Beauty & Style Defecating oneself

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Had a near miss in the city a few years ago. Was at a gig with a mate and was still living on the coast so it was about an hour drive home. Anyways by the end of it decided at take a dump and went into the toilet. Piss everywhere, no paper, no toilet seat, and broken door lock. So i decided that was a no go and would wait till i got home. Almost immediately while walking back to the car I knew I was in trouble. I casually picked up a time-off mag from a wall while walking just in case. After about another 5 mins of walking i know i need to shit and now. Let my mate know the situation and ducked down an alley, dropped pants and exploded out my arse. Wiped with the mag and went on my way. Was a close thing though. If there hadn't have been somewhere to go like that little alley would have been all over. Felt like Tyrone Biggums.
 
Knighta21 said:
How does an ear infection relate to bowels as such?
Was is that you kept losing balance and falling over before you finally made it to the toilet?
Click to expand...

The medication's side effect was diarrhea :thumbsdown:

It would happen at the oddest moments too, hence me having to bolt to the toilet as an emergency :eek:. Think Kramer in the episode where he auditioned to play himself in the sitcom and running from place to place, looking for one to use.
 

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A mate and i went out on a Sat night about 2 yrs ago and i hadnt eaten all day and we both ended up going pretty hard on the beer/bourban/scotch.

Was in the cab and only about 300mt from my house and i told the driver you have to pull over cause im gonna hurl. Ive lunged out and had my 1st hurl. 2 or 3 follow and im laying on the side of the st reaching deep down to try and get something more up. Nothing more comes up and so ive gone for a huge last deep attempt and cause nothing was coming up in that direction, it sent it in the other direction.
My mate was in tears laughing (more than fair enough) and as im still laying on the side of st a cop cars pulls up and then offers to put me in back seat and take me home just around the corner but of course i had to say no as i wasnt really able to sit at the time.
 
I've never shat myself, not even as I child, but I've pissed my pants as an adult. I was stuck on the freeway. I've been in this situation before and usually keep a McDonalds cup for such an emergency and there's been a number of times when I've had to use it. But one time I didn't have a cup in my car. I tried to hold it and I almost got home but about five minutes from home I couldn't hold it in anymore and let it go. Lucky I've got leather seat covers so it was pretty easy to clean up.
 
ash_1050 said:
Why not get out of the car and piss on the side of the road?
Click to expand...

On a packed freeway?

I should probably also explain that, being diabetic, I have a very weak bladder. One minute I won't need to go at all, the next minute I'll be busting. I don't usually have much time to find a dunny once I need to go.
 
have a couple times

went for a walk with a mate late one summer night and needed a shit pretty bad for the first half of the walk. the pain went away after a while and i decided to let out a sneaky fart, turned out to be a massive yellow bubble of shit and i had to walk all the way home with it in my jocks. my mate didnt even know (i dont think).

another time i was drunk at a club and needed a shit really badly, the club toilets had already been desrtoyed so i decided to leg it home (roughly 1km) all the way home i had my arseh*le clenched as tight as possible and the urgencie would increase and decrease randomly during the trip alowing me to increase speed occasionly. i get within 50m of my back fence and my bum hole starts convolsing something shocking and i had to drop stride on the side of the road next to a tree. i thought i got them down in time but ended up shitting all in my pants and shoes. ended up jumping my fence covered in shit, getting naked at the back door and tip-toeing (making sure not to get shit anywhere) to the shower. i reckon i was in there for an hour washing myself, still dont feel clean.
 
Xtreme said:
The medication's side effect was diarrhea :thumbsdown:

It would happen at the oddest moments too, hence me having to bolt to the toilet as an emergency :eek:. Think Kramer in the episode where he auditioned to play himself in the sitcom and running from place to place, looking for one to use.
Click to expand...
haha ok. Thats no good at all man.
 
cats81 said:
Does anyone have any good storys of shitting/pissing themselves as adults?

In the past couple of years I have...

Pissed myself while drunk sleeping in a tent with 6 blokes at a music festival...soaking myself and the tent floor in piss, luckily it was the last night and we just left the tent there.

