Mega Thread General MFC Discussion IV – Roffey Out, Green In, Smith a No, "External" (lol) Review, AFL's Largest Membership Drop and Lowest Social Media Growth 🔥

[A11dAtP0w3R]

I reckon Goodwin will be gone in 12 months.

 

[Fork n Hell]

there's no way that Richardson as the GM of footy has the balls to go to the board and recommend that Goody be sacked. he's too beholden to Goodwin who put him in the job, and quite frankly every time i've heard him speak he comes across as a bit of dimwit to be honest.
so unfortunately, we're probably just going to have to wait until the whole thing crumbles down from the top before Goodys job comes into question.
the good news is that those at the top are fools that talk absolute rubbish, and the media is onto them now.

 

[jhong]

Dear Jessica ,

Yours , A melb fan .

 

[Proper Gander]

I’m very tempted to write a completely insane email to the ceo and see what Jessica comes back with

 

[MarcMaverick]

I’m very tempted to write a completely insane email to the ceo and see what Jessica comes back with

Do it.

 

[Bluelegs]

I’m very tempted to write a completely insane email to the ceo and see what Jessica comes back with

Be sure to mention how ron barrassi spewed on your shoes but leave out the detail that you're talking about your cat

 

[Proper Gander]

Okay I’ve done it. I hope it cheers up Jessica when she gets to work on Monday. I think this time I have succeeded in summing up the issues that really concern me.

This is what I sent:

Dear Gary

I wanted you to know how disappointed I am in the Melbourne Football Club and how hard it is to justify investing any further time and money when I no longer believe that the club’s administration have any interest in the concerns of members.

Our best players want to leave. I don’t blame them.

But I am worried that with the constant media for the past 12 months about drug culture, player dissatisfaction, pointless infighting amongst the board and negligence around player care, the most important point is being lost which is that Melbourne has played a style of game that is truly unwatchable since 2022. It’s like being forced to watch Picnic At Hanging Rock on a weekly basis. I can’t stand panpipes. I’m not keen on bagpipes either. I don’t like instruments that are tuned to Lydian mode, though I understand that Scottish people find them quite stirring.

I’ve never understood why Peter Weir is revered as a great Australian film director. My favourite Australian film is an independent movie from 1986 called Malcolm starring Colin Friels. It has a wonderful scene where he engineers a bank robbery using three remotely-controlled free-standing ashtrays. Another good scene is where the yellow Honda Z splits in half to create two motorcycles. I would like to see our club invest in something like this to get more pace and attack from halfback.

I am also disappointed that no progress seems to have been made in finding the club a permanent home. Personally I think the moon would be a better place to train than Casey, and it would be diverting to see how high Oliver can kick the ball in zero gravity.

Obviously there would be some challenges in establishing a base in outer space but it would have some advantages over locating some of the world’s least trusted individuals bang in the middle of a racecourse. Full marks for attempting a creative approach but you lose at least a few marks for not actually succeeding in getting anything done. Perhaps you might call on the assistance of humble members like me? I would be more than happy to sublet my backyard to the MFC, though I am a tenant and would have to seek permission from Jellis Craig real estate before making a final commitment. I will keep you in the loop about progress with this plan, which is something you don’t seem to do with your members, and hopefully I will be back with good news in the next week or so.

In return I hope that, as CEO of the oldest football club in Australia, you might give some thought to replacing our entire football department. A good option would be engaging the remote-controlled free-standing ashtrays I mentioned before. They could double-up as our forward line in the event of injury which is surely better than just flipping the backline forward and hoping for the best. I checked the AFL rules this morning and was pleased to note that it makes no mention of free-standing ashtrays or motorcycles, which suggests they are permitted. Nobody really understands the rules anymore - which seems to extend to the umpires - so there would be no harm in trying some different approaches involving magnets and small, furry forest animals. Or go back to our previous experiment involving illicit substances which was quite a good idea and worked very well.

I apologise for getting away from the real point of this letter which is to tell you about Peter Weir. Did you know that he also wrote and directed the film “Greencard”? If you haven’t seen it, I would not recommend that you do so. It is an unconvincing and slow paced romance where she falls in love with his French accent and he falls in love with her bad acting. Thankfully it involves no bagpipes though I believe that it does feature some African drums. Other than panpipes and bagpipes I am a fan of world music. One of my favourite albums is Graceland by Paul Simon. I saw him live at the Rod Laver arena and was surprised at how small his feet were. I assume they still are since most people don’t grow any bigger after age 20.

Yours sincerely

 

[Dancing Potato]

Okay I’ve done it. I hope it cheers up Jessica when she gets to work on Monday. I think this time I have succeeded in summing up the issues that really concern me.

This is what I sent:

Dear Gary

I wanted you to know how disappointed I am in the Melbourne Football Club and how hard it is to justify investing any further time and money when I no longer believe that the club’s administration have any interest in the concerns of members.

