Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

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SugarShane said:
Change the rules of meeting up to say that you have to hit the sack first, before you do anything else. Then get that app that can fake a call at a set time. Set the timer for however long you normally last, get the job done, then wait calmly for your phone to ring with an emergency. This method however, only works for as long as you can keep thinking up believable emergencies.
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Easy way out, suggest a three way (she has to source a female) or that you want tp go to a swingers club. It's win win, not matter the answer.

The easiest way is just get one of you mates to bang her and then tell her we can't be friends anymore.
 
Easy. Tell her you think SHE will be the one to get hurt if you continue to see each other. Tell her that you know she agreed to the FB arrangement, but that you also know that she wants more. You don't want to lead her on, so would rather end it with as little pain for HER as possible. This way, you end it without seeming like a total c*nt, and in the future if you have a dry-spell or see her out and you've got no other options, you could probably sort it out again. :thumbsu:
 

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A Swallow said:
Easy. Tell her you think SHE will be the one to get hurt if you continue to see each other. Tell her that you know she agreed to the FB arrangement, but that you also know that she wants more. You don't want to lead her on, so would rather end it with as little pain for HER as possible. This way, you end it without seeming like a total c*nt, and in the future if you have a dry-spell or see her out and you've got no other options, you could probably sort it out again. :thumbsu:
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sage advise here
 
Top thread this, just read some of it. Got one involving a mate, not poor flirting but real snatching defeat from the jaws of victory stuff. Was a on a fair drought, he generally goes ok but things just kept conspiring against him, typical tales of woes, etc.

Anyway at the races, big boys day, on the gas from 9am, etc etc... at a city pub afterwards, get talking to a group, mate finds himself seated at the bar talking with a real piece of quality, unfortunately wasn’t there but I’ve had it confirmed by others.

Anyway as he tells it, just poetry in motion, talking as if they’d known each other for years, both blind I guess but reckoned he couldn’t believe some of the stuff coming out of his own mouth, said he’d never hit it off with another human being like this.

Rest of the lads getting nowhere so decide to head elsewhere, she grabs him on the inside thigh, “you should really stay here with me”, so he bids them farewell and things continue on, he’s getting pashed etc, she mentions she lives on her own and they need to go jump in a cab, NOW.

Here’s where things get tricky, my man is busting, I mean hella busting, to take a monstrous, wicked dump... been out since early morning, simply cannot put it off any more, reckoned no way he could physically give her one without taking it, and can’t just do it at her place obviously. So he gives her some bullshit about having to call his bro quickly, she’s cool, will meet him at the door in 10, so he shoots off.

Sits down, opens the floodgates... next thing he knows there’s loud banging on the toilet door, “Get out mate! You’ve gotta go!”... after a solid 15 hour session he’s fallen asleep on the can with his head in his hands and pants around his ankles, it’s 3am and the pubs closed, bouncer escorts him out through an empty pub with all the staff cleaning up. Best estimate he was in the can for 3 hours. Make no mistake, this man sleeps like a hibernating ****ing grizzly bear.

Never got the girls number or anything. All he thinks of now is this poor confused hottie craving his pole, standing there waiting for it, eventually coming to the conclusion that he’d done a runner and going home alone. Or as we tell him, grabbing the first bloke she saw and taking him home for the night of his life.
 
no31 said:
Easy way out, suggest a three way (she has to source a female) or that you want tp go to a swingers club. It's win win, not matter the answer.

The easiest way is just get one of you mates to bang her and then tell her we can't be friends anymore.
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This
absolutely this

the other solutions involve lawyers, potential rumours about you having an STD or being gay.... this is an entirely logical way through it.
 
This one is back in the day. About 19. Met a cute Asian girl who was up for it. I never had yellow fever however, and upon meeting her best mate (blonde hottie) felt she would be a better option. So i keyed up my best mate who loves Asians. He spent no time getting down with the China doll, while i pulled out my best moves on the blonde. Turned out though that the blonde didnt want me, she wanted my mate, and the Asian sensation only nailed my mate to get me jealous supposedly. So in the end, mate gets a 6 month FB situation with what he claims to this day was the craziest dirtiest sex of his life, while i continually got knocked back from a slightly heavy overconfident blonde.

The kicker? We walked in one night at 2.30am to the Mens Gallery with a belly full. To be greeted on two adjoining podiums by both girls. I knocked back a "happy to have a no strings fb setup" with a sex crazy stripper to get no where with a blonde bogan from sydney.

FML...
 

