JHF1870’s Unfiltered 2024 Team Reviews: Where Honesty Meets Hilarity

[Triggering Tiger]

15th: Richmond Tigers

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Roaring Disappointment: The Richmond Tigers’ 2024 Saga
Ah, the Richmond Tigers—a team that once soared like a caffeinated eagle, only to crash-land in a field of mediocrity. Their tale is a symphony of missed opportunities, dashed dreams, and more twists than a pretzel at a yoga retreat.

The Rise and the Relapse​

Remember when Richmond burst forth in 2017, strutting like a peacock with a new feather boa? “We’re here!” they declared, louder than a foghorn at a library. But fast-forward to 2024, and the Tigers resemble a deflated balloon at a party no one remembers. The meteoric rise? It’s now a distant constellation, and the old Richmond—the one we secretly loved to mock—has returned. And honestly, we’re relieved.

Subpar Performances: A Tragicomedy​

Under their new coach (who, let’s face it, might have been plucked from a hat labeled “Desperate Measures”), Richmond peddled the idea of regrouping. But as the great philosopher once mused, “They had a good run.” Two wins—one against Sydney (a cosmic anomaly) and another against the Adelaide Crows (who, let’s be honest, are about as soulless as a spreadsheet). “Honorable Losses” became their specialty, like a baker who excels at burnt croissants. And those heavy defeats? Well, they hit harder than a freight train made of anvils.

The System That Went AWOL​

Richmond’s failure isn’t just a one-season fluke; it’s a sonnet of systemic shortcomings. They forgot to build a longevity machine, a contraption that would keep them in the contender conversation. Meanwhile, Geelong sips champagne in their penthouse suite, laughing at Richmond’s DIY cardboard fort.

Exodus, Stars, and Struggles​

As the season curtain falls, the Tigers face a mass exodus. Their greatest star? Gone, like a magician’s rabbit into the hat of retirement. And that high-profile forward? Well, they’re more elusive than a unicorn at a hide-and-seek championship.

The Long and Winding Road Ahead​

Optimism? Sure, we’ve got some stashed away, like emergency chocolate in a desk drawer. But truth be told, it’s a long road ahead. We squint into the future, and it looks like a blurry painting by a nearsighted artist. Can we see them winning a game next season? Not without a telescope. Years from now, the once-mighty Tigers might rise again, but for now, they’re hibernating like grumpy bears.

Bottom Dwelling in 2025? Highly Likely​

Let’s not kid ourselves. The Tigers might need a treasure map to find their way out of the cellar next year. But hey, every phoenix needs a nap before it bursts into flames again.

Win a flag then get back to us 1 cup.

 

[Saveloy Rockstar]

^Gets elevated from 18th to 15th - still melts

 

[FISTO]

Win a flag then get back to us 1 cup.

Nice McMelt

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

15th: Richmond Tigers

View attachment 2130657
D-

Roaring Disappointment: The Richmond Tigers’ 2024 Saga
Ah, the Richmond Tigers—a team that once soared like a caffeinated eagle, only to crash-land in a field of mediocrity. Their tale is a symphony of missed opportunities, dashed dreams, and more twists than a pretzel at a yoga retreat.

The Rise and the Relapse​

Remember when Richmond burst forth in 2017, strutting like a peacock with a new feather boa? “We’re here!” they declared, louder than a foghorn at a library. But fast-forward to 2024, and the Tigers resemble a deflated balloon at a party no one remembers. The meteoric rise? It’s now a distant constellation, and the old Richmond—the one we secretly loved to mock—has returned. And honestly, we’re relieved.

Subpar Performances: A Tragicomedy​

Under their new coach (who, let’s face it, might have been plucked from a hat labeled “Desperate Measures”), Richmond peddled the idea of regrouping. But as the great philosopher once mused, “They had a good run.” Two wins—one against Sydney (a cosmic anomaly) and another against the Adelaide Crows (who, let’s be honest, are about as soulless as a spreadsheet). “Honorable Losses” became their specialty, like a baker who excels at burnt croissants. And those heavy defeats? Well, they hit harder than a freight train made of anvils.

The System That Went AWOL​

Richmond’s failure isn’t just a one-season fluke; it’s a sonnet of systemic shortcomings. They forgot to build a longevity machine, a contraption that would keep them in the contender conversation. Meanwhile, Geelong sips champagne in their penthouse suite, laughing at Richmond’s DIY cardboard fort.

