Elton Johns Wig
Premiership Ruckman
- Moderator
- #1
Greetings, welcome back to The Whine Room, another big season of interviews with the characters, and the people behind the characters, that intrigue me. I'm sure you'll find them interesting too. It's a long overdue return, and I can't wait to get stuck in. Looking back at the guests we've had, it really has been top shelf, a who's who of the Sweet FA landscape.
NaturalDisaster
Dingster
Noobz0r
The Filth Wizard
Kennedy Parker (then Cloud_)
Manangatang
TheInjuryFactory
PMBangers
Barrybran
This season promises to be a ripper. The reigning beez medal winner first up tonight, followed by Mr and Mrs Tigerturbulance.
So, without further ado, we welcome Tonga Bob. And, as we get comfortable, one of the early questions I ask all my guests, what can I get you to drink?
G'day Wigs, thanks for having me! It's a cold and dark winter's evening in the Pyrenees region of Western Australia so I'll have a nice cup of tea thanks.
Bahahaha, just kidding. Start me off with a hefeweizen thanks. One of those Bavarian numbers.
What do you mean "start me off"?
I'm not here for a haircut mate.
Okay, these interviews do a fair bit of looking back, as well as ruminating over the subjects of the day. So for those a bit new to the SFA and not familiar with history, tell us a bit about your SFA journey. How were you lured into this mystical land, and by whom?
It was Off-Season 28. The Dragons had fumbled their way to a second premiership, manangatang philreich and some bloke named AuntyBlindEye had yoinked the awards away and a young TheInjuryFactory had just completed his first season as bossman of the Coney Island Warriors. Whether he was influential in picking the location of the board tours or not I'm not entirely sure, but a delegation from Sweet went over to the Fremantle board with their shiny trinkets and disease-riddled blankets to try and tempt the natives into joining their qooty concerns.
As one of the Posters of the Year recipients on the Freo board I was volunteered as tribute to become involved, which I reluctantly agreed to doing. I threw a couple of zingers out there, which aroused a few of the Sweet delegation and not long after the carnival left Freo I started receiving gentleman callers. This included league luminaries such as The Filth Wizard Agent93 JoshWoodenSpoon and TJASTA (RIP in pieces buddy), and ironically I've been fortunate to play alongside most of them for the Warriors and WA.
But in reality there was only one rose I was accepting - TIF's. He was a fellow Freo PoTY winner whose work on the bird app in partiucular I admired from afar, so when he ran the idea of joining him at Coney Island up the flagpole I was willing to salute.
So that's where my journey started. Before we continue though, there's something wrong with my hefeweizen glass... it's empty.
The evaporation around here is ridiculous. When you first arrived, did you "get it"? Or were you looking around thinking, WTF? I know reading back over previous interviews before starting this series, manangatang said he sort of sat back and let it all sink in a bit before really poking his head up. Another ale?
Well if you're offering, I'll get my dank on and go for a resinous as heck west coast IPA.
Where were we? Ah yeah, season 29. So there were a few of us from the Freo board who came over to the SFA after the tour, notably serial_thrilla Bastyy Piggy Smalls Cesoir bone2468 BlueE (I swear those two are the same person) Bradesmaen and PurpleGreenRed . Straight away TIF took me under his wing by putting me on the wing to give me a taste of what qooty was all about. But it was the stuff outside of the qooty that he gave me a real appreciation of, both in terms of media work and in the lore of the club. And that taste really piqued my interest.
Then real life made an impact on my time here, in that it gave me a heap of time here. You see Wigs season 29 began in early 2020, which coincided with the World pulling its collective head into its shell thanks to the rise of the spicy cough. Then we locked down, and locked down, and locked down some more. Real life came to a screeching halt, and was replaced to a certain degree by this virtual life from where we are enjoying this conversation today.
As a result of piqued interest plus unscripted disposable time, I got sucked in. Balls deep. I was sh*tposting in match threads, writing Tolkienesqe media pieces (spoiler alert: the final chapter of my magnum opus is almost complete), and I even went as far as to unionise the rookie cohort that season much to the chagrin of some. I lost of bit of steam towards the end of the season and was at risk of becoming a victim of my over-exuberance, but we were still locked down so I picked myself up and continued on into my sophomore season.
