Collingwood Conspiracy Theory

[Hugh Jorgen]

My fellow Cat-lovers. Following our surprising and humiliating defeat on Friday night at the hands of Collingwood, I have engaged in a lengthy (and, at times, alcohol sodden) process of analysis, to try and reconcile what was previously unthinkable.

I have come to the only logical conclusion; namely, that the real Geelong football team was kidnapped by aliens at some time between 3 am and 6 am on Friday morning and substituted by the most realistic replicants that the Tyrell Corporation could produce. These replicants were identical to their human progenitors in almost every respect except football prowess.

I have reason to believe that this elaborate plot was hatched by Eddy Maguire and funded by James Packer. The CIA may also be involved.

This theory may come as a surprise to some of you, and may seem far fetched. But the alternative, that Collingwood beat us fair and square, is a much more unlikely truth.

 

[Royal Flush]

I think Eddy just told them to choke.

 

[Neville Bartos]

Maybe it was the replicants who had been playing since rd 7 (or whatever it was that you came good last year) and as they were powerful, microprocessing robots, they could dominate AFL. The real players (except for G Ablett Jnr, who died in captivity) broke out of the Tyrell Corporation holding cells and took the field against Collingwood.

Now that's what I call a likely sitaution

 

[Johnnyprinias]

Bloody martians, they took our coach away.. sob.

 

[Hugh Jorgen]

This photo (taken at Kardinia Park) seems to confirm my theory.

 

[Cohzee]

I think you might be onto something thar.

 

[Todd Gack]

Following our surprising and humiliating defeat on Friday night at the hands of Collingwood, I have come to the only logical conclusion; namely, that the real Geelong football team was kidnapped by aliens ...

Clearly you are still in denial.

 

[GuzzLG]

^^^^^^^^
What kind of a name is Todd Gack?

 

[Rodger Pedactor]

This photo (taken at Kardinia Park) seems to confirm my theory.

That's no alien spaceship marking - that's what happens when they use Adelaide drinking water to water the ground.

 

[Pie eyed]

Maybe it was the replicants who had been playing since rd 7 (or whatever it was that you came good last year) and as they were powerful, microprocessing robots, they could dominate AFL. The real players (except for G Ablett Jnr, who died in captivity) broke out of the Tyrell Corporation holding cells and took the field against Collingwood.

Now that's what I call a likely sitaution

Nail on the head.
This just in over the telex from CIA Europe.

Senior members of the European Space Agency, Beeg Rokettta have confirmed that several enormous objects in a geo-stationary orbit above the Russian Steppes have been causing havoc with the space agencies attempts to launch various telecommunications satellites for the past 24 months.
A purpose built "tractor beam" was developed in early June 2007 to attempt to capture one of the orbiting objects but due to their massive size it had taken several unsuccessful attempts before on the 16th May one had been "trapped" and brought back to earth.
Stunned scientists realised almost instantly that the object was in fact a human being, an Australian sportsman, one Cameron Ling, a member of the Geelong Football team. Geelong is a remote postural community which is famous for it's abundance of "redheads" or "ranga's" as they are colloquially known. Although he was extremely sunburnt he was able to relate the story of how he and his team-mates, still in orbit, had been tricked into going on a "pre-season" team building exercise and instead were jettisoned into space.There they had survived eating "Space Junk" and several hundred tonnes of Junior Burgers which had appeared to have been dumped "quite some time ago". Asked why he thought this had happened he replied cryptically "Bomber said he was going to put me where I could do the most good. I thought he meant the bench!" adding "after a few weeks we were told that the club had replaced us with Cyborgs from the Mitsubishi plant in Adelaide." When asked to comment on the alegations a spokesman for the Geelong Football Club said "What!" Ford Australia are our major sponsors. Why would we go to Mitsubishi?"
When asked if he was aware that Ford Australia's latest model Cyborgs had problems with prematurely deploying airbags and "too soft" suspension he responded "No Comment! No further comment until we consult with our lawyers. I told them. Bloody hell!"
Investigations are continuing.

 

[sunnyTEE]

^^^^^^^^
What kind of a name is Todd Gack?

I like it G-Man. It makes me laugh for some odd reason.

 

[GuzzLG]

I like it G-Man. It makes me laugh for some odd reason.

I think it's Dutch.

 

[Chops_a_must]

Meanwhile, Freo and Richmond are still out in the kippel.

 

[Todd Gack]

^^^^^^^^
What kind of a name is Todd Gack?

It's the name of a guy that Elaine dated once in Seinfeld. I just like the abrassive combination of consonants.

You're right, only the Dutch would do that to their mouths.

 

[Les Norton]

It's the name of a guy that Elaine dated once in Seinfeld. I just like the abrassive combination of consonants.

You're right, only the Dutch would do that to their mouths.

I agree - ripper name.

What about Crazy Joe Davola

 

[Hugh Jorgen]

... several enormous objects in a geo-stationary orbit above the Russian Steppes ...

Of course!! Above the Baikonur cosmodrome in Kazahkstan. It all makes sense. I bet Borat is involved in this too.

Geelong is a remote postural community

That explains why sales of Seely Orthopedic beds are higher in Geelong than anywhere else in the country. Another piece of the puzzle falls into place.

"after a few weeks we were told that the club had replaced us with Cyborgs from the Mitsubishi plant in Adelaide." When asked to comment on the alegations a spokesman for the Geelong Football Club said "What!" Ford Australia are our major sponsors. Why would we go to Mitsubishi?"
When asked if he was aware that Ford Australia's latest model Cyborgs had problems with prematurely deploying airbags and "too soft" suspension he responded "No Comment! No further comment until we consult with our lawyers. I told them. Bloody hell!"
Investigations are continuing.

That's just plain funny. Clearly with Elisabeth and Geelong both being abandoned by multinational car companies they are ripe for infiltration by cyborgs.