The man. The myth. The beez.
I’m joined here today by a bloke who needs no introduction and has won just about everything there is to be won in the game (except a Mobbs, a premiership… look, he’s just a top bloke alright). I am talking about our reigning posting MVP, JoshWoodenSpoon.
G’day mate, how’s the weather over in Vegas at the moment?
I'm putting those discussions on ice until the end of the season, so I can focus on being interviewed nine times a week.
Now, this isn’t the first time we’ve sat across from each other.
Ten times a week.
What can I say, I just bloody love sitting across from you.
Last year, we famously shared a night in Vegas that I would have forgotten if not for the conversation we recorded on my Dictaphone in my Captain Conversations. What do you remember from our last chat?
I remember it with perfect clarity. You looked in to my eyes, and I into yours. Knowing smiles danced across our playful countenances, and in that moment it was as if all the city stood still just for us. And then you ralphed into my umbrella.
Dear lord. You’d think I’d remember it a little better. Sounds like the start of a love story.
Nevertheless, this time you’ve flown in incognito to my brand new studios here under the less-glamorous lights of Baghdad and are the first poster that I’ve had the pleasure of hosting in S26. Just don’t mind the mess; I’m still waiting for Mrs Tony Lynn 15 to swing by. Tony, can we get our guest a drink please?
*waits for TL to get JWS a drink*
Here you go mate. I hope you like Whiskey and don’t mind that I smoke. And before you ask, don’t worry – we don’t have any smoke alarms here.
And yet yer working a gas fireplace? Good grief little wonder I split from this place.
Totally. We like to live on the edge here in Baghdad. Plus, we’re kind of used to rebuilding.
(pictured above, Baghdad Studios circa February, 2018)
Now, let’s kick off. We only have 45 minutes until QSADA storm the studios (which happens more than I’d like to admit).
JWS, you are indeed the man who won the beez medal for the best poster in Season 25 – completing your ascent to Sweet’s elite. You’ve also won the Bears B&F two seasons running. Would you like a shoulder massage? Because they must bloody sore after carrying an entire team for so long.
You know it's a strange outlook, Matty4000. If I wanted to post less, I would. If I felt taxed putting in the efforts, I'd mute them. The simplicity of it all is that Vegas has been the best place around from day dot. I'm the very same poster I was back here in Season 19-21 or whatever, it just took a special bunch of Bears and a famously exuberant club to make me err… clubbable. Now I'm under the bright lights I've come to know how fun this comp can be.
Let’s keep on the Bears for a second.
Are you sure, I can poke insidious digs at the Bombers for a while yet?
I’d rather you didn’t. Let’s stay on track.
You’ve recruited a record number of rookies for Season 26. We’re lucky at the Bombers, we only have one diva (see: myself in S25) to deal with and offer prime spots to.
How are you going to manage that many expectations at once? And is kdavva74 the shortest-price favourite in the history of the EKA?
The rooks are managing impressively themselves thus far. We've got PMs cranked up out the wazoo and the complementary spirit in those is those is supreme. As a young group they've quickly learnt that everyone's got a speed at which they take to the joint, and there's a real ownership about what sway over proceedings they can have as a collective. You might hear the most from Argas or dav or Baz, but - UGHH GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST TONES WHAT THE **** IS IN THIS DRINK?!?!?! ARGHHG my ******* sinuses shit me what tossing tincture is this Lynn you outrageous dick?! *attempts to tip into filing cabinet but the drawers are fake* What the **** is this club?? ... ... ... The whole suite is what excites me, is my point. I look forward to the chance to cast my mind back to this period, and reflect on the precipitation of a dynasty. I'll be having a geeze at QrownBet over the coming weeks for an idea on that last item.
Now I have it on good authority that your star recruit didn’t even need a message or pitch, so impressed with your leadership and running of the Bears’ B&F.
You also got a massive wrap from our current Admin who says you ‘encapsulate what the league should be about and is deserves the prestigious status he currently holds’.
Along with being announced as the most popular poster in the Sweet, it’s all happening for you right now. Lesser men will have combusted with so many accolades.
In the past, you’ve said that you provide underhand 8balls – do you have to take a few at training every so often just to stop yourself from getting ahead of yourself?
No, I'm readily well ahead of myself and anticipate being so for the foreseeable. It should be said though, that unlike Blacky and Clod, I have the fortune to be at a club that actually does sell itself.
