Depression

Remove this Banner Ad

I've only come to appreciate fully recently, since moving out two and a half years ago I guess, just how much my mother hates living. Not in the sense that she's likely to kill herself, or that she harbours a hatred of everyone and everything that gets you concerned about a Columbine if they're a teenager.

She just finds life hard work. Everything is a chore. Everything has a negative bubble encasing it. Doesn't enjoy anything, it seems. Nothing seems to just work for her. There's always a problem, whether it be real or imagined.

She was diagnosed with depression as a 19 year old and she's now almost 69, so I suppose none of that in itself is surprising.

It's a horrible thing to see but it's also almost impossible to do much about when that way of thinking and looking at the world that way has come to permeate every fibre of their being.

I'm her only (living - she had a girl die at a week old from spina bifida six years before I was born) child, my brother and sister are my father's but to another woman. I suppose I've been her sole sounding board for her struggles in life for most of the last 25 years, since I was really quite young; I was aware younger than a child really ought to be that I had to walk on eggshells around her about certain things, particularly anything to do with my father. Sometimes I find myself hearing a different yet strangely familiar tale of how she will have fallen out with someone about something ridiculous and I find that I simply have nothing left to give. I've heard it before, I've offered advice in these situations before.

She will say that all she wants is someone to just listen, and I can understand that and understand that her loneliness is accentuated now that I'm no longer at home. But I've been that sounding board, for things that nearly always amount to variations of the same theme, for a very long time now and sometimes I find myself thinking "not again".

And then of course feel horrible for thinking such things, but it's exhausting sometimes.

She's just a very tired, sad and now seemingly rapidly ageing woman. It's hard to watch. I find myself inevitably coming away from seeing her feeling emotionally exhausted now. She's had a pretty rotten life for the most part, some of it self inflicted if I'm being honest, but also some of it definitely not, and it shows.

The major lightning rod for most of this year will be my wedding near the end of the year. She has dreaded the day for a long time in some ways, because it means she will have to see my father and his family and that is something she's done her best to avoid for a long time; she's seen my father once since 2003, and not once since 2009. Given how they get on (or don't), that suits me just fine.

Them being forced to see each other has been something I've had some trepidation about as well, so I asked them both to just behave themselves on the day; neither my fiancee or me need the hassle of dealing with it on that day of all days. My father understood my concern and took that fine; my mother took it as an affront, as an insult that I should think she would be capable of having an angry moment and then, unbelievably, threatened not to come to the wedding at all. I of course had the nice task of talking her down, which I accomplished but still...The most striking thing was how it apparently hadn't even occurred to her, until I pointed it out, that I would be feeling massive consternation at the prospect of them being forced to see each other. Unfortunately it's become a recurring theme in recent years; just a complete inward focus with very little ability for her to see something from anyone else's perspective.

I imagine it won't be the last challenge of this stripe between now and the wedding.


Depression, it really is a horrible thing.
 
Doss said:
...The most striking thing was how it apparently hadn't even occurred to her, until I pointed it out, that I would be feeling massive consternation at the prospect of them being forced to see each other. Unfortunately it's become a recurring theme in recent years; just a complete inward focus with very little ability for her to see something from anyone else's perspective.
Click to expand...
And sometimes this is where people tend to dismiss people with depression because they see this selfishness. I would suggest '' but what about my feelings'' was one phrase used.

You use a good line about inward focus, or inner directedness. Part of the long term process is this living inside our heads. Our thoughts become our companion and we embrace them because they are the only thing that understands us.

I wish you all the best for your wedding and hope that for 1 day the focus is on you. :)
 

Log in to remove this ad.

Doss said:
I've only come to appreciate fully recently, since moving out two and a half years ago I guess, just how much my mother hates living. Not in the sense that she's likely to kill herself, or that she harbours a hatred of everyone and everything that gets you concerned about a Columbine if they're a teenager.

