Blonde Jokes

[senrulzisback]

I figured, well you cant have a humour board without blonde jokes....
Here is a couple.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the ****.'

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!

 

[crazyman27]

How do you know if a blonde is having a bad day?

She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

 

[kosifan23]

it's about time we had some blonde jokes here... here's my favourite:

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they came across a lamp. One of them rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "I will give you three wishes, one wish each."

The first blonde says, "I wish to become smarter."

So the genie turns her into a brunette.

The second blonde says, "I wish to be smarter than the first blonde."

So the genie turns her into a redhead.

The third blonde says, "I wish to become smarter than both of them."

So the genie turns her into a man.

 

[crazyman27]

haha ^^^^

Similiar one to that.

Three blondes walking through jungle and come to a deep, wide and crocodile infested river. Can't figure out how to get across and then genie appears. Genie offers them each one wish.

First blonde wishes she had giant legs so she could wade across the river. Wish is granted and she begins to wade across the river, gets half way before her legs are mauled by crocodiles and she drowns.

Second blonde wishes she had a boat so she could row across the river. Wish is granted and she tries to row across the river but she just goes around in circles and her boat is mauled by the crocodiles and she drowns.

The third blonde thinks for a second and then says, "I wish I was smart so I could figure out how to cross the river."

Wish is granted, she turns into a man and uses the bridge.

 

[Henry Yoghurt]

lol nice...

Two blondes are driving past a field, and they see another blonde trying to row a boat in the middle of the field. One says to the other, "you know, it's blondes like her that give the rest of us a bad name".
The other replies "yeah, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her".

 

[kosifan23]

lol that's a classic

Q: A blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground first?
A: The brunette - the blonde had to ask for directions

 

[geelongfan159]

A guy blonde joke but one of the funniest i have seen.

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's the matter?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

"You rotten scum," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids."

 

[adelaide_40]

a blonde on a plane in economy gets up and walks into 1st class sits down. The stewardess walks over to her and says "im sorry but oyu paiud for an economy seat so you have to go back to economy". The blonde replied NO im going to melbourne. stewardess gets the co pilot to talk to her and the same answer NO im going to melbourne. the pilot says leave it to me , my wifes a blonde and i know blonde talk. pilot has a whisper in the blondes ear and the blonde gets up and goes back to her seat in economy. the stewardess and co pilot asked the pilot what did you say to get her to move. the captain replied i told her that 1st class wasn't going to melbourne

 

[adelaide_40]

A guy blonde joke but one of the funniest i have seen.

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's the matter?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

"You rotten scum," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids."

ROFL

 

[kosifan23]

I loved that one!

here's one:
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Give her a card with "Please Turn Over" written on both sides.

 

[Benno_900]

After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women's outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff. Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette. After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight. They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sacrifice themselves and let go, to save the others.

Well they talked about it for a while but no-one could decide a fair way of of choosing who should jump. Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap.

To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sacrifice. She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them.

After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she'd gone, the blondes were so moved that they all began to clap.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.

The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"

One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "O.K., "What's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy, W."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"

"Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ........." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off. "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That could've been your air freshener swinging back and forth".