Exodus, Stars, and Struggles​

As the season curtain falls, the Tigers face a mass exodus. Their greatest star? Gone, like a magician’s rabbit into the hat of retirement. And that high-profile forward? Well, they’re more elusive than a unicorn at a hide-and-seek championship.

The Long and Winding Road Ahead​

Optimism? Sure, we’ve got some stashed away, like emergency chocolate in a desk drawer. But truth be told, it’s a long road ahead. We squint into the future, and it looks like a blurry painting by a nearsighted artist. Can we see them winning a game next season? Not without a telescope. Years from now, the once-mighty Tigers might rise again, but for now, they’re hibernating like grumpy bears.

Bottom Dwelling in 2025? Highly Likely​

Let’s not kid ourselves. The Tigers might need a treasure map to find their way out of the cellar next year. But hey, every phoenix needs a nap before it bursts into flames again.

Your best work yet ! Bravo

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

Win a flag then get back to us 1 cup.

 

[springvale_mackers]

Shutup dh. Your Lebanon vs Israel thread was the most crass, undignified , offensive loads of codswallop ever seen on bigfooty.

 

[Triggering Tiger]

Nice McMelt

Welcome to the list, toodles floggo

 

[JHF1870]

14th North Melbourne Kangaroos

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North Melbourne: From Train Wrecks to Shinboner Resilience

Ah, North Melbourne—the Kangaroos, the Shinboners, the team that’s been through more ups and downs than a yo-yo on a caffeine binge. They didn’t exactly set the house on fire in 2024, but they didn’t burn it down either. Let’s dissect their season like a curious scientist with a penchant for euphemisms.

The Train Wreck Chronicles​

Picture this: The first half of North’s season was like watching a slow-motion train wreck—metal grinding against metal, sparks flying, and passengers clutching their hearts. Heavy losses piled up like unpaid bills, and we wondered if they’d accidentally boarded the “Express to Oblivion.” Had it not been for their gradual improvement, we’d have slapped them with the “Worst Team” label faster than a kangaroo hops across an estuary.

Clarko Drama and Talent Drought​

Off-field dramas swirled like a tempest in a teapot. Clarko—the enigmatic coach with more plot twists than a mystery novel—added intrigue. Poor trading decisions left fans scratching their heads, and the depth chart resembled a kiddie pool. Maturity? About as present as a unicorn at a dog show. And attracting the right talent? Well, that seemed as elusive as a leprechaun’s pot of gold.

Shinboner Spirit: Rise from the Ashes​

But wait! After the mid-season break, North found their mojo—the legendary “Shinboner Spirit.” They notched up a gutsy win that would’ve made Glenn Archer nod approvingly. Five respectable matches followed, like a string of pearls on a frayed necklace. Sure, they faded late in the season, but facing finals-bound sides hungry for percentage was like wrestling crocodiles in a swamp.

Underachievers with a Dash of Ice Bath​

Now, let’s talk underachievement. North should’ve been sipping from the cup of 5-6 wins, garnished with honorable losses. Instead, they served mediocrity soup with a side of “Oops, we did it again.” But credit where it’s due: They put their heads down, ignored the media circus (thanks, David King and Montagna), and committed players despite the “leaving” headlines. The implosion of Mebourne was the gift that kept giving. Still, they’re missing a hard-nosed midfielder who kicks confidently on both legs—a rare breed, like a unicorn with a PhD. His kicks hit targets like hypersonic missiles, and his ice baths? Well, they’re more refreshing than a mountain stream after a marathon.

Resigned Players and Mature Inroads​

As the season curtain falls, North’s future flickers like a distant lighthouse. They’ve re-signed their warriors, like knights pledging loyalty to Camelot. And recruiting mature players? It’s like adding seasoned spices to a bland stew.

Onto 2025, their pass mark is ambitious at 7 wins and a competitive streak—like aiming for the moon and landing among the stars. But going beyond 7? That’d be the ‘Feel Good’ story of the year, like finding a lost puppy and teaching it to fetch hope.

 

[frggr]

That'll be Tel Aviv by the end to the year.

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

That'll be Tel Aviv by the end to the year.

In'Shall'Ah

 

[springvale_mackers]

That'll be Tel Aviv by the end to the year.