Our best players want to leave. I don’t blame them.

But I am worried that with the constant media for the past 12 months about drug culture, player dissatisfaction, pointless infighting amongst the board and negligence around player care, the most important point is being lost with is that Melbourne has played a style of game that is truly unwatchable since 2022. It’s like being forced to watch Picnic At Hanging Rock on a weekly basis. I can’t stand panpipes. I’m not keen on bagpipes either. I don’t like instruments that are tuned to Lydian mode, though I understand that Scottish people find them quite stirring.

I’ve never understood why Peter Weir is revered as a great Australian film director. My favourite Australian film is an independent movie from 1986 called Malcolm starring Colin Friels. It has a wonderful scene where he engineers a bank robbery using three remotely-controlled free-standing ashtrays. Another good scene is where the yellow Honda Z splits in half to create two motorcycles. I would like to see our club invest in something like this to get more pace and attack from halfback.

I am also disappointed that no progress seems to have been made in finding the club a permanent home. Personally I think the moon would be a better place to train than Casey, and it would be diverting to see how high Oliver can kick the ball in zero gravity.

Obviously there would be some challenges in establishing a base in outer space but it would have some advantages over locating some of the world’s least trusted individuals bang in the middle of a racecourse. Full marks for attempting a creative approach but you lose at least a few marks for not actually succeeding in getting anything done. Perhaps you might call on the assistance of humble members like me? I would be more than happy to sublet my backyard to the MFC, though I am a tenant and would have to seek permission from Jellis Craig real estate before making a final commitment. I will keep you in the loop about progress with this plan, which is something you don’t seem to do with your members, and hopefully I will be back with good news in the next week or so.

In return I hope that, as CEO of the oldest football club in Australia, you might give some thought to replacing our entire football department. A good option would be engaging the remote-controlled free-standing ashtrays I mentioned before. They could double-up as our forward line in the event of injury which is surely better than just flipping the backline forward and hoping for the best. I checked the AFL rules this morning and was pleased to note that it makes no mention of free-standing ashtrays or motorcycles, which suggests they are permitted. Nobody really understands the rules anymore - which seems to extend to the umpires - so there would be no harm in trying some different approaches involving magnets and small, furry forest animals. Or go back to our previous experiment involving illicit substances which was quite a good idea and worked very well.

I apologise for getting away from the real point of this letter which is to tell you about Peter Weir. Did you know that he also wrote and directed the film “Greencard”? If you haven’t seen it, I would not recommend that you do so. It is an unconvincing and slow paced romance where she falls in love with his French accent and he falls in love with her bad acting. Thankfully it involves no bagpipes though I believe that it does feature some African drums. Other than panpipes and bagpipes I am a fan of world music. One of my favourite albums is Graceland by Paul Simon. I saw him live at the Rod Laver arena and was surprised at how small his feet were. I assume they still are since most people don’t grow any bigger after age 20.

Yours sincerely

 

[booshboy]

Okay I’ve done it. I hope it cheers up Jessica when she gets to work on Monday. I think this time I have succeeded in summing up the issues that really concern me.

This is what I sent:

Dear Gary

I wanted you to know how disappointed I am in the Melbourne Football Club and how hard it is to justify investing any further time and money when I no longer believe that the club’s administration have any interest in the concerns of members.

Our best players want to leave. I don’t blame them.

But I am worried that with the constant media for the past 12 months about drug culture, player dissatisfaction, pointless infighting amongst the board and negligence around player care, the most important point is being lost with is that Melbourne has played a style of game that is truly unwatchable since 2022. It’s like being forced to watch Picnic At Hanging Rock on a weekly basis. I can’t stand panpipes. I’m not keen on bagpipes either. I don’t like instruments that are tuned to Lydian mode, though I understand that Scottish people find them quite stirring.

I’ve never understood why Peter Weir is revered as a great Australian film director. My favourite Australian film is an independent movie from 1986 called Malcolm starring Colin Friels. It has a wonderful scene where he engineers a bank robbery using three remotely-controlled free-standing ashtrays. Another good scene is where the yellow Honda Z splits in half to create two motorcycles. I would like to see our club invest in something like this to get more pace and attack from halfback.

I am also disappointed that no progress seems to have been made in finding the club a permanent home. Personally I think the moon would be a better place to train than Casey, and it would be diverting to see how high Oliver can kick the ball in zero gravity.

Obviously there would be some challenges in establishing a base in outer space but it would have some advantages over locating some of the world’s least trusted individuals bang in the middle of a racecourse. Full marks for attempting a creative approach but you lose at least a few marks for not actually succeeding in getting anything done. Perhaps you might call on the assistance of humble members like me? I would be more than happy to sublet my backyard to the MFC, though I am a tenant and would have to seek permission from Jellis Craig real estate before making a final commitment. I will keep you in the loop about progress with this plan, which is something you don’t seem to do with your members, and hopefully I will be back with good news in the next week or so.