(see brahj for our specials)
Talking Qooty, you’re a self-confessed super-nerd - *strong blink* - and love the nature of the game: the chance; the simplicity; the 1990s layout; and the complete lack of certain statistically categories for rucks.
Is there anything you’d change about the QBasic formula if Cloud_ gave you the keys to the code?
It would be great to augment the variability of some of the 'lesser' positions. Forward pockets standing up to be Premiership heroes is what the world wants to see, and right now the only chance to do that is to catch a glimpse of Jez in full flight or to fix Mobbs' laptop.
As a stat-lover, I’ve unearthed (with help) your official pre-S26 stats:
By my calculations, after your debut in S19 that gives you a career average of 16 disposals, 3.5 marks, 1.38 tackles, 0.6 goals and 58.6 DT points a game. That puts you around 6th in the S25 EKA voting.
I notice, however that you started your career doing virtually nothing then exploded from anonymity these past few seasons. What drug do you credit your rise to? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I wasn't no upstart like you all are, but I did appreciate plenty about the halls. I try and remember what it was like dwarfed by all the names and numbers back then, particularly this season with such a- what's the collective noun- fleet?? With such a fleet of cubs about.
Litter, I believe.
(Pictured above: S26 Bears' rookie litter. L-R: kdavva74, Barrybran, Back One Out, Argas Tuft, Cincinnatus and SilvaComet with Farm Boy out of frame)
I've actually refined my regime to quite a relatable juncture. It roughly follows #fitspo#healthyeating #sugarfree #healthylife #movenourishbelieve #cleaneats #detox #fitnessfood#cleaneating #foodisfuel #eatclean #eathealthy #eatwell #paleo #eattherainbow #eatgood#realfood #healthyrecipe #fitgirl #fitnessjourney #fitandhealthy #eatrealfood #fitlife#fitlifestyle #balticteainmymouthguard #fitfood #cleanfood #produce #wholefoodsfave#wholefoods #youarewhatyoueat #eatgoodfeelgood #eatingclean #eatwell #eatright#healthychoices #healthylifestyle #fitfood #fitnesslifestyle #iifym #healthybreakfast #nutrition#healthychoice #healthylifestyles #keepitclean #keepitgreen #fitchoices #healthyfood #organic#healthydiet #dietfood #healthyfoodshare #goodfats #nourish #freshisbest
I didn’t take you as a clean eating, insta-fit kinda guy, but I’m learning more about you as we go.
I’ve already mentioned the mass changes at Las Vegas this offseason, but the other half of that was losing great posters. You held Argus Tuft in high regard but she has since absconded to my backyard (and the Bombers). How does this make you feel, given it was the club you made your debut at?
It's a move which makes sense for Ava. She'll do great here, and was a sterling companion and contributor back in Vegas. Arg produces some of the best on-the-fly PShops going, and was well undersold in the beez- we'll miss her lots! But also we replaced her instantly. I have my reservations about - bit to the left.. yes that's IT Matty you're a regular Bernini! - about the Bombers, but that doesn't come down to any individual posters.
We’re lucky to have her. She’s already shown her acuity in our B&F. On a scale of KohPhi to BRAB, how much of a bromance do you have going on with Tommycash?
Tommy is a thrilling delight of this league: left-field, charming gems are abundant in his work, as he craftily places explosive points of innovation on which savvy posters can thrive. The fellow also has a mean qooty game. However- and here's a scoop for ya- it was someone else who voted for him in the beez!
There’s a headline if ever I saw it! Sounds like you guys are close – the man also has plenty of nice things to say about you.
Changing topics a little, I have it on great authority that you nearly got eaten by Dingos at Kokerbin Rock recently after wasting the battery on a car-powered coffee machine but was thankfully saved by a farmer and returned in time to make it to the studios and for Season 26. Did you have to go full Bear Grylls?
As my manager has recommended, I will field this question with reference my h0t Insta post from December 19, 2015 (up your unnerving investigative game).
Camped out under the wide night welkin, on the biggest monolith known to knowers, with meteors ripping through the dainty atmosphere, the last thing to pass the mind was how a shitty 9-volt '70s water-boiler was ravaging your car's battery. Though as the wind did our wayward frisbee, things picked up. A swift three hours down the track, and fifty pebbles down the shoe, blessèd cobbers rose miraculously from the soil, told us secrets of the world and sent us unflappably on our sketchy way. A bit around the bend: our bestest, brightest friend!
