- Banned
- #151
Man: Hello
Old person: Get fuccked
Old person: Get fuccked
-
AFLW 2024 - Round 4 - Chat, game threads, injury lists, team lineups and more.
Lame jokes
- Thread starter oaksy
- Start date
- Tagged users None
- Status
What did one surfer say to the other surfer?
Nothing, just waved.............
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck
Nothing, just waved.............
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck
- May 9, 2002
- 16,147
- 126
- AFL Club
- Brisbane Lions
- Other Teams
- North Adelaide Roosters
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway
more jokes..
Patient: Doctor Doctor I got a Cricket Ball Stuck in my throat!
Doctor: Hows that?
Patient: Dont you start!!
Where does a Vampire keep his money?
In a Blood Bank
Why didnt the Skeleton go Clubbing?
He had no body to go with
What did the Chick say when she found a Orange in the nest?
Look at the Orange Mar-Ma Laid (Marmalade)
Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snowballs
What do you call a Deer with no eyes?
No Eye Deer
What do you call a Deer with no eyes and legs?
Still No Eye Deer
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
- May 9, 2002
- 16,147
- 126
- AFL Club
- Brisbane Lions
- Other Teams
- North Adelaide Roosters
Pay That!
shocker
- Banned
- #157
they're meant to be lame.
Why did the man **** the tree?
he was married to a horse.
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
I went to a seafood disco and pulled a mussel.
A man drowned in a bowl of meusli...a strong currant pulled him in.
A man drowned in a bowl of meusli...a strong currant pulled him in.
haha very good
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
This guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I don't know
what's wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the
word HONDA."
"That's very interesting, I've never heard of anything like that
before. Do you think you could fart for me?" says the doctor.
The guy fires one off and sure enough, the doctor hears "HONDA!"
After several attempts to figure out what's wrong with this guy,
the doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of
stomach specialists and none of them can figure out why this guys
farts say, "HONDA."
Finally, as a last resort, the doctors send him to a dentist.
After listening to the problem, the dentist opens up the guys
mouth and examines it.
"A-haa!!!!, says the dentist "....I have solved the problem."
"What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc"
The dentist replies "Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth."
"Yeah....so?", says the guy, "What has that got to do with my
farts?"
The dentist replies . . .
"Cant you see, Abscess Makes The Fart Go HONDA"
what's wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the
word HONDA."
"That's very interesting, I've never heard of anything like that
before. Do you think you could fart for me?" says the doctor.
The guy fires one off and sure enough, the doctor hears "HONDA!"
After several attempts to figure out what's wrong with this guy,
the doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of
stomach specialists and none of them can figure out why this guys
farts say, "HONDA."
Finally, as a last resort, the doctors send him to a dentist.
After listening to the problem, the dentist opens up the guys
mouth and examines it.
"A-haa!!!!, says the dentist "....I have solved the problem."
"What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc"
The dentist replies "Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth."
"Yeah....so?", says the guy, "What has that got to do with my
farts?"
The dentist replies . . .
"Cant you see, Abscess Makes The Fart Go HONDA"
- Banned
- #162
Whats yellow?
A peanut
A peanut
- Aug 11, 2006
- 8,009
- 2,436
- AFL Club
- Collingwood
why did the dinosaur cross the road?
chickens didn't exist
why was the apple red
it was a red apple
why was the apple green
it was a green apple
why was the apple yellow
it was a lemon
4 blondes walk into a bar
you would think one of them would see it coming
"knock knock"
"whos there"
"norma"
"norma who?"
"normally i don't knock on people's doors, but would you like to buy some encyclopedias?"
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One is a salted.
chickens didn't exist
why was the apple red
it was a red apple
why was the apple green
it was a green apple
why was the apple yellow
it was a lemon
4 blondes walk into a bar
you would think one of them would see it coming
"knock knock"
"whos there"
"norma"
"norma who?"
"normally i don't knock on people's doors, but would you like to buy some encyclopedias?"
