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I know we’re all hurting and tired of being ‘patient’ but there’s no point just whinging and pointing fingers. I thought we should have a thread to be constructive what can actually be done to improve our on-field results. No pie in the sky, no negative nancies, no what-if’s. I start with a simple 19-point plan of practical things to move us forward.
1. Get rid of the list cloggers. There are at least ten on the list we know will never be premiership players. Free is just Gomer Pyle on steroids. Taylor has a superstar’s attitude without the talent. Lazarro is a nice fellow but I wake up at night imagining him pointing upward yelling ‘da plane da plane’. Pink would be great if talent was to try very-very-earnestly. Drury is a very nice ranga, WTF is he doing on a footy field? Robert Hansen Jr – just us settling for second best again: Get Senior!
2. Get rid of the journeymen. Yes, all of them. They are here for the pay check of being the small fish in the smaller pond. Corr, Stephens, Fisher, Stephenson, Biggie. “Low standards, long contract where do I sign?”.
3. Get rid of all the injury prone couldabeens. Comben, Goater, Archer, Bergman, B. George, Xerri. They’ve been injured, they are injured or they are just waiting do the next injury. One will lose an eye to a teaspoon in his latte, another will mistakes a wasps nest for a hat, a third will likely just snap in half for no understandable reason. You know it will happen.
4. Get rid of CCJ, the list-clogger, injured, journeyman trifecta.
5. Get rid of the ‘late bloomers’, Sellers and Dawson. They totally fit into the VFL. And so they bloody should as mature age players against new draftees. They flatter to deceive and no matter how much we hope, will never reach the lofty heights of the great Cam Richardson.
6. Stop fooling yourselves with the ‘get rich quick schemes’. Oh how we love to think that some big punk with strong hands who dominated for the Narrewarren thirds is going to b the next Carey, but this is just recruitment crack and these dudes are taking up list spots we could be misusing on new talent. Out Maley you shimmering dream and Goad you athletic freak.
7. Get rid of Luke McDonald. Yes, he's shut down well but he has as much leadership as Benny Hill. The team needs a message that You Can't Vote a Guy into Leadership just because You Like to Hangout with Him. That football thing is also a criteria.
8. Cut our losses with Philips. Yes he was a pick 3 but in his fourth year he can’t get into the worst team in history. Someone might offer us a rookie pick for him so get it while we can.
9. Get rid of Tarryn Thomas.
I know they say they did it, but be sure. Look behind the curtains, under the couch etc.
10. Sack the recruiters. Seriously, look at that list of misses. Bread Mackenzie when we all wanted Grundy, Will Walker when you could have had just about anyone. Declan Watson when you could have had anyone other than Declan Watson.
11. Sack the medical and fitness staff. Have you seen our injury list these years? And before that Harper, Patch, Jacobs, Cam Delaney, Polec, not to not mention He-who-shall-not-be-named. We got a new guy in a couple of years ago who did slick vidoes and showed us beautiful charts to demonstrate that the whole list were all impact injuries that were Not His Fault, until all the soft-tissues arrived and the charts disappeared. Now we have 3 Achilles ruptures in 4 games (Yes, women count) which must be Very Bad Luck.
12. Sack the development staff. How many promising careers have sparkled into life only to gurgle down the drain of mediocrity? Bastinac and Liam Anthony were racking up the touches. Sam Durdin was a steal. Gavin Urquhart could have been the first Pendlebury. Even Curtis Taylor looked good, once.
Sack Gavin Brown again just to be sure.
13. Sack Clarkson. Yes, I know he’s the big saviour but the guy is clearly past it. We need to attack more. We need to defend more. We need to get the balance right. FMD Goldilocks could have told us that without waiting for us to rip our eyes out watching opposition gallop alone through the corridor delivering pass after pass to forwards attended only by the gently waving fists of exasperated defenders.
14. Sack Sonja, Jen and the board.
These clowns got us into the most recent stage of this mess after all. Gone. Noticed that some of them are not men?? Just saying. We should have football people.
15. Sack Roo and Ruby
No success since we had a female mascot. Coincidence? Roo is clearly distracted and Ruby just a symbolic pandering to the LGBT/communist crowd.
16. Sack the miscellaneous others. Yeah, sack the guy that can’t count interchanges. And the one that spreads gastro through the group. We shouldn’t have those roles anyway. Sack the one that gets the training times wrong, the one that doesn’t mike up the journalists for the press conferences. Sack whoever makes the training ground too hard and the one that auto-renews my membership again. Most of all, sack whoever is responsible for the café project.
17. Sack Brady Rawling just in case he isn’t counted anywhere else.
18. Bring back Denis Pagan, the Under 19s and that promising Scott Welsh fellow.
19. Wait for the rainbows and sunshine
You know it’s the right thing to do.
