Aquamarinejewel
Norm Smith Medallist
Whitten Oval Story
Thanks to everyone for contributing to the 3 Word Story. It first graced our screens in March 2004 and is nearly three and a half years old, for those who may have missed it from the start, feel free to read it from the beginning.....enjoy!
Like sounds through the hourglass and so are the days of the Whitten Oval Story.....
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The Whitten Oval is a place where great footballers meet Rocco Jones. They think that he wears moccy's but instead its Uggboots. Meanwhile, the coach who wears Moccy's has warm feet, but Gnome says they smell bad and offers to send his regards to the Doctor.
Peter Rhode yells "Help", I need some decent footballers from the draft who wont call me Rhoda.
Now, I like Ice-cream wheres Peter Street when he is needed? On the couch talking to Localyokel who wasn't there. Won't be long now and Danny Delre will join him Hip Hip Hooray!. However, along came big Barry Hall and ate a packet of nails.
Beer is tastier, winning is sweeter, but in my opinion some added spices should add taste to the mix, a fried egg is good with bacon and eggs.
Meanwhile, Robert Murphy wants to leave but he is a dog, a talented dog and plays to win for the Bulldogs. The funkiest player is Angelo Petraglia, he was someone like Trent Bartlett however, he had one bad trait and that was a bad case of something so bad and terrible that The Doctor thought that it was funky. So he prescribed and he said keep taking this placebo every hour.
Suddenly, Andrew Demetriou looked like skeletor, fortunately, he-man was something to aspire to.
Old grey mare aint what she used to look like. Speaking of horses she was ugly, wrinkled and covered in sequens, her clothes dropped off like a full forward's performance on a wet windy day.
"Hello" said sailor where are the best places to see pink flamingos? Speaking of birds the eagles will not make the same mistakes that they had made previously in the finals, because they wont ever make the eagles fans cheer because the eagles aka "the best" are not so good at winning.
Brad Johnson was smiling deceptively, hungrily and suspiciously staring at his teammates arse. "Pat Bowden's Hot", Wiggo is not". But he can sit around and ponder his next date with Darcy, who has a robot with the latest technology that doesn't work.
Meanwhile, Chris noticed Dumesny1 and Lasher kissing behind the boot with a small local but then and Essendon supporter made an excuse about being a little late for his execution. "I like big butts, I can kiss and lick" said Bullyboy.
Then, just before nightfall the Carlton players had a sing-a-long, "All I need is you", was the song they sang because guy rocks.
Meanwhile, the Bulldogs were out and dining at Dimmatina's, but suddenly they realised that Rohan Smith was choking on pieces of spaghetti. Sporty spice said "Oh my god", the Hemilich Manouvere but Bubba survived.
After that drama they went to Luna Park and Scott West fell over trying to surf on Rocca and rescue Bowden from another almighty big laying smackdown on Blacks (St Kilda) face. Eddie is confused and the umpires are awful so what is new?
When Doug Hawkins sat on a wooden seat he couldn't understand why it was made out of steel so he laughed. "Oh manure", he said shaking his numb butt, "This is unbelieveable", how much you look like Forrest Gump but he is so much smarter than he portrays himself. Which is why a fight almost started and he almost split his pants and and and freaked out when he saw a bogey man who lost his hanky & picked his nose , rolled it up and flicked it and put it into his pocket then went home.
Darcy and Rawlings the next day went fishing at Tyabb beach and saw Santa Claus in speedos running and chasing Rudolph who had taken his clothes and pranced off to never never land with his nose glowing brightly like a fire ball. Peter Pan wondered why he looked up Wendy's dress when he discovered that Rudolph had been naughty again! Popeye came in and said, "I slapped Rudolph's derrierre, while Bandy watched with olive oil coated on spinach all over him.
Its getting late, white rabbit said "I think that Shannon Noll's death is a rumor", no it's true. "Not" said Mitchy, who loves wrestling, especially the Rock, who looked like a movie star from way back in the ring with ice-cream dripping down his body.
Bring back Footscray was the chant coming from Iceland "Sons of Scray, red, white and blue", sang the song with passion, celebate nymphs harmoniously "I like you, do u like me", because they like singing to Crofty. "Join the tipping", comp Rocco runs which doesn't exist.
Bears are lovely especially with ice-cream said Smiddy while coaching the bulldogs alongside his twin Johnno while they were mistaken for two ghost bears throwing tennis balls at Sporty spice, who was very scared of them because of their dogged good looks which create arousal whenever they are around. Guys like Rocco who is very horny for bears in drag and lots of bling bling.
Meanwhile, David Smorgon and Chip Douglas ate ice-cream together with Juanita the beautiful little pussy cat Geelong supporter that had fleas in her hair. "I like ice-cream", said Peter Rhode, then pulled down the purple blinds to hide from his own reflection, which has haunted the residents of the west for two years now.
"Up yours", said Terry Wallace counting his Swans money and hoped that Danny De Vito learnt how to bomb torpedos from outside fifty in the nude but, tragically he committed an indecent act on a movie titled "A Jamon Jamon, Ham" it's a story about ham and Penelope Cruz and Darcy and stretch marks on her thighs.
Melbourne's Steven Stretch went insane when Darcy starred as Lengthy Brown in a Porno this caused shockwaves at AFL Headquarters. Demetriou was upset he wasn't included, but Eddie was a great man in wrestling trunks. Women went wild for his body, especially his twelvepack. Elvis was fat and loved to devour whole cows in one sitting, with a large pumpkin stuck on his pet bear.
Meanwhile, there was yet another bear this belonged to Westy he killed it accidently, when the bears head was covered in heaps of dreadlocked fur and was unrecognizable. "Stuck in the middle with you", Westy Westy sang as he cut off the bears pants.