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One is a salted.
- Aug 11, 2006
- 8,009
- 2,436
- AFL Club
- Collingwood
oh yea, another pirate joke i heard
why are pirates pirates?
because they ARRRRR
Tom and Mark walks in to a hotel, what did tom say to mark?
that hurts
why are pirates pirates?
because they ARRRRR
Tom and Mark walks in to a hotel, what did tom say to mark?
that hurts
- May 9, 2002
- 16,147
- 126
- AFL Club
- Brisbane Lions
- Other Teams
- North Adelaide Roosters
Very good
- reminds me of another joke I got via email...A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
Very good
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
good one
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
"Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
"Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To put out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To put out burning ducks.
To put out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To put out burning ducks.
- May 9, 2002
- 16,147
- 126
- AFL Club
- Brisbane Lions
- Other Teams
- North Adelaide Roosters
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
ClarkeM
Wonders 🏆🏆🏆🏆
- Mar 14, 2007
- 56,072
- 55,885
- AFL Club
- Collingwood
HAHAHA yellow
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
A pig walked into a bar and asked, "Do you serve root beer?"
The bartender said he did.
"I'd like one, please," the pig said.
After the pig had finished, he asked to use the rest room.
After the pig left, another pig came in and asked for two root
beers. This pig then asked for the rest room just like the first
one had.
Two more pigs came in. One ordered three root beers and the other
four. They too used the rest room.
When a fifth pig came in, the bartender said,
"Let me guess, you want five root beers."
The pig was shocked. "Why, yes. Yes, I would."
When he was done, he started to walk out. The bartender was
confused.
"Don't you want to use the rest room like the other four pigs
did?"
"No, I'm the fifth little piggy. I go wee-wee-wee all the way
home."
The bartender said he did.
"I'd like one, please," the pig said.
After the pig had finished, he asked to use the rest room.
After the pig left, another pig came in and asked for two root
beers. This pig then asked for the rest room just like the first
one had.
Two more pigs came in. One ordered three root beers and the other
four. They too used the rest room.
When a fifth pig came in, the bartender said,
"Let me guess, you want five root beers."
The pig was shocked. "Why, yes. Yes, I would."
When he was done, he started to walk out. The bartender was
confused.
"Don't you want to use the rest room like the other four pigs
did?"
"No, I'm the fifth little piggy. I go wee-wee-wee all the way
home."
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
The ship was sinking fast and four sailors were able to get a
lifeboat into the water and climb into it safely.
They decided to have a cigarette and relax a few moments before
starting their journey to safety. The cigarettes were dry, but
all their matches were wet and they had no way to light their
cigarettes.
Finally, one of the sailors came up with a solution. He threw a
cigarette overboard.
This worked well. They were able to smoke, because ...
... the lifeboat had become a cigarette lighter.
lifeboat into the water and climb into it safely.
They decided to have a cigarette and relax a few moments before
starting their journey to safety. The cigarettes were dry, but
all their matches were wet and they had no way to light their
cigarettes.
Finally, one of the sailors came up with a solution. He threw a
cigarette overboard.
This worked well. They were able to smoke, because ...
... the lifeboat had become a cigarette lighter.
- Banned
- #174
Do bugs make u wild?
nah, nothin bugs me maggot.
nah, nothin bugs me maggot.
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
- 14,021
- AFL Club
- Port Adelaide
- Other Teams
- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a construction
site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you
men to make a dent in that pile of sand."
So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours, the
pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies,
but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I thought I
told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get
meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies,
boot ah couldna fin' him neither."
The foreman is really angry now.
He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.
Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and
yells, "SUPPLIES!!!!"
site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you
men to make a dent in that pile of sand."
So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours, the
pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies,
but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I thought I
told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get
meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies,
boot ah couldna fin' him neither."
The foreman is really angry now.
He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.
Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and
yells, "SUPPLIES!!!!"
- Status
