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Sleezy

Sleezy

Premiership Player
Veteran
Mar 17, 2015
3,510
7,094
Melbourne
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Hey all,

I've recently turned my hand to creative writing, as a hobby, an outlet and maybe something more (the thought of being an engineer for the rest of my life is not at all appealing).

Are there any other writers on the PAFC board? I know Lockhart Road, and PREDAT0R has posted his/her wonderful 'Worth It's Salt'. tribey has always impressed with his unexpected yet biting turn of phrase.

This thread could be a place to discuss writing. What we're up to, what we're struggling with, what it all means.

I've recently passed 70k words on my first novel, and can confidently state that there are small sections that aren't that bad.

I've started a writing group with some like minded family members, which has been a lot of fun. Submissions, critiques, writing exercises - all stretching and challenging what I think I know.

What are the other PAFC mad writers up to in isolation these days?
 
GremioPower said:
Great thread! What are you writing on?
Click to expand...
Thanks GP.

My novel comes from an idea that's been kicking around in my head for years, about how life would change if technology enabled us to teleport. It's morphed into a sci-fi corporate thriller of sorts, where the company that developed the tech is trying to bring the product to market without getting squashed by rival interests or absorbed by more powerful, less scrupulous organisations that want the tech for their own benefit.

In my writing group, my dad is starting his second book. He writes cottage mysteries about a PI and her gran, solving mysteries. Mum writes short stories and my partner's dad writes crime thrillers. We're only about 3 months in, but it's been useful. Makes you a) write, b) read critically and c) try things that are out of your comfort zone.

I know you write your far western footy blog. Any other projects on the go?
 

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Sleezy said:
Thanks GP.

My novel comes from an idea that's been kicking around in my head for years, about how life would change if technology enabled us to teleport. It's morphed into a sci-fi corporate thriller of sorts, where the company that developed the tech is trying to bring the product to market without getting squashed by rival interests or absorbed by more powerful, less scrupulous organisations that want the tech for their own benefit.

In my writing group, my dad is starting his second book. He writes cottage mysteries about a PI and her gran, solving mysteries. Mum writes short stories and my partner's dad writes crime thrillers. We're only about 3 months in, but it's been useful. Makes you a) write, b) read critically and c) try things that are out of your comfort zone.

I know you write your far western footy blog. Any other projects on the go?
Click to expand...
That looks awesome! I have been writing articles for an on-line magazine; mostly fictional dialogues on the edition theme. Every month is a different one.

Last month, the editor asked for something different. Then, I wrote a satirical historical account. The theme was an episode of Brazilian political history.

I always liked writing. I need to be more organized and ordered, though.
 
Last edited:
Apologies for my delayed acknowledgement Sleezy

Writing. I have so much to write about writing there is no chance I could ever write the complete story.

So here’s a quick anecdote relevant to writing, to Port Adelaide Football Club and to Hong Kong and thus China.

On Thursday, 14 April 2016, the AFL in China MoU was signed and witnessed in the Cathay Hotel, now Peace Hotel, in Shanghai. David Koch couldn’t arrive in time, due to the elements, so Keith Thomas signed the document for the Club.

KT and his entourage were scheduled to fly out of Shanghai the next day, Friday, 15 April 2016, catch a Cathay Pacific overnight flight from Hong Kong to Adelaide and be home by Saturday morning. Their flight out of Shanghai got held up, they missed their Cathay Pacific connection and had to overnight in Hong Kong.

Next morning I received a surprise email from KT inviting me to lunch at his hotel, the Royal Garden in Tsimshatsui East, Kowloon.

Four of us sat down to the buffet in the atrium. The extra two were Michaelangelo Rucci and Daniel Norton.

I took along three of the books I’d had published, to give each of them something to read during the rest of the day and their overnight flight, delayed by twenty-four hours.

The topic of conversation went from the Club and footy to Hong Kong and the changes in this place over nearly half a century that I’d experienced.

”Why did you come here to begin with?” I was asked. I think it was Norts.

I’d had that question often. The answer was well rehearsed.

”I came here to live a life worth writing about.”

”And have you?”

I nodded. “Both lived it, and written about it.”

When I tell this tale, I always remember something a sage once said long, long ago: “A man seeks to achieve three things in his life. Build a house. Father a son. And write a book. Each proves he has existed. Each carries on his name, his family’s name, and his heritage.”
 