In return I hope that, as CEO of the oldest football club in Australia, you might give some thought to replacing our entire football department. A good option would be engaging the remote-controlled free-standing ashtrays I mentioned before. They could double-up as our forward line in the event of injury which is surely better than just flipping the backline forward and hoping for the best. I checked the AFL rules this morning and was pleased to note that it makes no mention of free-standing ashtrays or motorcycles, which suggests they are permitted. Nobody really understands the rules anymore - which seems to extend to the umpires - so there would be no harm in trying some different approaches involving magnets and small, furry forest animals. Or go back to our previous experiment involving illicit substances which was quite a good idea and worked very well.

I apologise for getting away from the real point of this letter which is to tell you about Peter Weir. Did you know that he also wrote and directed the film “Greencard”? If you haven’t seen it, I would not recommend that you do so. It is an unconvincing and slow paced romance where she falls in love with his French accent and he falls in love with her bad acting. Thankfully it involves no bagpipes though I believe that it does feature some African drums. Other than panpipes and bagpipes I am a fan of world music. One of my favourite albums is Graceland by Paul Simon. I saw him live at the Rod Laver arena and was surprised at how small his feet were. I assume they still are since most people don’t grow any bigger after age 20.

Yours sincerely

Amazing

 

[LarryDavidNeitz]

Members need to be the ones pushing for change.

We’re fully occupied cheering harder.
Very cunning by Roffey in hindsight

 

[MarcMaverick]

Okay I’ve done it. I hope it cheers up Jessica when she gets to work on Monday. I think this time I have succeeded in summing up the issues that really concern me.

This is what I sent:

Dear Gary

I wanted you to know how disappointed I am in the Melbourne Football Club and how hard it is to justify investing any further time and money when I no longer believe that the club’s administration have any interest in the concerns of members.

Our best players want to leave. I don’t blame them.

But I am worried that with the constant media for the past 12 months about drug culture, player dissatisfaction, pointless infighting amongst the board and negligence around player care, the most important point is being lost with is that Melbourne has played a style of game that is truly unwatchable since 2022. It’s like being forced to watch Picnic At Hanging Rock on a weekly basis. I can’t stand panpipes. I’m not keen on bagpipes either. I don’t like instruments that are tuned to Lydian mode, though I understand that Scottish people find them quite stirring.

I’ve never understood why Peter Weir is revered as a great Australian film director. My favourite Australian film is an independent movie from 1986 called Malcolm starring Colin Friels. It has a wonderful scene where he engineers a bank robbery using three remotely-controlled free-standing ashtrays. Another good scene is where the yellow Honda Z splits in half to create two motorcycles. I would like to see our club invest in something like this to get more pace and attack from halfback.

I am also disappointed that no progress seems to have been made in finding the club a permanent home. Personally I think the moon would be a better place to train than Casey, and it would be diverting to see how high Oliver can kick the ball in zero gravity.

Obviously there would be some challenges in establishing a base in outer space but it would have some advantages over locating some of the world’s least trusted individuals bang in the middle of a racecourse. Full marks for attempting a creative approach but you lose at least a few marks for not actually succeeding in getting anything done. Perhaps you might call on the assistance of humble members like me? I would be more than happy to sublet my backyard to the MFC, though I am a tenant and would have to seek permission from Jellis Craig real estate before making a final commitment. I will keep you in the loop about progress with this plan, which is something you don’t seem to do with your members, and hopefully I will be back with good news in the next week or so.

In return I hope that, as CEO of the oldest football club in Australia, you might give some thought to replacing our entire football department. A good option would be engaging the remote-controlled free-standing ashtrays I mentioned before. They could double-up as our forward line in the event of injury which is surely better than just flipping the backline forward and hoping for the best. I checked the AFL rules this morning and was pleased to note that it makes no mention of free-standing ashtrays or motorcycles, which suggests they are permitted. Nobody really understands the rules anymore - which seems to extend to the umpires - so there would be no harm in trying some different approaches involving magnets and small, furry forest animals. Or go back to our previous experiment involving illicit substances which was quite a good idea and worked very well.

I apologise for getting away from the real point of this letter which is to tell you about Peter Weir. Did you know that he also wrote and directed the film “Greencard”? If you haven’t seen it, I would not recommend that you do so. It is an unconvincing and slow paced romance where she falls in love with his French accent and he falls in love with her bad acting. Thankfully it involves no bagpipes though I believe that it does feature some African drums. Other than panpipes and bagpipes I am a fan of world music. One of my favourite albums is Graceland by Paul Simon. I saw him live at the Rod Laver arena and was surprised at how small his feet were. I assume they still are since most people don’t grow any bigger after age 20.

Yours sincerely

POTY.