She just finds life hard work. Everything is a chore. Everything has a negative bubble encasing it. Doesn't enjoy anything, it seems. Nothing seems to just work for her. There's always a problem, whether it be real or imagined.

She was diagnosed with depression as a 19 year old and she's now almost 69, so I suppose none of that in itself is surprising.

It's a horrible thing to see but it's also almost impossible to do much about when that way of thinking and looking at the world that way has come to permeate every fibre of their being.

I'm her only (living - she had a girl die at a week old from spina bifida six years before I was born) child, my brother and sister are my father's but to another woman. I suppose I've been her sole sounding board for her struggles in life for most of the last 25 years, since I was really quite young; I was aware younger than a child really ought to be that I had to walk on eggshells around her about certain things, particularly anything to do with my father. Sometimes I find myself hearing a different yet strangely familiar tale of how she will have fallen out with someone about something ridiculous and I find that I simply have nothing left to give. I've heard it before, I've offered advice in these situations before.

She will say that all she wants is someone to just listen, and I can understand that and understand that her loneliness is accentuated now that I'm no longer at home. But I've been that sounding board, for things that nearly always amount to variations of the same theme, for a very long time now and sometimes I find myself thinking "not again".

And then of course feel horrible for thinking such things, but it's exhausting sometimes.

She's just a very tired, sad and now seemingly rapidly ageing woman. It's hard to watch. I find myself inevitably coming away from seeing her feeling emotionally exhausted now. She's had a pretty rotten life for the most part, some of it self inflicted if I'm being honest, but also some of it definitely not, and it shows.

The major lightning rod for most of this year will be my wedding near the end of the year. She has dreaded the day for a long time in some ways, because it means she will have to see my father and his family and that is something she's done her best to avoid for a long time; she's seen my father once since 2003, and not once since 2009. Given how they get on (or don't), that suits me just fine.

Them being forced to see each other has been something I've had some trepidation about as well, so I asked them both to just behave themselves on the day; neither my fiancee or me need the hassle of dealing with it on that day of all days. My father understood my concern and took that fine; my mother took it as an affront, as an insult that I should think she would be capable of having an angry moment and then, unbelievably, threatened not to come to the wedding at all. I of course had the nice task of talking her down, which I accomplished but still...The most striking thing was how it apparently hadn't even occurred to her, until I pointed it out, that I would be feeling massive consternation at the prospect of them being forced to see each other. Unfortunately it's become a recurring theme in recent years; just a complete inward focus with very little ability for her to see something from anyone else's perspective.

I imagine it won't be the last challenge of this stripe between now and the wedding.


Depression, it really is a horrible thing.
Click to expand...

I have only to add that in my 49 years on the planet the whole Wedding prior was the most dreadful experience of my life.

Thankfully the day and last 14 years since have been excellent.

My tip...compromise and compromise.
 
GreyCrow said:
And sometimes this is where people tend to dismiss people with depression because they see this selfishness. I would suggest '' but what about my feelings'' was one phrase used.

You use a good line about inward focus, or inner directedness. Part of the long term process is this living inside our heads. Our thoughts become our companion and we embrace them because they are the only thing that understands us.

I wish you all the best for your wedding and hope that for 1 day the focus is on you. :)
Click to expand...

Gasometer said:
I have only to add that in my 49 years on the planet the whole Wedding prior was the most dreadful experience of my life.

Thankfully the day and last 14 years since have been excellent.

My tip...compromise and compromise.
Click to expand...
Cheers both - very sage posts.
 
I dont get depression and I never will. In fact I'm a little heartless, in that i am totally unsympathetic towards it. Seems a bit strange considering my mum has depression I guess

Sent from my SM-G925I using Tapatalk
 
Catfish Alley said:
It's probably the reason you are unsympathetic about it. Maybe due to the stress it placed on your family.
Click to expand...
I guess no two people are the same. My mother's experience with it (well, her and quite a few other family members) are precisely the reason why I'm so empathetic towards it.

