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Shiny Norman wants to eatyoureoul.
Off-topic Bay Survivor 2017 - Good Bloke Island Edition - Congratulations Richoatthedisco!
- Thread starter Kangaroos4eva
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Kangaroos4eva
TheBrownDog
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- #177
Already filled the spots, but feel free to stay to sample the buffet.
Will there be an audio book available?
Brain Power
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- Sep 5, 2012
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Challenge #1 Entry:
After stepping off the boat that brought us to shore, I ran my eye over each of my fellow contestants on the beach and couldn’t help but grin wickedly. There was not a single West Horshamite to be found among us. Perhaps, in this stunning tropical island setting, I had inadvertently stumbled upon the true meaning of paradise – the absence of South Australians.
I was snapped out of my brief daydream by a nervous looking Lord_Flashheart. “We need to elect a captain”, he said. “Someone to oversee the building of a shelter, hunting for food, that sort of thing. Gold Coast have had no leadership for seven years, so I know what it’s like, and I’d hate for our tribe to end up as much of a rabble as my football team”.
“I’ll do it”, replied boydshow excitedly. “I think you’ll all agree that I’m the most eminently qualified to serve as your moderator… I mean… captain”. Everyone immediately started looking down at their shoes and shuffling around awkwardly, unsure of how to respond.
The agonising silence was interrupted by a loud bang and a puff of smoke, from which a hooded figure emerged. Everyone crowded around him, and the familiar dulcet tones of the Norf team board podcast began to ring out. “Welcome to Bay 13 Survivor 2017. I am your host with the most, Osher "Kangaroos4eva" Gunsberg. Your first task is as follows: you must all work together to come up with a name for this island”.
“Alright, listen up guys”, boomed Chappyuk, eager to take charge and ensure that nobody’s misguided leadership ambitions could take root. Once we get off this island, I hope he can find the time to deliver a similar smack-down to Boris Johnson. “The person with the best idea gets free choice of who to spoon with at night”, he continued.
“What about Freo…” began JoseMourinho, before being swiftly shut down by an intense glare from Stronzo.
“What about Pen Island?” I offered, knowing that I could count on the backing of my fellow Hawthorn supporters. It made sense to me, seeing as the island was now inhabited by a bunch of D/Hs. Unsurprisingly, 48% of us liked this name, however, like in a parliament where half the members were born overseas, finding a simple majority was proving to be exceedingly difficult. It was back to the drawing board.
“Clearly we should name the island after the most successful football team in the country, which just happens to be Geelong”, suggested El Dubya, whilst cracking open a coconut.
“Hey, give us some of that!” chorused Dawn to Dark and Chappy in unison, appearing very eager to try some of El Dub’s 'coconut milk'.
“Even if you count the flags that were won before America abolished slavery, Geelong still aren’t the most successful club”, replied Smeg Head. “Don’t Port have all those SANFL flags?”
No sooner had he uttered those fateful words than a dreadful noise erupted in the distance. It was the unmistakable sound of screeching tires on a Subaru WRX. We were immediately chastised by Marklar_33. “Shut up! Can’t you hear that? You’re awakening the evil spirits of this island! Besides, everyone knows that the proud Norf King Island FC of Tasmania have won even more flags than…that other mob”. The screeching subsided.
“Norf King Island, I like it. It’s simple on the surface, yet with elegant and refined notes underneath, just like a good scotch”, added A Cut Above, twirling his moustache.
“That’s far too vanilla”, argued RedVest4. “It’s literally the Liam Shiels of place names. And it sounds too much like Norf Korea anyway”.
“Besides, I think you’ll find it’s actually North, not Norf”, interjected Jose, killing another perfectly good joke and ruining everyone’s good mood, as he is wont to do.
It was at this point that instinct took over. I did what any reasonable man would have done in the circumstances – charge directly at Jose and ram his head into a nearby palm tree. The tribe celebrated. I had saved them from certain death by sense of humour failure. But perhaps more importantly, I had provided the inspiration for the name of our new home:
Epilogue:
As you might expect from a bunch of good blokes, we forgot to actually build a shelter, instead spending the rest of the day engaging in drunken revelry. All of us, of course, except for Vesty, whom I had sent to bed early for daring to suggest that Liam Shiels was vanilla. Such travesties must not be allowed to stand if we are to keep some semblance of civilisation intact out here.