 

[The Dr]

Okay I’ve done it. I hope it cheers up Jessica when she gets to work on Monday. I think this time I have succeeded in summing up the issues that really concern me.

This is what I sent:

Dear Gary

I wanted you to know how disappointed I am in the Melbourne Football Club and how hard it is to justify investing any further time and money when I no longer believe that the club’s administration have any interest in the concerns of members.

Our best players want to leave. I don’t blame them.

But I am worried that with the constant media for the past 12 months about drug culture, player dissatisfaction, pointless infighting amongst the board and negligence around player care, the most important point is being lost with is that Melbourne has played a style of game that is truly unwatchable since 2022. It’s like being forced to watch Picnic At Hanging Rock on a weekly basis. I can’t stand panpipes. I’m not keen on bagpipes either. I don’t like instruments that are tuned to Lydian mode, though I understand that Scottish people find them quite stirring.

I’ve never understood why Peter Weir is revered as a great Australian film director. My favourite Australian film is an independent movie from 1986 called Malcolm starring Colin Friels. It has a wonderful scene where he engineers a bank robbery using three remotely-controlled free-standing ashtrays. Another good scene is where the yellow Honda Z splits in half to create two motorcycles. I would like to see our club invest in something like this to get more pace and attack from halfback.

I am also disappointed that no progress seems to have been made in finding the club a permanent home. Personally I think the moon would be a better place to train than Casey, and it would be diverting to see how high Oliver can kick the ball in zero gravity.

Obviously there would be some challenges in establishing a base in outer space but it would have some advantages over locating some of the world’s least trusted individuals bang in the middle of a racecourse. Full marks for attempting a creative approach but you lose at least a few marks for not actually succeeding in getting anything done. Perhaps you might call on the assistance of humble members like me? I would be more than happy to sublet my backyard to the MFC, though I am a tenant and would have to seek permission from Jellis Craig real estate before making a final commitment. I will keep you in the loop about progress with this plan, which is something you don’t seem to do with your members, and hopefully I will be back with good news in the next week or so.

In return I hope that, as CEO of the oldest football club in Australia, you might give some thought to replacing our entire football department. A good option would be engaging the remote-controlled free-standing ashtrays I mentioned before. They could double-up as our forward line in the event of injury which is surely better than just flipping the backline forward and hoping for the best. I checked the AFL rules this morning and was pleased to note that it makes no mention of free-standing ashtrays or motorcycles, which suggests they are permitted. Nobody really understands the rules anymore - which seems to extend to the umpires - so there would be no harm in trying some different approaches involving magnets and small, furry forest animals. Or go back to our previous experiment involving illicit substances which was quite a good idea and worked very well.

I apologise for getting away from the real point of this letter which is to tell you about Peter Weir. Did you know that he also wrote and directed the film “Greencard”? If you haven’t seen it, I would not recommend that you do so. It is an unconvincing and slow paced romance where she falls in love with his French accent and he falls in love with her bad acting. Thankfully it involves no bagpipes though I believe that it does feature some African drums. Other than panpipes and bagpipes I am a fan of world music. One of my favourite albums is Graceland by Paul Simon. I saw him live at the Rod Laver arena and was surprised at how small his feet were. I assume they still are since most people don’t grow any bigger after age 20.

Yours sincerely

This is outrageously funny.

10/10 lolling.

Also, that old movie Malcom really does rock!! Hadn't thought of that for ages!!


Sent from my iPhone using BigFooty.com

 

[Daemon]

Okay I’ve done it. I hope it cheers up Jessica when she gets to work on Monday. I think this time I have succeeded in summing up the issues that really concern me.

This is what I sent:

Dear Gary

I wanted you to know how disappointed I am in the Melbourne Football Club and how hard it is to justify investing any further time and money when I no longer believe that the club’s administration have any interest in the concerns of members.

Our best players want to leave. I don’t blame them.

But I am worried that with the constant media for the past 12 months about drug culture, player dissatisfaction, pointless infighting amongst the board and negligence around player care, the most important point is being lost with is that Melbourne has played a style of game that is truly unwatchable since 2022. It’s like being forced to watch Picnic At Hanging Rock on a weekly basis. I can’t stand panpipes. I’m not keen on bagpipes either. I don’t like instruments that are tuned to Lydian mode, though I understand that Scottish people find them quite stirring.

I’ve never understood why Peter Weir is revered as a great Australian film director. My favourite Australian film is an independent movie from 1986 called Malcolm starring Colin Friels. It has a wonderful scene where he engineers a bank robbery using three remotely-controlled free-standing ashtrays. Another good scene is where the yellow Honda Z splits in half to create two motorcycles. I would like to see our club invest in something like this to get more pace and attack from halfback.

I am also disappointed that no progress seems to have been made in finding the club a permanent home. Personally I think the moon would be a better place to train than Casey, and it would be diverting to see how high Oliver can kick the ball in zero gravity.

