What's the Funniest Thing You've Seen on a Cricket Field?

[Chasing the Dream]

Another one that came to mind was a mate of mine, not known for his cricketing ability played in a team with me years ago. He couldn't bat to save himself, and his bowling was worse.

Well one day we were in the second innings of a game destined for a draw and he walked up to me and asked for a bowl. I was captain and keeper, and saw no harm, heck, he turned up every week and tried his guts out, he deserved a bowl.

One of our other team members bet me $10 he would go for six sixes, I laughed him off and accepted the wager. I asked him what field he wanted, he looked around and proudly yelled "just spread fellas"

After the first 5 balls went for six, the last ball was equally ordinary and was dispatched high over mid wicket, the fielder ran around and looked destined to take a straight forward catch...... but no, he decided to grab the ball and then throw it over the boundary for six just so the six sixes was complete. The crazy thing was the umpire awarded 7 runs, as they had completed the first run and deemed that the ball was purposefully thrown over the boundary. I believe this to be a correct ruling.

So 37 off a six ball over without a no ball or wide! I had to give him another over, as he was distraught at the loss of a wicket for him (and mighty peeved at the fielder). He improved slightly to only have 28 taken off his second over

 

[Donslad]

One day I was playing out at a school oval in C grade.
This bloke hit a massive six over the fence and down the road. The bloke at fine leg, like a good soldier, volunteered to go down and get the ball. As we continued to wait for him to get the ball it stretched out to around 20 minutes and then we started looking for him.

After searching for what seemed ages looking for him we went back to the oval having no clue where he went, only to find him sitting in a sit eating fish and chips with the ball sitting in his pocket.

 

[western royboy]

A long career in creams across a variety of situations. Here are a few;

Playing school cricket against a known rooster who fancied himself. He and his mates started a new "retro" trend wearing Bowlers Hats and Tin Protectors. The rooster faced up and zigged when he should have zagged and copped one on the said protector before falling to the pitch in a spot of bother. Upon investigation the protector had split and the snag had become wedged in between the mangled metal. I'd suggest there were 11 new protectors purchased the next week.....

In the early 80's Gray Nicolls brought out the revamped scoop the GC Master, all the aussie players used them, they were and remain a good bat. Our local hero traded in his trusty Duncan Fearnley Magnum for the new GC Master. As the bat was knocked in, net bowlers were dispatched with disdain - this was a seriously good stick and the user could seriously play.

Enter game day and our man takes guard and faces up, but alas disaster his prod produces the faintest of edges and his off for a golden duck. on the way back the bat receives a belt on the fence and we are silent as we wait for the resultant smash in the rooms - which is duly delivered.

That evening a BBQ was held at our hero's ranch to launch the season, complete with open fire, as the fire began to die down a bit a call was made for more wood. Mine host said no worries he'd fire up the chainsaw and chop up a few logs - which he did but then he went to the ute and pulled out the Scoop and despite the protests of us all cut it in half and put it on the fire.

The Magnum returned the next week and so did the runs.

Living in the country you come across all types. There was a gent who followed an opposition team who was mentally challenged and at one point had been caught in a compromising position with a horse (no joke). He was however a vocal and travelling supporter of his local team. One Saturday we were scheduled to play at home and my brother was breaking in a flashy young chestnut colt. I knew he was taking him for a ride that day and suggested as the ground was on the track that we took if he could parade him around. To say that I played with some jokers was an understatement so when the horse went past and put on his best squealing act to say the boys went off was an understatement - 4 of them were pissing themselves uncontrollably on the ground - not sure how the said supporter reacted but we enjoyed the day.

 

[Copernicus]

Went out to play Wesley at the Punt Rd Campus. I was captain of my school - 5th XI.

I found out the full story later. Wesley had a gun young quick - so good he was playing district cricket. Anyway, this saturday, his district game was cancelled for some reason, and the only game he could find at short notice - was the school 5th XI. And I didn't know, did I?

I was opener, walk out to the wicket, look at the opening bowler (seems a big fella) and face the first ball. Well, F#&*CK ME!! What the hell was that?!?!?. I look at the keeper - he's even more shocked than I am (he had to try and glove it).