After stepping off the boat that brought us to shore, I ran my eye over each of my fellow contestants on the beach and couldn’t help but grin wickedly. There was not a single West Horshamite to be found among us. Perhaps, in this stunning tropical island setting, I had inadvertently stumbled upon the true meaning of paradise – the absence of South Australians.
I was snapped out of my brief daydream by a nervous looking Lord_Flashheart. “We need to elect a captain”, he said. “Someone to oversee the building of a shelter, hunting for food, that sort of thing. Gold Coast have had no leadership for seven years, so I know what it’s like, and I’d hate for our tribe to end up as much of a rabble as my football team”.
“I’ll do it”, replied boydshow excitedly. “I think you’ll all agree that I’m the most eminently qualified to serve as your moderator… I mean… captain”. Everyone immediately started looking down at their shoes and shuffling around awkwardly, unsure of how to respond.
The agonising silence was interrupted by a loud bang and a puff of smoke, from which a hooded figure emerged. Everyone crowded around him, and the familiar dulcet tones of the Norf team board podcast began to ring out. “Welcome to Bay 13 Survivor 2017. I am your host with the most, Osher "Kangaroos4eva" Gunsberg. Your first task is as follows: you must all work together to come up with a name for this island”.
“Alright, listen up guys”, boomed Chappyuk, eager to take charge and ensure that nobody’s misguided leadership ambitions could take root. Once we get off this island, I hope he can find the time to deliver a similar smack-down to Boris Johnson. “The person with the best idea gets free choice of who to spoon with at night”, he continued.
“What about Freo…” began JoseMourinho, before being swiftly shut down by an intense glare from Stronzo.
“What about Pen Island?” I offered, knowing that I could count on the backing of my fellow Hawthorn supporters. It made sense to me, seeing as the island was now inhabited by a bunch of D/Hs. Unsurprisingly, 48% of us liked this name, however, like in a parliament where half the members were born overseas, finding a simple majority was proving to be exceedingly difficult. It was back to the drawing board.
“Clearly we should name the island after the most successful football team in the country, which just happens to be Geelong”, suggested El Dubya, whilst cracking open a coconut.
“Hey, give us some of that!” chorused Dawn to Dark and Chappy in unison, appearing very eager to try some of El Dub’s 'coconut milk'.
“Even if you count the flags that were won before America abolished slavery, Geelong still aren’t the most successful club”, replied Smeg Head. “Don’t Port have all those SANFL flags?”
No sooner had he uttered those fateful words than a dreadful noise erupted in the distance. It was the unmistakable sound of screeching tires on a Subaru WRX. We were immediately chastised by Marklar_33. “Shut up! Can’t you hear that? You’re awakening the evil spirits of this island! Besides, everyone knows that the proud Norf King Island FC of Tasmania have won even more flags than…that other mob”. The screeching subsided.
“Norf King Island, I like it. It’s simple on the surface, yet with elegant and refined notes underneath, just like a good scotch”, added A Cut Above, twirling his moustache.
“That’s far too vanilla”, argued RedVest4. “It’s literally the Liam Shiels of place names. And it sounds too much like Norf Korea anyway”.
“Besides, I think you’ll find it’s actually North, not Norf”, interjected Jose, killing another perfectly good joke and ruining everyone’s good mood, as he is wont to do.
It was at this point that instinct took over. I did what any reasonable man would have done in the circumstances – charge directly at Jose and ram his head into a nearby palm tree. The tribe celebrated. I had saved them from certain death by sense of humour failure. But perhaps more importantly, I had provided the inspiration for the name of our new home:
Epilogue:
As you might expect from a bunch of good blokes, we forgot to actually build a shelter, instead spending the rest of the day engaging in drunken revelry. All of us, of course, except for Vesty, whom I had sent to bed early for daring to suggest that Liam Shiels was vanilla. Such travesties must not be allowed to stand if we are to keep some semblance of civilisation intact out here.
