Tonga Bob
Getting warmer
- Oct 26, 2013
- 30,683
- 75,718
- AFL Club
- Fremantle
- Other Teams
- SFFC, LFC, ADO, CI Warriors
- Moderator
- #1
Freofalcon (弗雷欧鹘, Fú léi ōu Gǔ), is described in Coney Island legends as being "born from an egg on a market garden in Leederville"; a stone egg and thus he is a stone monkey, a skilled poster who becomes a brash king of a monkey tribe (the Freo board) who, as songs written about him claim, was "the punkiest monkey that ever popped".
He achieved a little enlightenment, and proclaimed himself "Great Sage, Equal of Heaven". After demanding the "gift" of a magical staff, and to quiet the din of his rough antics in the Freo board, FreoFalcon is approached by Heaven to join their host, first in the lowly position of Master of the Stable (shitpost disposal), and then — after his riotous complaints — as 'Keeper of the Pivo Garden of Immortality'.
Freofalcon drank most of the pivo, which have taken millennia to brew, became immortal and ran amok. Having earned the ire of the Freo board and being beaten in a challenge by an omniscient, mighty, but benevolent, cloud-dwelling moderator (主持人, Zhǔchí rén), Freofalcon is imprisoned for 500 years under a mountain in order to learn patience.
Eventually, Freofalcon is released by the monk Wosh (沃什, Wò shén) who has been tasked by the Frankston Rover (弗兰克斯顿 流浪者, Fúlánkè sī dùn Liúlàng zhě) to undertake a pilgrimage from Fremantle to Coney Island to fetch holy scriptures. The pair soon recruit two former members of the Heavenly Host who were cast out and turned from angels to ‘monsters’ as a result of Monkey's transgressions: BigJoeD_ (大乔·迪, Dà qiáo·dí), the water monster and ex-cannibal, expelled from Heaven after his interference caused Heaven's Jade Emperor Mobbs' (莫布斯, Mò bù sī) precious chud cup to be broken, and Reginald Perrin (雷金纳德 佩林, Léi jīn nà dé Pèi lín), a pig monster consumed with lust and gluttony, who was expelled from Heaven after harassing the Jade Emperor's mistress for a kiss.
A flog, Packedlunch (盒装午餐, Hé zhuāng wǔcān), who was set free by Frankston Rover after being sentenced to death, eats Wosh's horse. On discovering that the horse was tasked with carrying Wosh, it assumes the horse's shape to carry the monk on her journey. Every once in a while he assumes human form to assist his new master, although he is still always referred to as "Flog".
Freofalcon can also change form, for instance into a cardinal. This one time, Monkey transforms into a girl to trick Reg. Freofalcon’s other magic powers include: summoning a cloud upon which he can fly; his use of the magic wishing staff which he can shrink and grow at will and from time to time, when shrunk, store in his ear, and which he uses as a weapon; winning a Mobbenfuhrer Medal in season 21, two Frankston Rover Medals & Life Membership of the Coney Island Warriors; and the ability to conjure monkey Warriors by blowing on hairs plucked from his chest.
The campaigners join forces for many qooty matches and face many perils and antagonists both human, such as Emperor zackah of The Bay (海湾扎卡, Hǎiwān zhā kǎ) and supernatural, such as the mythical RedVest4 (雷德韦斯特四, Léi dé wéi sī tè sì). Freofalcon, BigJoeD_ and Reginald Perrin were often called upon to battle demons, monsters, and bandits, despite Wosh’s constant call for peace.
Many matches also feature some moral lesson, usually based upon some bullshit Eastern philosophy, which are usually ignored before the next match. And although most have faded into antiquity, the Legend of Freofalcon has persevered up until now, where he takes part in his 200th match. Please join me in congratulating Freofalcon on reaching this auspicious milestone before he summons his cloud and flies off into the pages of history.
Volbeat candiehappy NaturalDisaster DockerDen5215 Test Tickle RelaxMax Raveneyes Kabanna FootyGuy13 harry000 Smoooothy Rad Roo chelseacarlton The Half Back TheInjuryFactory Stronzo Lord_Flashheart Dinsdale toxic Spanna_ kdavva74 TubbsFarquhar
Last edited:
you 
You always made the Warriors a great place to be, even tho most of the time you didn’t have a ****ing clue what was going on and didn’t ****ing care. I love that about you 