Have a nice day everybody.
Edit: an actual positive thread
1. Get rid of the list cloggers. There are at least ten on the list we know will never be premiership players. Free is just Gomer Pyle on steroids. Taylor has a superstar’s attitude without the talent. Lazarro is a nice fellow but I wake up at night imagining him pointing upward yelling ‘da plane da plane’. Pink would be great if talent was to try very-very-earnestly. Drury is a very nice ranga, WTF is he doing on a footy field? Robert Hansen Jr – just us settling for second best again: Get Senior!
2. Get rid of the journeymen. Yes, all of them. They are here for the pay check of being the small fish in the smaller pond. Corr, Stephens, Fisher, Stephenson, Biggie. “Low standards, long contract where do I sign?”.
3. Get rid of all the injury prone couldabeens. Comben, Goater, Archer, Bergman, B. George, Xerri. They’ve been injured, they are injured or they are just waiting do the next injury. One will lose an eye to a teaspoon in his latte, another will mistakes a wasps nest for a hat, a third will likely just snap in half for no understandable reason. You know it will happen.
4. Get rid of CCJ, the list-clogger, injured, journeyman trifecta.
5. Get rid of the ‘late bloomers’, Sellers and Dawson. They totally fit into the VFL. And so they bloody should as mature age players against new draftees. They flatter to deceive and no matter how much we hope, will never reach the lofty heights of the great Cam Richardson.
6. Stop fooling yourselves with the ‘get rich quick schemes’. Oh how we love to think that some big punk with strong hands who dominated for the Narrewarren thirds is going to b the next Carey, but this is just recruitment crack and these dudes are taking up list spots we could be misusing on new talent. Out Maley you shimmering dream and Goad you athletic freak.
7. Get rid of Luke McDonald. Yes, he's shut down well but he has as much leadership as Benny Hill. The team needs a message that You Can't Vote a Guy into Leadership just because You Like to Hangout with Him. That football thing is also a criteria.
8. Cut our losses with Philips. Yes he was a pick 3 but in his fourth year he can’t get into the worst team in history. Someone might offer us a rookie pick for him so get it while we can.
9. Get rid of Tarryn Thomas.
I know they say they did it, but be sure. Look behind the curtains, under the couch etc.
10. Sack the recruiters. Seriously, look at that list of misses. Bread Mackenzie when we all wanted Grundy, Will Walker when you could have had just about anyone. Declan Watson when you could have had anyone other than Declan Watson.
11. Sack the medical and fitness staff. Have you seen our injury list these years? And before that Harper, Patch, Jacobs, Cam Delaney, Polec, not to not mention He-who-shall-not-be-named. We got a new guy in a couple of years ago who did slick vidoes and showed us beautiful charts to demonstrate that the whole list were all impact injuries that were Not His Fault, until all the soft-tissues arrived and the charts disappeared. Now we have 3 Achilles ruptures in 4 games (Yes, women count) which must be Very Bad Luck.
12. Sack the development staff. How many promising careers have sparkled into life only to gurgle down the drain of mediocrity? Bastinac and Liam Anthony were racking up the touches. Sam Durdin was a steal. Gavin Urquhart could have been the first Pendlebury. Even Curtis Taylor looked good, once.
Sack Gavin Brown again just to be sure.
13. Sack Clarkson. Yes, I know he’s the big saviour but the guy is clearly past it. We need to attack more. We need to defend more. We need to get the balance right. FMD Goldilocks could have told us that without waiting for us to rip our eyes out watching opposition gallop alone through the corridor delivering pass after pass to forwards attended only by the gently waving fists of exasperated defenders.
14. Sack Sonja, Jen and the board.
These clowns got us into the most recent stage of this mess after all. Gone. Noticed that some of them are not men?? Just saying. We should have football people.
15. Sack Roo and Ruby
No success since we had a female mascot. Coincidence? Roo is clearly distracted and Ruby just a symbolic pandering to the LGBT/communist crowd.
16. Sack the miscellaneous others. Yeah, sack the guy that can’t count interchanges. And the one that spreads gastro through the group. We shouldn’t have those roles anyway. Sack the one that gets the training times wrong, the one that doesn’t mike up the journalists for the press conferences. Sack whoever makes the training ground too hard and the one that auto-renews my membership again. Most of all, sack whoever is responsible for the café project.
17. Sack Brady Rawling just in case he isn’t counted anywhere else.
18. Bring back Denis Pagan, the Under 19s and that promising Scott Welsh fellow.
19. Wait for the rainbows and sunshine
You know it’s the right thing to do.
Have a nice day everybody.
Edit: an actual positive thread
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