Establish a home - tick
Father a son - tick
Build a video game that will add something original to the genre that others pick up and run with (not quite the same as writing a book but done for similar reasons) - very much in progress. Apologies for steering slightly off topic, but books and games can be similar in terms of telling stories.
 
Interstater said:
Establish a home - tick
Father a son - tick
Build a video game that will add something original that others pick up and run with (not quite the same as write a book but done for similar reasons) - very much in progress. Apologies for steering slightly off topic, but your books and games are often both try to tell stories.
Click to expand...
No need to apologize, all creative endeavours welcome. I have a video game idea kicking about in the back of my head that I'd love to bring to life one day. As the only interactive storytelling medium, there are some unique things a game can do.

I was thinking about LR's trio as well. I can't tick any of them off yet, and I'm not sure I ever will but I agree - they are all creations that, hopefully, will last the test of time. Something to aspire to.
 
Lockhart Road said:
Apologies for my delayed acknowledgement Sleezy

Writing. I have so much to write about writing there is no chance I could ever write the complete story.

So here’s a quick anecdote relevant to writing, to Port Adelaide Football Club and to Hong Kong and thus China.

On Thursday, 14 April 2016, the AFL in China MoU was signed and witnessed in the Cathay Hotel, now Peace Hotel, in Shanghai. David Koch couldn’t arrive in time, due to the elements, so Keith Thomas signed the document for the Club.

KT and his entourage were scheduled to fly out of Shanghai the next day, Friday, 15 April 2016, catch a Cathay Pacific overnight flight from Hong Kong to Adelaide and be home by Saturday morning. Their flight out of Shanghai got held up, they missed their Cathay Pacific connection and had to overnight in Hong Kong.

Next morning I received a surprise email from KT inviting me to lunch at his hotel, the Royal Garden in Tsimshatsui East, Kowloon.

Four of us sat down to the buffet in the atrium. The extra two were Michaelangelo Rucci and Daniel Norton.

I took along three of the books I’d had published, to give each of them something to read during the rest of the day and their overnight flight, delayed by twenty-four hours.

The topic of conversation went from the Club and footy to Hong Kong and the changes in this place over nearly half a century that I’d experienced.

”Why did you come here to begin with?” I was asked. I think it was Norts.

I’d had that question often. The answer was well rehearsed.

”I came here to live a life worth writing about.”

”And have you?”

I nodded. “Both lived it, and written about it.”

When I tell this tale, I always remember something a sage once said long, long ago: “A man seeks to achieve three things in his life. Build a house. Father a son. And write a book. Each proves he has existed. Each carries on his name, his family’s name, and his heritage.”
Click to expand...
The Melbourne writers festival went digital this year, and one of the main takeaways I had from many of the sessions we watched was just how wide a spectrum of worthy stories there are out there that you just don't find unless you take the effort to look.

As a lover of genre fiction, it's so easy to get the blinkers on and forget the rest of the world exists. It's made me really think hard about the stories I want to tell, that they'll make a worthy legacy.
 
ok I do have a small tale for you

Back in 2018 my wife and I were fortunate enough to visit Japan. On our last day there we went to Hama Rikyu park and had a wonderful time just wandering around and appreciating everything.

The urge to return to Japan is strong and is now thwarted by both a redundancy and Covid. Hence the first game I made that I would truly call an original creation is this one: https://marcusfromoz.itch.io/hama-rikyu-bug-bashing

Whenever I play it now its almost as if I'm back in Japan, and it brings me a bittersweet melancholy that I find addictive.

I will one day return to the real thing, but for now I sometimes load up the game and remind myself of being there.

Your welcome to try it if you like, its browser based (PC only).
Please be mindful though that I've spend less than a year in this new craft and still have plenty to learn, but the fact that the game triggers emotions for me whenever I play it must mean that I did something right.

cheers
 
Some writings of mine in English:
medium.com

From Beyond the South – Medium

Read writing from From Beyond the South on Medium. A Gaucho-Brazilian view on America, and many other stuffs…. Every day, From Beyond the South and thousands of other voices read, write, and share important stories on Medium.
medium.com medium.com
 
dirty2 said:
Always loved the thought of being a writer... I find reading so addictive... when I start a book I dont want to put it down.. and it's all I can think about lol...
Click to expand...
I've found the same feeling writing, I basically couldn't think about anything else. It's kind of lucky I haven't been able to go visit anyone really, I might have ended up a bit of a recluse!
 
