Think Tank If AFL teams were Eurovision nations

[Gorman2Geister]

Bonjour, guten tag and buon giorno Bay. I have a confession to make. I LOVE Eurovision, it’s as good as a 8-0 start to the season, if not better and it’s coming up soon. Given North will win the flag this year quite convincingly, you’ve probably turned to other competitions for interest/excitement.

Like many of you, I have contemplated the many similarities between the two most entertaining and spectacular competitions of the year, including which Eurovision nations most closely represent AFL teams...

Australia – GWS

To say that this nation is not Eurovision heartland is understatement of the millennium. But just like a mule with a spinning wheel, Australia finds itself part of a long established competition wondering just how it got there. Despite this, its youf might be just enough to see it snatch the big prize.

Albania – St Kilda

Bizarre fascination with dwarves and school girls. Dismal failures at the competition and no one is sure why they still bother to turn up.

Pictured: Kim D, Jason Gram in his best stalking costume plus breakdancing dwarves

Pictured: The defence rests, your honour.

Ireland - North Melbourne

One of the smaller Eurovision nations has for a long time defied the odds to become an incredibly successful competitor. Just like a certain W. Carey came from humble origins in Wagga to become the AFL’s GOAT, Johnny Logan rose from the ashes of Frankston to become Eurovision’s GOAT. Brief dalliances with poultry a few years ago let to controversy.

Dustin the Turkey, meet Boris the Chicken

Any other suggestions good people of the Bay?

 

[Gorman2Geister]

Portugal – Failmantle


Been in the comp now for a long time but the trophy cabinet remains bare – no doubt due to the many boring performances it puts up each and every year. Not even competing in 2016.


Russia – Colonwood


Widely despised due to their arrogant despot in charge and bullying tactics seeking to gain an unfair advantage. Despite throwing more $$ at the competition than anyone else still has little to show for it. Very intolerant of minorities. Ironic that anti-booing technology was invented to reduce the volume of boos when their votes etc. are read out.

At least Russia can knows what a decent tATu looks like...

 

[Winston_Smith]

 

[Wosh]

Portugal – Failmantle


Been in the comp now for a long time but the trophy cabinet remains bare – no doubt due to the many boring performances it puts up each and every year. Not even competing in 2016.


Russia – Colonwood


Widely despised due to their arrogant despot in charge and bullying tactics seeking to gain an unfair advantage. Despite throwing more $$ at the competition than anyone else still has little to show for it. Very intolerant of minorities. Ironic that anti-booing technology was invented to reduce the volume of boos when their votes etc. are read out.

At least Russia can knows what a decent tATu looks like...

Haha

 

[jack lives here]

Austria - Hawthorn

2014 champ that appeals to both the 48 and 52% ers. Conchita (above) who bears an uncanny resemblance to matt spangher, seen here wearing the hawthorn away jumper, won eurovision with the song, rise like a phoenix, which is a bird that has two nests in different parts of the same country.

 

[ChappyUK]

Richmond would be the UK. One of the largest countries but they have 0 chance of ever winning.

 

[A Cut Above]

Nice thing about being a 52%er is you don't have to watch Eurovision because you'll find out from one of your Hawk mates who won

 

[Stan_Darsh72]

Richmond would be the UK. One of the largest countries but they have 0 chance of ever winning.

Describes england in so many sports too

 

[JoseMourinho]

Portugal – Failmantle


Been in the comp now for a long time but the trophy cabinet remains bare – no doubt due to the many boring performances it puts up each and every year. Not even competing in 2016.

How convienent!

 

[Gorman2Geister]

Armenia and Azerbaijan – Camrys and Puffers

Known colloquially as ‘West Hong Kong’, these neighbours are comparative newcomers to Eurovision, only coming into existence in the 1990’s (Est. 1997). No one I know has ever been there and there doesn’t seem to be any reason to go there giving they are more developing nations than the rest of the competition. The televoting history of these two nations has been mired in controversy as they just focus their energies on besting each other rather than winning the competition.
A personal favourite was an Armenian ethnic ode to their main form of constructed shelter - the tarpaulkin.

A jam session involving various Bay Puffer and Camry identities at Rundlestan Mall

 

[Duck Farmer]

At least Azerbaijan has won the thing.

 

[The Wrecker]

Given that Melbourne has the richest and best looking supporters, guess that means we are Norway.

 

[bombersfan4000]

Given that Melbourne has the richest and best looking supporters, guess that means we are Norway.

Best looking! Maybe if grandma's take your fancy?

 

[Thrawn]

It's called Eurotrash, not Eurovision.

 

[Rawthorn]

Well the way the voting is going, next year is going to be in Oz, I am surprised the UK has this many votes because they hate us, but we hate them so that makes it alright

 

[oogac]

12 Points Oztralia

 

[Gorman2Geister]

Switzerland – GoDees

In contrast to Russia, despite sitting on untold fortunes of Nazi gold and laundered proceeds of organised crime, refuses to use the aforementioned resources to help win the competition. Has little to show despite being a long-established competitor with very low scores in recent years, would rather be hurtling down the piste than go along and support on the day. It's most promising youf was imported from the west, made an impression and headed back as soon as possible.

Celine Dion's do inspired Mssrs Lyon, Tingay and Hopgood for years

Greece – Brisbane

Despite a pretty good track record in recent years, its precarious finances mean its tenure in the competition is uncertain. It's 2012 entry - Alcohol is Free was apparently inspired by Fev's brief sojourn there.

 

[Gorman2Geister]

Finland - *

Quite clearly an pharmalogically experimental regime was applied in both cases, although at least Finland was good enough to win.
Joe Daniher is still sometimes mistakenly identified as the 6th member of Lordi.

Tanya taking/making notes, again....

 

[Gorman2Geister]

UK – Carlolton

Former powerhouse has not tasted ultimate success for many years. In times past all they had to do was fling a big name up there like Cliff Richard and they’d get the choccies but time moves on and so do Eurovision tastes. Just like payments in brown paper bags are a thing of the past, so is the vote grabbing appeal of a big name like Bonnie Tyler or Engelbert Humperdink. In a long rebuild until the Spice Girls are in need of $$ and agree to participate.

Like Nicki French, this team has been irrelevant for over 20 years.

Italy – $ydney

Most of their ‘supporters’ are largely dismissive of the competition obsessed by their own trendiness and having their own inferior version of a competition (San Remo anyone?).