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One night, in bendigo on a bucks night. Big night. Ive already pulled one inside the first hour, done the job, returned to the club and am trying to attempt a 2 in one night situation. Was on fire. I meet this girl who just blows my mind. I hang out, chatting. getting along like we were made for each other. whispering dirty things. its amazing. my 2 for 1 is about to happen. I suggest we return to her place as the motel im at has 7 blokes on a bucks night. She calmly tells me her housemate is horny and will be shattered if she brings a man home and not one for her. I suggest i call my mate (same guy from previous story) she thinks this is a good idea. I swing by the motel in a cab with princess in tow. Tell my mate he is about to get the best handball of all time. He jumps out of bed, gets dressed and away we go. We get to this lovely uni house. Mate knocks on a door, walks in and inside 4 mins i hear moaning, banging and general debauchery going on. As for me, im falling in love, so am going slow. Plenty of kissing, laughing, foreplay. Im going downtown, showing off my skills. Eventually, we are about to go at it. She asks if i have a condom. i search and realise i left them at the motel by the bed after the earlier action...

Red flagged. we spoon. i cry. mate still at it.

FML
 
Catsmaninamerica said:
One night, in bendigo on a bucks night. Big night. Ive already pulled one inside the first hour, done the job, returned to the club and am trying to attempt a 2 in one night situation. Was on fire. I meet this girl who just blows my mind. I hang out, chatting. getting along like we were made for each other. whispering dirty things. its amazing. my 2 for 1 is about to happen. I suggest we return to her place as the motel im at has 7 blokes on a bucks night. She calmly tells me her housemate is horny and will be shattered if she brings a man home and not one for her. I suggest i call my mate (same guy from previous story) she thinks this is a good idea. I swing by the motel in a cab with princess in tow. Tell my mate he is about to get the best handball of all time. He jumps out of bed, gets dressed and away we go. We get to this lovely uni house. Mate knocks on a door, walks in and inside 4 mins i hear moaning, banging and general debauchery going on. As for me, im falling in love, so am going slow. Plenty of kissing, laughing, foreplay. Im going downtown, showing off my skills. Eventually, we are about to go at it. She asks if i have a condom. i search and realise i left them at the motel by the bed after the earlier action...

Red flagged. we spoon. i cry. mate still at it.

FML
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Surely you attained a number and rectified this situation several nights later? Surely...
 
A Swallow said:
Surely you attained a number and rectified this situation several nights later? Surely...
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Attempted. BUt as she was in Bendigo and I was a professional drunk at the time, I had bigger and better things on my mind... (ie the Stadium on a Friday before fronting up to play footy the next day, and the Motel that night after the game (if we played in the Sat - otherwise, Depot and Starbar onto the Tunnel Sunday night after the game if it was a Sunday.)
 
Catsmaninamerica said:
One night, in bendigo on a bucks night. Big night. Ive already pulled one inside the first hour, done the job, returned to the club and am trying to attempt a 2 in one night situation. Was on fire. I meet this girl who just blows my mind. I hang out, chatting. getting along like we were made for each other. whispering dirty things. its amazing. my 2 for 1 is about to happen. I suggest we return to her place as the motel im at has 7 blokes on a bucks night. She calmly tells me her housemate is horny and will be shattered if she brings a man home and not one for her. I suggest i call my mate (same guy from previous story) she thinks this is a good idea. I swing by the motel in a cab with princess in tow. Tell my mate he is about to get the best handball of all time. He jumps out of bed, gets dressed and away we go. We get to this lovely uni house. Mate knocks on a door, walks in and inside 4 mins i hear moaning, banging and general debauchery going on. As for me, im falling in love, so am going slow. Plenty of kissing, laughing, foreplay. Im going downtown, showing off my skills. Eventually, we are about to go at it. She asks if i have a condom. i search and realise i left them at the motel by the bed after the earlier action...

Red flagged. we spoon. i cry. mate still at it.

FML
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Couldn't hassle your mate for a spare rubber?
 
Went out on a date it went very well, got some great feedback at the end, basically how i told her that i treat everyone how i want to be treated, she noted that it was a good quality and could see it in me. I made her feel good about herself, and that she enjoyed it. I gave her everything a good date night should have - handsome fun, good laughs. The only thing that would make it complete is an amazing orgasm :eek:.

The awkwardness came from me not knowing if she was serious, or just taking the mickey. Long story short (and to much disappointment, especially later on!) i didn't follow through. I brushed off the comment as though it was meant as light hearted banter between us - common theme with me as i like to joke around a bit. I assumed she was kidding around herself. Afterwards i was somewhat kicking myself - going what have i done, i should have done the opposite and seen where it could take me. Of course i found out later on that she was serious.


There's the fact that i am staying loyal to someone that's not even in the same country :eek:.
 
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