Will this make you rethink your hiking fetish and instead spend more time on Minecraft?
Heavens yes! Filth has commissioned a frightfully large Bears' logo at Waverley Park so I've got to get to work!
What the hell is a Dragon Council; can I join; and should there be one in the Sweet FA?
I have no answer for you, although with the Dragon's stern recruitment policy I should think most will struggle to break into that juggernaut outfit.
Let’s wrap this up. I hear that you’re into music.
Back One Out and those over at the SC will upturn that but go on.
If you could choose the official SFA Anthem for a S26 Marketing Campaign, what would it be?
BOM performed by Doctor Gero
CIW
DRA
ESH
FUR
GCR
GUM
LVB
MBD
ROY
SCS
WON
Haha my god, some of those are positively delightful and others… well now I am wondering about your taste in music given how quickly you put these together.
All the same, you’ve been quoted on record as saying that you persist in the SFA for the unpredictability and love the fact it could swing so quickly. Would you embrace a swift and tumultuous crash back to earth in S26 given these previous comments?
For the league?? Nah we cool.
For myself?? ♥♥ Yes please! ♥♥ I'd love to become a disgraced star! Hopefully my simmering long-form beef will help guide me there.
Well as they say, you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I hope for your sake, it’s the latter.
Look, thanks for your time today mate. Really appreciate it. Now grab this hoody and head out the back otherwise you may not make it to your game this Sunday. QSADA do not mess around and would legitimately kill me on the spot if they found you and I in the same room together. Good luck this week and all the best in S26.
Uhhh this won't get by my fashion correspondent, you're just going to have to risk it. Stay out of my bins!
Mate, it’s fair game once you throw it out. As a quasi-Sweet celeb, you’re just going to have to get used to this attention… until that fall comes one day.
See you on the Qooty field.
Special thanks to Tommycash, kdavva74 and Cloud_ for their insights.
All GIFs used are Matty41on1 approved and were live reactions in the studios. For any further questions, JoshWoodenSpoon has given me his person email that I'll now pass on to contact him directly. What a guy. He can be contacted at DragonCouncilBandit6969@yahoo.com.
I’m joined here today by a bloke who needs no introduction and has won just about everything there is to be won in the game (except a Mobbs, a premiership… look, he’s just a top bloke alright). I am talking about our reigning posting MVP, JoshWoodenSpoon.
G’day mate, how’s the weather over in Vegas at the moment?
I'm putting those discussions on ice until the end of the season, so I can focus on being interviewed nine times a week.
Now, this isn’t the first time we’ve sat across from each other.
Ten times a week.
What can I say, I just bloody love sitting across from you.
Last year, we famously shared a night in Vegas that I would have forgotten if not for the conversation we recorded on my Dictaphone in my Captain Conversations. What do you remember from our last chat?
I remember it with perfect clarity. You looked in to my eyes, and I into yours. Knowing smiles danced across our playful countenances, and in that moment it was as if all the city stood still just for us. And then you ralphed into my umbrella.
Dear lord. You’d think I’d remember it a little better. Sounds like the start of a love story.
Nevertheless, this time you’ve flown in incognito to my brand new studios here under the less-glamorous lights of Baghdad and are the first poster that I’ve had the pleasure of hosting in S26. Just don’t mind the mess; I’m still waiting for Mrs Tony Lynn 15 to swing by. Tony, can we get our guest a drink please?
*waits for TL to get JWS a drink*
Here you go mate. I hope you like Whiskey and don’t mind that I smoke. And before you ask, don’t worry – we don’t have any smoke alarms here.
And yet yer working a gas fireplace? Good grief little wonder I split from this place.
Totally. We like to live on the edge here in Baghdad. Plus, we’re kind of used to rebuilding.
(pictured above, Baghdad Studios circa February, 2018)
Now, let’s kick off. We only have 45 minutes until QSADA storm the studios (which happens more than I’d like to admit).
JWS, you are indeed the man who won the beez medal for the best poster in Season 25 – completing your ascent to Sweet’s elite. You’ve also won the Bears B&F two seasons running. Would you like a shoulder massage? Because they must bloody sore after carrying an entire team for so long.
You know it's a strange outlook, Matty4000. If I wanted to post less, I would. If I felt taxed putting in the efforts, I'd mute them. The simplicity of it all is that Vegas has been the best place around from day dot. I'm the very same poster I was back here in Season 19-21 or whatever, it just took a special bunch of Bears and a famously exuberant club to make me err… clubbable. Now I'm under the bright lights I've come to know how fun this comp can be.
