Best sledge?

[topdon]

We all know that the Aussies are the best in the business, but can anyone recall some great sledges they've heard?

My fav was back in the early to mid-ninties. Glenn McGrath was just starting out his career and on tour in the Carribbean (we all now know that when it comes to the sledge, McGrath is the master). There was this rather 'large' player playing for the West Indies at the time, and McGrath was becoming frustrated following a lucky boundary.

McGrath stands there wis his usual wry smile and says to this bloke "why are you so fat!?!" The batsman replied without hesitation ... "well ... every time i shag your mother, she gives me a biscuit!"

It had the fielding Aussies in hysterics!!

 

[BT]

Originally posted by topdon
We all know that the Aussies are the best in the business, but can anyone recall some great sledges they've heard?

My fav was back in the early to mid-ninties. Glenn McGrath was just starting out his career and on tour in the Carribbean (we all now know that when it comes to the sledge, McGrath is the master). There was this rather 'large' player playing for the West Indies at the time, and McGrath was becoming frustrated following a lucky boundary.

McGrath stands there wis his usual wry smile and says to this bloke "why are you so fat!?!" The batsman replied without hesitation ... "well ... every time i shag your mother, she gives me a biscuit!"

It had the fielding Aussies in hysterics!!

I always thought that was the Arjuna Ranatunga sledge?

My fave Arjuna sledge was when Ian Healy said "You can't get a runner just because you're fat" Arjuna was pretty upset at this, the truth does hurt.

He was forever asking for a runner on that tour!

I can't think of a single fat West Indian actually...

 

[The Passenger]

the Windian sledge your thinking about was actually David Brain (i think) from Zimbabwe. But it was definetaly a zimbabwean.


Maindad to Merv: "you should be driving a bus your so fat"
Merv bowls Maindad an over or so later
Merv runs down the wicket yelling "tickets please"


Healy to Ineedarunnertunga: "You can't get a runner just cause your are fat, usless c*nt"


Malcolm Marshall came to play first grad at my club in the year we won the premiership - 1991/92 for about 6 matches. We played Sutherland in one of the final round matches before the semi's and Mal was bowling to an 18 year old rookie from Sutherland who is ****ting himself (Dads always told me he's never seen anyone bowl that fast at Waverley Oval - including Tommo back in the 70's) and MM walks up to the kid and goes "don't worry man, i'm dont wanna get you out, i'm just going to kill you"

 

[jerry springer]

Shane Warne to Darryl Cullinan-"ive been waiting 2 years for you"

Cullinan retorts"looks like you spent most of it eating"

 

[BT]

Originally posted by jerry springer
Shane Warne to Darryl Cullinan-"ive been waiting 2 years for you"

Cullinan retorts"looks like you spent most of it eating"

Just before Warne gets him with yet another flipper!

 

[DaveW]

Originally posted by topdon
There was this rather 'large' player playing for the West Indies at the time

Originally posted by BT
I always thought that was the Arjuna Ranatunga sledge?

Originally posted by Black Thunder
the Windian sledge your thinking about was actually David Brain (i think) from Zimbabwe. But it was definetaly a zimbabwean.

You're all wrong. (Well Black Thunder is half right.)

It was Eddo Brandes.

 

[GhostofJimJess]

Originally posted by DaveW
You're all wrong. (Well Black Thunder is half right.)

It was Eddo Brandes.

It most certainly was.


And let's not forget Sarwon's classic comeback at McGrath last season. When asked by Glen "What's Brian Lara like in the sack?", Sarwon replied "Ask your missus". I think it was McGrath's mightily peeved reaction that made this one such a chestnut.

 

[Adelaide Hawk]

This isn't an on-field sledge but an off-field one. Richie Benaud began his Shield career with NSW the year after Sir Donald Bradman retired.
NSW had just played SA in Adelaide, and the players were sitting around the changerooms having a beer and a chat. The name Bradman came up, and Richie Benaud chirped in that he missed out on bowling to the great man.
Keith Miller looked straight ahead and uttered, "Son, everyone is entitled to one lucky break in life ... that was yours".
I have a chuckle every time I think of that story.

 

[Cooldude]

This isn't an on-fled sledge, but Darryll Cullinan was getting all depressed that Warne's absolutely destroying him, so he went to a psychiatrist to get some help, then Warne said,

"I knew Darryll's a bit fragile at times, but never imagined he'd go to a shrink to learn how to read a googly"

 

[Joe Mama]

Well the best one that I heard on a cricket pitch was a game I played last year for Murchison against Cooma, and they had this fat ******** as a captain, and he wouldn't move out of his crease for love nor money, he was still in after tea, when someone said "We should put a donut just short of the popping crease, that'll get the fat prick moving", everyone ****ed themselves laughing and we got him out the next ball to win the game by 5 runs.