Pissed the bed when concussed which is excusable I guess

Shat myself at the footy...was in a corporate box and did a silent fart and a piece of poo escaped with it...thought oh wow how am I going to get out of this, on closer inspection it was a solid ball of poo and I left the box (the toilet was occupied) and let the poo ball fall down my pants and out onto the carpet on the hallway just outside the box. Have always thought what would the cleaner who found it thought.

Also shat myself driving back from the footy from Geelong had to cop the slops in my pants half the ring road home

Am I normal? Or is this unusual for a grown man to still have 'accidents' from time to time?
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loling at the imagery
jasonwilde said:
Once I shat in Medieval Germany.

Was visiting some Germans mates in Bavaria at the end of 2008. I had them stay with me and even my family for a while in 2007 and they were repaying me the favour. They were showing me and my girlfriend around everywhere- Romantic Road, Castles, etc.. One night they took us to a Medieval town recreation. No it's dead middle of winter over there (first time I saw snow) and so I have Long Johns on (top and bottom.) I felt a little fluey also, after crossing timezones, poor sleeping, change in conditions, etc... Further to this, I hadn't seen my German buddies for over a year and Bavarians love the piss. I had been hitting it hard for days.

In Germany around Christmas, they drink this gluvine. Absolutely cracking around that time. Goes down a treat and keeps you warm on a freezing night. Anyhow, I was going to ease off the juice for a night as I was hung over and not feeling too well. On this occasion, I had a couple of glasses to steady my nerves. I arrived in this Medieval town and as my mate was escorting myself and girlfriend around, I thought I'd let off an SBD, so as not arouse too much suspicion.

I proceeded to follow through and badly. It was the first time that this had ever happened to me. I put it down to the conditions. I put on my best poker face and excused myself from the situation. I told the missus and my mate that I'd catch up later.

One of those situations where you just cannot find a toilet, and on top of this, I was getting hassled by strange German folks speaking old-German on the way there. After what seemed about 30 minutes, I managed to find a toilet built out of wood, as it's medieval times.

I finally saw the full extent of the situation and I assure you that I have never felt more stressed in my life. There are no handbowl only some water and a ladle type thing in the middle of the toilets. I needed that water. Anyhow had to dump the long johns. Had to throw them over the town wall a little after. Trying to wash myself was a shocker as I had to wait until there was no one about and I could get some water on my legs... freezing water and I'm not wearing anything on my bottom half.

To cut a long story short, I shat myself in Medieval Germany and my pants are stuck in the Middle Ages. I only told my missus about it once we got back to Australia.
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imaginary reps

13_Stitches said:
have a couple times

went for a walk with a mate late one summer night and needed a shit pretty bad for the first half of the walk. the pain went away after a while and i decided to let out a sneaky fart, turned out to be a massive yellow bubble of shit and i had to walk all the way home with it in my jocks. my mate didnt even know (i dont think).

another time i was drunk at a club and needed a shit really badly, the club toilets had already been desrtoyed so i decided to leg it home (roughly 1km) all the way home i had my arseh*le clenched as tight as possible and the urgencie would increase and decrease randomly during the trip alowing me to increase speed occasionly. i get within 50m of my back fence and my bum hole starts convolsing something shocking and i had to drop stride on the side of the road next to a tree. i thought i got them down in time but ended up shitting all in my pants and shoes. ended up jumping my fence covered in shit, getting naked at the back door and tip-toeing (making sure not to get shit anywhere) to the shower. i reckon i was in there for an hour washing myself, still dont feel clean.
Click to expand...

you have a way with words
 
cats81 said:
Does anyone have any good storys of shitting/pissing themselves as adults?

In the past couple of years I have...

Pissed myself while drunk sleeping in a tent with 6 blokes at a music festival...soaking myself and the tent floor in piss, luckily it was the last night and we just left the tent there.

Pissed the bed when concussed which is excusable I guess

Shat myself at the footy...was in a corporate box and did a silent fart and a piece of poo escaped with it...thought oh wow how am I going to get out of this, on closer inspection it was a solid ball of poo and I left the box (the toilet was occupied) and let the poo ball fall down my pants and out onto the carpet on the hallway just outside the box. Have always thought what would the cleaner who found it thought.