You can have empathy and sympathy while nonetheless being utterly drained and tired of dealing with the fallout of those close to you being affected by it. Empathy and sympathy don't have to exist exclusive from frustration and exasperbation.
 
Doss said:
I guess no two people are the same. My mother's experience with it (well, her and quite a few other family members) are precisely the reason why I'm so empathetic towards it.

You can have empathy and sympathy while nonetheless being utterly drained and tired of dealing with the fallout of those close to you being affected by it. Empathy and sympathy don't have to exist exclusive from frustration and exasperbation.
Click to expand...

True but there is only so much you can do before you yourself get sucked into the mire.

Yes. Life is hard. For many people. For some it is horrific. But it is there life and up to them to solve. It is unbeleivably harsh but that is the world we live in.

To a point life is about the little wins. Enjoy them.

As for empathy and sympathy. Good point. You can have all the empathy in the world but than have nothing left to give.
 
Also, saying you'll never get depression (or anything for that matter) is pretty close-minded and also assumes we know how our lives will pan out in many ways. In the end, it's generally life experiences that shape your attitudes and you never know what the future holds. That can work both ways too; people who are previously tolerant or understanding of something or someone can lose that, either over time or overnight, because of an event or series of events.

But saying to yourself now that you'll never understand or get something seems pretty silly to me.
 
Doss said:
I've only come to appreciate fully recently, since moving out two and a half years ago I guess, just how much my mother hates living. Not in the sense that she's likely to kill herself, or that she harbours a hatred of everyone and everything that gets you concerned about a Columbine if they're a teenager.

She just finds life hard work. Everything is a chore. Everything has a negative bubble encasing it. Doesn't enjoy anything, it seems. Nothing seems to just work for her. There's always a problem, whether it be real or imagined.

She was diagnosed with depression as a 19 year old and she's now almost 69, so I suppose none of that in itself is surprising.

It's a horrible thing to see but it's also almost impossible to do much about when that way of thinking and looking at the world that way has come to permeate every fibre of their being.

I'm her only (living - she had a girl die at a week old from spina bifida six years before I was born) child, my brother and sister are my father's but to another woman. I suppose I've been her sole sounding board for her struggles in life for most of the last 25 years, since I was really quite young; I was aware younger than a child really ought to be that I had to walk on eggshells around her about certain things, particularly anything to do with my father. Sometimes I find myself hearing a different yet strangely familiar tale of how she will have fallen out with someone about something ridiculous and I find that I simply have nothing left to give. I've heard it before, I've offered advice in these situations before.

She will say that all she wants is someone to just listen, and I can understand that and understand that her loneliness is accentuated now that I'm no longer at home. But I've been that sounding board, for things that nearly always amount to variations of the same theme, for a very long time now and sometimes I find myself thinking "not again".

And then of course feel horrible for thinking such things, but it's exhausting sometimes.

She's just a very tired, sad and now seemingly rapidly ageing woman. It's hard to watch. I find myself inevitably coming away from seeing her feeling emotionally exhausted now. She's had a pretty rotten life for the most part, some of it self inflicted if I'm being honest, but also some of it definitely not, and it shows.

The major lightning rod for most of this year will be my wedding near the end of the year. She has dreaded the day for a long time in some ways, because it means she will have to see my father and his family and that is something she's done her best to avoid for a long time; she's seen my father once since 2003, and not once since 2009. Given how they get on (or don't), that suits me just fine.

Them being forced to see each other has been something I've had some trepidation about as well, so I asked them both to just behave themselves on the day; neither my fiancee or me need the hassle of dealing with it on that day of all days. My father understood my concern and took that fine; my mother took it as an affront, as an insult that I should think she would be capable of having an angry moment and then, unbelievably, threatened not to come to the wedding at all. I of course had the nice task of talking her down, which I accomplished but still...The most striking thing was how it apparently hadn't even occurred to her, until I pointed it out, that I would be feeling massive consternation at the prospect of them being forced to see each other. Unfortunately it's become a recurring theme in recent years; just a complete inward focus with very little ability for her to see something from anyone else's perspective.