Obviously there would be some challenges in establishing a base in outer space but it would have some advantages over locating some of the world’s least trusted individuals bang in the middle of a racecourse. Full marks for attempting a creative approach but you lose at least a few marks for not actually succeeding in getting anything done. Perhaps you might call on the assistance of humble members like me? I would be more than happy to sublet my backyard to the MFC, though I am a tenant and would have to seek permission from Jellis Craig real estate before making a final commitment. I will keep you in the loop about progress with this plan, which is something you don’t seem to do with your members, and hopefully I will be back with good news in the next week or so.

In return I hope that, as CEO of the oldest football club in Australia, you might give some thought to replacing our entire football department. A good option would be engaging the remote-controlled free-standing ashtrays I mentioned before. They could double-up as our forward line in the event of injury which is surely better than just flipping the backline forward and hoping for the best. I checked the AFL rules this morning and was pleased to note that it makes no mention of free-standing ashtrays or motorcycles, which suggests they are permitted. Nobody really understands the rules anymore - which seems to extend to the umpires - so there would be no harm in trying some different approaches involving magnets and small, furry forest animals. Or go back to our previous experiment involving illicit substances which was quite a good idea and worked very well.

I apologise for getting away from the real point of this letter which is to tell you about Peter Weir. Did you know that he also wrote and directed the film “Greencard”? If you haven’t seen it, I would not recommend that you do so. It is an unconvincing and slow paced romance where she falls in love with his French accent and he falls in love with her bad acting. Thankfully it involves no bagpipes though I believe that it does feature some African drums. Other than panpipes and bagpipes I am a fan of world music. One of my favourite albums is Graceland by Paul Simon. I saw him live at the Rod Laver arena and was surprised at how small his feet were. I assume they still are since most people don’t grow any bigger after age 20.

Yours sincerely

POTY

Absolute gold. Haven't laughed so much for ages.

 

[Dark Avenger]

Okay I’ve done it. I hope it cheers up Jessica when she gets to work on Monday. I think this time I have succeeded in summing up the issues that really concern me.

This is what I sent:

Dear Gary

I wanted you to know how disappointed I am in the Melbourne Football Club and how hard it is to justify investing any further time and money when I no longer believe that the club’s administration have any interest in the concerns of members.

Our best players want to leave. I don’t blame them.

But I am worried that with the constant media for the past 12 months about drug culture, player dissatisfaction, pointless infighting amongst the board and negligence around player care, the most important point is being lost with is that Melbourne has played a style of game that is truly unwatchable since 2022. It’s like being forced to watch Picnic At Hanging Rock on a weekly basis. I can’t stand panpipes. I’m not keen on bagpipes either. I don’t like instruments that are tuned to Lydian mode, though I understand that Scottish people find them quite stirring.

I’ve never understood why Peter Weir is revered as a great Australian film director. My favourite Australian film is an independent movie from 1986 called Malcolm starring Colin Friels. It has a wonderful scene where he engineers a bank robbery using three remotely-controlled free-standing ashtrays. Another good scene is where the yellow Honda Z splits in half to create two motorcycles. I would like to see our club invest in something like this to get more pace and attack from halfback.

I am also disappointed that no progress seems to have been made in finding the club a permanent home. Personally I think the moon would be a better place to train than Casey, and it would be diverting to see how high Oliver can kick the ball in zero gravity.

Obviously there would be some challenges in establishing a base in outer space but it would have some advantages over locating some of the world’s least trusted individuals bang in the middle of a racecourse. Full marks for attempting a creative approach but you lose at least a few marks for not actually succeeding in getting anything done. Perhaps you might call on the assistance of humble members like me? I would be more than happy to sublet my backyard to the MFC, though I am a tenant and would have to seek permission from Jellis Craig real estate before making a final commitment. I will keep you in the loop about progress with this plan, which is something you don’t seem to do with your members, and hopefully I will be back with good news in the next week or so.

In return I hope that, as CEO of the oldest football club in Australia, you might give some thought to replacing our entire football department. A good option would be engaging the remote-controlled free-standing ashtrays I mentioned before. They could double-up as our forward line in the event of injury which is surely better than just flipping the backline forward and hoping for the best. I checked the AFL rules this morning and was pleased to note that it makes no mention of free-standing ashtrays or motorcycles, which suggests they are permitted. Nobody really understands the rules anymore - which seems to extend to the umpires - so there would be no harm in trying some different approaches involving magnets and small, furry forest animals. Or go back to our previous experiment involving illicit substances which was quite a good idea and worked very well.