Back at training, Rawlings broke his goalkicking record and his leg so Croft lent him his miraculous potion which made him invisible except to bears with x-ray vision who eat ice-cream with a shovel made of chocolate. Meanwhile, Rawling's leg kicked the bear, the police came to play guitar in their underpants and the bear played all night long.
In Barwon prison, Ross Oakley was in solitary confinement, his crimes shocked Chopper Reed who said that even he'd never dabbled in necrophilia with the living.
"Footscray, Footscray, Footscray, beside the sea", sang Pat Bowden as he rowed accross the Nullabor upon a camel named Scott Muller. Can't bowl, cant dance or sing.
Can we win against Eddiewood?, Sure, and live happily because beating Eddiewood will bring smiles to the Lasher "Woof Woof Woof" everyone will say whilst President Ed cried in his cute fluffy pink tutu while Nathan Buckley pranced around with ballerina shoes holding Fevola's bong up without a care in the world. While this big fat magpie named Eddie McGuire is a legend.
At AFL headquarters they said Darce is free to play against Hawthorn and hopefully we "drum roll please", will win the game. So much effort, so little time but Johnno surged and kicked 7 goals and so began the Bulldogs' magnificent streak their supporters cheered, Rhode was saved.
Gnome went insane, however, the news came so fast that he suddenly fainted. When he awoke, he finally decided that Rhode is God!! Rawlings chased Bandy behind the sheltersheds for a quick goalkicking practice. Bowdo was best, ohh no he wasn't another post meant he really stuffed down his pants a long thick tri-color bulldog scarf people wondered why why why Delilah was even there.
Something strange happened suddenly, EJ appeared in a dream "DOGGIE DOGGIE DOGGIE, WOOF WOOF WOOF" he kept saying but noone would look up at the video of the big incident, when he didn't know what happened someone pointed out that his hair was standing up.
Brian Harris rang the Ghost Busters he was scared that the fullforward stroked his leg in a way that he couldn't quite comprehend but actually found soothing. It fed his ongoing passion for Kellogs Nutri Grain.
Robert Murphy rang his old mate Nathan G Brown who was miserable after a team, so to speak, imploded like a soggy sack of unwashed wet socks. Nath said, "I made a mistake, please forgive me, I hate the tigers, don't call me Judas any more", he continually pleaded until he was heard by everyone. Meanwhile, Guido told everyone that he thought that it was strange and was best we didn't just allow Brown to return, we are better off with Jade!
Another day beckoned over in SA, at half time signs were ominous things got worse, we couldnt kick straight, oh if only birssyboy was in he would surely be the answer to our problems
Smorgon wasn't happy "Practise your kicking, for fach's sake!! My blood's boiling", he stormed out to find the big scary monster whose name Humphrey B Bear who was running naked across the Whitten Oval. "Oh my god, yelled Shane Birss as Vin Catoggio sauntered past him. "F*&KIN' KICK STRAIGHT!!" Humphrey replied angrily, "Get outa here."
Hargrave and Eagleton sat at the Barkly Street end watching the cars while drinking beer along came a very angry Rhode who asked "why are you drinking", Eagleton said "because my weed stash was fully imported".
"Happy Birthday Monkster" they all sang as the boisterous Wigginator strutted his dancing moves and made love to his couch, after his dumber brother dared him to transfer to Carlton, so they could wear pink dresses and drink plenty.
Winning in Canberra turned it around when Johnno managed to dribble the ball through the goals and defeat the Kangaroos. The team was elated. The Party began without any delay. Darcy and West had bacon and eggs for dinner with tomato sauce, West commented that cannabalisation usually occurred on interstate trips when cold showers and silky bantams were prominently displayed.
Bananas in Pyjamas, was on tv where Mitch sat eating taromasalata with his good mate Merv Hughes who stuck his tongue in a glass vase in Myer. This resulted in mass hysteria and John Howard called for military backup and pink carnations which was a bit over the top, but nevertheless the troops arrived. "Bass is hot" yelled out some dope addled shiela.
The dramas continued, "Ok, Who farted?", yelled Peter Rhode he looked around and saw Robbins pointing at Smorgon. Everyone laughed together as the Prez continued to talk and fart simultaneously. He's a champ with no armpits therefore no BO.
Bowden's car was really really hot so we wound down the windows to let in some much needed red jelly beans that belonged to Adam Cooney and Larry6, who told the whole world that the Doggies will eventually win a premiership soon.
Mysteriously, something strange occured when everyone looked outside the image they saw and there emerged Farren Ray who was dressed as Elvis Presley and had gained weight so the coach immediately ran outside did a cartwheel. Farren was shocked so much that he became invisible and sneaked into Daniel Bandy's locker, where he found Aaron James hiding with Fred Cook and both were eating de-sexed goannas then threw up when they realised Lord Voldemort had contacted the police who quickly arrived distinctly smelling like they had been spraying perfume testers.
Meanwhile, Scott West with his boys were visiting with Johnno and Bubba's kids, suddenly Woofer bounded out of the closet and ate them up! "I feel sick", barked guilty Woofer, "what've I done, I have leprosy". Happily, it was not real but only a dream.
The night passed, NAUGHTY NIGHT!!! was the theme, Rumble grumble rumble left Rawlings exhausted because he had had the "trots" everyone laughed especially Donald Rumsfeld who had no idea where he was until he asked the tooth fairy.
Smith, Johnson and the smurfs went to the casino where they played the big wheel! The next day Papa Smurf's hangover was really bad so he took some Eno and regurgitated all over Rohan Smith's jumper, which caused it to take on a terrible smell.