Second ball - never saw it (I think I was fairly close to the square leg umpire when the ball went by).

Third ball - he drops it short. And I discovered how the Hook shot was invented - it's bloody self-defence! I've hit a screamer. Low, flat, fast - no more than 10 feet off the ground. Now down at fine leg was the Wesley 5th X1 fine leg. the only reason he was at fine leg was they couldn't put him further away from the action. He couldn't play cricket, and he didn't want to be there. He couldn't catch a bus.

Any way - you guessed it - for form's sake, he jogs approximately in the direction the ball is travelling (travelling at about 90000000 miles per hour, I might add) puts out ONE HAND purely for appearances- and it sticks. Greatest catch anyone's ever taken of me.

Wesley Super Fast Bowler finishes his over and someone comes out and talks to him and off he goes - not to appear again (probably told he'll kill someone if he keeps bowling in this grade). Wesley Fine Leg spends the rest of the game falling over, letting the ball go through his legs, and trudging the length of the field between overs.

My teammates spend the rest of the game stirring me, while they face blokes who run up faster than they bowl.

Awesome post

 

[KingNothing]

Went out to play Wesley at the Punt Rd Campus. I was captain of my school - 5th XI.

I found out the full story later. Wesley had a gun young quick - so good he was playing district cricket. Anyway, this saturday, his district game was cancelled for some reason, and the only game he could find at short notice - was the school 5th XI. And I didn't know, did I?

I was opener, walk out to the wicket, look at the opening bowler (seems a big fella) and face the first ball. Well, F#&*CK ME!! What the hell was that?!?!?. I look at the keeper - he's even more shocked than I am (he had to try and glove it).

Second ball - never saw it (I think I was fairly close to the square leg umpire when the ball went by).

Third ball - he drops it short. And I discovered how the Hook shot was invented - it's bloody self-defence! I've hit a screamer. Low, flat, fast - no more than 10 feet off the ground. Now down at fine leg was the Wesley 5th X1 fine leg. the only reason he was at fine leg was they couldn't put him further away from the action. He couldn't play cricket, and he didn't want to be there. He couldn't catch a bus.

Any way - you guessed it - for form's sake, he jogs approximately in the direction the ball is travelling (travelling at about 90000000 miles per hour, I might add) puts out ONE HAND purely for appearances- and it sticks. Greatest catch anyone's ever taken of me.

Wesley Super Fast Bowler finishes his over and someone comes out and talks to him and off he goes - not to appear again (probably told he'll kill someone if he keeps bowling in this grade). Wesley Fine Leg spends the rest of the game falling over, letting the ball go through his legs, and trudging the length of the field between overs.

My teammates spend the rest of the game stirring me, while they face blokes who run up faster than they bowl.

Too many to list. One that happened last season (playing Logan);

We were fielding and some bloke from their side cracks a cover drive for four, the guy at the non-strikers end leans back on his bat and just screams "shoooooooot" at the top of his lungs. Next ball cleaned bowled and our bowler turns around to the non-striker and yells out "shoooooooot" in the exact same manor. Some fierce words are exchanged and old mate non-striker warns us all he will be waiting in the car park after the game if anyone want's to "run at him".

These two are piss funny. I lol'd hard. I've got a bunch.

Playing in a Marist Carnival, and we've got a guy fielding cow corner. Ball hasn't been coming his way for a while, so he's being lazy and leaning back on fence. The fence mostly has advertising boards around it, but he's in the spot where they don't have any and it's just the frame of the fence. Batsman comes down the pitch to the spinner and skies one out in his direction. "Caaaaatch!!" we all scream, as we realise he's not paying full attention. He realises ball is coming his way and goes to take off....but has gotten his foot caught on the bottom of the fencing frame and just fallen flat on his face. Everyone starts laughing, and the skied ball only lands about 5 metres from him. End of story? Not quite. The batsman had hit the ball so high, it pretty much stopped on impact and had come to rest about 2 feet from the fence. To try and save his blushes (somewhat) and prevent them running a third, he untangles from the fence and races to the ball... only to accidentally kick it with his foot and send it into the fence for four. I think the entire ground broke down at that point.

