Lame jokes

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I heard a cracker from Tim Watson:

"When I was coach of St Kilda, one week Spida turned up with green hair, and the next he turned up with red. So I told him I'd had enough of it. The next week he turned up with amber hair so I cautioned him..."

Just plain terrible
 

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A mum, dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and says "ketchup"
 
Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"

Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously
did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he
opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.

About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.

The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get
these marks having sex?"

Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy (let
alone that she allowed the kinky bloke to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims,

"I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring you've got
the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen"
 
nivek48 said:
Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"

Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously
did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he
opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.

About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.

The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get
these marks having sex?"

Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy (let
alone that she allowed the kinky bloke to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims,

"I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring you've got
the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen"
Click to expand...

Nice, very nice!
 
I can't decide if this ones lame or not.

2 guys decide to play darts.

Guy1 says: Closest to the Bull starts.

Guy2 says: Bahh

Guy1 says: Moooo

Guys2 says: Your closer.
 

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I went to the optician for an eye test the other week.

I sat down in the big chair and he started the test.

He pointed and said "what's that?"
And I said "it's a printer."
And he pointed again and said "and that?"
And I said "it's a mouse."
And he pointed again and said "and this is...?"
And I replied "a USB floppy drive"

"OK," he said, "so there's nothing wrong with your peripheral vision..."
 
Two students are walking to class when one says, “Where’d you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replies, “Well yesterday I was on my way home when this beautiful girl rode in front of me, tossed the bike and her clothes to the ground and declared, ‘Take what you want!’”

The first engineer nods in approval, “Good choice - the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
 
Beach Girl

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. one summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.

Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the Cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"

He hadn't, and said so.

Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and
then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

"Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.

"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

"Well, what is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, "Her name is Sally, and she's a battery salesperson."

"Batteries?" cried the wife.

"Yes . . ." he replied . . .



". She sells C cells down by the seashore."
 
"I was in my car, I was driving along, my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.

And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'

And I said 'I careered off the road.'
 
What's the difference between a lame joke and a post by Chicken's Law?
One is kind of funny, the other is just nonsensical drivel.
 
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