Also shat myself driving back from the footy from Geelong had to cop the slops in my pants half the ring road home

Am I normal? Or is this unusual for a grown man to still have 'accidents' from time to time?
Click to expand...

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As a teenager I was playing a computer game with no save function and I was doing better than ever before.

Then the urge hit hard, and I had a choice to make. No one else was home.

Needless to say, I decided to stay. I just let it go.

The cleanup with awkward, but worth it.
 
I've had two close calls.

1. Went to a house party then went out with some other friends afterwards. I called back into the party on my way home but everyone had gone to bed and the door was locked. My car was there so I decided to sleep in it and drive home in the morning. Woke up needing to shit very desperately but as previously mentioned the house was locked so I needed to find somewhere else. It was a 20 minute drive home but about halfway there it was on its way out so I was in dire straits. Fortunately I had just driven past a Maccas so I pulled a U-banger and managed to make it in just before the explosion.

2. Came home from footy training one night, once again desperate for a shit. Housemate was in the shower and the toilet was in the bathroom so I had to wait until he was done. Stood around for about five minutes but I could wait no longer so I grabbed some toilet paper from the hall cupboard and made a mad dash to the backyard, once again just in time. I let it settle overnight then scooped it up in the morning once it had solidified somewhat and binned it. My main memory was the steam rising up from the freshly-laid pattie (it was a pretty cold night).

Interestingly this thread has had a yawn-like effect on me, except with poo.
 
Had more than a few close calls, and a couple of times unfortunately I have not been able to hold it in.

First time was on a uni field trip, out in Baw Baw National Park (Thomsons Dam). I was out doing some surveying as part of a group project, when I started feeling pretty dodgy. This started while I was with my group down near the bottom of the dam wall, and eventually it got worse and worse. I had to make my apologies rather awkwardly and bolted for the loos at the top of the dam. Didn't quite make it since I actually started spewing into the loo while it started coming out the other end. Ended up spending the next two days laid up with gastro in the camp lodgings and didn't do a damn thing to help with the project. Failed that class hard as a result...

The second time actually a couple of weeks ago at work :eek: tried to let a sneaky fart out and to my dismay:eek:, I realised that there was a bit of follow-through. Fortunately, it was a minimal amount, but I ended up going commando for the rest of the day after very cleverly discarding my boxers wrapped in a wad of paper towels, which I took to the bin outside. I think it was too minimal to make an odor, but I suppose there's no way to be sure. Did not notice any wrinkled noses, though.

The worst of the close calls occurred a few years ago, back in the days before I had a car here in the US. I had to take a long bus ride to uni, so that meant having to clench more than a few times on the long walk back to the apartment I was living in at the time. This one particular occasion, I was walking after dark on this rather secluded trail that winds towards the complex through some woods, when I suddenly had that horrible bubbling in the lower gut. I knew I wasn't going to make it, so I bush-bashed to a place I thought I wouldn't be seen and just unleashed. Fortunately, there were plentiful leaves around. Wasn't the most pleasant of experiences, though.

Glad to know I was not alone!
 
I have shat myself/been gross for the laughs before....anyone else done it for a joke?

Probably one of my best nights out at a club involved shitting myself

The club was almost full and I blended with the crowd easily. Deep house blasted out of several large speakers suspended above the dancefloor. It was hot with body heat and the sex was almost tangible.

My first impulse was to pull my dick out, slap it around, maybe give a jerk or two – I refrained. If everyone was a bit more honest that’s what they would do too.

I walked up to the bar and bought a bottle of beer. Its coldness was nice. I relaxed and looked around. The girls looked good dressed in little mini-dresses and too-small T-shirts. But as the saying goes, beauty is only skin deep and under the skin most of these girls were pus-oozing harpies with ***** like bear traps. Out on the dancefloor, the action was hectic. An inner-sanctum of shirtless boys stood their ground squarely in the middle of the dancefloor and pumped their legs up and down to the beat. I noticed also that most of them had pissy little Celtic arm-band tattoos and nipple rings. Sometimes a girl would come pumping up beside one of them and they would both simulate ****ing.

The time seemed right. I finished off my beer and made for the toilets. Inside, two young effeminate boys were snorting lines off the basin table. I marched up to the nearest one and gave him a mighty shove.