I apologise for getting away from the real point of this letter which is to tell you about Peter Weir. Did you know that he also wrote and directed the film “Greencard”? If you haven’t seen it, I would not recommend that you do so. It is an unconvincing and slow paced romance where she falls in love with his French accent and he falls in love with her bad acting. Thankfully it involves no bagpipes though I believe that it does feature some African drums. Other than panpipes and bagpipes I am a fan of world music. One of my favourite albums is Graceland by Paul Simon. I saw him live at the Rod Laver arena and was surprised at how small his feet were. I assume they still are since most people don’t grow any bigger after age 20.

Yours sincerely

Well done PG. Should be a thread where everyone writes their most insane letters to the club.

 

[Scythe94]

Okay I’ve done it. I hope it cheers up Jessica when she gets to work on Monday. I think this time I have succeeded in summing up the issues that really concern me.

This is what I sent:

Dear Gary

I wanted you to know how disappointed I am in the Melbourne Football Club and how hard it is to justify investing any further time and money when I no longer believe that the club’s administration have any interest in the concerns of members.

Our best players want to leave. I don’t blame them.

But I am worried that with the constant media for the past 12 months about drug culture, player dissatisfaction, pointless infighting amongst the board and negligence around player care, the most important point is being lost with is that Melbourne has played a style of game that is truly unwatchable since 2022. It’s like being forced to watch Picnic At Hanging Rock on a weekly basis. I can’t stand panpipes. I’m not keen on bagpipes either. I don’t like instruments that are tuned to Lydian mode, though I understand that Scottish people find them quite stirring.

I’ve never understood why Peter Weir is revered as a great Australian film director. My favourite Australian film is an independent movie from 1986 called Malcolm starring Colin Friels. It has a wonderful scene where he engineers a bank robbery using three remotely-controlled free-standing ashtrays. Another good scene is where the yellow Honda Z splits in half to create two motorcycles. I would like to see our club invest in something like this to get more pace and attack from halfback.

I am also disappointed that no progress seems to have been made in finding the club a permanent home. Personally I think the moon would be a better place to train than Casey, and it would be diverting to see how high Oliver can kick the ball in zero gravity.

Obviously there would be some challenges in establishing a base in outer space but it would have some advantages over locating some of the world’s least trusted individuals bang in the middle of a racecourse. Full marks for attempting a creative approach but you lose at least a few marks for not actually succeeding in getting anything done. Perhaps you might call on the assistance of humble members like me? I would be more than happy to sublet my backyard to the MFC, though I am a tenant and would have to seek permission from Jellis Craig real estate before making a final commitment. I will keep you in the loop about progress with this plan, which is something you don’t seem to do with your members, and hopefully I will be back with good news in the next week or so.

In return I hope that, as CEO of the oldest football club in Australia, you might give some thought to replacing our entire football department. A good option would be engaging the remote-controlled free-standing ashtrays I mentioned before. They could double-up as our forward line in the event of injury which is surely better than just flipping the backline forward and hoping for the best. I checked the AFL rules this morning and was pleased to note that it makes no mention of free-standing ashtrays or motorcycles, which suggests they are permitted. Nobody really understands the rules anymore - which seems to extend to the umpires - so there would be no harm in trying some different approaches involving magnets and small, furry forest animals. Or go back to our previous experiment involving illicit substances which was quite a good idea and worked very well.

I apologise for getting away from the real point of this letter which is to tell you about Peter Weir. Did you know that he also wrote and directed the film “Greencard”? If you haven’t seen it, I would not recommend that you do so. It is an unconvincing and slow paced romance where she falls in love with his French accent and he falls in love with her bad acting. Thankfully it involves no bagpipes though I believe that it does feature some African drums. Other than panpipes and bagpipes I am a fan of world music. One of my favourite albums is Graceland by Paul Simon. I saw him live at the Rod Laver arena and was surprised at how small his feet were. I assume they still are since most people don’t grow any bigger after age 20.

Yours sincerely

I like to think that this is what made Petracca re-commit

 

[Bluelegs]

I like to think that this is what made Petracca re-commit

Trac watching Malcolm:

 

[Johnny Karate]

Okay I’ve done it. I hope it cheers up Jessica when she gets to work on Monday. I think this time I have succeeded in summing up the issues that really concern me.

This is what I sent:

Dear Gary

I wanted you to know how disappointed I am in the Melbourne Football Club and how hard it is to justify investing any further time and money when I no longer believe that the club’s administration have any interest in the concerns of members.

Our best players want to leave. I don’t blame them.

But I am worried that with the constant media for the past 12 months about drug culture, player dissatisfaction, pointless infighting amongst the board and negligence around player care, the most important point is being lost with is that Melbourne has played a style of game that is truly unwatchable since 2022. It’s like being forced to watch Picnic At Hanging Rock on a weekly basis. I can’t stand panpipes. I’m not keen on bagpipes either. I don’t like instruments that are tuned to Lydian mode, though I understand that Scottish people find them quite stirring.

