Roys FC (sweet FA) Roys (Gorillas) FC - Season 12 - General Thread - Start Here If New

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First Rounds of Roys B&F Counting

After the end of season extravagnza with us heading for Miami, then for those lucky few not to be arrested, head home via Spain, it has taken quite some time for the stragglers to make their way back to Beautiful Brunny St for the Season 12 B&F. Some have yet to make it back - I believe 3KZisFooty is still languishing in a Miami prison where an offer has been put before to donate a testicle for an early release. As 3KZ has 5, I can't see what the hold-up is.

First - to important matters - Can anyone recall what the B&F trophy is called?:confused:

After a promising pre-season where we failed to win a game, and Mobbs had us playing everywhere from the backstreets of Geelong to the Tasmanian Highlands (in fact it was in Tasmania that FatPizza failed to navigate the map of Tassy and got hopelessly lost)) - the RoyFC was in fine fettle and confident of a opening round victory against the Furies. A minor setback at the Jumper presentation on the Thursday Night before the season opener when the jumpers couldn't actually be loacted. Fred eventually recalled they were in the boot of his car, and had been there unwashed since the last game of the previous season. Fattys (Lumpkin & Pizza) after a huge preseason were forced to go longer laces in some attempt to get the lace up jumpers around their girth, whilst JakethePeg, Reardo & ItsMyShow had exuded class (and a yellowy discharge) all pre-season, and were promising stellar seasons.

To the count. 5 = Best,4,3,2,1 = 5th Best

Round 1. Vs Furies at Punt Rd

Furies 15-13
Roys 12-9

5 Maroon Goon
4 Fred
3 ItsMyShow
2 3KZis Footy
1 RoyFitzlion
 
Round 2Vs Bombers at Beautiful Brunswick St

Much angst during the week which threatened to split the club. Several members concerned at the 5 losses in a row (including 4 practice games) suggested a partial alcohol ban (ie a ban during the actual playing of the game). When it was discovered this included 1/4, 1/2 & lemon time - this proposal was immediately defeated. Fatty Lumpkin went into self exile and refused to post until the Roys won, something he broke within hours of announcing it. There was increasing disquiet amongst the Roys, plus other SFA clubs concerning the SIM, or as some were calling it - HAL2000.

The day was a cracker, and played at Brunny St, the first true home game for some time after someone within the SFA hierachy had decided our home ground was Junction Oval rather that Brunny St. ItsMyShow was rostered on the Club BBQ & went to town with a brilliant Moroccan Lamb. The meat Tray was a green ticket - G54.

Round 2
Roys 9-13
Bombers 13-15

5 JakethePeg
4 Mobbenfuhrer
3 3KZ is Footy
2 Killer
1 Lionsman
 

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Round 3 - Vs Gumbies @ Gumbytown

A sensational team bonding dinner at the club after training with the highlights being sblacks mums spongecake, Mrs Reardos meatballs & Mrs Fitzlions Asian salad had the boys eager to get the season started. Never an enjoyable roadtrip, particularly with IMS at the wheel, we eventually made it to Gumbytown via virtually every public house south of the Murray. RoyBoy2 also managed to convince a couple of fine young lasses to join us on the trip.

Alas, all these best laid plans went astray as we went down in a nail biter, with the SIM again bearing the brunt of Roy fury. Reardo finally showed what he is capable of, whilst Fred discovered some fine form. Killer also showed why he is one of the most feared competitors in the SFA - just how he avoids detection is one of lifes mysteries.

Round 3
Gumbies 10-10
Roys 8-10

5 Reardo
4 RoyFitzlion
3 Lionsman
2 FattyLumpkin
1 Fred

Cumulative Scores to Rd 3
6 Fred
5 Maroon Goon, 3KZ, RoyFitzlion, JakethePeg, Reardo
4 Mobbenfurher
3 ItsMyShow, Lionsman
2 Killer, Fatty Lumpkin
 
The excitement must have been too much for Fatty.
 
Sorry lads,

All votes were placed in the club safe (apart from the 1st 3 rounds which were safely kept in the glovebox of the Fattymobile). Its not that I've forgotten the combination of the safe (Roos - Wilson - Parish - Osborne - Roos), it's just that cant for the life of me remember where the safe is:confused:

I've doubled me Alzheimers medication & reckon I'll be right in the next coupla days.
 
FattyLumpkin said:
Sorry lads,

All votes were placed in the club safe (apart from the 1st 3 rounds which were safely kept in the glovebox of the Fattymobile). Its not that I've forgotten the combination of the safe (Roos - Wilson - Parish - Osborne - Roos), it's just that cant for the life of me remember where the safe is:confused:

I've doubled me Alzheimers medication & reckon I'll be right in the next coupla days.
Click to expand...

Have you checked in both the oven & the fridge?
 
Just remembered I placed rounds 4 & 5 votes in the safest place I could find - under that 6 pack of Light beer that some opposition number offered way back in Season 4.

Round 4 Vs Demons at Junction Oval.

This was meant to be a home game & caused enormous disquiet amongst the Roys. Many simply refused to play unless moved to Brunny St. SFA hierachy then had gall to officially warn us for "irregularities" in team selection. Roy hierachy responded with a "Get Effed". Much behind the scenes negotiations required before game could commence. FattyLumpkin still miffed at playing at JO and refused to fire up club BBQ in protest.