“YOU ****ED MY WIFE DIDN’T YOU ****!?” I yelled.

He backed away and his friend wrapped up the speed.

“What?…What-Who are you?” he said.

“YOU ****ED HER UP THE ARSE DIDN’T YA!?”

“No! I don’t even know your wife!”

I punched him in the face and opened up his nose. He fell back.

“Jesus Christ!” his friend said. I right hooked him in the head. He too fell down. Then I walked into a cubicle, locked the door and sat down on the toilet.

Before going into the club, I had had an enormous dinner. Two shepherds pies, four large backed potatoes, a can of beans and several chocolate bars. I reached into my top pocket and pulled out a packet of laxatives. The packet claimed that they were extra strong. I hoped that they were. I stuffed them all in my mouth and made up some spit to swallow them with. Next, I took off all my clothes and lay them on the ground. In my coat pocket I had a 1ml syringe with a capsule of distilled water. In my other pocket was a bent spoon and a small plastic packet with four clearlight trips in it. I popped the four clearlights into the spoon, squirted in 80 lines of water then applied my lighter flame to the bottom of the spoon.

Soon, the clearlights were spinning around as they dissolved. The needle slipped into my arm effortlessly and before I even had time to withdraw it, my head felt like it had imploded.

When I was sure the laxatives had started to take effect, I placed my head on my clothes and did a headstand against the wall. The diahhorea wasn’t long in coming. It started off as small spurts that would trickle down my back, then turned into an obscene brown volcano that shot up and then rained back down over my body. Soon, I was pretty well covered in my own rich brown faeces. I hopped back onto my feet and wiped a little shit on my face like warpaint. Then I opened the door to the cubicle and walked out.

I was surprised that no-one noticed me in the club for a good minute or so. A couple of people were pointing at me as I walked towards a good-looking girl on the dancefloor. She was doing a little dance and I was mesmerized by her which was clad in a tight pair of shorts with no visible panty line – I assumed she was wearing a g-string and the thought of her hairy, sweaty **** grinding away in there almost drove me insane. She didn’t notice me until I stood next to her with a huge shit stained grin on my face.

“DO YOU WANT TO DANCE WITH ME BABY!?” I screamed in her face like an errant Errol Flynn. She stumbled as she ran. I was quickly drawing more attention to myself, yet the pretty-boys in the middle of the dancefloor were still pumping away oblivious to anything but themselves. I pumped up next to them, parodying their slight dance and punctuating it with little spurts of diarrhea. When they finally opened their eyes and realized that the moisture they were getting splattered with wasn’t sweat, they cleared the dancefloor in a flash. Before I knew it, the floor was mine.

The patrons all formed a large berth around the dancefloor and would back off en-mass when I approached. No doubt the ecstasy in their heads would be savagely turning against them as they tried to comprehend my little show. I had an audience, I felt good.

The diarrhea came effortlessly as I squirmed around the floor in a pool of my own wastage. Every once in a while, I would get on my hands, spread open my cheeks and give a mighty thrust. I was genuinely amazed at the distance I could achieve using this method. Unfortunately, most of it would spatter inches from the crowd’s feet. The bouncers were powerless over the situation as I sloshed around trying my darnedest to emulate little Lolita, they didn’t get paid enough to man-handle a shit-smeared maniac. Several people had started to throw up and gave me a magnificent idea. I scooped up some brown slop in my hands and took a drink. The gag reflex kicked in immediately, and before I knew it, I had fountains of waste shooting out of both ends.

As in every audience, there was a heckler in this one. He looked like one to the pretty-boys who had been on the dancefloor and stood screaming abuse at me.

“YOU SICK ****! YOU SICK BASTARD! YOU ****ING MENTAL CASE!”

I threw several handfuls of sick and shit at him in an attempt to quiet him down, but he dodged every time, leaving his neighbors to get splattered. Then I had another great idea. I bent my leg around and with a bit of effort, managed to pop my big toe into my mouth. The flesh was easy to bite through, but the bone took a bit of incisor action until it popped off in my mouth. To be quite honest, it came as a bit of a shock to me when I realized I had my big toe in my mouth. The fountain of blood spurting from the stump quickly brought me back to reality though. I took a deep breath, and with a mighty heave, spat it at the now silent heckler..