Let’s keep on the Bears for a second.
Are you sure, I can poke insidious digs at the Bombers for a while yet?
I’d rather you didn’t. Let’s stay on track.
You’ve recruited a record number of rookies for Season 26. We’re lucky at the Bombers, we only have one diva (see: myself in S25) to deal with and offer prime spots to.
How are you going to manage that many expectations at once? And is kdavva74 the shortest-price favourite in the history of the EKA?
The rooks are managing impressively themselves thus far. We've got PMs cranked up out the wazoo and the complementary spirit in those is those is supreme. As a young group they've quickly learnt that everyone's got a speed at which they take to the joint, and there's a real ownership about what sway over proceedings they can have as a collective. You might hear the most from Argas or dav or Baz, but - UGHH GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST TONES WHAT THE **** IS IN THIS DRINK?!?!?! ARGHHG my ******* sinuses shit me what tossing tincture is this Lynn you outrageous dick?! *attempts to tip into filing cabinet but the drawers are fake* What the **** is this club?? ... ... ... The whole suite is what excites me, is my point. I look forward to the chance to cast my mind back to this period, and reflect on the precipitation of a dynasty. I'll be having a geeze at QrownBet over the coming weeks for an idea on that last item.
Now I have it on good authority that your star recruit didn’t even need a message or pitch, so impressed with your leadership and running of the Bears’ B&F.
You also got a massive wrap from our current Admin who says you ‘encapsulate what the league should be about and is deserves the prestigious status he currently holds’.
Along with being announced as the most popular poster in the Sweet, it’s all happening for you right now. Lesser men will have combusted with so many accolades.
In the past, you’ve said that you provide underhand 8balls – do you have to take a few at training every so often just to stop yourself from getting ahead of yourself?
No, I'm readily well ahead of myself and anticipate being so for the foreseeable. It should be said though, that unlike Blacky and Clod, I have the fortune to be at a club that actually does sell itself.
(see brahj for our specials)
Talking Qooty, you’re a self-confessed super-nerd - *strong blink* - and love the nature of the game: the chance; the simplicity; the 1990s layout; and the complete lack of certain statistically categories for rucks.
Is there anything you’d change about the QBasic formula if Cloud_ gave you the keys to the code?
It would be great to augment the variability of some of the 'lesser' positions. Forward pockets standing up to be Premiership heroes is what the world wants to see, and right now the only chance to do that is to catch a glimpse of Jez in full flight or to fix Mobbs' laptop.
As a stat-lover, I’ve unearthed (with help) your official pre-S26 stats:
Rich (BB code):
Player Games HO K M HB T FF FA G B D EXIE DT
JOSHWOODEN 92 4 756 326 733 127 85 90 55 30 1489 6463 5399By my calculations, after your debut in S19 that gives you a career average of 16 disposals, 3.5 marks, 1.38 tackles, 0.6 goals and 58.6 DT points a game. That puts you around 6th in the S25 EKA voting.
I notice, however that you started your career doing virtually nothing then exploded from anonymity these past few seasons. What drug do you credit your rise to? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I wasn't no upstart like you all are, but I did appreciate plenty about the halls. I try and remember what it was like dwarfed by all the names and numbers back then, particularly this season with such a- what's the collective noun- fleet?? With such a fleet of cubs about.
Litter, I believe.
(Pictured above: S26 Bears' rookie litter. L-R: kdavva74, Barrybran, Back One Out, Argas Tuft, Cincinnatus and SilvaComet with Farm Boy out of frame)
I've actually refined my regime to quite a relatable juncture. It roughly follows #fitspo#healthyeating #sugarfree #healthylife #movenourishbelieve #cleaneats #detox #fitnessfood#cleaneating #foodisfuel #eatclean #eathealthy #eatwell #paleo #eattherainbow #eatgood#realfood #healthyrecipe #fitgirl #fitnessjourney #fitandhealthy #eatrealfood #fitlife#fitlifestyle #balticteainmymouthguard #fitfood #cleanfood #produce #wholefoodsfave#wholefoods #youarewhatyoueat #eatgoodfeelgood #eatingclean #eatwell #eatright#healthychoices #healthylifestyle #fitfood #fitnesslifestyle #iifym #healthybreakfast #nutrition#healthychoice #healthylifestyles #keepitclean #keepitgreen #fitchoices #healthyfood #organic#healthydiet #dietfood #healthyfoodshare #goodfats #nourish #freshisbest
I didn’t take you as a clean eating, insta-fit kinda guy, but I’m learning more about you as we go.
