JHF1870’s Unfiltered 2024 Team Reviews: Where Honesty Meets Hilarity

[JHF1870]

The dust has settled, the goals kicked, and the siren has sounded. But fear not, footy fanatics—our work is just beginning. Welcome to the annual JHF1870 team reviews, where we dissect the highs, lows, and questionable haircuts of the AFL season.

No sacred cows here. Whether your team hoisted the premiership cup or spent more time tripping over their own shoelaces than marking the ball, we’ve got something to say. And yes, even the reigning premiers will feel the gentle sting of our wit.

So grab your scarves, your sense of humor, and maybe a stiff drink (or three). Because as we dive into the rankings, remember: We’re not biased; we’re just right.

---

And now, for the countdown:

---

“The 2024 AFL Rankings: Underachievers, Incompetence, and the Art of Disrespect”

Friends, foes, and bewildered umpires, gather 'round! It’s time to unveil our brutally honest rankings. We promise no sugar-coating, no participation ribbons, and definitely no sympathy for that one team that thought ‘handball’ meant ‘throw it like a frisbee.’

Did your team underperform? Did they execute a game plan so baffling that even the pigeons on the goalposts scratched their heads? Well, strap in, because we’re about to dissect it all.

And if you disagree with our assessments? Well, let’s just say we’ve got a bridge to sell you in the Outback.

---

 

[JHF1870]

Coming in 18: Adelaide Crows
F



Adelaide Crows 2024 Season: A Masterclass in Mediocrity

Ah, the Adelaide Crows. A team that promised us the moon and delivered a pebble. Ranking them an F for the 2024 season isn’t just a critique; it’s a public service announcement. Let’s dissect this debacle with the precision of a surgeon and the flair of a Shakespearean soliloquy.

The Great Expectations

Remember the optimism at the start of the season? The Crows were supposed to soar into the finals, riding on the back of a controversial decision that cost them dearly the previous year. Ben Keays

2

Ben Keays

Age

27

Ht

186cm

Wt

86kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

13.1

3star

K

5.8

2star

HB

7.3

5star

M

2.3

2star

T

3.9

5star

G

0.4

3star

D

13.7

3star

K

8.7

3star

HB

5.0

3star

M

2.8

3star

T

3.7

4star

G

0.3

3star

D

13.0

4star

K

4.8

2star

HB

8.2

5star

M

1.4

2star

T

4.4

5star

G

0.4

3star

’ infamous kick was supposed to be the catalyst for a resurgence. Instead, it became the prelude to another year of unfulfilled promises.

Seven Years of Solitude

Seven years without finals. Seven years of wandering in the wilderness. The coach, a man who seems to have the charisma of a damp sponge, continues to recycle the same tired lines in press conferences. “We need to reset,” he says, as if uttering a magic spell that will suddenly transform mediocrity into greatness. But alas, it’s all empty rhetoric.

Glimpses of Potential, Shadows of Reality

Yes, there were moments—fleeting glimpses of what could be. But like a mirage in the desert, they vanished as quickly as they appeared. The season, when viewed holistically, delivered very little. The mismanagement of youth was particularly egregious. Young players were thrown under the bus, expected to face the media with no guidance or mentoring. Meanwhile, the senior players, who have consistently failed, were backed to the hilt.

The Coach’s Conundrum

Our coach believes he has the right list. But belief without action is like a ship without a rudder—directionless and doomed to drift. His lack of media skills is glaring. He speaks in euphemisms and clichés, offering nothing of substance. It’s like throwing the baby out with the bathwater—sacrificing potential for the sake of maintaining the status quo.

The Final Verdict

In conclusion, the Adelaide Crows’ 2024 season was a masterclass in how not to run a football club. They promised us finals and delivered failure. They showed us potential and gave us disappointment. They managed their youth poorly and backed their failing seniors. For these reasons, they earn an F—a grade that reflects not just their performance, but their betrayal of our expectations.

So, as we move on to rank the other teams, let this serve as a cautionary tale. The Crows have set the bar for failure, and it will take a Herculean effort for any team to match their level of underachievement.

Looking ahead to 2025, Adelaide has a chance to step up and demand respect from the footy community. Their pass mark? Making it to the finals—nothing less. Falling short would mean perpetuating mediocrity. With anticipated off-season acquisitions, we’re optimistic that the Crows should secure a spot in the 5-8 range.”

 

[Aristotle Pickett]

Coming in 18: Adelaide Crows
F

View attachment 2127414

Adelaide Crows 2024 Season: A Masterclass in Mediocrity

Ah, the Adelaide Crows. A team that promised us the moon and delivered a pebble. Ranking them an F for the 2024 season isn’t just a critique; it’s a public service announcement. Let’s dissect this debacle with the precision of a surgeon and the flair of a Shakespearean soliloquy.

The Great Expectations

Remember the optimism at the start of the season? The Crows were supposed to soar into the finals, riding on the back of a controversial decision that cost them dearly the previous year. Ben Keays’ infamous kick was supposed to be the catalyst for a resurgence. Instead, it became the prelude to another year of unfulfilled promises.

Seven Years of Solitude

Seven years without finals. Seven years of wandering in the wilderness. The coach, a man who seems to have the charisma of a damp sponge, continues to recycle the same tired lines in press conferences. “We need to reset,” he says, as if uttering a magic spell that will suddenly transform mediocrity into greatness. But alas, it’s all empty rhetoric.

Glimpses of Potential, Shadows of Reality

Yes, there were moments—fleeting glimpses of what could be. But like a mirage in the desert, they vanished as quickly as they appeared. The season, when viewed holistically, delivered very little. The mismanagement of youth was particularly egregious. Young players were thrown under the bus, expected to face the media with no guidance or mentoring. Meanwhile, the senior players, who have consistently failed, were backed to the hilt.