I imagine it won't be the last challenge of this stripe between now and the wedding.


Depression, it really is a horrible thing.
Click to expand...
This is pretty much my Mum. Your experiences pretty much mirror mine. She is only 1 year younger than your Mum. My Mum is also a narcissist. If i could I'd move away tomorrow to get away from it all. But ive learned to just minimize contact. Its so much better for my mental health.
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

Doss said:
I've only come to appreciate fully recently, since moving out two and a half years ago I guess, just how much my mother hates living. Not in the sense that she's likely to kill herself, or that she harbours a hatred of everyone and everything that gets you concerned about a Columbine if they're a teenager.

She just finds life hard work. Everything is a chore. Everything has a negative bubble encasing it. Doesn't enjoy anything, it seems. Nothing seems to just work for her. There's always a problem, whether it be real or imagined.

She was diagnosed with depression as a 19 year old and she's now almost 69, so I suppose none of that in itself is surprising.

It's a horrible thing to see but it's also almost impossible to do much about when that way of thinking and looking at the world that way has come to permeate every fibre of their being.

I'm her only (living - she had a girl die at a week old from spina bifida six years before I was born) child, my brother and sister are my father's but to another woman. I suppose I've been her sole sounding board for her struggles in life for most of the last 25 years, since I was really quite young; I was aware younger than a child really ought to be that I had to walk on eggshells around her about certain things, particularly anything to do with my father. Sometimes I find myself hearing a different yet strangely familiar tale of how she will have fallen out with someone about something ridiculous and I find that I simply have nothing left to give. I've heard it before, I've offered advice in these situations before.

She will say that all she wants is someone to just listen, and I can understand that and understand that her loneliness is accentuated now that I'm no longer at home. But I've been that sounding board, for things that nearly always amount to variations of the same theme, for a very long time now and sometimes I find myself thinking "not again".

And then of course feel horrible for thinking such things, but it's exhausting sometimes.

She's just a very tired, sad and now seemingly rapidly ageing woman. It's hard to watch. I find myself inevitably coming away from seeing her feeling emotionally exhausted now. She's had a pretty rotten life for the most part, some of it self inflicted if I'm being honest, but also some of it definitely not, and it shows.

The major lightning rod for most of this year will be my wedding near the end of the year. She has dreaded the day for a long time in some ways, because it means she will have to see my father and his family and that is something she's done her best to avoid for a long time; she's seen my father once since 2003, and not once since 2009. Given how they get on (or don't), that suits me just fine.

Them being forced to see each other has been something I've had some trepidation about as well, so I asked them both to just behave themselves on the day; neither my fiancee or me need the hassle of dealing with it on that day of all days. My father understood my concern and took that fine; my mother took it as an affront, as an insult that I should think she would be capable of having an angry moment and then, unbelievably, threatened not to come to the wedding at all. I of course had the nice task of talking her down, which I accomplished but still...The most striking thing was how it apparently hadn't even occurred to her, until I pointed it out, that I would be feeling massive consternation at the prospect of them being forced to see each other. Unfortunately it's become a recurring theme in recent years; just a complete inward focus with very little ability for her to see something from anyone else's perspective.

I imagine it won't be the last challenge of this stripe between now and the wedding.


Depression, it really is a horrible thing.
Click to expand...

Great post. I have a few friends who suffer from mental health disorders including depression, I wouldn't be able to articulate my thoughts about my experiences with them as well as you have here though.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Todays been the closest I've been to killing myself.

I turned my phone off since Jan 26 to get away from my friends and family so they didn't know I was down (I hate bringing negativity to others) and sat at home for 3 days trying to convince myself I'm ok, trying to conjure up a plan to get myself out of this.

This morning I filled my tank and drove 8hrs into the bush to finish myself.