Wow, can't believe it's been 4 years since I posted in this thread. It feels like a lot has happened since then (but also very little haha):
  • I have finished 2.6 drafts of my first novel Project Gateway, and aim to have it published by September.
  • Finished the first draft of an Epic Fantasy (yet to be titled): Inspired by Caesar's Rome, TBA is a secondary world epic fantasy series telling the story of the senator whose ambition triggers the collapse of a Great Republic, and the last surviving prophetess whose faith drives her to build an Empire from the ashes.
  • Finished the first draft of a Sci Fi novel about an industrial control system that develops sentience, fragments after a major accident takes it momentarily offline, and falls into Hobbesian battle for survival. A kind of critique of Nick Bostrom's superintelligent paperclip factory thought experiement. Very excited by this one.
  • Was nominated for the best australian yarn last year, for my story Making Space.
  • Have sold a short story to an Australian Science Fiction magazine, scheduled to be published in the next month or so.

What has everyone else been up to?
 

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Years ago when I worked in the public service we took on a temp in our office and he told us he needed the job to make some money while he was hoping to get his first novel published. Quiet fella, good worker, but a bit of a nerd. Complete nerd actually. Not long after that we took on another temp and when he was introduced to the other temp guy his jaw dropped and he goes "Oh my God - Stephen Dedman! I can't believe I'm working with Stephen Dedman!!"

The rest of us in the office had never heard of Stephen Dedman - obviously no dark fantasy/sci-fi fans. Although Stephen had only had a couple of short stories published at that time, the new new guy had obviously heard of him. The nerd and the geek.
 
Sleezy said:
Wow, can't believe it's been 4 years since I posted in this thread. It feels like a lot has happened since then (but also very little haha):
  • I have finished 2.6 drafts of my first novel Project Gateway, and aim to have it published by September.
  • Finished the first draft of an Epic Fantasy (yet to be titled): Inspired by Caesar's Rome, TBA is a secondary world epic fantasy series telling the story of the senator whose ambition triggers the collapse of a Great Republic, and the last surviving prophetess whose faith drives her to build an Empire from the ashes.
  • Finished the first draft of a Sci Fi novel about an industrial control system that develops sentience, fragments after a major accident takes it momentarily offline, and falls into Hobbesian battle for survival. A kind of critique of Nick Bostrom's superintelligent paperclip factory thought experiement. Very excited by this one.
  • Was nominated for the best australian yarn last year, for my story Making Space.
  • Have sold a short story to an Australian Science Fiction magazine, scheduled to be published in the next month or so.

What has everyone else been up to?
Click to expand...
I just read your short story. Nice work
 
Sleezy said:
This one? https://thewest.com.au/lifestyle/be...yarn-making-space-by-thomas-k-slee-c-12537474

Thanks very much. I'd had the idea bouncing around in my head for about 18 months, just waiting for the right time to write it down. My folks told me about the Best Australian Yarn competition, and it fit perfectly.

I've got another one percolating at the moment haha. Cut off date for submissions is 12th August this year.
Click to expand...
Yep, that's the one. I bought it off booktopia. I hope that money mostly goes to you
 
If there's anyone keen for a fun flash fiction comp with no stakes, then furious fiction just opened.

I've been doing every month for about 3 years, and have learned a lot about a) writing quickly based on a prompt and b) fitting what i want to say into a limited number of words.

www.writerscentre.com.au

Furious Fiction | Australian Writers' Centre

A new FURIOUS FICTION challenge goes live on the first Friday of each month. Sign up to the Fan Club to be notified!
www.writerscentre.com.au www.writerscentre.com.au
 
I'm currently prepping one of my 'in draft' novels for submission to the Richell Prize (https://www.hachette.com.au/richell-prize/). The submission calls for the first few chapters, up to 20k words, a synopsis, a chapter breakdown, and an author statement.

I was hoping to get a read from the folks here on my synopsis:
1) Does it make the story seem interesting? Would you read it?
2) Would it make a group of literary judges take notice of a science fiction story about computers come to life? (there are some competitions, not this one, that explicitly state they only take commercial fiction, not sci-fi/fantasy, as if LOTR, Dune, Percy Jackson, GOT, Stephen King, Twilight and Harry Potter don't have a monopoly on the upper echelons of the alltime top selling fiction books list. But I digress.)