The Coach’s Conundrum

Our coach believes he has the right list. But belief without action is like a ship without a rudder—directionless and doomed to drift. His lack of media skills is glaring. He speaks in euphemisms and clichés, offering nothing of substance. It’s like throwing the baby out with the bathwater—sacrificing potential for the sake of maintaining the status quo.

The Final Verdict

In conclusion, the Adelaide Crows’ 2024 season was a masterclass in how not to run a football club. They promised us finals and delivered failure. They showed us potential and gave us disappointment. They managed their youth poorly and backed their failing seniors. For these reasons, they earn an F—a grade that reflects not just their performance, but their betrayal of our expectations.

So, as we move on to rank the other teams, let this serve as a cautionary tale. The Crows have set the bar for failure, and it will take a Herculean effort for any team to match their level of underachievement.

Looking ahead to 2025, Adelaide has a chance to step up and demand respect from the footy community. Their pass mark? Making it to the finals—nothing less. Falling short would mean perpetuating mediocrity. With anticipated off-season acquisitions, we’re optimistic that the Crows should secure a spot in the 5-8 range.”

Excellent work.

 

[Aristotle Pickett]

Coming in 18: Adelaide Crows
F

View attachment 2127414

Adelaide Crows 2024 Season: A Masterclass in Mediocrity

Ah, the Adelaide Crows. A team that promised us the moon and delivered a pebble. Ranking them an F for the 2024 season isn’t just a critique; it’s a public service announcement. Let’s dissect this debacle with the precision of a surgeon and the flair of a Shakespearean soliloquy.

The Great Expectations

Remember the optimism at the start of the season? The Crows were supposed to soar into the finals, riding on the back of a controversial decision that cost them dearly the previous year. Ben Keays’ infamous kick was supposed to be the catalyst for a resurgence. Instead, it became the prelude to another year of unfulfilled promises.

Seven Years of Solitude

Seven years without finals. Seven years of wandering in the wilderness. The coach, a man who seems to have the charisma of a damp sponge, continues to recycle the same tired lines in press conferences. “We need to reset,” he says, as if uttering a magic spell that will suddenly transform mediocrity into greatness. But alas, it’s all empty rhetoric.

Glimpses of Potential, Shadows of Reality

Yes, there were moments—fleeting glimpses of what could be. But like a mirage in the desert, they vanished as quickly as they appeared. The season, when viewed holistically, delivered very little. The mismanagement of youth was particularly egregious. Young players were thrown under the bus, expected to face the media with no guidance or mentoring. Meanwhile, the senior players, who have consistently failed, were backed to the hilt.

The Coach’s Conundrum

Our coach believes he has the right list. But belief without action is like a ship without a rudder—directionless and doomed to drift. His lack of media skills is glaring. He speaks in euphemisms and clichés, offering nothing of substance. It’s like throwing the baby out with the bathwater—sacrificing potential for the sake of maintaining the status quo.

The Final Verdict

In conclusion, the Adelaide Crows’ 2024 season was a masterclass in how not to run a football club. They promised us finals and delivered failure. They showed us potential and gave us disappointment. They managed their youth poorly and backed their failing seniors. For these reasons, they earn an F—a grade that reflects not just their performance, but their betrayal of our expectations.

So, as we move on to rank the other teams, let this serve as a cautionary tale. The Crows have set the bar for failure, and it will take a Herculean effort for any team to match their level of underachievement.

Looking ahead to 2025, Adelaide has a chance to step up and demand respect from the footy community. Their pass mark? Making it to the finals—nothing less. Falling short would mean perpetuating mediocrity. With anticipated off-season acquisitions, we’re optimistic that the Crows should secure a spot in the 5-8 range.”

Good call on the 'we need to reset' bs. Floundering and lost come to mind. And they have done a real good bullying job on Rachele who may never be the same, meanwhile Ginnivan gets away with losing a premiership.

 

[springvale_mackers]

At first I was angry. Now I’m just sad. Excellent thread

 

[pavstar]

This fred is too cerebral for the bae….

 

[Aristotle Pickett]

The dust has settled, the goals kicked, and the siren has sounded. But fear not, footy fanatics—our work is just beginning. Welcome to the annual JHF1870 team reviews, where we dissect the highs, lows, and questionable haircuts of the AFL season.

No sacred cows here. Whether your team hoisted the premiership cup or spent more time tripping over their own shoelaces than marking the ball, we’ve got something to say. And yes, even the reigning premiers will feel the gentle sting of our wit.

So grab your scarves, your sense of humor, and maybe a stiff drink (or three). Because as we dive into the rankings, remember: We’re not biased; we’re just right.

---

And now, for the countdown:

---

“The 2024 AFL Rankings: Underachievers, Incompetence, and the Art of Disrespect”

Friends, foes, and bewildered umpires, gather 'round! It’s time to unveil our brutally honest rankings. We promise no sugar-coating, no participation ribbons, and definitely no sympathy for that one team that thought ‘handball’ meant ‘throw it like a frisbee.’

Did your team underperform? Did they execute a game plan so baffling that even the pigeons on the goalposts scratched their heads? Well, strap in, because we’re about to dissect it all.

And if you disagree with our assessments? Well, let’s just say we’ve got a bridge to sell you in the Outback.

---

Ok, we're ready for 17. Is it Norf or WC?

 

[Chronz]

Ok, we're ready for 17. Is it Norf or WC?

Probably the team that won the spoon.

 

[Aristotle Pickett]

Probably the team that won the spoon.

I doubt we finish that low with 6 of the countries best 18yo's plus a fit Tom Lynch.