Back at training goal kicking practice was once again ordered by new coach Zeno Tzatzaris who proved that with extra effort baldness pulls chicks. It also helped being friggin hairy as well as being related to henry the 8th but nobody knew Henry was Greek. Zeno's Assistant was Hi Ho Angelo, the ghost bear was his nickname given to him by EJ Whitten.
Robbins and Harrison holding each others mobile phones because of a mix of Chivas Regal in their system from before midnight they fell all over the dance floor. Harrison was embarassed about the stains on his ballgown, "serves you right" said Robbins laughingly as he slid off the staircase around the corner onto the jelly filled with Freddos bowl, injuring his ability to dance like John Travolta.
Curfew time was not for them they were unhappy about nuclear weapons so they protested by staying out of the showers containing aforementioned weapons. The smiling assassin took one look at Larry6 and "flipped the bird", this shocked everyone like Milgram's experiment.
Days went by Osama and George became AFL members much to everyone's surprise, they were both Collingwood fans. Larry6 was shocked and told Aqua she couldn't believe Osama loves Guinness!! "Good grief Charlie", was the headline in the paper in the toilet written with blood at Flinders Street station.
Hawkins was upset about being stupid he rang Smorgon then hung up he was stressing about paying for cuddling pretty girls nothing was free especially pretty girls, he rang Libba who is short on advice but big on abuse. Libba yelled, "Douggie, stop being stupid, you big stupidhead". Douggie hung up and somersaulted over a striped unicorn but he failed which hurt alot given the horn, which was long just like its colourfully striped legs. Time is money and money is made of chocolate with yummy sprinkles, just like television with reality shows. Socks are good at stopping cows getting their lovely glitter covered gowns ( lol, I am at a loss with this line ).
Bass and Giansiracusa think bears rock like Avril and rocco jones and some friends of sigscotty, the best philosopher in the whole bulldogs board. He is really good at beating up Diesel who loves bears who are gay and have big c ocks and balls and a rooster fighting fan and they like pecking each other because they are fighting *****.
Shakespeare wrote a movie because murali chucks up his mums home cooked meals, especially rice and chocolate and ice-cream and pineapple icing with fried mushrooms. Bass was at a loss to understand what all the bearded ladies had beards on.
Meanwhile, Ryan Hargrave made Guido invisible his magic tricks took everyone by surprise, they they gasped and looked, for purple speckled frogs which were everywhere including Smorgo's soup he was disgusted, with purple cornflakes and purple acrobats so he gave a purple pharoah to everyone who drives a tram down Elizabeth Street.
Luke Darcy screamed "what the f...." then Larry6 threatened to wash his mouth out with yellow velvet soap. He quickly apologised for being a quality media personality obsessed with catfish.
The Bulldog Cruise on the black bird made Eagleton seasick all over his pet slugs. He asked Will Minson to be his best friend and help him, because he is a big sexy thing, and he would never take advantage of someone being sick.
Suddenly a giant with big boots tiptoed through the tulips while Tiny Tim played his blue vein piccolo, a very painful barb wire mesh, when along came Harris who said he couldn't wait to play dress-ups with his fairy friend called Matthew Lloyd.
Johnno was jealous because he wasn't sitting near Smith and nobody asked about his holiday or his hula skirt and lei which accentuated his ovely shapely calves he was so sure that someone would have mentioned that he was as cute as but instead they were very confused as Johnno's behaviour was most unusual his smile disappeared only to reappear once Smithy apologised. Johnno hugged Bubba and told him he forgave him, Bubba was ecstatic, did a cartwheel and drank champagne, What a star!!!!! WE F&^KIN' WON!!!!!
The players celebrated, but remembering curfew they didn't go overboard except for Minson just like Tampa and Jurgen Klinsmann they behaved so exceptionally wonderfully well that the coach Dropped Ben Harrison! In your dreams!!!!!
Nude lingerie models clouded McMahon's mind resulting in swelling around his ears and his nose so he looked like Lou Richards, a little monkey, frenetically scratched his hairy armpits and cuddled up to Senator Bronwyn Bishop and Pauline Hansen what a threesome!!!!! Dougie wanted in and pleaded with Mr Whippy and Larry6 to help but Larry6 said she couldn't help.
Meanwhile, something sinister was about to be revealed by Winnie the Pooh, something so bad that everyone would pooh their pants. "Good Grief Charlie Brown" said Snoopy and took another over, then wickets fell! yay they yelled and pulled stumps and Kepler Wessels ate marine iguanas quicker than he ate unpricked porcupines. "That's disgusting!", said Big Merv munching on Greg Richie's great big buns.
Peter Rhode was already prepared for another press conference "goody goody gumdrops" mumbled Dougie. It's starting to look like a Dog molestation season.
Larry6 sobbed and kicked the table she couldn't believe the story about the amazing, exciting new coaching appointment his name was Dry Rot. First day at training was an exciting event, Robert Murphy danced with Aquamarinejewel, who was laughing wildy. Bob grooved to the tune as loud as Dropkick Murphys "Blackout." He somehow slipped while skanking crazily, SonOfScray helped him over the fence while everyone laughed to the tune of Waltzing Matilda.
Sometime, around midnight, twelve slightly deformed Richmond Tigers players armed with eggbeaters and photos of a smelly fart whose name was you know who "Pull my finger" they all sang doin' the twist Lambada, the forbibben dirty dancing and Evening Three Step. Tip toe thru someone else's tulips.
Amsterdam shop front was their hangout, literally all hang by watching the the tulips hang off a rabbit. "Run rabbit run", said a derro who in disguise enjoyed milking cows and telling Rhode they were bulls and Rhode believed the Chicago bulls were really Richmond.