Challenge #1 Entry:
Woo home time! The couple of days I spent on Cockburn Island were hell, but the nightmare is over, I'm back on the plane, and I'm going home baby!
I fell asleep to the whir of the jet engines, my dream started with the people I left behind on the island.
Our supreme leader DapperJong
and the crocodile that ate Royals1922
My dreams turned to the things I loved, my own home that I would soon get back to:
And of course, my one true love, Nat Fyfe
My dreams turned sexy, all I could think was Fyfie Fyfie Fyfie...
... Suddenly I was woken by a small hairy creature. It took my eyes a while to adjust to the bright lights outside the window, and noticed it was actually our friend Starburns_
"Why'd you wake me?" I asked.
"You were moaning my name in your sleep... Fyfie Fyfie Fyfie" he remarked with wink.
"um... sure... well does this mean I'm home?"
"It sure does" said Starburns "your new home, on a new island"
I looked outside the window with trepidation. The plane hadn't taken me home. I have no idea where this island is, but it looked remarkably like the last island. And the one before that. It's like Groundhog Day but with islands.
"Isn't this the same island?" I asked "did we actually fly anywhere?"
"It's totally a new island, with new people, and new games to play" replied Starburns, again winking. It must be a weird facial tick, surely he wouldn't lie to me.
Starburns led me to the front of the plane and said "see, it is a completely new island. This one doesn't even have a name. You can name it if you'd like"
I stood on the top of the steps, took a deep breath of... was that garbage? and human waste? I looked down and saw... the same ****ing faces I left on the island. Is this dejavu? Am I hallucinating?
"What do you want to call it" asked Starburns, and he copied down the first thing I said onto a flag, and planted it in the sand.
"Oh get ****ed you ****ing campaigners not this ****ing shit again Island"
Woo home time! The couple of days I spent on Cockburn Island were hell, but the nightmare is over, I'm back on the plane, and I'm going home baby!
I fell asleep to the whir of the jet engines, my dream started with the people I left behind on the island.
Our supreme leader DapperJong
and the crocodile that ate Royals1922
My dreams turned to the things I loved, my own home that I would soon get back to:
And of course, my one true love, Nat Fyfe
My dreams turned sexy, all I could think was Fyfie Fyfie Fyfie...
... Suddenly I was woken by a small hairy creature. It took my eyes a while to adjust to the bright lights outside the window, and noticed it was actually our friend Starburns_
"Why'd you wake me?" I asked.
"You were moaning my name in your sleep... Fyfie Fyfie Fyfie" he remarked with wink.
"um... sure... well does this mean I'm home?"
"It sure does" said Starburns "your new home, on a new island"
I looked outside the window with trepidation. The plane hadn't taken me home. I have no idea where this island is, but it looked remarkably like the last island. And the one before that. It's like Groundhog Day but with islands.
"Isn't this the same island?" I asked "did we actually fly anywhere?"
"It's totally a new island, with new people, and new games to play" replied Starburns, again winking. It must be a weird facial tick, surely he wouldn't lie to me.
Starburns led me to the front of the plane and said "see, it is a completely new island. This one doesn't even have a name. You can name it if you'd like"
I stood on the top of the steps, took a deep breath of... was that garbage? and human waste? I looked down and saw... the same ****ing faces I left on the island. Is this dejavu? Am I hallucinating?
"What do you want to call it" asked Starburns, and he copied down the first thing I said onto a flag, and planted it in the sand.
"Oh get ****ed you ****ing campaigners not this ****ing shit again Island"
Challenge #1 entry.
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK WHAT A PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTY THAT WAS! What day is it? Where am I? ****, this place stinks. Jesus, is this Arden St? The Holden Centre? Who are all these other campaigners and why are they writing in diaries? ('Are you there, God? It’s me, Shitforbrains.') Have I stumbled into some girls' high school camp? Again?
Ok richo, retrace your steps. We won the flag, I drank a shit-ton of Moet (pronounced it right and everything), then Broady said 'here mate hold my phone and my medal', and I got talking to that bird with the magnificent
personality.