I’ve never understood why Peter Weir is revered as a great Australian film director. My favourite Australian film is an independent movie from 1986 called Malcolm starring Colin Friels. It has a wonderful scene where he engineers a bank robbery using three remotely-controlled free-standing ashtrays. Another good scene is where the yellow Honda Z splits in half to create two motorcycles. I would like to see our club invest in something like this to get more pace and attack from halfback.

I am also disappointed that no progress seems to have been made in finding the club a permanent home. Personally I think the moon would be a better place to train than Casey, and it would be diverting to see how high Oliver can kick the ball in zero gravity.

Obviously there would be some challenges in establishing a base in outer space but it would have some advantages over locating some of the world’s least trusted individuals bang in the middle of a racecourse. Full marks for attempting a creative approach but you lose at least a few marks for not actually succeeding in getting anything done. Perhaps you might call on the assistance of humble members like me? I would be more than happy to sublet my backyard to the MFC, though I am a tenant and would have to seek permission from Jellis Craig real estate before making a final commitment. I will keep you in the loop about progress with this plan, which is something you don’t seem to do with your members, and hopefully I will be back with good news in the next week or so.

In return I hope that, as CEO of the oldest football club in Australia, you might give some thought to replacing our entire football department. A good option would be engaging the remote-controlled free-standing ashtrays I mentioned before. They could double-up as our forward line in the event of injury which is surely better than just flipping the backline forward and hoping for the best. I checked the AFL rules this morning and was pleased to note that it makes no mention of free-standing ashtrays or motorcycles, which suggests they are permitted. Nobody really understands the rules anymore - which seems to extend to the umpires - so there would be no harm in trying some different approaches involving magnets and small, furry forest animals. Or go back to our previous experiment involving illicit substances which was quite a good idea and worked very well.

I apologise for getting away from the real point of this letter which is to tell you about Peter Weir. Did you know that he also wrote and directed the film “Greencard”? If you haven’t seen it, I would not recommend that you do so. It is an unconvincing and slow paced romance where she falls in love with his French accent and he falls in love with her bad acting. Thankfully it involves no bagpipes though I believe that it does feature some African drums. Other than panpipes and bagpipes I am a fan of world music. One of my favourite albums is Graceland by Paul Simon. I saw him live at the Rod Laver arena and was surprised at how small his feet were. I assume they still are since most people don’t grow any bigger after age 20.

Yours sincerely

 

[CNDee]

So, roffey speaks publicly on Thursday and a day or so later trac’s staying. Is there a correlation with this? Just asking for a friend.

 

[Topkent]

So, roffey speaks publicly on Thursday and a day or so later trac’s staying. Is there a correlation with this? Just asking for a friend.

A tree fell over in Guatemala on Thursday, is there a correlation

 

[Dark Avenger]

Dear Simon Godwin

This is Greg. We met around 5 years ago at the Sorrento Hotel. We spoke for about 5 minutes while you were having dinner with your family & you gave me a tip on a horse but it didn't get up. When I came back to tell you it didn't win you were already gone. I wanted to send a letter letting the club know how upset I am about recent events after hearing the lady President who looks like my ex wife on my favorite radio station SEN.

Due to paying child support I can't afford a membership but I watch every game we play on Channel 7 & listen to all the others that aren't televised if SEN is calling the match so I know what I'm talking about. If we lose Christian Petracca

5

Christian Petracca

Age

28

Ht

187cm

Wt

94kg

Pos.

Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D

19.4

5star

K

9.5

4star

HB

9.8

5star

M

3.5

4star

T

3.0

5star

CL

2.5

4star

D

24.4

5star

K

10.4

4star

HB

14.0

5star

M

3.5

3star

T

3.6

4star

CL

3.4

4star

D

19.0

5star

K

7.8

3star

HB

11.2

5star

M

3.0

3star

T

3.8

5star

CL

2.0

4star

we might as well close the club. He is the best player we've had since Robbie. Below is what the club MUST do to win next years premiership.

The club needs to recruit better players. Petracca is the best so he needs to be surrounded by the best. My work mate is a Doggies supporter & told me Bontempelli is very gettable. Although I'm not sure how reliable his sources are. He does typically spend half an hour on the toilet just before our lunch break. But if he is correct we should do whatever it takes to get him. My suggestion would be Spargo, Sparrow, Billings & a second rounder. The club also needs to stop trading our better players. Could you imagine if we still had Hogan? We'd have the best full back in May & the best full forward.

Why aren't talented players getting a game? Jefferson is a first round draft Pick! My mate once saw him kick 2 goals for Casey & said he could be the best full forward we've had since Neitz. Also why isn't Oskar Baker

13

Oskar Baker

Age

26

Ht

184cm

Wt

87kg

Pos.

Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D

13.8

4star

K

8.8

3star

HB

5.0

4star

M

4.4

4star

T

1.7

4star

CL

1.3

3star

No current season stats available

D

16.0

4star

K

10.8

4star

HB

5.2

4star

M

5.2

5star

T

2.0

4star

CL

1.2

4star

getting a game? I really thought he had potential.