Ok, first sidetrack. You've asked for a second beer, I'm happy to oblige. There are a few of us in the SFA that are prone to imbibe. You and I actually met up at a beer festival, also with Riviat. That was a lot of fun. By the time we met, you and I were already getting on pretty well in the virtual world. I reckon meet ups like that are great, and that there's a better understanding that you get when you talk face to face. There should be more of it. Your thoughts on this?
Yeah that was a lot of fun hey?
I can actually see both sides of the meet up argument. On the one hand I totally agree with you on the idea of getting a greater understanding & appreciation of somebody when you eyeball them, and it definitely adds something to the experience on here. I’ve met up with a few of the SFA crowd and have enjoyed every occasion.
On the other hand this is a board based on a fantasy football competition, and we’re encouraged to present a particular persona to that competition. For some people that persona will be pretty close to their RL personality, for others it will be a character completely different to RL, and for the rest it will be somewhere in between. And for those people who may use this place to play a role that’s different to their RL persona then a meet up would be a difficult proposition.
So the TL/DR is I like meet ups but they’re not for everyone, and that’s OK.
Back to beer. How did you evolve to be drinking what you are today? For those unaware, Tonga is a craft beer aficionado. It's quite a leap to go from Emu or Carlton to a DDHIPA. How did it happen? For me it happened through my time in wine.
This may come as a shock, but I used to hate beer when I was younger.
[pauses for dramatic effect]
I know right?
I used to drink cider, until I was a broke-arsed uni student going to 21st birthdays where there was a keg of Swan Draught put on. So that got me into beer, and then Fremantle hosted the America’s Cup and I started frequenting the Sail & Anchor pub. They were owned by Matilda Bay Brewery, and brewed their own beer on site. I got into Redback there which is a kristallweizen (clear wheat beer to the uneducated), and through that I developed a taste for craft beer. And from there it took time to find the disposable income to really sink my kidneys into craft beer, and I haven’t looked back since.
And if another spicy cough mega saga locked us down again, and you were limited to just three (3) beers, what would they be, and why?
Three? You monster!
Fine. One would be a sour, something like a wild ale or a lambic. The second would be a juicy as heck NEIPA, and I’d finish off on a barrel aged imperial stout. And you can find all three at my favourite brewery - Boatrocker in Braeside, south east Melbourne. So the Time Lord lambic, Jeepers Creepers TDH SNEIPA and the Ramjet imperial stout please and thank.
Alright, so you've settled at the Wazzas.
* politely coughs while side-eyeing an empty glass*
Oh FFS. What next?
I'm feeling enlightened, so something Trappist thanks.
That stuff may put you to sleep, not really an interview ale, anyway. Not sure who was your first captain, was TIF already in charge by then?
Yeah TheInjuryFactory got me in at the end of his first season in charge.
You've worked closely with him for a long time now, tell me how that relationship has evolved. What have you taken from him along the journey?
I've been lucky to have spent time at the club with all of the previous captains in Frankston Rover Wosh BigJoeD_ and TIF, so I feel a real connection to the Coney Island origin story. And having only five captains in the 19 seasons of the club not only gives us a lot of stability but an opportunity for me to learn from each of them.
But you're right to highlight TIF. He took me under his wing from day one and has mentored me ever since. We're quite similar in our backgrounds, likes and talents, and TIF noticed that quite early. Sure I'm my own Polynesian, but there's more than a hint of InjuryFactory in what I do here.
So there's plenty of things I've picked up from him. I mentioned earlier the appreciation for his media work and the lore of the club. The stuff he creates is some of the best gear in the SFA's history, and when you combine that with his love of the club and its history you can't help but feel inspired to continue in his footsteps.
Another thing is loyalty, not only to the club and to the players but to the league itself. He is not only what he himself would call a "heart and soul Wazza", but he cares deeply about the fortunes of the SFA - two Frankston Rover Awards are testament to that.