Got tasered after all that, but it was a ****ing good night out. The toe was sewed back on too so as they say - alls well that ends well.
 
I have shat myself twice and had a few very close calls.

One time was when I was like about year 9 or 10, wasn't shitting right because I was sick. I tried to do a little fart which turned out to be a bit more than a fart. At the time I was walking home with some bish, luckily I had waited until she got to her house (lived closer than me and my house was on the way) before farting or things could've been troublesome. I ran the rest of the way home, went to the toilet took off my underwear, finished the poo, wiped my arse and chucked the soiled undies.

The other time I sharted was when I was at home, also was sick and hadn't been shitting right. Nobody else was home so avoided embarrassment.

My worst of the close calls was probably when I was at a house party about a year ago. Had to shit seriously bad, unfortunately the toilet had a massive line which was full of drunk girls taking forever.
Luckily for me, the part was at a house across the road from a beach and next to a park. I left the party without being noticed, went to the bushes, dropped off the stinkiest filthiest shit I've ever done and wiped with leaves. When I returned to the party I was noticed by a chick who asked me where I had been. I quickly made up some bullshit about checking out the ocean, next thing I know I'm hooking up with said chick. :cool:

Best of all, I typed this up on my laptop whilst doing a shit. :thumbsu:
 
cats81 said:
I have shat myself/been gross for the laughs before....anyone else done it for a joke?

Probably one of my best nights out at a club involved shitting myself

The club was almost full and I blended with the crowd easily. Deep house blasted out of several large speakers suspended above the dancefloor. It was hot with body heat and the sex was almost tangible.

My first impulse was to pull my dick out, slap it around, maybe give a jerk or two – I refrained. If everyone was a bit more honest that’s what they would do too.

I walked up to the bar and bought a bottle of beer. Its coldness was nice. I relaxed and looked around. The girls looked good dressed in little mini-dresses and too-small T-shirts. But as the saying goes, beauty is only skin deep and under the skin most of these girls were pus-oozing harpies with ***** like bear traps. Out on the dancefloor, the action was hectic. An inner-sanctum of shirtless boys stood their ground squarely in the middle of the dancefloor and pumped their legs up and down to the beat. I noticed also that most of them had pissy little Celtic arm-band tattoos and nipple rings. Sometimes a girl would come pumping up beside one of them and they would both simulate ****ing.

The time seemed right. I finished off my beer and made for the toilets. Inside, two young effeminate boys were snorting lines off the basin table. I marched up to the nearest one and gave him a mighty shove.

“YOU ****ED MY WIFE DIDN’T YOU ****!?” I yelled.

He backed away and his friend wrapped up the speed.

“What?…What-Who are you?” he said.

“YOU ****ED HER UP THE ARSE DIDN’T YA!?”

“No! I don’t even know your wife!”

I punched him in the face and opened up his nose. He fell back.

“Jesus Christ!” his friend said. I right hooked him in the head. He too fell down. Then I walked into a cubicle, locked the door and sat down on the toilet.

Before going into the club, I had had an enormous dinner. Two shepherds pies, four large backed potatoes, a can of beans and several chocolate bars. I reached into my top pocket and pulled out a packet of laxatives. The packet claimed that they were extra strong. I hoped that they were. I stuffed them all in my mouth and made up some spit to swallow them with. Next, I took off all my clothes and lay them on the ground. In my coat pocket I had a 1ml syringe with a capsule of distilled water. In my other pocket was a bent spoon and a small plastic packet with four clearlight trips in it. I popped the four clearlights into the spoon, squirted in 80 lines of water then applied my lighter flame to the bottom of the spoon.

Soon, the clearlights were spinning around as they dissolved. The needle slipped into my arm effortlessly and before I even had time to withdraw it, my head felt like it had imploded.

When I was sure the laxatives had started to take effect, I placed my head on my clothes and did a headstand against the wall. The diahhorea wasn’t long in coming. It started off as small spurts that would trickle down my back, then turned into an obscene brown volcano that shot up and then rained back down over my body. Soon, I was pretty well covered in my own rich brown faeces. I hopped back onto my feet and wiped a little shit on my face like warpaint. Then I opened the door to the cubicle and walked out.