And then there's another one from that very same year, that's a little more blue, and which involves me , I was batting against Rushworth, and there's this prick called Peter Francis that was sledging us to buggery, (which is **** weak because we were one short, and had three kids in the team that day), one of the things that got to me was his comments about me man boobs (I am a fat bastard after all, for those who have met me ), and I got talked out, after he said that he would like to *** f**k me and I was so keen to get back at the prick, also he was bowling fast to two 13 year olds, a real ****ing hero.

They kicked our arse, and they batted out the overs, and Peter Francis was on 99 not out, with me bowling (we had already used all 10 of us including the keeper) at the other end with my donkey drops, and the most amazing thing happened, he played on to his stumps in one of the worst balls ever bowled, and instead of hi fiving my team mates, I ran to Peter and with a loud booming voice, yelled out in front of him "*** **** me, beautiful!", whilst lifting off my shirt soccer style, in front of everyone.

Well, it's fair to say that everyone was in disbelief, not only that I got a wicket, but that I said that in front of everyone, for all the world to see, and to this day, I still cop it from everyone, but who cares, I have no shame.

P.S
That's a true story, just ask anyone at the Murchison CC, Peter Francis hasn't played cricket since, and I got suspended for a week by the club and the KDCA, for bringing the game into disrepute, even though everyone thought it was one of the funniest things they have ever seen on the field.

 

[Dipper]

Originally posted by GhostofJimJess
It most certainly was.


And let's not forget Sarwon's classic comeback at McGrath last season. When asked by Glen "What's Brian Lara like in the sack?", Sarwon replied "Ask your missus". I think it was McGrath's mightily peeved reaction that made this one such a chestnut.

Forgive me but I'll go on believing that the true wording(whether it was or wasn't) was that McGrath said 'What does Lara's c*ck taste like?' & the response was 'Why don't you ask your wife'

You see I can imagine McGrath cracking it even more to this version.

 

[PJK]

Playing county cricket, Viv Richards played and missed several times. The unknown bowler sledged " it is small, round and red".
Next ball he is hit out of the ground.
Viv says " you know what it looks like, go fetch it"

 

[manmountain]

Not really a sledge, but an amusing story from the 89 Ashes tour. With the Poms obviously having a tough time of it, apparently Graham Gooch had his answering machine message changed as a joke, to:

"Hello, you've called Graham Gooch. I can't take your call right now as I am out, probably LBW bowled Alderman."

 

[St-KriS]

Originally posted by DaveW


It was Eddo Brandes.

That bloke is actually playing for our club here in Gympie!

 

[rabs68]

One I seem to remember involved Merv Hughes.

He was bowling to someone good (can't remember who it was, but someone in the Lara/Tendulkar class of batsmen).

Anyway, this bloke hit Merv for several boundaries, and then proceeded to hit Merv out of the park. Annoyed at the way this bloke was smashing him, Merv backed out of his next delivery, followed through right near this batsman, let of one of the biggest farts ever and said to him "try hitting that for six"

 

[Fall Out Boy]

De ja vu

 

[BT]

My favourite was handed out by a teammate.

Back in 86/87 Australia are batting & complaining about the short leg (probably Bill Athey) fieldsman's shadow on the pitch.

Things are getting a bit tense until Graeme Dilly yells out from Fine Leg "It's a good thing Gat's not fielding there as we'd be off for bad light".

 

[crudbucket]

Originally posted by BT
My favourite was handed out by a teammate.

You played for England ?????

 

[BT]

Originally posted by crudbucket

Originally posted by BT
My favourite was handed out by a teammate.

You played for England ?????

Hehehe, mum was born in England so I do qualify.

 

[Thewlis Dish]

Originally posted by rabs68
One I seem to remember involved Merv Hughes.

He was bowling to someone good (can't remember who it was, but someone in the Lara/Tendulkar class of batsmen).

Anyway, this bloke hit Merv for several boundaries, and then proceeded to hit Merv out of the park. Annoyed at the way this bloke was smashing him, Merv backed out of his next delivery, followed through right near this batsman, let of one of the biggest farts ever and said to him "try hitting that for six"

That reminds me of another story involving Merv Hughes - not fully fit, he dropped to his knees after bowling a ball - obviously his teammates all ran over concerned that he'd dropped to the pitch, and as they all arrived he suddenly looked up, let go of a monster fart and walked back to his mark, leaving the entire team in hysterics.

 

[Cupido13]

Originally posted by Wayde Petersen
P.S That's a true story, just ask anyone at the Murchison CC, Peter Francis hasn't played cricket since, and I got suspended for a week by the club and the KDCA, for bringing the game into disrepute, even though everyone thought it was one of the funniest things they have ever seen on the field.

Obviously that is a true story, no one would make up such a crap story.

 

[Yabba]

one of the best ive heard of is when botham went out to bat in the 80's and rod marsh goes "hows your wif and my kids?" when i heard that i was laughing for ages