Dad jokes - add yours

[Kanga87]

Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?


Because it was dead

 

[Orange Peanut]

My wife said I could never make a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

 

[Orange Peanut]

Do u have to be a dad to contribute?

It makes it easier but it's not necessary. Mind you, I was lucky.
The night my first kid was born, I got home from the hospital to see my parents and sisters waiting to celebrate with me.
At one point, my dad called me in to a separate room. He said "the gifts we have given you today are from our family to yours. But this one here is just from me, and it's just for you. This is a huge day for both of us. "
He handed over a crudely wrapped present, and as I opened it, I saw that it was his very own handwritten book crammed with Dad jokes! I couldn't believe it!
I was shaking a little as I looked up at him. "Oh dad," I said, "I'm honoured!"
He wiped a tear from his eye, cleared his throat, and replied.
"Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."

 

[Royal Flush]

What do you call a Spanish guy who has had his car stolen?
Carloss

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk

 

[jimandphilbadge]

Do you know how I escaped from Iraq?


Iran.

 

[Gameova_]

Do you know how I escaped from Iraq?


Iran.

 

[DarkPhoenix]

2 Antennas met on a roof, had a whirlwind romance and ended up getting married.

The wedding wasn't much to write home about, but the reception was fantastic!

 

[DarkPhoenix]

What did the Mexican Firefighter name his twin boys?

Jose and Hose-B




What is it called when 2 mexican guys play basketball against each other?

Juan-on-Juan

 

[fusion]

Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?


Because it was dead

My 7 yo told me that one this week. But he went on further

Q Why did the second koala fall out of the tree
A Because it got hit by the first koala

Q Why did the third koala fall out of the tree
A Because he thought the other two were playing a game and wanted to join in.


my dad joke...

I once swallowed a dictionary... It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had

 

[gokangas]

A bloke walks into the doctors -
I have a steering wheel stuck up my arse.
Doc - Does it hurt?
No, but its driving me nuts.

 

[gokangas]

A cricket umpire walks into the doctors.
Patient - I have a cricket ball jammed up my arse.
Doc - Howz that?
Patient: Don't you bloody start.......

 

[gokangas]

A little guy is sitting at the bar when a huge bikie walks in, picks him up and throws him to the ground.
What was that he asks? Judo from Japan, the bikie laughs.
He gets up and the bikie flattens him again.
What was that he asks? Karate from Korea, the bikie laughs.
He gets up and the bikie flattens him again.
What was that he asks? Thats UFC from the USA the bikie laughs.
The little guy leaves the bar. Next minute the bikie is unconscious on the flor. He awakens and looks up at the little guy.
What was that he asks? Crowbar from Bunnings the little guy laughs.

 

[Groucho]

Double negatives are a real no no

 

[Black2Blue]

For 3-8yo only...

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.

 

[Black2Blue]

The other day I saw someone driving past, they lit a cigarette, threw the match out the window and WOOOOOF....they set fire to a dog!

(note - authentic home made dad joke)

 

[DarkPhoenix]

My 7 yo told me that one this week. But he went on further

Q Why did the second koala fall out of the tree
A Because it got hit by the first koala

Q Why did the third koala fall out of the tree
A Because he thought the other two were playing a game and wanted to join in.


my dad joke...

I once swallowed a dictionary... It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.


Knock, Knock?
Whose there?
Not that girl.

 

[MagicDaw]

Why do scallops never give to charity?
Because they are shellfish!

 

[Dan]

I punched a feminist in the face.

 

[KiwiRoo]

what do you call an epileptic up a tree

Russell

 

[KiwiRoo]

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac ?

He stayed awake all night wondering if there was a dog

 

[gokangas]

A bloke walks into his specialist. The specialist says I have good news and bad news.
The good news is they are going to name a disease after you..........

 

[amaz199]

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

 

[Shermanator]

Why did everyone evacuate Burger King (Hungry Jacks)?

Someone dropped a Whopper..

 

[sutcliffe's hotel]

Past, present and future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

 

[DarkPhoenix]

What do you call 10,000 Lawyers at the bottom of the sea?


A good start.