Media Lets have a Laugh 😂🤣😆😁

[philreich]

In a disturbing development, Pugsley faced a murder charge in court today. When the barrister asks him, "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?", he replies with a fair degree of uncertainty, "Well I don't know - I'm not sure."

This response really rubs the judge up the wrong way. He angrily interjects by saying, "Now look here you stupid pug - those who fail to tell the truth in a court of law are guilty of what is known as purgery. And furthermore, those found guilty of purgery are liable to a jail sentence of up to 2 years!"

Pugsley's eyes light up, "Your honour, did you say 2 years?"

The judge nods his head.

The defendant is now very excited, "Well in that case, I'm gonna commit purgery."

The judge is dumbfounded, "And how on earth did you come to that conclusion?"

Our favourite pug continues, "Well your honour, this is how I see it - if I commit purgery, I go to jail for 2 years. But if I tell the truth, I'll get put away for at least 10."

 

[Tonga Bob]

A bear and a rabbit are taking a sh*t in the woods.

tony turns to NTRabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with sh*t sticking to your fur?"

NTRabbit says, "No."

So tony wiped his ass with NTRabbit.

 

[philreich]

Headless went driving last night, but was pulled over by a booze bus. The conversation went something like this:

Policeman: Blow into this please sir, and keep going until I tell you to stop.

Headless: I can't, officer. You see, I'm an asthmatic, and I'm afraid that it might set off an attack.

Policeman: In that case, I'd like you to submit to a blood test.

Headless: I'm sorry, but I can't do that either. You see, I'm a haemophiliac, and I'm afraid that I might bleed to death.

Policeman (sounding frustrated): In that case, I'd like you to step out of the vehicle, and walk along that straight line.

Headless: No - I can't do that either.

Policeman: Why not?

Headless: Because I'm too drunk.

 

[Tonga Bob]

A talent agent is sitting in his office. The Gold City Royals walk in, Cadsky GreyCrow Jhye Clark 13 krakouers nahnah Brenton Davy grumbleguts CakeEater and the rest of them. The talent agent asks "What kind of an act do you do?" So Cadsky starts-

-and then they take a bow. And the talent agent says "Well that's an interesting act. What do you call yourselves?" And Cadsky gets up and says: "The Aristocrats!"​

 

[krakouers]

A talent agent is sitting in his office. The Gold City Royals walk in, Cadsky GreyCrow Jhye Clark 13 krakouers nahnah Brenton Davy grumbleguts CakeEater and the rest of them. The talent agent asks "What kind of an act do you do?" So Cadsky starts-

-and then they take a bow. And the talent agent says "Well that's an interesting act. What do you call yourselves?" And Cadsky gets up and says: "The Aristocrats!"​

I see you were in the audience that day

 

[Tonga Bob]

I see you were in the audience that day

Mate I was the talent agent.

 

[krakouers]

Mate I was the talent agent.

Oh yes I see… it must be these new dentures

 

[Tonga Bob]

Oh yes I see… it must be these new dentures

It's absolutely true.

There was this other time when por_please_ya walked into my office. I asked her what sort of an act she did and she replied "I do a bird act." I told her that I wasn't interested so she flew out the window.

 

[krakouers]

It's absolutely true.

There was this other time when por_please_ya walked into my office. I asked her what sort of an act she did and she replied "I do a bird act." I told her that I wasn't interested so she flew out the window.

I too have faults,

I saw Smartys Power ’s foot in the shower the other day and realised he was missing some digits from a normal foot so I told him to leave….
I’m Lack-Toes intolerant

 

[Tonga Bob]

Then there was this other time in my talent agent office when Pugsley walked in. I asked him what sort of an act he had, and he replied "I can sing through my arse." I got really excited at this. I said "You can sing through your arse? That's fantastic, we'll make millions! Let's hear it!"

So Pugsley gets up on my desk, turns around and sh*ts all over my desk. I said "What the hell are you doing?" and he replied "Sorry, just clearing my throat."

 

[Braklet]

So Pugsley gets up on my desk, turns around and sh*ts all over my desk. I said "What the hell are you doing?" and he replied "Sorry, just clearing my throat."

Le Pétomane - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[por_please_ya]

It's absolutely true.

There was this other time when por_please_ya walked into my office. I asked her what sort of an act she did and she replied "I do a bird act." I told her that I wasn't interested so she flew out the window.

That sounds like me.