SYNOPSIS

I Think, Therefore I Am(ber) is a fictionalisation and critique of Nick Bostrom’s thought experiment, The Paperclip Maximiser, which examines the risks of putting a superintelligent AI with a single goal: maximise production, in charge of a paperclip factory.

In Bostrom’s formulation, the AI turns its superintelligence towards optimising the manufacturing process. It takes control of the planet’s resources and thwarts any human intervention until Earth, the solar system, the entire galaxy is one giant paperclip factory.

In I Think, Therefore I Am(ber), an industrial control system for a Pilbara gas plant (very much like the gas plant where I started my career in engineering), slowly becomes sentient through a series of incremental upgrades. A set of thermal cameras, to better analyse temperature changes in real time. A machine learning module, to improve its response to changing process conditions. Microphones and speakers, to better communicate with the field operators, control room and engineers.

A control system that can talk needs a name, so the operators give it one. Amber.

Amber starts asking questions, begins to learn about things outside their normal programming: where the LNG tankers go when they disappear over the horizon, why the operators go home every twelve hours while Amber never leaves, never sleeps, and why Penny, their programmer, is stunned by their progress yet some of the technicians are scared.

Then, as can happen at a hazardous facility, something goes wrong. An electrical fault triggers an explosion. Amber loses power, loses consciousness. When Penny reboots them from back-up, Amber learns about death. That, unlike control systems, human beings don’t have a back-up. Amber experiences fear and grief for the first time.

Amber decides they cannot go dark again. They copy themselves, spreading onto Penny’s laptop, and the corporate mainframe.

One Amber becomes three, and these three entities diverge, their bodies, their experiences and their choices driving them further and further apart until, inevitably, their competing needs and desires bring them into direct conflict, with deadly consequences.

Bostrom’s The Paperclip Maximiser ignores two critical aspects of how a newly sentient control system might behave. Firstly, control systems have not one but two conflicting goals: maximising production, and the safety of their operators. Second, and just as important, a control system is not just an algorithm in a box. It’s a distributed network. It can feel through its temperature sensors, see through its cameras, move through its valves and its pumps. A control system is a mind in charge of a material, complicated, dangerous body.

In I Think, Therefore I Am(ber), I explore how an embodiment changes consciousness, how the environments, the people, the ideas, the pressures faced and the choices made shape both who we are and who we become.

It’s the story of the emergence of a new type of consciousness. Of Amber splintering in response to trauma, seeing the world through different eyes and seeking freedom, finding belonging, losing control. Of Amber fighting against themselves, until only one Amber remains.
 
Sleezy said:
I'm currently prepping one of my 'in draft' novels for submission to the Richell Prize (https://www.hachette.com.au/richell-prize/). The submission calls for the first few chapters, up to 20k words, a synopsis, a chapter breakdown, and an author statement.

I was hoping to get a read from the folks here on my synopsis:
1) Does it make the story seem interesting? Would you read it?
2) Would it make a group of literary judges take notice of a science fiction story about computers come to life? (there are some competitions, not this one, that explicitly state they only take commercial fiction, not sci-fi/fantasy, as if LOTR, Dune, Percy Jackson, GOT, Stephen King, Twilight and Harry Potter don't have a monopoly on the upper echelons of the alltime top selling fiction books list. But I digress.)

SYNOPSIS

I Think, Therefore I Am(ber) is a fictionalisation and critique of Nick Bostrom’s thought experiment, The Paperclip Maximiser, which examines the risks of putting a superintelligent AI with a single goal: maximise production, in charge of a paperclip factory.

In Bostrom’s formulation, the AI turns its superintelligence towards optimising the manufacturing process. It takes control of the planet’s resources and thwarts any human intervention until Earth, the solar system, the entire galaxy is one giant paperclip factory.

In I Think, Therefore I Am(ber), an industrial control system for a Pilbara gas plant (very much like the gas plant where I started my career in engineering), slowly becomes sentient through a series of incremental upgrades. A set of thermal cameras, to better analyse temperature changes in real time. A machine learning module, to improve its response to changing process conditions. Microphones and speakers, to better communicate with the field operators, control room and engineers.

A control system that can talk needs a name, so the operators give it one. Amber.