Also similar to Wallaby, in our Under 15's Grand Final (which we won), we had a kid who whilst he had a great arm, just couldn't catch a thing. Dropped everything that came his way all year. In the Granny we've got him fielding at some strange hybrid of deep fly-slip and short-third man for what seems like no apparent reason as the current bowler probably wasn't fast enough to get an edge down there... or so I though. Batsman lines up a screaming cover-drive only to have it fly off the edge and straight towards Dudley McDropcatch. The kid did not even have to take one step, he simply spread his legs, reached down with one-hand...and caught it about an inch off the ground. We all just swamped him!

One final one. We're walking back out from drinks. I'm on 44, and my partner (a much better batsman than me) is on 32. He says to me "Y'know, I think I'll beat you to 50 today". Off-spinner comes in, drops short and gets smashed for six. A massive six out into the neighbouring reserve. Kid thinks he almost had him caught on the fence and wants to try again. Next ball, drops short, same result. My partner just smiles at me and takes guard. Next ball, drops short again, and as soon as I see where it's going I just started laughing. He mis-hits this one and it just clears cow corner. Bastard beat me to 50. At the end of the over he tells me I almost cost him his wicket, as when he was lining it up he heard me start laughing, thought it was so arrogant that he started laughing too, causing him to completely mis-hit the shot.

Dropped a catch off a tantrum throwing spinner once. It was a pretty easy catch and he was pissed off. Next ball got blocked straight back to him, and he picked it up to hurl it back to the keeper in frustration. His throw was wild, went over the keepers head for four-over throws (plus they ran one). I lol'd a little

 

[Teffy]

I was in a team about 20 years ago playing in Brisbane.

Second week of the competition and we were plenty short for the first game due to 5 players playing in a RL final. Anyway, I had one ring in who fancied himself as a bowler, and let's just say when the opposition is 1/200, anything is worth a try.

The ground was situated out at Wynnum, and next to the ground were some empty paddocks. My new gun bowler was hit for three fours before being dispatched over cover for a massive 6. The batsmen gave him a mouthful about bowling shit.

It took about a half dozen of us 5 minutes to find the ball, which we were not really to keen to find actually, when the bowler advised he had found it.

We went back into the field and our gun bowler was all fired up and came in and bowled an actual piece of horse shit he had found in the paddock, proudly telling the batsem "well hit that shit then!!!"

Fair to say there were ten of us laughing our guts out and one batsmen who was very unhappy. He picked up the offending piece of shit, took it to their team manager and told us it was now evidence.

After the game I had to tell them we had imposed a three game ban on the player to save a trip to the tribunal, which was fine by us as he was never due to play again anyway. He told us later he had foun the ball after about 30 seconds but spent he rest of the time looking for his ammunition!

Good yarn.

The funniest thing I remember witnessing was in a semi final when our opening bat was running late and a bloke named "Normie" volunteered to come about 8 places up the batting order. "Normie" was a rough diamond bowler who came from an infamous local family and was not known for his pleasentries or shot making, but he was true fearless night watchman material that always got in behind the ball and made the opposition earn his wicket. "Normie" got the nod.

The opposition opening bowler, "Monkey", was very quick by suburban cricket standards and was renowned for dishing up plenty of "chin music". He had caused us enormous trouble in our previous two outings and we were longs odds to win the match.

Anyway, "Normie" goes out with our other regular opening bat, and it becomes very obvious to the opposition that "Normie" is no Rahul Dravid, and confident shouts of an imminent breakthrough ring around the oval, but "Normie" somehow manages to nick and top edge his way to the scratchiest 30 odd in human history and we have raced to 0-50 odd in no time.

"Monkey" has gone bright red with anger by now and is absolutely steaming in. The delivieries and getting shorter, quicker and deadlier and "Monkey" is finishing his run up ominously closer and closer to "Normie", spluttering insults after every delivery.