You are now the Captain. How did that transition take place? And was captaincy something that crossed your mind early on, or was it a gradual transition that sort of just occured over time?
It was pretty easy actually. TIF proposed and I accepted. So I became vice captain for a season or two and then got thrown the keys to the joint.
But it wasn't something that I was looking for. I'd seen some of my rookie cohort in serial_thrilla Chipmunk & Bastyy take on captaincy of their teams, and I thought to myself that if they could captain a team then anyone can!
What do you think you do differently, or even better than TIF? And how have the Wazzas changed, if at all, under your stewardship?
I'm not entirely sure that I've done anything differently or better than TIF did, but what I would say is that my stewardship is reflective of the league as a whole in the four seasons I've steered the ship.
And it's not just me either, it's the leadership group as a whole. I mean it is absolutely stacked with some of the finest leaders to have been a part of the SFA - nay, BigFooty as a whole! There's the reigning All-SFA vice captain in FootyGuy13 who does a shitton of stuff behind the scenes not only for the Warriors but for the whole SFA, four former captains in Agent93 pantskyle The Filth Wizard and TIF who bring all the experience in the world, Dinsdale who is involved in keeping the Bay in line, and one of the league's brightest young talents in spudmaster . Any situation, conundrum or curveball they've seen and are able to provide guidance. And even in the wider team there's heaps of talent and experience.
I guess what I'm getting at with all of that blowing smoke up campaigners' arses, and I think your wording is spot on in this context Wigs, is that I see myself as a steward of a bloody awesome group of people who collectively make up the Coney Island Warriors. It's not my team, I'm just looking after it for a while (and hoping I don't f*ck it up!!!).
What are your medium to long term plans for yourself and the club? I can't see you anywhere else (sadly), but surely you must gaze ahead?
As far as the club's concerned, we're in a really healthy place off-field. There's a real camaraderie in the team, who are active as heck both publicly and behind the scenes, and that's something that resonates with the league when you look at things like engagement with other clubs and beez votes and such and such. On-field we find ourselves in the recently reacquired unique position of striving to become inaugural premiership players, and it's no secret that we as a club have not had the rub of the green over the journey when it comes to the sim's affections. So instead of letting that get to us, we're focusing on the things that are within our control and that is making us a happy team.
As far as I'm concerned, yeah I can't see myself at another club either. One of the first things I wanted to achieve when I joined the Warriors was to become a Life Member, as that's something that you earn as opposed to something you win. Apart from that, maybe more stuff around the league content-wise once my captaincy is done & dusted. If you were to think purely hypothetical though, I would look to start a new team called the Munich Brewers and recruit all of the Brew Crew in the SFA. That would be pretty sweet (pun intended), but I respect tradition too much to try getting any sort of vanity project of mine off the ground.
But nah, I'm not leaving.
I'm not leaving.
I'M NOT F*CKEN LEAVING!!
Coney Island is my home. I was born here, I shitpost here, and I'll die here.
Why is TIF the Wazzas committee member? Is it just because you couldn't put up with the endless drivel? Or do you think he is best at putting across the Wazzas views? He is very good at articulating his point, and crucially, in a good way, he is active. We need active committee members.
I mentioned previously how stacked our LG is, and in order to spread the load among the group I asked TIF if he could resume his previous role as committee rep, and thankfully he accepted which was great for me as I think keeping across that was a bridge too far in terms of my BF activity both in the SFA and over on the Freo board. His passion for both the Warriors as well as the league really shine in Committee, and I couldn't think of a greater advocate for our club. It's one of those unheralded and thankless tasks that the majority of the punters here don't have a lot of visibility of, which I'm sure you'd appreciate as you're also on the Committee. But without the contribution of the Committee along with the simmers, the match posters, the stats gatherers and the like (and Kennedy Parker too I guess), this place simply wouldn't run. I raise my glass to you!
Do you vary much from TIF in the views on rules, penalties etc?
