Dennis Trumpet
Toot Toot
Dennis ClarkeM: Oh, guys, I have a system, a foolproof system... for getting any teams undying love and devotion for life.
Blacky: What the hell are you talking about, dude?
DC: I'm talking about the D.E.N.N.I.S. System. Ladies and gentlemen, the D.E.N.N.I.S. System... is a comprehensive approach to seduction that I have perfected over the years. See, my success with Qooty does not solely stem from my good looks and my charm. There is a careful, systemic approach... that has allowed me to become the playboy that I am today.
B: A playboy? Is that how you see yourself?
DC: Yes.
Thatsapaddlin: He has screwed a lot of teams.
DC: Just shut up, T. Shut up. Now, the first step to any erotic conquest is to "D"- demonstrate your value.
In this most recent case my subject was Golumless , a cute team captain.
I demonstrated my value to him by filling a position- back pocket. I told him, "It's for my grandmother. She loves the gumbies and is quite ill." Thus demonstrating my value as a loving grandson and an all-around great guy.
T: You're forging ability in different Positions now? You can’t play in the back pocket.
DC: That's the easy part, T.
DemonJim I would've gone in and bought a box of magnum condoms, thus demonstrating that I have a monster schlong.
DC Right. That comes of a little bit desperate, Jum. Now, if you want to have a magnum condom peeking out of your wallet when you go out to play, that's a different story.
DJ: Oh, yeah.
DC: Now let's move on. Once you've demonstrated your value, you are going to want to ask him to move into the midfield.
Once you've asked him, you move on to "E. Engage physically."
DC: I personally try to engage the captain physically without ever playing a match, which to me is really just a waste of time and effort. I'll tell him I know this great side we can play a practice match against that doesn't take reservations. That makes it sound cool, makes it sound exclusive. And then when we get to the stadium, the stadium is closed, as, of course, it always is on Sundays. So I'll feign surprise and say something along the lines of, "I guess we could grab cheesy nuggets watch an All-SFA Selection at my place."
Blacky: That's where I come in.
T: Oh, you're a part of this?
DC: Oh, yeah. Blackwell has a very special place in my system.
B: Yeah. You see, I'm on the couch when they come in and ask to be alone. Then I say- - I can't go in my room. I found one of Noobz0r ’s hidden cameras in there. Dennis fires back that he wants some privacy so that they can get to know each other better.
DC: And then I say- - Oh. Well, I guess we could eat the cheesy nugs on my bed... and watch the All- SFA Selection in my room. And once we're on my bed, it is game over...
TBC
Blacky: What the hell are you talking about, dude?
DC: I'm talking about the D.E.N.N.I.S. System. Ladies and gentlemen, the D.E.N.N.I.S. System... is a comprehensive approach to seduction that I have perfected over the years. See, my success with Qooty does not solely stem from my good looks and my charm. There is a careful, systemic approach... that has allowed me to become the playboy that I am today.
B: A playboy? Is that how you see yourself?
DC: Yes.
Thatsapaddlin: He has screwed a lot of teams.
DC: Just shut up, T. Shut up. Now, the first step to any erotic conquest is to "D"- demonstrate your value.
In this most recent case my subject was Golumless , a cute team captain.
I demonstrated my value to him by filling a position- back pocket. I told him, "It's for my grandmother. She loves the gumbies and is quite ill." Thus demonstrating my value as a loving grandson and an all-around great guy.
T: You're forging ability in different Positions now? You can’t play in the back pocket.
DC: That's the easy part, T.
DemonJim I would've gone in and bought a box of magnum condoms, thus demonstrating that I have a monster schlong.
DC Right. That comes of a little bit desperate, Jum. Now, if you want to have a magnum condom peeking out of your wallet when you go out to play, that's a different story.
DJ: Oh, yeah.
DC: Now let's move on. Once you've demonstrated your value, you are going to want to ask him to move into the midfield.
Once you've asked him, you move on to "E. Engage physically."
DC: I personally try to engage the captain physically without ever playing a match, which to me is really just a waste of time and effort. I'll tell him I know this great side we can play a practice match against that doesn't take reservations. That makes it sound cool, makes it sound exclusive. And then when we get to the stadium, the stadium is closed, as, of course, it always is on Sundays. So I'll feign surprise and say something along the lines of, "I guess we could grab cheesy nuggets watch an All-SFA Selection at my place."
Blacky: That's where I come in.
T: Oh, you're a part of this?
DC: Oh, yeah. Blackwell has a very special place in my system.
B: Yeah. You see, I'm on the couch when they come in and ask to be alone. Then I say- - I can't go in my room. I found one of Noobz0r ’s hidden cameras in there. Dennis fires back that he wants some privacy so that they can get to know each other better.
DC: And then I say- - Oh. Well, I guess we could eat the cheesy nugs on my bed... and watch the All- SFA Selection in my room. And once we're on my bed, it is game over...
TBC