I was surprised that no-one noticed me in the club for a good minute or so. A couple of people were pointing at me as I walked towards a good-looking girl on the dancefloor. She was doing a little dance and I was mesmerized by her which was clad in a tight pair of shorts with no visible panty line – I assumed she was wearing a g-string and the thought of her hairy, sweaty **** grinding away in there almost drove me insane. She didn’t notice me until I stood next to her with a huge shit stained grin on my face.

“DO YOU WANT TO DANCE WITH ME BABY!?” I screamed in her face like an errant Errol Flynn. She stumbled as she ran. I was quickly drawing more attention to myself, yet the pretty-boys in the middle of the dancefloor were still pumping away oblivious to anything but themselves. I pumped up next to them, parodying their slight dance and punctuating it with little spurts of diarrhea. When they finally opened their eyes and realized that the moisture they were getting splattered with wasn’t sweat, they cleared the dancefloor in a flash. Before I knew it, the floor was mine.

The patrons all formed a large berth around the dancefloor and would back off en-mass when I approached. No doubt the ecstasy in their heads would be savagely turning against them as they tried to comprehend my little show. I had an audience, I felt good.

The diarrhea came effortlessly as I squirmed around the floor in a pool of my own wastage. Every once in a while, I would get on my hands, spread open my cheeks and give a mighty thrust. I was genuinely amazed at the distance I could achieve using this method. Unfortunately, most of it would spatter inches from the crowd’s feet. The bouncers were powerless over the situation as I sloshed around trying my darnedest to emulate little Lolita, they didn’t get paid enough to man-handle a shit-smeared maniac. Several people had started to throw up and gave me a magnificent idea. I scooped up some brown slop in my hands and took a drink. The gag reflex kicked in immediately, and before I knew it, I had fountains of waste shooting out of both ends.

As in every audience, there was a heckler in this one. He looked like one to the pretty-boys who had been on the dancefloor and stood screaming abuse at me.

“YOU SICK ****! YOU SICK BASTARD! YOU ****ING MENTAL CASE!”

I threw several handfuls of sick and shit at him in an attempt to quiet him down, but he dodged every time, leaving his neighbors to get splattered. Then I had another great idea. I bent my leg around and with a bit of effort, managed to pop my big toe into my mouth. The flesh was easy to bite through, but the bone took a bit of incisor action until it popped off in my mouth. To be quite honest, it came as a bit of a shock to me when I realized I had my big toe in my mouth. The fountain of blood spurting from the stump quickly brought me back to reality though. I took a deep breath, and with a mighty heave, spat it at the now silent heckler..

Got tasered after all that, but it was a ****ing good night out. The toe was sewed back on too so as they say - alls well that ends well.
Click to expand...
Ah that never really happened did it.
 
cats81 said:
I have shat myself/been gross for the laughs before....anyone else done it for a joke?

Probably one of my best nights out at a club involved shitting myself

The club was almost full and I blended with the crowd easily. Deep house blasted out of several large speakers suspended above the dancefloor. It was hot with body heat and the sex was almost tangible.

My first impulse was to pull my dick out, slap it around, maybe give a jerk or two – I refrained. If everyone was a bit more honest that’s what they would do too.

I walked up to the bar and bought a bottle of beer. Its coldness was nice. I relaxed and looked around. The girls looked good dressed in little mini-dresses and too-small T-shirts. But as the saying goes, beauty is only skin deep and under the skin most of these girls were pus-oozing harpies with ***** like bear traps. Out on the dancefloor, the action was hectic. An inner-sanctum of shirtless boys stood their ground squarely in the middle of the dancefloor and pumped their legs up and down to the beat. I noticed also that most of them had pissy little Celtic arm-band tattoos and nipple rings. Sometimes a girl would come pumping up beside one of them and they would both simulate ****ing.

The time seemed right. I finished off my beer and made for the toilets. Inside, two young effeminate boys were snorting lines off the basin table. I marched up to the nearest one and gave him a mighty shove.

“YOU ****ED MY WIFE DIDN’T YOU ****!?” I yelled.

He backed away and his friend wrapped up the speed.

“What?…What-Who are you?” he said.

“YOU ****ED HER UP THE ARSE DIDN’T YA!?”