"We'd do better", said West, who played Batman Kapppooowww into Johnno's batmobile crash, bang, boom as Smith catapulted into the time warp then did not realise where Barry Hall's fist was about to be big bad & bustling across Granty's face. I saw nuuuussssiiiiinnnngggg and Barry got off. But one day Bazza will get married to Roos and they will cop you late and fawny Kate & No master bates.
Meanwhile, rumors circulated, that the moon was made of cheese, but Giansiracusa and Cooney assured the match committee that it was made from steel. "Is that real?" Rhode asked Rose "Who's coach here"?, Rose pointed towards a lime-green beanbag with purple polka-dots which grew legs and arms and ran like hell.
Power and Bowden decided they should become male strippers they thought this ......."Feel the Power!" "What power?" asked a dejected Robbins as he trudged back on stage with Big Willy Free Ball Ling.
Someone rang 000, the police arrived armed with rubber bands and frisbees "Throw it to me." called Johnno. He opened his smiling mouth and said Ouch! my shoulder as he thought of all the agony he and his pet called Smithy, they cried together uncontrollably, until someone gave them a great big hug and tissues used with bogers to flick at Darcy and Eagleton.
Emphasis on training, elephants to play the hokey pokey while the players rolled around in the mud, Hahn was the first one to scream he had broken the sound barrier whilst farting uncontrollably. Coode Island is surrounded by water.
Rawlings said to the concerned rabbi, "I'm really worried, about the way Bowden's been acting", it seems that his popularity with bulldogs_54 is great, masses flock to the great one and reporters are filing their stories the headlines read, ZENO ANNOUNCES COMEBACK, HOOKES IS ALIVE!, DOGS BEAT SAINTS.
Meanwhile at Moorabbin, Minson devoured Harves, everyone looked on "I'm scared", said Grant Thomas shaking, Hudghton started crying, and Hamill freaked, Riewoldt shat himself. Minson turned around only to see Dry-Rot standing still with notorious gangland mates from Footscray. With loaded shotties they moved in drank, the shotties took Gehrig hostage and left Hammil squealing like a teary Wayne Campbell. Call call carpet, munchers and butch liquor license women.
Harrison's sixteen goals, saw Larry6 jumping for joy and ripped her pants bending Browny over a S bend, "splash on some cologne", yelled Danny Frawley "Because we STINK!".
The cold nights and warm days left Dimma confused ordering which pizza had the most spam and vegemite he sought help about his troubles and contacted Romero who told him red chilli beans were very beanish, Dimma now understood that his days as a restauranteur were getting shorter, so he decided to become a participant in the Gnome Murphy vigilante. This caused a huge celebration among Footscray's midget community. Champagne was flowing, people walking over handfuls of short people, Dimma hugged Libba and johnno's pet smithy and Smorgon who did a handstand and accidently knocked Dimma out and suddenly chaos erupted. The Dogs Barked and Libba yelled Woof Woof Woof.
Grant and West stood in line and faced the Doug Hawkins wing they were teary as they remembered the time they shared an icecream and a biscuit and a yummy scone made by Larry6 who loves scones and almost choked them. Aqua did CPR but Larry6 claimed it wasn't needed, Aqua ignored her she's a good person. More reminiscing was entered into especially the time they beat WCE and stalked Gardiner. Poor little baby they laughing, "what a sook" said West.
Meanwhile, Wiggins joined Garrett somewhere over the other side of of Laurie Brereton's house. It seemed Wiggins was replacing the fence that Walt Disney built but Wiggo's craftsmanship and shoddy materials made Smorgon cringe "Where's the steel!" he shouted, Wiggo had used Bluetak because he thought it looked like plastic explosives.
"I'm not an animal" cried Danny Southern, I am Pegasus, I fly around. Below, German gunners sang Ein Prosit as they searched for the beer, "Mein Gott!" cried Karl Heinze Ruminegge as he aimed behind the engines at Frankenstein's Schofferhoffer suddenly, something extraordinary happened, Carey's lazy eye zoomed in on the spare head he carries everywhere. It once belonged, "It's mine now", he yelled angrily to King Tut who just stared through the ages into the abyss where terror reigned of baked beans.
High-priest Mr Heinz was friends with Osama bin Laden and Kevin Sheedy who were plotting Basil Fawlty's demise. The plan was by planting a device that would make Basil's wife tell all about the rat and finally divorce him.
Meanwhile, in Pyongyang four bulldog players met Kim Jung-il while eating dinner, jellyfish under glass top tables surprised a talking squid who constantly bagged nuclear dwarfs and The footy show, "Those Maralinga dwarves" were busy scratching Kim Jung-il's Schofferhoffer Schulz knew nothing about the weird purple polka-dotted Schofferhoffer crow's supporters who lived at Maralinga.
Morgan telephoned Eagleton and asked for his jellyfish recipe he attempted to serve to Bush but George decided dining at FFC would be safer than Morgans cooking.
The Secret Service caught D1ck Cheney talking with McGuire about the colours of world domination, Eddy ordered them a Hawaiian pizza with hundreds and thousands on top suddenly Buckley arrived wearing pink lingerie on his way to get his Brazilian wax done. He asked Eddie for some advice concerning his tutu "What's this rash", he asked pointing quickly towards his big fat feet . "Nathan...you're pregnant!" "Whose the father? "Its Bloody Patrick Smith!" What a shameful disgrace you big smelly ugly and totally stupid dodo. "How could Nathan sleep with Patrick and Terry?," said McGuire, eyeing Nathan with contempt, Threesomes aren't allowed".
to be continued next post....