Along the way I was listening to some depressing music to keep me "in the mood". Then 2pac - Dear Mama came on and I was overcome with emotion and pulled over (very personal song for me.. Most of my depression stems from family related issues, mainly my mother).

I decided to turn my phone off aeroplane mode and saw that all my friends were worried about me, they'd even managed to msg my sister through social media to check on my whereabouts, because I'd literally fallen off the map since Thursday.


I'm currently sitting at a crossroad in whoop whoop, WA... I don't know whether to drive back, forward or into a road train.

I don't know who can help me.. My mum is incapable, my father doesn't believe in mental illnesses and due to my severe social anxiety, just going to a random gp (never had a family doctor) and telling him I'm depressed is impossible.
 
Jordan... said:
Todays been the closest I've been to killing myself.

I turned my phone off since Jan 26 to get away from my friends and family so they didn't know I was down (I hate bringing negativity to others) and sat at home for 3 days trying to convince myself I'm ok, trying to conjure up a plan to get myself out of this.

This morning I filled my tank and drove 8hrs into the bush to finish myself.

Along the way I was listening to some depressing music to keep me "in the mood". Then 2pac - Dear Mama came on and I was overcome with emotion and pulled over (very personal song for me.. Most of my depression stems from family related issues, mainly my mother).

I decided to turn my phone off aeroplane mode and saw that all my friends were worried about me, they'd even managed to msg my sister through social media to check on my whereabouts, because I'd literally fallen off the map since Thursday.


I'm currently sitting at a crossroad in whoop whoop, WA... I don't know whether to drive back, forward or into a road train.

I don't know who can help me.. My mum is incapable, my father doesn't believe in mental illnesses and due to my severe social anxiety, just going to a random gp (never had a family doctor) and telling him I'm depressed is impossible.
Click to expand...
Something that has crossed my mind is to up and run away. Start fresh and new. Maybe go off the grid. I've thought of selling a heap of my shit and running away overseas.

Alternatively, cut your family off entirely, and let your friends know.

And seeing a GP isn't 'impossible'. All you need is to get the first sentence out and it flows. Take it from someone who has been struggling all the same recently.
 
ioppolo said:
Something that has crossed my mind is to up and run away. Start fresh and new. Maybe go off the grid. I've thought of selling a heap of my shit and running away overseas.

Alternatively, cut your family off entirely, and let your friends know.

And seeing a GP isn't 'impossible'. All you need is to get the first sentence out and it flows. Take it from someone who has been struggling all the same recently.
Click to expand...
Well that's basically what I did.. I just ended up telling everybody I'm packing my things and going back to live/work in Melbourne.

And I basically cut my family off too.. Didn't see or speak to them at Xmas and for my bday last week.. Haven't spoken to any of em since November.

But that old cliché is right.. running away isn't the answer to your problems.

Well I've tried 3 diff GPs and I think because of my appearance they don't take me seriously. All just gave me Paxil and told me to be patient and wait for the effects to happen.. But paxil is the devil.

Don't know where to drive when I wake up tomorrow morning, what the fk has my life come to lmaoo
 
Jordan... said:
Well I've tried 3 diff GPs and I think because of my appearance they don't take me seriously. All just gave me Paxil and told me to be patient and wait for the effects to happen..
Click to expand...
Jordan, I hope you can find it in yourself to chase another GP. Be strong with him, tell him you need to see a psychologist. Mention the below and he must refer you. Then go and talk. You don't have to say much because as ioppolo has said once you start it will come easier. But don't take the pills. ( well I wouldn't)

What is the Better Access to Mental Health Care initiative?
Medicare rebates are available for psychological treatment by registered psychologists under the Australian Government's Better Access to Mental Health Care initiative. This scheme provides considerable assistance to people living with mental health problems, allowing them greater access to psychologists and providing more affordable mental healthcare.

