Lame Jokes Part 2

[GreyCrow]

Scientists have made a breakthrough and answered the worlds most asked question about sex workers and criminals

In specific calculations designed to weigh and average out each professions participants it can now be determined

The Pros outweigh the Cons

 

[worbod]

I used to be pen-pals with Christiaan Barnard but then he had a change of heart.

 

[Wallaby]

I made a vow this year to drop the 10 kgs I put on during the Covid lockdown.

Doing well - just 15 to go.

 

[Quadzilla]

A truck loaded with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the highway.

There was no congestion for 8 hours

 

[raskolnikov]

How do you deal with a sad astronaut?
Just give him some space.

 

[MauroFogheri]

Mary Rose sat on a pin. Mary rose

 

[raskolnikov]

Did you hear about the guy who evaporated?
He'll be mist.

 

[Xtreme]

How do Billboards talk ?

Sign language

 

[Xtreme]

A man asked his wife, “what would you do if I won the lottery?”

She replied, “I’d take half and leave you”

He responded, “Great, I won $12, here’s $6, stay in touch”

 

[raskolnikov]

My new girlfriend and I were traveling to meet my parents when she got a flat tire.
I called my parents and said, "Sorry mum. We're going to be late. My girlfriend's got a puncture." To which my mum replied, "Oh. I thought you had a real one this time"

 

[worbod]

I would like to thank all the people who have explained the word “many” to me. It means a lot.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What do you call a 90 year old Italian grandmother?

A nonnagenarian.

 

[Evolved1]

Two chemists walk into a bar. One tells the bartender, "I'll have a H2O." The other says, "I'll have a H2O too!" The second chemist dies.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What idiot called it a bike sale and not bye bike?

 

[raskolnikov]

I asked my wife when her birthday is. She said, "March 1st" so I walked around the room and asked again.

 

[emuboy]

A shark and a crocodile are eating a woke comedian, and the shark turns to the crocodile and asks, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

The crocodile takes another bite and replies, 'No, not at all.'

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What do you call an American preacher who’s just replaced another preacher?

Jesse Supplantis.

 

[Wallaby]

Famous siblings.

Everyone has heard of Karl Marx, whose treatise on political and societal progress led to numerous revolutions and wars during the 20th century, but few remember his sister Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

Alan Turing may have led the team that cracked the Enigma code resulting in a signifcant shortening of the deadliest war in history and led to the creation of the computer, but he couldn't have done it without the sandwiches, snacks and drinks provided by his sister Kate.

 

[Xtreme]

I hate it when people try to act like they are all sophisticated by talking about Mozart when they have never even seen one of his paintings.

 

[Wallaby]

Perfect excuse to bring up this

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Do fat people skinny dip?

 

[worbod]

My roommates suspect I’m stealing their kitchen utensils. But that’s a whisk I'm willing to take.

 

[worbod]

I’m going to buy shoes with Velcro from now on instead of laces. Why knot?

 

[philreich]

News of a relationship between a priest and a female parishioner. The romance was discovered when her pants were found in his vestry, and his vest was found in her pantry.

 

[GreyCrow]

News of a relationship between a priest and a female parishioner. The romance was discovered when her pants were found in his vestry, and his vest was found in her pantry.