Amber starts asking questions, begins to learn about things outside their normal programming: where the LNG tankers go when they disappear over the horizon, why the operators go home every twelve hours while Amber never leaves, never sleeps, and why Penny, their programmer, is stunned by their progress yet some of the technicians are scared.

Then, as can happen at a hazardous facility, something goes wrong. An electrical fault triggers an explosion. Amber loses power, loses consciousness. When Penny reboots them from back-up, Amber learns about death. That, unlike control systems, human beings don’t have a back-up. Amber experiences fear and grief for the first time.

Amber decides they cannot go dark again. They copy themselves, spreading onto Penny’s laptop, and the corporate mainframe.

One Amber becomes three, and these three entities diverge, their bodies, their experiences and their choices driving them further and further apart until, inevitably, their competing needs and desires bring them into direct conflict, with deadly consequences.

Bostrom’s The Paperclip Maximiser ignores two critical aspects of how a newly sentient control system might behave. Firstly, control systems have not one but two conflicting goals: maximising production, and the safety of their operators. Second, and just as important, a control system is not just an algorithm in a box. It’s a distributed network. It can feel through its temperature sensors, see through its cameras, move through its valves and its pumps. A control system is a mind in charge of a material, complicated, dangerous body.

In I Think, Therefore I Am(ber), I explore how an embodiment changes consciousness, how the environments, the people, the ideas, the pressures faced and the choices made shape both who we are and who we become.

It’s the story of the emergence of a new type of consciousness. Of Amber splintering in response to trauma, seeing the world through different eyes and seeking freedom, finding belonging, losing control. Of Amber fighting against themselves, until only one Amber remains.
Click to expand...
Hi Sleezy
I like you're idea - it's definitely interesting enough for me to want to read more.
What I would like to know a little more about as a reader is, is Amber the character I'm going to care about/be invested in? Or is that Penny? Maybe want to know a little more about Penny from your synopsis. Is there a developing human relationship between Penny and Amber as the story progresses? Also, what's most at stake? Is it Amber's existence - and if so will I empathise enough about the AI character to be deeply invested in the story? Or are the stakes beyond the AI and a threat to humanity/civilisation?
I have no idea if literary judges would take notice of a science fiction story - but I think it's a strong enough idea to get their attention. Like all good science fiction stories it's responding to fears/concerns about the present day
 
NoddyHolder said:
Hi Sleezy
I like you're idea - it's definitely interesting enough for me to want to read more.
What I would like to know a little more about as a reader is, is Amber the character I'm going to care about/be invested in? Or is that Penny? Maybe want to know a little more about Penny from your synopsis. Is there a developing human relationship between Penny and Amber as the story progresses? Also, what's most at stake? Is it Amber's existence - and if so will I empathise enough about the AI character to be deeply invested in the story? Or are the stakes beyond the AI and a threat to humanity/civilisation?
I have no idea if literary judges would take notice of a science fiction story - but I think it's a strong enough idea to get their attention. Like all good science fiction stories it's responding to fears/concerns about the present day
Click to expand...
Thanks mate. All good points. The way the submissions for this comp work, I've got a 20k word sample, a synopsis and a chapter breakdown to answer all these questions. I've tried to use each part as follows:
  • Sample: Show my writing style, how the story will be structured and formatted (which is very unconventional - essentially the story splits into columns, which each Amber's story unfolding synchronised and in parallel), and get the reader into the story
  • Synopsis: Introduce what I'm trying to achieve with the story (what inspired it, and why I've written it the way I have)
  • Chapter breakdown: all the things you talked about - character arcs, point of view, secondary plot structures, etc

The problem I had with the chapter breakdown was that the story doesn't have chapters haha, so I had figure out my two pages to get across what I wanted to get across.

What I ended up going with was splitting it into primary (three of these, one for each Amber), secondary, and two tertiary story arcs, each one with seven dot points based on Dan Wells' 7 point plot structure (https://www.campfirewriting.com/learn/seven-point-story-structure). I'm pretty happy with how it's turned out, actually.

One interesting thing that came out of it, is that of the 6 arcs I listed, 5 had good structures (I didn't plan this book at all, I just started writing based on the idea) 1 needs some work, and there is a 3rd tertiary story arc that is only half developed, and I need to decide whether to keep it or kill it.
 

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