The Summer of Jack

[Duritz]

The large breasted, scantily clad damsel screamed out in terror, as the fearsome dragon clutched her in his gnarled claw. Roaring with anticipation, the dragon shot out a scorching rod of fire, annihilating a nearby Oak. The air hung heavy and hot around the Dragon’s loch.

“Help!” yelled the damsel, “Somebody save me!”

The dragon laughed heartily. “No-one can save you now!” it roared, for it was a talking dragon.

However, barely were the words out, when from below a powerful, manly shout rang out.

“Not so fast, dragon!”

It was Sir Jack Watts!

“I’ll save you, damsel!” he called out, manfully.

Sir Jack Watts slid down heroically from his horse, his fists clenched mightily at his side.

“Put her down, dragon!” he called out, “Or your belly shall feel the might of my sword!”

The mighty dragon shrieked with terror. He’d had run-ins with Sir Watts before, and had always come off worse for them.

Quickly, the dragon placed the large breasted but petite blonde damsel on the ground, and flew away.

“Oh, Jack!” wooed the damsel seductively. “Take me in your arms!”

Jack felt a surge of excitement, a pulsing thrill which he recognised and welcomed. It quickly increased and just as quickly peaked, climaxing, causing him to shudder, and wake up, as it always did.

Turning over in his single bed, he looked at the alarm clock. 7:38. He’d better get up and shower.

Jack quietly tiptoed out of the room. He dropped his dampened race-car doona cover on the laundry floor then darted into the bathroom, smiling brightly.

“You’re a man now, Jacky boy,” he said to himself quietly. “And it’s December the 1st – the start of summer...The Summer of Jack.”

 

[cannons]

Shit thread.

 

[lions_den]

Shit thread.

This post reminds of celtic_pride's infamous "sympathy post", and we all know how that turned out

 

[Demon Power]

Good to see you are consumed by Jack Watts, hard not to be, pity your desires could not find a more creative outlet.

 

[Alatna]

The dragon laughed heartily. “No-one can save you now!” it roared, for it was a talking dragon.

I LOL'd.

I don't know why.

I think I'm over-caffeinated.

 

[Duritz]

After Jack’s shower, there was again no more hot water available. Jack’s wash-rinse-condition-sit-rinse-condition-sit-rinse routine was time consuming, but it was what gave him his radiant locks, of which he was very proud. His parents only had a 260 litre hot water tank, after all, so it was really their fault if they had to take cold showers.

Jack spent more time than usual choosing his moisturiser, today was a very important day. In the end he went with Nivea – scented, normal skin. It gave him a good perfumed scent without being too girly. He didn’t want people to think he was girly. Well, not unless he was performing, of course. With a smile on his face Jack reminisced about his show stopping performance as Stella in the Brighton High School production of “A streetcar named Desire” earlier that year. He’d really nailed it.

Bouncing down the stairs, Jack passed his mother, coming up.

“Hi Mum,” he said brightly, avoiding giving her a kiss. He didn’t want that “just out bed” smell invading his personal space.

“You look tired, Mum,” Jack continued, “not sleeping well?”

“I’m OK, Jacky,” his mother replied. They’d been sleeping in the basement since Jack got drafted to Melbourne, because Jack slept better when he was upstairs, away from the front door. “It’s just a bit drafty sometimes, but nothing for you to worry about my boy. Did you sleep well?”

A sly smile flashed onto Jack’s face, before disappearing. “I slept fantastically well, Mum,” he replied, “in fact, you might say I slept like a dragon.”

Without another word, Jack continued on down the steps. As a gifted thespian, he knew that the moment to depart was right when you’d nailed a line, like he had with that one.

 

[tcwaters]

“I’ll save you, damsel!” he called out, manfully.

Even though a dream, I call bullshit.

 

[Capt_Concussion]

The Summer of Duritz.

11:00am - 2:00pm Wake up, troll Melbourne
2:00pm - 2:01pm Watch pr0n
2:01pm - 3:00pm Walk down to Maccas for a feast, make sure to avoid sun light at all costs.
3:00pm - 4:00pm Look at the kids playing outside in the sun wishing to be part of the group
4:00pm - 6:00pm Troll Melbourne
6:00pm - 7:00pm Watch the simpsons and neighbours.
7:00pm - indefinate Troll Melbourne and chow down on some chips.
Indefinate - 11:00am, sleep while dreaming about Bruno.

 

[WCE2012]

The Summer of Duritz.

11:00am - 2:00pm Wake up, troll Melbourne
2:00pm - 2:01pm Watch pr0n
2:01pm - 3:00pm Walk down to Maccas for a feast, make sure to avoid sun light at all costs.
3:00pm - 4:00pm Look at the kids playing outside in the sun wishing to be part of the group
4:00pm - 6:00pm Troll Melbourne
6:00pm - 7:00pm Watch the simpsons and neighbours.
7:00pm - indefinate Troll Melbourne and chow down on some chips.
Indefinate - 11:00am, sleep while dreaming about Bruno.

lol piss funny

 

[Quixote]

Sir Jack and his Dragon

 

[Quixote]

Or -

Probably a more 'real-to-life' depiction of Sir Jack

 

[nigelicious]

Was already laughing, the pictures just topped it off

 

[lions_den]

Or -

Probably a more 'real-to-life' depiction of Sir Jack

haha

 

[tcwaters]

the summer of a grandmaster_b.