Thanks to everyone for contributing to the 3 Word Story. It first graced our screens in March 2004 and is nearly three and a half years old, for those who may have missed it from the start, feel free to read it from the beginning.....enjoy!
Like sounds through the hourglass and so are the days of the Whitten Oval Story.....
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The Whitten Oval is a place where great footballers meet Rocco Jones. They think that he wears moccy's but instead its Uggboots. Meanwhile, the coach who wears Moccy's has warm feet, but Gnome says they smell bad and offers to send his regards to the Doctor.
Peter Rhode yells "Help", I need some decent footballers from the draft who wont call me Rhoda.
Now, I like Ice-cream wheres Peter Street when he is needed? On the couch talking to Localyokel who wasn't there. Won't be long now and Danny Delre will join him Hip Hip Hooray!. However, along came big Barry Hall and ate a packet of nails.
Beer is tastier, winning is sweeter, but in my opinion some added spices should add taste to the mix, a fried egg is good with bacon and eggs.
Meanwhile, Robert Murphy wants to leave but he is a dog, a talented dog and plays to win for the Bulldogs. The funkiest player is Angelo Petraglia, he was someone like Trent Bartlett however, he had one bad trait and that was a bad case of something so bad and terrible that The Doctor thought that it was funky. So he prescribed and he said keep taking this placebo every hour.
Suddenly, Andrew Demetriou looked like skeletor, fortunately, he-man was something to aspire to.
Old grey mare aint what she used to look like. Speaking of horses she was ugly, wrinkled and covered in sequens, her clothes dropped off like a full forward's performance on a wet windy day.
"Hello" said sailor where are the best places to see pink flamingos? Speaking of birds the eagles will not make the same mistakes that they had made previously in the finals, because they wont ever make the eagles fans cheer because the eagles aka "the best" are not so good at winning.
Brad Johnson was smiling deceptively, hungrily and suspiciously staring at his teammates arse. "Pat Bowden's Hot", Wiggo is not". But he can sit around and ponder his next date with Darcy, who has a robot with the latest technology that doesn't work.
Meanwhile, Chris noticed Dumesny1 and Lasher kissing behind the boot with a small local but then and Essendon supporter made an excuse about being a little late for his execution. "I like big butts, I can kiss and lick" said Bullyboy.
Then, just before nightfall the Carlton players had a sing-a-long, "All I need is you", was the song they sang because guy rocks.
Meanwhile, the Bulldogs were out and dining at Dimmatina's, but suddenly they realised that Rohan Smith was choking on pieces of spaghetti. Sporty spice said "Oh my god", the Hemilich Manouvere but Bubba survived.
After that drama they went to Luna Park and Scott West fell over trying to surf on Rocca and rescue Bowden from another almighty big laying smackdown on Blacks (St Kilda) face. Eddie is confused and the umpires are awful so what is new?
When Doug Hawkins sat on a wooden seat he couldn't understand why it was made out of steel so he laughed. "Oh manure", he said shaking his numb butt, "This is unbelieveable", how much you look like Forrest Gump but he is so much smarter than he portrays himself. Which is why a fight almost started and he almost split his pants and and and freaked out when he saw a bogey man who lost his hanky & picked his nose , rolled it up and flicked it and put it into his pocket then went home.
Darcy and Rawlings the next day went fishing at Tyabb beach and saw Santa Claus in speedos running and chasing Rudolph who had taken his clothes and pranced off to never never land with his nose glowing brightly like a fire ball. Peter Pan wondered why he looked up Wendy's dress when he discovered that Rudolph had been naughty again! Popeye came in and said, "I slapped Rudolph's derrierre, while Bandy watched with olive oil coated on spinach all over him.
Its getting late, white rabbit said "I think that Shannon Noll's death is a rumor", no it's true. "Not" said Mitchy, who loves wrestling, especially the Rock, who looked like a movie star from way back in the ring with ice-cream dripping down his body.
Bring back Footscray was the chant coming from Iceland "Sons of Scray, red, white and blue", sang the song with passion, celebate nymphs harmoniously "I like you, do u like me", because they like singing to Crofty. "Join the tipping", comp Rocco runs which doesn't exist.
Bears are lovely especially with ice-cream said Smiddy while coaching the bulldogs alongside his twin Johnno while they were mistaken for two ghost bears throwing tennis balls at Sporty spice, who was very scared of them because of their dogged good looks which create arousal whenever they are around. Guys like Rocco who is very horny for bears in drag and lots of bling bling.
Meanwhile, David Smorgon and Chip Douglas ate ice-cream together with Juanita the beautiful little pussy cat Geelong supporter that had fleas in her hair. "I like ice-cream", said Peter Rhode, then pulled down the purple blinds to hide from his own reflection, which has haunted the residents of the west for two years now.
"Up yours", said Terry Wallace counting his Swans money and hoped that Danny De Vito learnt how to bomb torpedos from outside fifty in the nude but, tragically he committed an indecent act on a movie titled "A Jamon Jamon, Ham" it's a story about ham and Penelope Cruz and Darcy and stretch marks on her thighs.
Melbourne's Steven Stretch went insane when Darcy starred as Lengthy Brown in a Porno this caused shockwaves at AFL Headquarters. Demetriou was upset he wasn't included, but Eddie was a great man in wrestling trunks. Women went wild for his body, especially his twelvepack. Elvis was fat and loved to devour whole cows in one sitting, with a large pumpkin stuck on his pet bear.
Meanwhile, there was yet another bear this belonged to Westy he killed it accidently, when the bears head was covered in heaps of dreadlocked fur and was unrecognizable. "Stuck in the middle with you", Westy Westy sang as he cut off the bears pants.