I’ve already mentioned the mass changes at Las Vegas this offseason, but the other half of that was losing great posters. You held Argus Tuft in high regard but she has since absconded to my backyard (and the Bombers). How does this make you feel, given it was the club you made your debut at?
It's a move which makes sense for Ava. She'll do great here, and was a sterling companion and contributor back in Vegas. Arg produces some of the best on-the-fly PShops going, and was well undersold in the beez- we'll miss her lots! But also we replaced her instantly. I have my reservations about - bit to the left.. yes that's IT Matty you're a regular Bernini! - about the Bombers, but that doesn't come down to any individual posters.
We’re lucky to have her. She’s already shown her acuity in our B&F. On a scale of KohPhi to BRAB, how much of a bromance do you have going on with Tommycash?
Tommy is a thrilling delight of this league: left-field, charming gems are abundant in his work, as he craftily places explosive points of innovation on which savvy posters can thrive. The fellow also has a mean qooty game. However- and here's a scoop for ya- it was someone else who voted for him in the beez!
There’s a headline if ever I saw it! Sounds like you guys are close – the man also has plenty of nice things to say about you.
Changing topics a little, I have it on great authority that you nearly got eaten by Dingos at Kokerbin Rock recently after wasting the battery on a car-powered coffee machine but was thankfully saved by a farmer and returned in time to make it to the studios and for Season 26. Did you have to go full Bear Grylls?
As my manager has recommended, I will field this question with reference my h0t Insta post from December 19, 2015 (up your unnerving investigative game).
Camped out under the wide night welkin, on the biggest monolith known to knowers, with meteors ripping through the dainty atmosphere, the last thing to pass the mind was how a shitty 9-volt '70s water-boiler was ravaging your car's battery. Though as the wind did our wayward frisbee, things picked up. A swift three hours down the track, and fifty pebbles down the shoe, blessèd cobbers rose miraculously from the soil, told us secrets of the world and sent us unflappably on our sketchy way. A bit around the bend: our bestest, brightest friend!
Will this make you rethink your hiking fetish and instead spend more time on Minecraft?
Heavens yes! Filth has commissioned a frightfully large Bears' logo at Waverley Park so I've got to get to work!
What the hell is a Dragon Council; can I join; and should there be one in the Sweet FA?
I have no answer for you, although with the Dragon's stern recruitment policy I should think most will struggle to break into that juggernaut outfit.
Let’s wrap this up. I hear that you’re into music.
Back One Out and those over at the SC will upturn that but go on.
If you could choose the official SFA Anthem for a S26 Marketing Campaign, what would it be?
BOM performed by Doctor Gero
CIW
DRA
ESH
FUR
GCR
GUM
LVB
MBD
ROY
SCS
WON
Haha my god, some of those are positively delightful and others… well now I am wondering about your taste in music given how quickly you put these together.
All the same, you’ve been quoted on record as saying that you persist in the SFA for the unpredictability and love the fact it could swing so quickly. Would you embrace a swift and tumultuous crash back to earth in S26 given these previous comments?
For the league?? Nah we cool.
For myself?? ♥♥ Yes please! ♥♥ I'd love to become a disgraced star! Hopefully my simmering long-form beef will help guide me there.
Well as they say, you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I hope for your sake, it’s the latter.
Look, thanks for your time today mate. Really appreciate it. Now grab this hoody and head out the back otherwise you may not make it to your game this Sunday. QSADA do not mess around and would legitimately kill me on the spot if they found you and I in the same room together. Good luck this week and all the best in S26.
Uhhh this won't get by my fashion correspondent, you're just going to have to risk it. Stay out of my bins!
Mate, it’s fair game once you throw it out. As a quasi-Sweet celeb, you’re just going to have to get used to this attention… until that fall comes one day.
See you on the Qooty field.
Special thanks to Tommycash, kdavva74 and Cloud_ for their insights.
All GIFs used are Matty41on1 approved and were live reactions in the studios. For any further questions, JoshWoodenSpoon has given me his person email that I'll now pass on to contact him directly. What a guy. He can be contacted at DragonCouncilBandit6969@yahoo.com.
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