11:00am - 2:00pm wake up, troll everyone
2:00pm - 2:01pm watch footage of watts in the vfl and fap
2:01pm - 3:00pm troll everyone some more, while acting like a chode
3:00pm - 4:00pm look at the kids playing outside in the sun, wondering if melbourne should draft them to add some toughness to the team
4:00pm - 6:00pm get red carded
6:00pm - 7:00pm make new account, act like an even bigger chode
7:00pm - indefinate troll everyone, but mainly rich and naitanui
indefinate - 11:00am, sleep while dreaming about priority picks.

efa.

 

[Demon Power]

He should be feared

 

[Spartan]

efa.

 

[Capt_Concussion]

efa.

So we agree, both Brisbane and Melbourne have some embarrassing posters.

 

[tcwaters]

So we agree, both Brisbane and Melbourne have some embarrassing posters.

I'll see your GM_B and raise you a wambat.

 

[Capt_Concussion]

I'll see your GM_B and raise you a wambat.

To avoid joining wambat, I advise you stop backing up Duritz and his side kick lions_den, who has labelled Brisbane and WCE Bay 13 allies. Now that's an embarrassing poster.

 

[Duritz]

Jack took a deep breath. His therapist had told him that when he felt the rage boil up inside him, he was to take three deep breaths.

“Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean,” he said to himself over and over, rubbing his temples. This mantra had often brought him back from the brink of madness when his rage took over.

“It’s all right,” he continued, “it will all be OK. Mum mustn’t have known we were out of Animal Shaped Cheerios. She’ll buy some more. She’ll buy some more. We’ll have some more tomorrow. We just have to wait until then. We can do that, Jacky boy, we can.”

Referring to himself in the third person was something his therapist knew would take much longer to fix. Jack himself was unaware, but his therapist had seen kids who lapsed into third person monologues in times of stress many times before. They never ended well, and Jack’s was pretty bad, almost as bad as young Robert Walls’ many years earlier.

Suitably calmed, Jack went with Alphabet Sugaflakes instead. He had a double helping, because he knew he was going to need his energy today. He had a big match later. Not football of course, no his schedule was pretty empty there. Dean had told all the boys to take the summer off footy.

“Bit of time off will be good for everyone.” Dean had said. “Relax a bit. Get away from it all. Live a little. We’ll meet back up in a few months, see where we’re at then.”

Dean was great like that, really understanding. After the Brisbane Lions thrashing earlier in the year, Jack had been feeling a bit down. He was starting to think maybe he wasn’t cut out to be a footballer, but it was Dean who had turned him around.

“Hey, Mr Frowny pants,” Dean had said, “turn that frown upside down. Of course you’re good enough to be an AFL footballer. You know how I know? You know how? Because I believe in you. I, Dean Bailey, believe in you, and that’s all you’ll ever need, because I’m an AFL coach.”

No, all was well on the football front for Jack. His 2009 season had been a remarkable success. He’d even featured on Youtube.

But this afternoon wasn’t about football. This was a showdown of a far more personal nature. This was between him and his arch-enemy. It was Lex Luthor to his Superman. The Joker to his Batman. Fevola to his Judd.

All through school they’d been enemies, he and Peter Downing. On the sporting field, enemies. In the theatre – enemies. The theatre director had picked up on their rivalry, casting Peter in the role of Stanley in Streetcar. It was a bold move, but even Jack had to admit their on-stage tension had made the play.

The showdown this afternoon had been Jack’s idea. He was sure half the kids in Brighton would turn out to see it. They could’ve sold tickets, such a heavyweight clash it was. Jack had texted Peter the challenge a week before –

“1st December, you and me, mano e mano. Winner is the winner for all time, loser is vanquished. Settle this once and for all... 1pm, Gilbert’s house, Mario Kart, 150cc.”

The gauntlet had been thrown down, the challenge accepted, and the day had arrived.

 

[RandB]

Bay13 literary honours list:

Biffinator

SLF

Duritz

 

[Duritz]

Bay13 literary honours list:

Biffinator

SLF

Duritz

Melbourne fans not liking my thread satirising their little Jacky, how surprising. Really thought you blokes would come in heaping praise.

 

[whelan=legend]

The Summer of Duritz.

11:00am - 2:00pm Wake up, troll Melbourne
2:00pm - 2:01pm Watch pr0n
2:01pm - 3:00pm Walk down to Maccas for a feast, make sure to avoid sun light at all costs.
3:00pm - 4:00pm Look at the kids playing outside in the sun wishing to be part of the group
4:00pm - 6:00pm Troll Melbourne
6:00pm - 7:00pm Watch the simpsons and neighbours.
7:00pm - indefinate Troll Melbourne and chow down on some chips.
Indefinate - 11:00am, sleep while dreaming about Bruno.

LOL.

How pathetic - Duritz trying desperately to create an 'epic' thread like a Rebeccas journey but just failing miserably.

I think he's just sad that Wattsy pulled more roots in his little Yr 12 September holidays trip than he has in his entire life.

 

[Ben the Gooner]

Melbourne supports are some of the least gracious on the Bay.

Accept that this is a top thread, and laugh with the rest of us.

Thanks for the new sig, Duritz.

 

[tcwaters]

To avoid joining wambat, I advise you stop backing up Duritz and his side kick lions_den, who has labelled Brisbane and WCE Bay 13 allies. Now that's an embarrassing poster.

I'm not backing anyone up, nor do they even need my help.

They've got you spuds by the scruff of the neck, and like Melbournes recruiting staff you are all made to look stupid.