 

[philreich]

A talent agent is sitting in his office. The Gold City Royals walk in, Cadsky GreyCrow Jhye Clark 13 krakouers nahnah Brenton Davy grumbleguts CakeEater and the rest of them. The talent agent asks "What kind of an act do you do?" So Cadsky starts-

-and then they take a bow. And the talent agent says "Well that's an interesting act. What do you call yourselves?" And Cadsky gets up and says: "The Aristocrats!"​

Cadsky took some of his team mates out to lunch last week. They sat down, and the waiter asked Cadsky what he wanted for lunch. After a quick browse of the menu, he said, "Gimme some steak."

The waiter replied, "Very good sir, and what about the vegetables?"

Cadsky replied, "Yeah they'll have steak as well."

 

[Tigerturbulance]

 

[BLUEALLTHRU]

Two dragons walk into a bar.

serial_thrilla says, “It sure is hot in here.” T2B_ snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

 

[Falconista]

Grav and gab213 are lost in the Iraqi desert. Grav sees a tree that’s draped in bacon.
“A bacon tree! We are saved!” he says excitedly.
He runs up to the tree and is shot with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was in fact... a ham bush.

 

[gab213]

Grav and gab213 are lost in the Iraqi desert. Grav sees a tree that’s draped in bacon.
“A bacon tree! We are saved!” he says excitedly.
He runs up to the tree and is shot with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was in fact... a ham bush.

There's the advantage in being lazy, there was no way I was running to that tree.

 

[philreich]

As we all know, okeydoke7 doesn't mind his own company. But he's recently taken his self esteem to extreme levels by having himself cloned. Okey himself is a fairly mild mannered sort of a guy, but his clone was a foul mouthed pig (Pugsley I said pig, not pug) of a human being.

Last night the 2 okeys happened to meet up at the same party. They got chatting upstairs, and tempers started to get a little frayed. The disagreement spilled out onto the balcony, where fisticuffs ensued. The clone then fell several metres to his death. okeydoke7 was later arrested and charged with making an obscene clone fall........

 

[Tigerturbulance]

 

[philreich]

Grav goes into Australia Post to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Hmm, that’s not good, that will cost you five points off your score. OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

Grav says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Disabled in your country's service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. OK - looking at the regulations, you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8am to 4pm. You can start tomorrow at 10am, and plan on starting at 10am every day."

Grav is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8am to 4pm, why don't you want me here until 10am?"

"Mate - this is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls - no point in you coming in for that."

 

[Grav]

Falconista philreich and a OOB team member who will remain nameless are sitting in a Pub with cold beers and all are relaxed.

Falconista says "This is great, but back home there is a bar where the barman buys you your 5th beer once you've bought your fourth"

Well, says the philreich , "back in Adelaide my local has a buy 2 and get one for free policy".

Aah! says the nameless one, "where I’m from in Spotswood, there's a bar where you get free drinks as soon as you walk in and they keep them coming all evening. Then they take you upstairs and you get non stop sex all night".

"What, youve actually experienced this yourself"? asks philreich

Well "no" says the nameless one “but me sister has"!



** Now watch the OOB’s go into panic mode, as they try to work out who the nameless one is.

 

[grumbleguts]

I read somewhere that if you see a baby in a hot car you should, short of any other method, throw a brick through the car window. Today I saw a baby in a hot car so I grabbed a brick and threw it through the window, which was quite difficult as it was only half open, and the car was travelling at 80 km/h. Was a great shot.

 

[Tigerturbulance]

Two dragons DragoDelph and T2B_ attack a circus, and get away with two of the fortune-tellers.

DragoDelph roasted his, because he liked his food well done.

T2B_ didn't cook anything - he preferred his Medium rare.

 

[DragoDelph]

Two dragons DragoDelph and T2B_ attack a circus, and get away with two of the fortune-tellers.

DragoDelph roasted his, because he liked his food well done.

T2B_ didn't cook anything - he preferred his Medium rare.

Thought it was a fortune cookie. Now I'm left reading guts for omens.

 

[philreich]

Elton Johns Wig's stunningly gorgeous divorced neighbour knocked on his door last night. When he opens the door, she says, "I'm so horny that I can't stand it. I want to go out tonight, get drunk and get laid. Are you free tonight?"

"YES!!!", he replies enthusiastically.

"Wonderful." she replies. "Would you mind watching my kids?"