Back at training, Rawlings broke his goalkicking record and his leg so Croft lent him his miraculous potion which made him invisible except to bears with x-ray vision who eat ice-cream with a shovel made of chocolate. Meanwhile, Rawling's leg kicked the bear, the police came to play guitar in their underpants and the bear played all night long.
In Barwon prison, Ross Oakley was in solitary confinement, his crimes shocked Chopper Reed who said that even he'd never dabbled in necrophilia with the living.
"Footscray, Footscray, Footscray, beside the sea", sang Pat Bowden as he rowed accross the Nullabor upon a camel named Scott Muller. Can't bowl, cant dance or sing.
Can we win against Eddiewood?, Sure, and live happily because beating Eddiewood will bring smiles to the Lasher "Woof Woof Woof" everyone will say whilst President Ed cried in his cute fluffy pink tutu while Nathan Buckley pranced around with ballerina shoes holding Fevola's bong up without a care in the world. While this big fat magpie named Eddie McGuire is a legend.
At AFL headquarters they said Darce is free to play against Hawthorn and hopefully we "drum roll please", will win the game. So much effort, so little time but Johnno surged and kicked 7 goals and so began the Bulldogs' magnificent streak their supporters cheered, Rhode was saved.
Gnome went insane, however, the news came so fast that he suddenly fainted. When he awoke, he finally decided that Rhode is God!! Rawlings chased Bandy behind the sheltersheds for a quick goalkicking practice. Bowdo was best, ohh no he wasn't another post meant he really stuffed down his pants a long thick tri-color bulldog scarf people wondered why why why Delilah was even there.
Something strange happened suddenly, EJ appeared in a dream "DOGGIE DOGGIE DOGGIE, WOOF WOOF WOOF" he kept saying but noone would look up at the video of the big incident, when he didn't know what happened someone pointed out that his hair was standing up.
Brian Harris rang the Ghost Busters he was scared that the fullforward stroked his leg in a way that he couldn't quite comprehend but actually found soothing. It fed his ongoing passion for Kellogs Nutri Grain.
Robert Murphy rang his old mate Nathan G Brown who was miserable after a team, so to speak, imploded like a soggy sack of unwashed wet socks. Nath said, "I made a mistake, please forgive me, I hate the tigers, don't call me Judas any more", he continually pleaded until he was heard by everyone. Meanwhile, Guido told everyone that he thought that it was strange and was best we didn't just allow Brown to return, we are better off with Jade!
Another day beckoned over in SA, at half time signs were ominous things got worse, we couldnt kick straight, oh if only birssyboy was in he would surely be the answer to our problems
Smorgon wasn't happy "Practise your kicking, for fach's sake!! My blood's boiling", he stormed out to find the big scary monster whose name Humphrey B Bear who was running naked across the Whitten Oval. "Oh my god, yelled Shane Birss as Vin Catoggio sauntered past him. "F*&KIN' KICK STRAIGHT!!" Humphrey replied angrily, "Get outa here."
Hargrave and Eagleton sat at the Barkly Street end watching the cars while drinking beer along came a very angry Rhode who asked "why are you drinking", Eagleton said "because my weed stash was fully imported".
"Happy Birthday Monkster" they all sang as the boisterous Wigginator strutted his dancing moves and made love to his couch, after his dumber brother dared him to transfer to Carlton, so they could wear pink dresses and drink plenty.
Winning in Canberra turned it around when Johnno managed to dribble the ball through the goals and defeat the Kangaroos. The team was elated. The Party began without any delay. Darcy and West had bacon and eggs for dinner with tomato sauce, West commented that cannabalisation usually occurred on interstate trips when cold showers and silky bantams were prominently displayed.
Bananas in Pyjamas, was on tv where Mitch sat eating taromasalata with his good mate Merv Hughes who stuck his tongue in a glass vase in Myer. This resulted in mass hysteria and John Howard called for military backup and pink carnations which was a bit over the top, but nevertheless the troops arrived. "Bass is hot" yelled out some dope addled shiela.
The dramas continued, "Ok, Who farted?", yelled Peter Rhode he looked around and saw Robbins pointing at Smorgon. Everyone laughed together as the Prez continued to talk and fart simultaneously. He's a champ with no armpits therefore no BO.
Bowden's car was really really hot so we wound down the windows to let in some much needed red jelly beans that belonged to Adam Cooney and Larry6, who told the whole world that the Doggies will eventually win a premiership soon.
Mysteriously, something strange occured when everyone looked outside the image they saw and there emerged Farren Ray who was dressed as Elvis Presley and had gained weight so the coach immediately ran outside did a cartwheel. Farren was shocked so much that he became invisible and sneaked into Daniel Bandy's locker, where he found Aaron James hiding with Fred Cook and both were eating de-sexed goannas then threw up when they realised Lord Voldemort had contacted the police who quickly arrived distinctly smelling like they had been spraying perfume testers.
Meanwhile, Scott West with his boys were visiting with Johnno and Bubba's kids, suddenly Woofer bounded out of the closet and ate them up! "I feel sick", barked guilty Woofer, "what've I done, I have leprosy". Happily, it was not real but only a dream.
The night passed, NAUGHTY NIGHT!!! was the theme, Rumble grumble rumble left Rawlings exhausted because he had had the "trots" everyone laughed especially Donald Rumsfeld who had no idea where he was until he asked the tooth fairy.
Smith, Johnson and the smurfs went to the casino where they played the big wheel! The next day Papa Smurf's hangover was really bad so he took some Eno and regurgitated all over Rohan Smith's jumper, which caused it to take on a terrible smell.