I don't know what your assistants are telling you but we just don't kick enough goals. My all time favourite coach was Neale Daniher & while I understand he has health issues I think he would be a valuable asset to have in the coaches box. We always seemed to kick high score under him. Even when we lost. Also you always seem to mention DNA a lot. I'm not sure what that even means. Is it a new position like CHF?

Also my sources at SEN are telling me that we are looking at Caulfield for its training base. I still don't understand why we can't use the MCG. If any of the other clubs have a problem they can find another ground to play at. Its always been our ground & we've been there the longest.

Lastly would it be possible for you to send me a signed football with all the players signatures except for Petty. I once saw him at a Cafe & he was very rude to me. All I was doing was offering him some friendly advice about how to play as a forward. I'm happy to pick it up from your house if you wanna save money on postage.

Thanks for reading. I truly believe this club is on the verge of a dynasty but we need to make a few changes. If you would like to contact me to discuss my ideas further or want me to have a word with Petracca himself I'd more than happy to.

Regards

Greg

 

[Johnny Karate]

A tree fell over in Guatemala on Thursday, is there a correlation

Now that Petracca has committed it clearly shows that all our issues are fixed. Great leadership by Roffey and co.

 

[Toump Ass]

I quite liked Picnic at Hanging Rock. I remember finding the soundtrack irksome but I can't recall why- were there really bagpipes?

I have no idea what my favourite Australian movie is but I watched Baz's' Elvis last week and it's unreal.

Should have used this post as an email to the club, maybe next time.

 

[Proper Gander]

I quite liked Picnic at Hanging Rock. I remember finding the soundtrack irksome but I can't recall why- were there really bagpipes?

I have no idea what my favourite Australian movie is but I watched Baz's' Elvis last week and it's unreal.

Should have used this post as an email to the club, maybe next time.

No bagpipes. Lots of panpipes. I went kind of free association for a bit there

 

[Topkent]

I quite liked Picnic at Hanging Rock. I remember finding the soundtrack irksome but I can't recall why- were there really bagpipes?

I have no idea what my favourite Australian movie is but I watched Baz's' Elvis last week and it's unreal.

Should have used this post as an email to the club, maybe next time.

Chopper

 

[A11dAtP0w3R]

Dear Simon Godwin

This is Greg. We met around 5 years ago at the Sorrento Hotel. We spoke for about 5 minutes while you were having dinner with your family & you gave me a tip on a horse but it didn't get up. When I came back to tell you it didn't win you were already gone. I wanted to send a letter letting the club know how upset I am about recent events after hearing the lady President who looks like my ex wife on my favorite radio station SEN.

Due to paying child support I can't afford a membership but I watch every game we play on Channel 7 & listen to all the others that aren't televised if SEN is calling the match so I know what I'm talking about. If we lose Christian Petracca we might as well close the club. He is the best player we've had since Robbie. Below is what the club MUST do to win next years premiership.

The club needs to recruit better players. Petracca is the best so he needs to be surrounded by the best. My work mate is a Doggies supporter & told me Bontempelli is very gettable. Although I'm not sure how reliable his sources are. He does typically spend half an hour on the toilet just before our lunch break. But if he is correct we should do whatever it takes to get him. My suggestion would be Spargo, Sparrow, Billings & a second rounder. The club also needs to stop trading our better players. Could you imagine if we still had Hogan? We'd have the best full back in May & the best full forward.

Why aren't talented players getting a game? Jefferson is a first round draft Pick! My mate once saw him kick 2 goals for Casey & said he could be the best full forward we've had since Neitz. Also why isn't Oskar Baker getting a game? I really thought he had potential.

I don't know what your assistants are telling you but we just don't kick enough goals. My all time favourite coach was Neale Daniher & while I understand he has health issues I think he would be a valuable asset to have in the coaches box. We always seemed to kick high score under him. Even when we lost. Also you always seem to mention DNA a lot. I'm not sure what that even means. Is it a new position like CHF?

Also my sources at SEN are telling me that we are looking at Caulfield for its training base. I still don't understand why we can't use the MCG. If any of the other clubs have a problem they can find another ground to play at. Its always been our ground & we've been there the longest.

Lastly would it be possible for you to send me a signed football with all the players signatures except for Petty. I once saw him at a Cafe & he was very rude to me. All I was doing was offering him some friendly advice about how to play as a forward. I'm happy to pick it up from your house if you wanna save money on postage.

Thanks for reading. I truly believe this club is on the verge of a dynasty but we need to make a few changes. If you would like to contact me to discuss my ideas further or want me to have a word with Petracca himself I'd more than happy to.

Regards

Greg

This was even better than Ganders imo. Really channelled your inner talkback radio caller here.