“No! I don’t even know your wife!”

I punched him in the face and opened up his nose. He fell back.

“Jesus Christ!” his friend said. I right hooked him in the head. He too fell down. Then I walked into a cubicle, locked the door and sat down on the toilet.

Before going into the club, I had had an enormous dinner. Two shepherds pies, four large backed potatoes, a can of beans and several chocolate bars. I reached into my top pocket and pulled out a packet of laxatives. The packet claimed that they were extra strong. I hoped that they were. I stuffed them all in my mouth and made up some spit to swallow them with. Next, I took off all my clothes and lay them on the ground. In my coat pocket I had a 1ml syringe with a capsule of distilled water. In my other pocket was a bent spoon and a small plastic packet with four clearlight trips in it. I popped the four clearlights into the spoon, squirted in 80 lines of water then applied my lighter flame to the bottom of the spoon.

Soon, the clearlights were spinning around as they dissolved. The needle slipped into my arm effortlessly and before I even had time to withdraw it, my head felt like it had imploded.

When I was sure the laxatives had started to take effect, I placed my head on my clothes and did a headstand against the wall. The diahhorea wasn’t long in coming. It started off as small spurts that would trickle down my back, then turned into an obscene brown volcano that shot up and then rained back down over my body. Soon, I was pretty well covered in my own rich brown faeces. I hopped back onto my feet and wiped a little shit on my face like warpaint. Then I opened the door to the cubicle and walked out.

I was surprised that no-one noticed me in the club for a good minute or so. A couple of people were pointing at me as I walked towards a good-looking girl on the dancefloor. She was doing a little dance and I was mesmerized by her which was clad in a tight pair of shorts with no visible panty line – I assumed she was wearing a g-string and the thought of her hairy, sweaty **** grinding away in there almost drove me insane. She didn’t notice me until I stood next to her with a huge shit stained grin on my face.

“DO YOU WANT TO DANCE WITH ME BABY!?” I screamed in her face like an errant Errol Flynn. She stumbled as she ran. I was quickly drawing more attention to myself, yet the pretty-boys in the middle of the dancefloor were still pumping away oblivious to anything but themselves. I pumped up next to them, parodying their slight dance and punctuating it with little spurts of diarrhea. When they finally opened their eyes and realized that the moisture they were getting splattered with wasn’t sweat, they cleared the dancefloor in a flash. Before I knew it, the floor was mine.

The patrons all formed a large berth around the dancefloor and would back off en-mass when I approached. No doubt the ecstasy in their heads would be savagely turning against them as they tried to comprehend my little show. I had an audience, I felt good.

The diarrhea came effortlessly as I squirmed around the floor in a pool of my own wastage. Every once in a while, I would get on my hands, spread open my cheeks and give a mighty thrust. I was genuinely amazed at the distance I could achieve using this method. Unfortunately, most of it would spatter inches from the crowd’s feet. The bouncers were powerless over the situation as I sloshed around trying my darnedest to emulate little Lolita, they didn’t get paid enough to man-handle a shit-smeared maniac. Several people had started to throw up and gave me a magnificent idea. I scooped up some brown slop in my hands and took a drink. The gag reflex kicked in immediately, and before I knew it, I had fountains of waste shooting out of both ends.

As in every audience, there was a heckler in this one. He looked like one to the pretty-boys who had been on the dancefloor and stood screaming abuse at me.

“YOU SICK ****! YOU SICK BASTARD! YOU ****ING MENTAL CASE!”

I threw several handfuls of sick and shit at him in an attempt to quiet him down, but he dodged every time, leaving his neighbors to get splattered. Then I had another great idea. I bent my leg around and with a bit of effort, managed to pop my big toe into my mouth. The flesh was easy to bite through, but the bone took a bit of incisor action until it popped off in my mouth. To be quite honest, it came as a bit of a shock to me when I realized I had my big toe in my mouth. The fountain of blood spurting from the stump quickly brought me back to reality though. I took a deep breath, and with a mighty heave, spat it at the now silent heckler..

Got tasered after all that, but it was a ****ing good night out. The toe was sewed back on too so as they say - alls well that ends well.
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Beauty & Style Defecating oneself

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