We're pretty much aligned on that count. From a practical perspective, you need a set of rules to not only define how to run both a club and a league but to also to make the SFA a level playing field for all clubs. There are certain random elements built into the SFA that preclude true equality, but having a codified set of rules means that all teams are at least singing from the same hymn sheet. And then the penalties are the set out consequences for singing a different song.
Are they that important to go full Nazi on? Alternatively, has KP been too soft? And if so, is it that important? Can't we let different admins roll?
Like most things, the answer is probably somewhere in between those two extremes. You don't want to make things too prohibitive but at the same time you don't want people taking the piss. And as far as KP goes, just because he isn't a micromanaging admin doesn't mean he's too soft. Just today he rejected an absolutely brilliant idea I had because he's too bloody soft and... where was I again?
Does doing that really add to the theatre that much? Your opinion please, not the Wazzas team view. The reason I ask is, way back, when the league was "angry" and active, the Bombers spent 2-3 off seasons poaching a couple of Wonders players. I moved there, and squad got down to bare bones, real danger on numbers. Back then, you had most of the committee, even though rules were being heavily enforced, actively saying watch out, you're getting close etc. The drama was still there. Now, you have a couple of nerds sitting there like vultures on a wire, waiting. Surely there is a middle ground?
From a theatrical perspective, deathriding a captain's stuff ups adds a bit of drama to the place. It's the SFA's version of society's current obsession for true crime podcasts. And different people get different things out of the SFA. The World don't move to the beat of just one drum Wigs, what might be right for you may not be right for some. As long as the rules are clear and the same for everyone, then if you play silly games you should expect to get silly prizes.
You bring up a really valid point though about having people warning whenever a club and/or their captain is on the edge of a rule-related precipice. Having that accountability is a really good thing to have. In your case it was Committee providing it, but another area where that advice can be gained is in club leadership groups. One of the most important bits of advice I would give another captain or aspiring captain is to get some cluey switched on people around you who aren't afraid to pull you up if needed. You'll always have the vultures on the wire around the place, that's their shtick and if we want activity then that includes them. But having that LG is something in your control that protects you and your club from the vultures.
The other element at play here is common sense. I know the saying, common sense is an oxymoron. But there's enough out there to cover most scenarios. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that this line of questioning stems from recent events regarding a certain Kazakh. I won't weigh in on that as Lord knows enough shitposting has happened on that front, but I will share a couple of similar situations that I encountered this past off-season. One involved a returning player who expressed a desire to join my club, but my LG told me that he hasn't been around for a while so I didn't name him in my squad. When they do return I'll add him at that point. The other involved a listed player that I was about to delist because they hadn't been around for almost a year, but then came back the week before the new season started and ended up in two squads thanks to a misunderstanding and some wacky timing. I spoke with the other club, we cleared up the misunderstanding and they removed the player from their squad with plenty of time before the deadline.
So what's the moral of all that? Here's a summary:
1) Follow the rules which are there for everyone,
2) Consult your LG to make sure everything you do is kosher,
3) Apply common sense to your decisions, particularly when facing obstacles,
4) ?
5) Profit.
Final question on this area, we've had a great mix of admins over my time, and very different styles. Don't you think, if a person is one that is so averse to the way a current admin runs, they should step up and show the way? It is very easy to throw peanuts, it's another thing to take the chair. And, who do you think COULD be a good admin, and who SHOULD be admin after KP?
Hmmm, tough one. Straight off the bat, any admin should be doing it for the love of the SFA and not just because of anything self-centered. Like proper altruistic areas. You can have an ego to be an admin, but it shouldn't influence your running of the league. You of course need the time and energy to devote to running the league, and I think tenure in the SFA is an advantage so hat means someone that joined before me. You also have to put up with a lot of crap so a thick skin would help, I saw that when our former teammate NaturalDisaster had the post. People chucked sh*t at him for three seasons straight, and although he did deserve some of it (David Mundy after the siren anyone??) he saw it as a part of the role of the admin to act as something of a lightning rod for people's bullsh*t. Don't think I could put up with that personally, so that would count me out.
