
 

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I've had more than a few instances of thinking a fart was a fart when it'warn't. This is always amusing as it puts one on an urgent mission of secrecy requiring extreme James Bond coolness and nonchalance. Love having gravy in my shorts at work, making a casual dash to the latrine only to be stopped by my boss to have a conversation. This practice improves your poker face as well as your improvisational lying in general.

What I've found is, if you go on a weekend bender, to avoid gassy foods. The booze (especially beer - and for some reason vodka with me) dangerously tips your body hydrology to the excess, and the gassy foods bring on the ass-cannon. In conjunction, booze and farty foods put you in the quite unfortunate position of no longer being able trust and enjoy your farts, as well as giving you far greater odds of a squart (squirty fart).

Everyone's body chemistry is different, but the foods I avoid while on a bender - which is pretty much any day off - are beans (obviously) asparagus, eggplant, sauerkraut (glorious as a fail) broccoli and tuna. For some reason Pears do it to me too. I love pears. :(

It's going to happen on occasion no matter what unless you're one who completely abstains from alcoholic beverages. Personally, I'd rather shit my pants than be one of those. But if you do drop a load while completely sober and not coming off a rough weekend, then you need to either go back to kindergarten or go forward to the grave. Your choice.

Peace,
 
Xtreme said:
I had an ear infection a few years ago, as a result it made me have to bolt to the toilet from time to time. It was a race against time, where i'd have to get to the toilet, pull my shorts and undies off, then sit on the bowl. Sometimes i only just made it before the nuclear explosion in the toilet commenced :eek:.
Click to expand...
How does an ear infection relate to bowels as such?
Was is that you kept losing balance and falling over before you finally made it to the toilet?
 
Have never shat myself, I think I have excellent sphincter control. Can always push and squeeze out farts earlier than they intended to be expressed. Ends up sounding like a balloon squeezed at the neck. I have, however, urinated in areas not clearly designated 'toilet' without meaning to though.

Back when I was 19 I was out at a small gathering. As you do when you're that age you tend to get as rip-roaring drunk as you can and try and find the quickest and easiest method to do so. We ended up playing the drinking game Kings. Good game. I decided to go all-in and imbibed several different alcohols with rigorous vigour.

Great night, dont remember it. Passed out back at my girlfriends place. Wake up in the middle of the night. Still out of it, think I'm back at the party taking a slash in the bushes. Except I wasn't. I was pissing all over my girlfriends desk. I pass out back in bed. Wake up in the morning to find my girlfriend has kindly cleaned up her desk and my piss. Having pissed all over her study notes for a nursing exam later in the week, my shoes and some other paraphenilia.

Win. And my girlfriend had to use her study notes for her exam study. Double win. And, luckily for me, my piss was pretty much clear like water, so it didn't leave any real damage. Triple win.
 
Once I shat in Medieval Germany.

Was visiting some Germans mates in Bavaria at the end of 2008. I had them stay with me and even my family for a while in 2007 and they were repaying me the favour. They were showing me and my girlfriend around everywhere- Romantic Road, Castles, etc.. One night they took us to a Medieval town recreation. No it's dead middle of winter over there (first time I saw snow) and so I have Long Johns on (top and bottom.) I felt a little fluey also, after crossing timezones, poor sleeping, change in conditions, etc... Further to this, I hadn't seen my German buddies for over a year and Bavarians love the piss. I had been hitting it hard for days.

In Germany around Christmas, they drink this gluvine. Absolutely cracking around that time. Goes down a treat and keeps you warm on a freezing night. Anyhow, I was going to ease off the juice for a night as I was hung over and not feeling too well. On this occasion, I had a couple of glasses to steady my nerves. I arrived in this Medieval town and as my mate was escorting myself and girlfriend around, I thought I'd let off an SBD, so as not arouse too much suspicion.

I proceeded to follow through and badly. It was the first time that this had ever happened to me. I put it down to the conditions. I put on my best poker face and excused myself from the situation. I told the missus and my mate that I'd catch up later.

One of those situations where you just cannot find a toilet, and on top of this, I was getting hassled by strange German folks speaking old-German on the way there. After what seemed about 30 minutes, I managed to find a toilet built out of wood, as it's medieval times.

I finally saw the full extent of the situation and I assure you that I have never felt more stressed in my life. There are no handbowl only some water and a ladle type thing in the middle of the toilets. I needed that water. Anyhow had to dump the long johns. Had to throw them over the town wall a little after. Trying to wash myself was a shocker as I had to wait until there was no one about and I could get some water on my legs... freezing water and I'm not wearing anything on my bottom half.

To cut a long story short, I shat myself in Medieval Germany and my pants are stuck in the Middle Ages. I only told my missus about it once we got back to Australia.
 
I've shat myself in the car quite a few times, trying like **** to hold it in then the warm squishy feeling.

Totally shit my pants on a boat cruise on the swan river when I was younger while trying to hold out for the toilet, I was pissed as was everyone & I jumped off the back of the boat pretending I was drunk and fell off just so I could do my best to wash my pants and the evidence.

One of the crew jumped straight off after me as he thought I might of drowned, was pretty ****ed up.
 
jasonwilde said:
Once I shat in Medieval Germany.

Was visiting some Germans mates in Bavaria at the end of 2008. I had them stay with me and even my family for a while in 2007 and they were repaying me the favour. They were showing me and my girlfriend around everywhere- Romantic Road, Castles, etc.. One night they took us to a Medieval town recreation. No it's dead middle of winter over there (first time I saw snow) and so I have Long Johns on (top and bottom.) I felt a little fluey also, after crossing timezones, poor sleeping, change in conditions, etc... Further to this, I hadn't seen my German buddies for over a year and Bavarians love the piss. I had been hitting it hard for days.

In Germany around Christmas, they drink this gluvine. Absolutely cracking around that time. Goes down a treat and keeps you warm on a freezing night. Anyhow, I was going to ease off the juice for a night as I was hung over and not feeling too well. On this occasion, I had a couple of glasses to steady my nerves. I arrived in this Medieval town and as my mate was escorting myself and girlfriend around, I thought I'd let off an SBD, so as not arouse too much suspicion.

I proceeded to follow through and badly. It was the first time that this had ever happened to me. I put it down to the conditions. I put on my best poker face and excused myself from the situation. I told the missus and my mate that I'd catch up later.

One of those situations where you just cannot find a toilet, and on top of this, I was getting hassled by strange German folks speaking old-German on the way there. After what seemed about 30 minutes, I managed to find a toilet built out of wood, as it's medieval times.

I finally saw the full extent of the situation and I assure you that I have never felt more stressed in my life. There are no handbowl only some water and a ladle type thing in the middle of the toilets. I needed that water. Anyhow had to dump the long johns. Had to throw them over the town wall a little after. Trying to wash myself was a shocker as I had to wait until there was no one about and I could get some water on my legs... freezing water and I'm not wearing anything on my bottom half.

To cut a long story short, I shat myself in Medieval Germany and my pants are stuck in the Middle Ages. I only told my missus about it once we got back to Australia.
Click to expand...

:thumbsu::)
 
Bloody hell, I'm almost too scared to ever drink again.
I've never shat myself as an adult or even as a child once past the toddler stage but it sounds like its destined to happen.:(
 

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Beauty & Style Defecating oneself

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