First half a cracker by the Roys, taking a 4 goal lead into the main break. As luck would have it, Killer had some half time entertainment arranged & boy, did those girls put on a show! Forget about opening a beer with their nether regions, these 2 could tap a keg! Unfortunately said entertainment lasted about 45 minutes, meaning we missed the entire 3rd stanza, and failed to bother the scoreboard. Sort of cost us!!!

Demons 10-14
Roys 8-10

5 Killer (for the entertainment!)
4 sblack
3 Lionsman
2 ItsMy Show
1 JakethePeg
 

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Round 5 Vs Undefeated East Side Hawks

Desperate times means desperate measure, so Fat Pizza moved back to his rightful possy in the ruck. Unfortunately it took a term for the re-vamped team to gel, with 9 sausage rolls conceded in the first. Came back hard, getting to with 1 solitary point in the last. Breakout game by Royboy2 & the Big Pizza just showed us why. 4 majors each to RB2 & RoyLion

5 RoyBoy2
4 FatPizza
3 RoyFitzlion
2 Reardo
1 Roylion
 
Just found Rounds 6 & 7 safely tucked away in sons Maths textbook - yet another safe hiding place.

Round 6 Vs West Coast Wonders @ Subiaco

Round 6 proved a logistical nightmare with difficulties getting the team bus any further than the delightful ladies of Kalgoorlie. Eventually both the towns patience and the teams collective money ran out, forcing the continuation of the journey. Made it Perth to discover the WAFL grand final was a curtain raiser to our match - nice touch Wonders.

Secular Bicep had forced his way into the team. No idea who was dropped, although I suspect given our form we resorted to playing with an extra man.

A typical Roy start, down 5-8 to 1-4 at the first break. Must have left more than a sack ful behind at Kalgoorlie. However like a good bottle of wine, we got better with age (altho most of this mob drink wine from a box), to be only 1 point down at the last change. Could this be the week we finally saluted the judge??

Nup - Wonders 18-22, Roys 18-11.

A couple of HUGE performances. Roylion with a lazy 11 goals, whilst sblack continued with his Kalgoorlie form by laying 10 tackles.

5. Roylion
4. sblack
3. TheLions
2. Killer
1. CarntheRoys
 
Round 7 vs Southern Dragons at Beautiful Brunny St:thumbsu:

Roys in crisis. Upon returning from WA players immediately went into a bonding camp - emphasis on bonding, no training allowed. With everyone "bonding" the only one left to select the team was the team mascot, who shuffled players around like chairs on the Titanic. Pre-game preparations had the BBQ bottle re-gassed, with CtR springing a bit of the old Wagyu on us.

Opposition player ljp86 quoted as saying "Roys are 0-6 but dangerous and capable of knocking us off". Some thought it was condescending, others that he was looking for a root, but just how prophetic them words turned out to be.

Jumped out of the blocks leading 4-7 to 2-1 at the first break. Shiite goalkicking, but at least the ball was down our end. Maintained the 4 goal lead through to lemon time, running out 13-12 to 10-5 winners.:D Scenes immediately following the game were straight out of a Uni Frat House crossed with a Roman Orgy - none of which I can actually recall, but have seen some of the video footage.

5. CtR
4. Reardo
3. Royboy2
2 3KZ
1 Fred

Meat Tray - Green G 54
 
Leader board at the half way mark

11 Reardo
9 Killer
8 RoyFitzlion, sblack, royboy2
7 Fred, 3KZ
6 CarntheRoys, JakethePeg, Lionsman, Roylion
5 ItsMyShow, Maroon Goon
4 Fat Pizza, Mobbs
3 The Lions
2 Fatty Lumpkin


Still looking for the name of this prestigous award
 
I know this B&F count has been drawn out but how ****ing good is it?? Fatty, you are a dead set legend mate, keep it up, the descriptions of our pre-match shenannigans are spot on thus far.:thumbsu::thumbsu::D
 
SFA entered a mid-season break after Round 7, and this fast paced B&F count will follow suit! (only joking - will try & get it finished this week). Several Roys FC stars suited up for the State of Origin Competition, with the likes of Fred starring.

Others used the time to complete their Community Service orders, undergo DNA testing in paternity suits, plan & pull off a job at the local TAB. Special mention to sblack who used this mid-season break to go through puberty, JakethePeg who travelled to Thailand to complete another stage of his journey through trans-genderism and Mobbs who took the opportunity to "disappear". It was only months after that we finally opened the ransom note and discovered he'd been kidnapped by a rival team.

Yours truly - I just serviced both the club BBQ and the WAGS of several team-mates:D Mind you, when I got home I discovered I wasn't alone in that regard!
 
Found a few more rounds in the last place I'd look - my wallet!

Round 8 Vs Furies at Beautiful Brunswick Street

This round was designated a 70/80s tribute round, with the home side donning yellow shorts and Roos mullets to mark the occasion. don Vito earmarked for the BBQ, but in a sensational move, brought his mum (and here secret Italian sauces) along. Don - 5 votes for thinking:thumbsu:

We were on a streak of 1 and struggled taking winning form into the game. However once the siren blasted it was all one way traffic. Jagged 6 in the first, including a pair to the Don, and lead by almost 6 goals at 3/4 time. Clearly no Fury was keen on impeding 20 Roys in yellow shorts, mullets & doing Ironmonger impersonations, and the good guy ran out winners by 46. 2 wins in a row by my calculations!

A casual 4 goals by Roylion

Roys 17-15 Furies 11-5

5 don Vito
5 Reardo
4 Fred
3 FatPizza
2 CtR
1 3KZ
 
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