I won't speculate on who should be admin after KP, but as to who could be good at it if they wanted to take the job on then there's a few people out there. manangatang was close in season 30 and is KP's 2IC or general manager or whatever now so would be an obvious choice. Barrybran would be another who would do a great job, as would philreich and TheInjuryFactory who we've talked about a bit. Of previous admins that reigned before my time I'd throw Hate and The Filth Wizard in the mix. I'd enjoy a Headless administration, and I could see Agent93 in the role too. And a smoky for me would be FootyGuy13 who has the potential to do amazing things in the SFA. I may have missed a couple, but these are the names that came to mind.
Boy we've covered some ground here. Might be time to almost wind things up. Can I get you one more?
It would be rude of me to say no. Let's finish with something big, so something along the lines of a barrel-aged imperial stout. Or a barleywine, that'll do.
Gotta plug my own product here, Trilogy Of Fear it is. Now, the bye, #LoveTheBye, hate it, or ambivalent?
Not the biggest fan to be honest with you. It's a bit of a momentum killer. In the past couple of seasons that we've had one I've tried to do some different things to keep the team connected and involved, with varying levels of success from curiosity to indifference to outright disgust. People sign up to the SFA mainly for match thread banter and living vicariously through sim output, and the bye gives them none of that.
Getting to a no bye scenario, what is your preferred method, fold, merge, expand?
There's two main factors that come into play here - depth of players in the league and club history.
You need enough active people in however many clubs you have to ensure that all clubs, and by extension all match threads, are healthy. Going from 12 to 13 has been a stretch in that regard, so going from 13 to 14 would be only more so. You could always get new people into the league, but that's an unknown quantity in terms of both attraction and retention.
Think I've already mentioned how good the history and lore of the Warriors is, and there's similar for pretty much all clubs. And of Sweet as a whole, Mobbs is Tolkienesqe with his creation of this place and I'm absolutely here for it.
With that in mind let's look at the options. Folding a club would lose some of that history, but you would have some people to distribute among the other clubs to make them healthier even though some would become disenfranchised with the SFA and leave. Merging clubs would see fewer people distributed, and the history of two clubs altered as opposed to the history of one club lost altogether. Expansion would add to the history of the league and of the new club naturally, but would be a drain on the playing stocks of all other teams, and disproportionately so.
You gonna answer the question or what?
Hold your freaking horses, I was just getting to that!
Merging is the best compromise of the three options, so that's my preferred method.
Would love to know who you want to merge. Hypothetical, expansion is forced upon the Land Of Sweet to avoid the bye, and you are shoehorned into leading the new team. What is the team name, and who are the 6 posters, max one from each club, that are on your hit list to form the nucleus of your team, and why?
That'd be the Munich Brewers that I talked about earlier. And of the hit list, I'd be targeting those in Sweet that enjoy the liquid ambrosia giving us a common interest right off the bat. There's a few of them at the Warriors, but if I had to start up a new team I would try my hardest not to poach any current teammates as I wouldn't want to weaken the club I was leaving. I just love them so freaking much!
Anyhoo, who am I getting? As you know, in Munich there's a beer purity law called the Rerinheitsgebot which, among other things, states that there should only be four ingredients in beer. Three of them were codified - water, barley and hops, while the fourth ingredient of yeast was kinda implied so is outside the rules. So my hitlist would be just like the Reinheitsgebot and also have four ingredients - three from within and one from without. I'd be getting your good self from the OOFs, omgfridge from the Furies and GWS Goose from the Gumbies as my three codified ingredients, and my wild ingredient would be Riviat
Wow, what a motley crew!! Finally, whats the one area of Sweet you think we can improve on?
Wingers need more love.
Oh Please. Well, thank you very much Tonga, I've had a lot of fun. Just heading down to the local street corner to earn enough to pay off this tab, you're killing me here!!
Ah well, you had a good run. I'd be dressing demurely though if I were you, don't wanna put off the punters straight away.
Many thanks for having me Wigs, all the very best to you and yours.
I was just going to wash windscreens mate, sheesh, keep it clean.
Alright, until next time.
Wig Out
