Dad jokes - add yours

[Waynesworld]

Its as bad as what's the difference between Nth Melb and a fireman?

A fireman can climb a ladder

EFA

 

[Luke72]

What's pink, wrinkly and hangs out your undies?


Your Grandma

 

[Orange Peanut]

Guy walks into the doctor and says "I got a lettuce stuck up my butt".

The doctor looks in the location and says "I can actually see it poking out."

"Oh yeah?" says the patient, "trust me doc, that's just the tip of the iceberg."

 

[DarwinRoo]

Why does Spongebob Squarepants hate oysters?

Because they kilpatrick

 

[Boro]

I don't really trust stairs...they're always up to something.

I prefer elevators...but sometimes they let you down.

Recently I quit my job in the helium factory....I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!

 

[AdmiralBenson]

Doctor gave me only 4 years to live so i shot him.

Judge then gave me 20 years.

 

[Kanga Glory]

What’s the difference between a brick and a red head ?
At least a brick gets layed
(Sorry to any red heads)

 

[Kimbo]

What’s the difference between a brick and a red head ?
At least a brick gets layed
(Sorry to any red heads)

Not a Dad joke I wouldn't have thought.

 

[B4Bear]

Person has a tooth removed, call em Toothless.

Broken leg, Legolas.

 

[Black2Blue]

A bloke was walking through the park, lit a cigarette, threw the match into the bushes, and WOOF, set fire to a dog.

 

[gokangas]

An englishman, an aussie and an irishman walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

 

[Roscoe]

Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.

 

[gokangas]

Took my first golf lesson yesterday.
The pro said - I know your problem. You stand too close to the ball.
I said - good, we can fix that can't we?
The pro - I mean after you've hit it.

 

[big_e]

An englishman, an aussie and an irishman walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

An Irishman, a South African and a Kiwi walked into a bar....and found the rest of the England cricket team waiting for them.

 

[Marstermind]

What's E.T. short for?

He's only got little legs.

 

[SpiderBurton22]

An Irishman, a South African and a Kiwi walked into a bar....and found the rest of the England cricket team waiting for them.

What about the West Indian?

 

[DarkPhoenix]

I don't play footy because I enjoy it, I play it just for the kicks.

 

[SpiderBurton22]

What would the Simpsons be called if they were black?



The Simpsons, you f*****g racist !!!!

 

[SpiderBurton22]

I entered 10 puns in a pun contest hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.

 

[WayneShimmiesTheBush]

Guy: I broke my arm in three places
Doctor: Well don't go to those places

Its not that difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other one will see you later.

 

[WayneShimmiesTheBush]

I bought a new blindfold today. Can't see myself wearing it though.

For Sale - Dead Budgie. Not going cheap.

If a red haired guy works at a bakery, is he a ginger bread man?

 

[Bertie22]

A lady had married four times in her life. Firstly a banker, then an actor, followed by a clergyman and finally a funeral director. Prior to her funeral the minister asked her family if their mother had been lonely or had married for love. The reply was that she had never married for love. The shocked Minister asked why she had married so many times. The reply was, "First for the money, then for the show, third to get ready and fourth to go."

 

[WayneShimmiesTheBush]

My Thai girlfriend says a small penis shouldn't be a problem in a loving relationship. I still wish she didn't have one.

 

[Bertie22]

A man joins an order of monks, where silence prevails. On the anniversary of joining, he is allowed to utter a word for every year of service. After one year, he meets with the Abbot and says, "Cold!" The Abbot arranges warmer clothes for him. After two years he can utter two words. He meets with the Abbot and utters, "Very Hungry!" The abbot increases the food available to him. After three years he meets once more and states, "I want out!" "Just as well," says the Abbot, "you've done nothing but complain since you got here!"

 

[AdmiralBenson]

Hey mate, have you had a hair cut?

Nah, i got all of them cut.