All the best
 
Jordan... said:
Well that's basically what I did.. I just ended up telling everybody I'm packing my things and going back to live/work in Melbourne.

And I basically cut my family off too.. Didn't see or speak to them at Xmas and for my bday last week.. Haven't spoken to any of em since November.

But that old cliché is right.. running away isn't the answer to your problems.

Well I've tried 3 diff GPs and I think because of my appearance they don't take me seriously. All just gave me Paxil and told me to be patient and wait for the effects to happen.. But paxil is the devil.

Don't know where to drive when I wake up tomorrow morning, what the fk has my life come to lmaoo
Click to expand...
All the best buddy. You can present to the emergency department of the closest hospital and they will get someone to see you. I've been there , I know how you feel. Keep trying mate.....
 
GreyCrow said:
Jordan, I hope you can find it in yourself to chase another GP. Be strong with him, tell him you need to see a psychologist. Mention the below and he must refer you. Then go and talk. You don't have to say much because as ioppolo has said once you start it will come easier. But don't take the pills. ( well I wouldn't)

What is the Better Access to Mental Health Care initiative?
Medicare rebates are available for psychological treatment by registered psychologists under the Australian Government's Better Access to Mental Health Care initiative. This scheme provides considerable assistance to people living with mental health problems, allowing them greater access to psychologists and providing more affordable mental healthcare.

All the best
Click to expand...
Is that the mental health plan thing?
The last gp I went to said "ok, just answer a few questions on this sheet.. Then I'll go make you a mental health plan"

I go back a week later and he still hasnt made one.. And gives me a post it note with a couple psychologists on it and tells me to go book an appointment and just say you have a plan coming.

Laziest doctor.. Went back 2 weeks later to say paxil isn't doing anything and he still hadn't made me a health plan or got the ball rolling for me in anyway.


Kinda lost faith in the health system after that.. Finding a good doctor seems hard.
Maybe some people from Perth in this thread know some good GPs to try.


Thanks mate

Perth gal said:
All the best buddy. You can present to the emergency department of the closest hospital and they will get someone to see you. I've been there , I know how you feel. Keep trying mate.....
Click to expand...
Thank you
 
Jordan... said:
Is that the mental health plan thing?
The last gp I went to said "ok, just answer a few questions on this sheet.. Then I'll go make you a mental health plan"

I go back a week later and he still hasnt made one.. And gives me a post it note with a couple psychologists on it and tells me to go book an appointment and just say you have a plan coming.

Laziest doctor.. Went back 2 weeks later to say paxil isn't doing anything and he still hadn't made me a health plan or got the ball rolling for me in anyway.


Kinda lost faith in the health system after that.. Finding a good doctor seems hard.
Maybe some people from Perth in this thread know some good GPs to try.


Thanks mate


Thank you
Click to expand...
Unfortunately most GPs (personal experience) don't give a flying ****. I know of a good one out in Bibra Lake somewhere who did more in one appointment for my mum than about 4 others in a 3 year window. I don't know what hos clinic is though unfortunately
 
You should be able to get an appointment with a psychologist without a GP referral, that's what I did anyway. I found one on the net that seemed suitable and rang them up. Just means you have to pay the full price(ie not the reduced fee you pay with a mental health plan). Then your psych can point you in the direction of a GP who will give you a referral, and from then on you get the lower rate.

Means an extra $50 or $100 for your first session, but it's nothing in the scheme of things and gets the ball rolling.

Good luck.
 
Jordan...

It's really hard to know what to say with something as raw as that, to be honest. But I wish you the best of luck, and I think it's fair to say from this thread that there are many people around the traps who are all too willing to lend you an ear if/when you need it.
 
So many helpful posts!

I opened up to a female friend (non sexual..) who suffers a similar thing.

I've decided to drive back to Perth and not run away from the problem. Not sure how it'll go, but its better than sitting in no mans land with a fishing knife.
 

Remove this Banner Ad

Depression

Remove this Banner Ad

Back
Top