"Normie", unfazed, still courageously scratches and nicks away in to his forties, constantly avoiding certain death, then executes an almost perfect re-enactment of the Bob Hawke busted glasses pull shot, except in this instance the ball sails straight over the keepers head, once bounce for four and brings up an absolutely amazing 50.

"Monkey", apoplectic with rage is standing about 3 cms from "Normie" watching the ball scoot over the boundary whilst re-inventing new swear words, when "Normie", turns to "Monkey", grabs a hand full of "Monkeys" woollen short sleeve cricket vest, bends his head down and blows his nose on "Monkeys" jumper.

"Normie" promptly then calls for the umpire for two centres and retakes strike whilst "Monkey" is left standing there in puzzled horror with yellowish green slime dripping from his jumper.

I literally couldn't believe what I just saw. I had to look around at my teamates for reassurance only to find them sprawled on the ground in hysterics.

"Normie" went out a short time later, but we went on to win that semi final and the following Grand Final. Normie remains a local legend to this day.

 

[Copernicus]

Good yarn.

The funniest thing I remember witnessing was in a semi final when our opening bat was running late and a bloke named "Normie" volunteered to come about 8 places up the batting order. "Normie" was a rough diamond bowler who came from an infamous local family and was not known for his pleasentries or shot making, but he was true fearless night watchman material that always got in behind the ball and made the opposition earn his wicket. "Normie" got the nod.

The opposition opening bowler, "Monkey", was very quick by suburban cricket standards and was renowned for dishing up plenty of "chin music". He had caused us enormous trouble in our previous two outings and we were longs odds to win the match.

Anyway, "Normie" goes out with our other regular opening bat, and it becomes very obvious to the opposition that "Normie" is no Rahul Dravid, and confident shouts of an imminent breakthrough ring around the oval, but "Normie" somehow manages to nick and top edge his way to the scratchiest 30 odd in human history and we have raced to 0-50 odd in no time.

"Monkey" has gone bright red with anger by now and is absolutely steaming in. The delivieries and getting shorter, quicker and deadlier and "Monkey" is finishing his run up ominously closer and closer to "Normie", spluttering insults after every delivery.

"Normie", unfazed, still courageously scratches and nicks away in to his forties, constantly avoiding certain death, then executes an almost perfect re-enactment of the Bob Hawke busted glasses pull shot, except in this instance the ball sails straight over the keepers head, once bounce for four and brings up an absolutely amazing 50.

"Monkey", apoplectic with rage is standing about 3 cms from "Normie" watching the ball scoot over the boundary whilst re-inventing new swear words, when "Normie", turns to "Monkey", grabs a hand full of "Monkeys" woollen short sleeve cricket vest, bends his head down and blows his nose on "Monkeys" jumper.

"Normie" promptly then calls for the umpire for two centres and retakes strike whilst "Monkey" is left standing there in puzzled horror with yellowish green slime dripping from his jumper.

I literally couldn't believe what I just saw. I had to look around at my teamates for reassurance only to find them sprawled on the ground in hysterics.

"Normie" went out a short time later, but we went on to win that semi final and the following Grand Final. Normie remains a local legend to this day.

Quoted for posterity! Normie, what a legend.

 

[Brownlow Murphy]

2 seasons ago playing last round of the year in c grade. whoever wins the game makes the finals.

my team needing 80 runs off the last 8 overs to win and i come in at number 11. so their captain thinking hes tough brings himself on to bowl to a 15 year old number 11. im a short fella at the time i was only about 5'2. so the captain decides hell bowl bouncers at me. first ball i hook for 6 and he tells me its a fluke. i then proceed to hit 3 more 6s and 2 4s off the over. we go on to win the game with 2 overs to spare and i make a casual 68. after the game when we go to shake hands and i go to him you wish you were that good at fluking it dont ya buddy

the semi i make another 50 under the same circumstances

the grand final is a funny one, last ball of the game and im at fine leg, the opposition needs 3 to draw. they hit to to deep square leg where we have no fielders. pick the ball up just near the boundary and they turn for the 3rd, the 2 batsmen say weve got this easy this kid cant make the distance, i hit the stumps direct hit and one of them is run out. the guy then throws the ball at me failing to make the distance by about 10 metres away. i follow that up with saying now whos the one who cant throw it that far

 

[alfy!]