Back at training goal kicking practice was once again ordered by new coach Zeno Tzatzaris who proved that with extra effort baldness pulls chicks. It also helped being friggin hairy as well as being related to henry the 8th but nobody knew Henry was Greek. Zeno's Assistant was Hi Ho Angelo, the ghost bear was his nickname given to him by EJ Whitten.
Robbins and Harrison holding each others mobile phones because of a mix of Chivas Regal in their system from before midnight they fell all over the dance floor. Harrison was embarassed about the stains on his ballgown, "serves you right" said Robbins laughingly as he slid off the staircase around the corner onto the jelly filled with Freddos bowl, injuring his ability to dance like John Travolta.
Curfew time was not for them they were unhappy about nuclear weapons so they protested by staying out of the showers containing aforementioned weapons. The smiling assassin took one look at Larry6 and "flipped the bird", this shocked everyone like Milgram's experiment.
Days went by Osama and George became AFL members much to everyone's surprise, they were both Collingwood fans. Larry6 was shocked and told Aqua she couldn't believe Osama loves Guinness!! "Good grief Charlie", was the headline in the paper in the toilet written with blood at Flinders Street station.
Hawkins was upset about being stupid he rang Smorgon then hung up he was stressing about paying for cuddling pretty girls nothing was free especially pretty girls, he rang Libba who is short on advice but big on abuse. Libba yelled, "Douggie, stop being stupid, you big stupidhead". Douggie hung up and somersaulted over a striped unicorn but he failed which hurt alot given the horn, which was long just like its colourfully striped legs. Time is money and money is made of chocolate with yummy sprinkles, just like television with reality shows. Socks are good at stopping cows getting their lovely glitter covered gowns ( lol, I am at a loss with this line ).
Bass and Giansiracusa think bears rock like Avril and rocco jones and some friends of sigscotty, the best philosopher in the whole bulldogs board. He is really good at beating up Diesel who loves bears who are gay and have big c ocks and balls and a rooster fighting fan and they like pecking each other because they are fighting *****.
Shakespeare wrote a movie because murali chucks up his mums home cooked meals, especially rice and chocolate and ice-cream and pineapple icing with fried mushrooms. Bass was at a loss to understand what all the bearded ladies had beards on.
Meanwhile, Ryan Hargrave made Guido invisible his magic tricks took everyone by surprise, they they gasped and looked, for purple speckled frogs which were everywhere including Smorgo's soup he was disgusted, with purple cornflakes and purple acrobats so he gave a purple pharoah to everyone who drives a tram down Elizabeth Street.
Luke Darcy screamed "what the f...." then Larry6 threatened to wash his mouth out with yellow velvet soap. He quickly apologised for being a quality media personality obsessed with catfish.
The Bulldog Cruise on the black bird made Eagleton seasick all over his pet slugs. He asked Will Minson to be his best friend and help him, because he is a big sexy thing, and he would never take advantage of someone being sick.
Suddenly a giant with big boots tiptoed through the tulips while Tiny Tim played his blue vein piccolo, a very painful barb wire mesh, when along came Harris who said he couldn't wait to play dress-ups with his fairy friend called Matthew Lloyd.
Johnno was jealous because he wasn't sitting near Smith and nobody asked about his holiday or his hula skirt and lei which accentuated his ovely shapely calves he was so sure that someone would have mentioned that he was as cute as but instead they were very confused as Johnno's behaviour was most unusual his smile disappeared only to reappear once Smithy apologised. Johnno hugged Bubba and told him he forgave him, Bubba was ecstatic, did a cartwheel and drank champagne, What a star!!!!! WE F&^KIN' WON!!!!!
The players celebrated, but remembering curfew they didn't go overboard except for Minson just like Tampa and Jurgen Klinsmann they behaved so exceptionally wonderfully well that the coach Dropped Ben Harrison! In your dreams!!!!!
Nude lingerie models clouded McMahon's mind resulting in swelling around his ears and his nose so he looked like Lou Richards, a little monkey, frenetically scratched his hairy armpits and cuddled up to Senator Bronwyn Bishop and Pauline Hansen what a threesome!!!!! Dougie wanted in and pleaded with Mr Whippy and Larry6 to help but Larry6 said she couldn't help.
Meanwhile, something sinister was about to be revealed by Winnie the Pooh, something so bad that everyone would pooh their pants. "Good Grief Charlie Brown" said Snoopy and took another over, then wickets fell! yay they yelled and pulled stumps and Kepler Wessels ate marine iguanas quicker than he ate unpricked porcupines. "That's disgusting!", said Big Merv munching on Greg Richie's great big buns.
Peter Rhode was already prepared for another press conference "goody goody gumdrops" mumbled Dougie. It's starting to look like a Dog molestation season.
Larry6 sobbed and kicked the table she couldn't believe the story about the amazing, exciting new coaching appointment his name was Dry Rot. First day at training was an exciting event, Robert Murphy danced with Aquamarinejewel, who was laughing wildy. Bob grooved to the tune as loud as Dropkick Murphys "Blackout." He somehow slipped while skanking crazily, SonOfScray helped him over the fence while everyone laughed to the tune of Waltzing Matilda.
Sometime, around midnight, twelve slightly deformed Richmond Tigers players armed with eggbeaters and photos of a smelly fart whose name was you know who "Pull my finger" they all sang doin' the twist Lambada, the forbibben dirty dancing and Evening Three Step. Tip toe thru someone else's tulips.
Amsterdam shop front was their hangout, literally all hang by watching the the tulips hang off a rabbit. "Run rabbit run", said a derro who in disguise enjoyed milking cows and telling Rhode they were bulls and Rhode believed the Chicago bulls were really Richmond.