2 seasons ago playing last round of the year in c grade. whoever wins the game makes the finals.

i didn't laugh..

 

[whats_at_stake]

Things I have heard about:
-This team made about 150 runs or so. The other team was bowled out for 17. The original team decide to bat again and despite having many many overs remaining in an act of confidence set a target of 200 runs off 30 overs. Rest assured they ended up losing the second innings points as a few bowlers promoted up the order went on a slogging spree. Reverse outright achieved.
-Fielder was fielding at fine leg for a right/left batsman combination. The batsman took a single but the fielder forgot to move around so was now a 3rd man. During the bowler's run up he remembers and goes across to fine leg and the ball ends up there and he catches it. Batsman is not impressed and manages to successfully argue that the fielder changed position.

 

[Noobz0r]

During U/16's a mate of mine hadn't been dismissed all season (you had to retire at 50). Since he had been away on District duties for a fair few of the games he only had a total of 450 runs, but it was still leagues ahead of any other batsmen in the comp. Unfortunately, in order to be eligible to win the competition batting award, you needed to have an average. So his last regular season game came around, he made his usual 50*, and was facing up to the last ball of an over (after which he would be forced to retire).

Played an immaculate forward defensive shot, and kicked his right foot backwards intending to knock over his stumps, however his foot missed, so he simply turned around and smashed them over with his bat.

The funniest thing about the situation was the opposition XI wildly celebrating the wicket, as if they had manufactured it.

 

[whats_at_stake]

Also once the batsman was taking his guard and the umpire put his hand out. Bowler bowls anyway going around the umpire's outstretched arm.

EDIT: I think the topic can extend to funniest things seen on any cricket field.

This was hilarious- I remember laughing at the ball before when Nel was going off and then Sreesanth responds with this which was just hilarious. Love them or hate characters like these- they still usually provide quality entertainment.

[YOUTUBE]HQ8YKAChi9w[/YOUTUBE]

 

[worbod]

Years ago when I played junior cricket, I was sitting on the sidelines watching my team bat. A number of team mates were nearby, some of them sitting on the ground near the boundary. My dad was also sitting on the ground, and when another team mate came along and sat near my dad, my dad noticed there was a small piece of glass on the ground.

"Hey, watch out," Dad said. "If you sit on that glass you'll have an extra hole in your bum."

 

[worbod]

One day when I was at cricket practice among the A and B teams, one of the B team guys was batting and struggling to make regular contact. He thought perhaps his cap may be obscuring his view, so before facing another ball, he threw it to the ground as the bowler was running in. The batsman once more played and missed.

Our coach praised the bowler thus, "Well bowled. He even took his hat off to you before you bowled it."

 

[worbod]

Many years ago when playing in the primary school aged section, I was sitting on the boundary line watching my team bat. As the opposition bowler delivered the ball, he hit our batsman on strike on the pads, resulting in a fervent appeal. Nothing so unusual about such an occurrence, except that our non striker, aged 11, also turned around to face the umpire and joined in the appeal.

 

[worbod]

One afternoon at cricket practice, while we were waiting for training to commence, one of our players was having a quick afternoon snack, courtesy of a meat pie. Whilst in the process of taking a bite, some of the pie dribbled out and landed on his T shirt.

"Ah, shit," he muttered to himself.

One of the senior members of the club, who heard what had been said, replied, "Nah, it's just meat."

 

[worbod]

One of the more eccentric sayings I have heard on the cricket field was during my under 17 season. Whenever one of our bowlers delivered a great ball, or even a couple of good ones in quick succession, one of the older boys, named Maurie, would usually send forth encouragement via the phrase, "You've got him in all sorts of licorice now."

 

[worbod]

Another funny incident was told to me by another team mate when I joined a new club many seasons ago. As we sat on the boundary of this particular suburban ground (the old Bendigo Teachers College oval) my friend began telling me of another match which had been played there some years before.