"We'd do better", said West, who played Batman Kapppooowww into Johnno's batmobile crash, bang, boom as Smith catapulted into the time warp then did not realise where Barry Hall's fist was about to be big bad & bustling across Granty's face. I saw nuuuussssiiiiinnnngggg and Barry got off. But one day Bazza will get married to Roos and they will cop you late and fawny Kate & No master bates.
Meanwhile, rumors circulated, that the moon was made of cheese, but Giansiracusa and Cooney assured the match committee that it was made from steel. "Is that real?" Rhode asked Rose "Who's coach here"?, Rose pointed towards a lime-green beanbag with purple polka-dots which grew legs and arms and ran like hell.
Power and Bowden decided they should become male strippers they thought this ......."Feel the Power!" "What power?" asked a dejected Robbins as he trudged back on stage with Big Willy Free Ball Ling.
Someone rang 000, the police arrived armed with rubber bands and frisbees "Throw it to me." called Johnno. He opened his smiling mouth and said Ouch! my shoulder as he thought of all the agony he and his pet called Smithy, they cried together uncontrollably, until someone gave them a great big hug and tissues used with bogers to flick at Darcy and Eagleton.
Emphasis on training, elephants to play the hokey pokey while the players rolled around in the mud, Hahn was the first one to scream he had broken the sound barrier whilst farting uncontrollably. Coode Island is surrounded by water.
Rawlings said to the concerned rabbi, "I'm really worried, about the way Bowden's been acting", it seems that his popularity with bulldogs_54 is great, masses flock to the great one and reporters are filing their stories the headlines read, ZENO ANNOUNCES COMEBACK, HOOKES IS ALIVE!, DOGS BEAT SAINTS.
Meanwhile at Moorabbin, Minson devoured Harves, everyone looked on "I'm scared", said Grant Thomas shaking, Hudghton started crying, and Hamill freaked, Riewoldt shat himself. Minson turned around only to see Dry-Rot standing still with notorious gangland mates from Footscray. With loaded shotties they moved in drank, the shotties took Gehrig hostage and left Hammil squealing like a teary Wayne Campbell. Call call carpet, munchers and butch liquor license women.
Harrison's sixteen goals, saw Larry6 jumping for joy and ripped her pants bending Browny over a S bend, "splash on some cologne", yelled Danny Frawley "Because we STINK!".
The cold nights and warm days left Dimma confused ordering which pizza had the most spam and vegemite he sought help about his troubles and contacted Romero who told him red chilli beans were very beanish, Dimma now understood that his days as a restauranteur were getting shorter, so he decided to become a participant in the Gnome Murphy vigilante. This caused a huge celebration among Footscray's midget community. Champagne was flowing, people walking over handfuls of short people, Dimma hugged Libba and johnno's pet smithy and Smorgon who did a handstand and accidently knocked Dimma out and suddenly chaos erupted. The Dogs Barked and Libba yelled Woof Woof Woof.
Grant and West stood in line and faced the Doug Hawkins wing they were teary as they remembered the time they shared an icecream and a biscuit and a yummy scone made by Larry6 who loves scones and almost choked them. Aqua did CPR but Larry6 claimed it wasn't needed, Aqua ignored her she's a good person. More reminiscing was entered into especially the time they beat WCE and stalked Gardiner. Poor little baby they laughing, "what a sook" said West.
Meanwhile, Wiggins joined Garrett somewhere over the other side of of Laurie Brereton's house. It seemed Wiggins was replacing the fence that Walt Disney built but Wiggo's craftsmanship and shoddy materials made Smorgon cringe "Where's the steel!" he shouted, Wiggo had used Bluetak because he thought it looked like plastic explosives.
"I'm not an animal" cried Danny Southern, I am Pegasus, I fly around. Below, German gunners sang Ein Prosit as they searched for the beer, "Mein Gott!" cried Karl Heinze Ruminegge as he aimed behind the engines at Frankenstein's Schofferhoffer suddenly, something extraordinary happened, Carey's lazy eye zoomed in on the spare head he carries everywhere. It once belonged, "It's mine now", he yelled angrily to King Tut who just stared through the ages into the abyss where terror reigned of baked beans.
High-priest Mr Heinz was friends with Osama bin Laden and Kevin Sheedy who were plotting Basil Fawlty's demise. The plan was by planting a device that would make Basil's wife tell all about the rat and finally divorce him.
Meanwhile, in Pyongyang four bulldog players met Kim Jung-il while eating dinner, jellyfish under glass top tables surprised a talking squid who constantly bagged nuclear dwarfs and The footy show, "Those Maralinga dwarves" were busy scratching Kim Jung-il's Schofferhoffer Schulz knew nothing about the weird purple polka-dotted Schofferhoffer crow's supporters who lived at Maralinga.
Morgan telephoned Eagleton and asked for his jellyfish recipe he attempted to serve to Bush but George decided dining at FFC would be safer than Morgans cooking.
The Secret Service caught D1ck Cheney talking with McGuire about the colours of world domination, Eddy ordered them a Hawaiian pizza with hundreds and thousands on top suddenly Buckley arrived wearing pink lingerie on his way to get his Brazilian wax done. He asked Eddie for some advice concerning his tutu "What's this rash", he asked pointing quickly towards his big fat feet . "Nathan...you're pregnant!" "Whose the father? "Its Bloody Patrick Smith!" What a shameful disgrace you big smelly ugly and totally stupid dodo. "How could Nathan sleep with Patrick and Terry?," said McGuire, eyeing Nathan with contempt, Threesomes aren't allowed".
to be continued next post....