It involved a batsman skying a ball high into the air, and two fieldsmen from the opposition running furiously in order to get satisfactorily underneath it. Whilst probably thinking he would be caught, the batsman and his partner began running just in case of a dropped catch. The two fieldsmen kept running, but were forced to forgo any chance of taking a catch when the ball, on its downward spiral, hit the overhead powerlines and richocheted away as the batsmen picked up some bonus runs.

 

[worbod]

A quirky incident I can recall in a big time game was during a one day game from the early 1980s. Greg Chappell was Australia's captain, and during a lull in proceedings, some clown in the crowd threw an orange onto the field.
This caused the commentator to state, "Well we don't have any Irish cricketers out there at the moment, but there is a case of the orange and the green out there at the moment. And Greg Chappell has noticed it just now."

(Greg then picks up the orange and underarms it away)

The commentator continues,"And Greg's not bad at the underarm either. (The orange develops a split in its side and stops rolling)
A bit more splice on it than Trevor!"


And yes, the commentator was big brother Ian.

 

[Teffy]

Most epic cricket sledge I have heard:

Glamorgan paceman Greg Thomas had beaten the bat a couple of times and informed Richards: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."

The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it."

 

[HARPSichord]

It's not my story but one my friends tell quite often.

It was a couple of years ago in U/14's and my mates played on a different team. This fat bloke from school walks out to bat, faces up to his first ball. One of my mates who is pretty quick is bowling, fat bloke plays and misses and gets bowled. But while in the process of playing his shot he let's out a massive fart that my mate could hear down at fine leg. They haven't let him hear the end of it, getting the nickname 'Pops' to go with his other one 'Sid' due to him looking exactly like Sid the Sloth. So 'Pops' and 'Sid' quickly became 'Poppa Sid'.

 

[freddy mercury]

This actually happened to me one afternoon. I worked the night before the game, I was buggered couldnt move so sore, anyway I managed to get through most of the day til the 79th over, bloke was on about 95 or whatever it was, close to it. Just finished my rare over go down to fine leg for a rest. Batsmen on 95 hits one of his pads about 30 meters away about 10 meters into the chase I fall to the ground in pain due to a cramp and the batsmen run 5 before feeling sorry for me and bloke gets his ton. Had to be walk very slowly off infront of the home fans.

Another quick one from last season. Played on a ground where there are 3-4 games going on at once my mate was fielding on the fence our ground was overlapping the other ground and a bloke smashed a 6 probably 50 meter boundary my mate takes the catch and lets our ball go for four. Captain was probably the most angry I have ever seen him.

 

[Ill Chicken]

Not the funniest thing, but the funniest bloke I've played cricket with, just a few of his stories here; http://kensington_browns.sa.cricket.com.au/content.aspx?file=770|27762k

 

[worbod]

This didn't happen on a cricket field, but this forum about cricket humour is as good a place as any to post it, and I'll bet not many people out there can remember it.

Late one night during Australia's 1985 tour of England, I was listening to one of the Tests on ABC Radio. Lunch break arrived and listeners were invited to phone in with comments and queries. One elderly fellow called with a Who Am I type of question. It was phrased thus:

Which batsman scored over 5000 Test runs but played only 10 Tests for his country?

The ABC Radio men were suitably perplexed as they tried to figure out the meaning of the question. Even Bradman hadn't been that good. Stumped, shall we say, the commentators gave in, to which the caller replied, "Geoff Boycott. The remaining Tests he played for himself."

 

[lewigie]

This didn't happen on a cricket field, but this forum about cricket humour is as good a place as any to post it, and I'll bet not many people out there can remember it.

Late one night during Australia's 1985 tour of England, I was listening to one of the Tests on ABC Radio. Lunch break arrived and listeners were invited to phone in with comments and queries. One elderly fellow called with a Who Am I type of question. It was phrased thus:

Which batsman scored over 5000 Test runs but played only 10 Tests for his country?

The ABC Radio men were suitably perplexed as they tried to figure out the meaning of the question. Even Bradman hadn't been that good. Stumped, shall we say, the commentators gave in, to which the caller replied, "Geoff Boycott. The remaining Tests he played for himself."