That’s the last thing I remember. Bloody jokers have dumped me – where the **** am I??? It’s not Casey Fields is it? Stinks so bad it could be Geelong, and there are enough syringes – hey maybe it’s an offsite injecting facility.*
****, I better get cracking if I want to make it down to Punt Road Oval for the family day, see all the boys and celebrate (I wanna say, yesterday’s?) win all over again.
Sayonara, Kamp Krustybits!
(Wait. Does Uber do boats?)
Oh, ****. It’s an island.
Oh, ****. There are no boats.
Oh, ****. I just climbed to the top of the big hill in the centre of the island and there’s no other land to be seen. And what’s even weirder, this island is shaped exactly like Gilligan McLachlan’s head!
Well, at least I have a name for the place.
(Sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip...Now I remember! We did shrooms, too! chelseacarlton with the goods again!)
Speaking of joints, I'm calling this one
Shiteater Beach.
For Gil.
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK WHAT A PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTY THAT WAS! What day is it? Where am I? ****, this place stinks. Jesus, is this Arden St? The Holden Centre? Who are all these other campaigners and why are they writing in diaries? ('Are you there, God? It’s me, Shitforbrains.') Have I stumbled into some girls' high school camp? Again?
Ok richo, retrace your steps. We won the flag, I drank a shit-ton of Moet (pronounced it right and everything), then Broady said 'here mate hold my phone and my medal', and I got talking to that bird with the magnificent
personality.
That’s the last thing I remember. Bloody jokers have dumped me – where the **** am I??? It’s not Casey Fields is it? Stinks so bad it could be Geelong, and there are enough syringes – hey maybe it’s an offsite injecting facility.*
****, I better get cracking if I want to make it down to Punt Road Oval for the family day, see all the boys and celebrate (I wanna say, yesterday’s?) win all over again.
Sayonara, Kamp Krustybits!
(Wait. Does Uber do boats?)
Oh, ****. It’s an island.
Oh, ****. There are no boats.
Oh, ****. I just climbed to the top of the big hill in the centre of the island and there’s no other land to be seen. And what’s even weirder, this island is shaped exactly like Gilligan McLachlan’s head!
Well, at least I have a name for the place.
(Sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip...Now I remember! We did shrooms, too! chelseacarlton with the goods again!)
Speaking of joints, I'm calling this one
Shiteater Beach.
For Gil.
Kangaroos4eva
TheBrownDog
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- #183
The first #impunity challenge has been completed and thanks for so many lols-worthy entries.
So let's get to the impunity winners for this round:
Chappyuk
A Cut Above
Floyd
Brain Power
Congratulations to all the winners, none of you can be voted off at Flog Council.
Good Bloke Island it is.
Now moving onto more pressing matters...
Welcome to the first Flog Council of Good Bloke Island everyone.
Now I may have done a Brad Scott and stuffed up by putting you guys into teams a bit too early, but I couldn't leave Bosk and Chappy alone in the same area for too long. Basically, the vote is a free-for-all, with it changing in a few rounds time to a team based voting system, so the teams eventually do have a purpose down the line.
You will vote by sending me a PM with the name of the flog you want (Maximum) gawn, before 8pm tomorrow AEDT, you cannot change your vote either.
So let's get to the impunity winners for this round:
Chappyuk
A Cut Above
Floyd
Brain Power
Congratulations to all the winners, none of you can be voted off at Flog Council.
Good Bloke Island it is.
Now moving onto more pressing matters...
Welcome to the first Flog Council of Good Bloke Island everyone.
Now I may have done a Brad Scott and stuffed up by putting you guys into teams a bit too early, but I couldn't leave Bosk and Chappy alone in the same area for too long. Basically, the vote is a free-for-all, with it changing in a few rounds time to a team based voting system, so the teams eventually do have a purpose down the line.
You will vote by sending me a PM with the name of the flog you want (Maximum) gawn, before 8pm tomorrow AEDT, you cannot change your vote either.
Last edited:
Kangaroos4eva
TheBrownDog
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- Thread starter
- #185
Kangaroos4eva
TheBrownDog
Veteran
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- Thread starter
- #186
Kangaroos4eva
TheBrownDog
Veteran
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- #187
RedVest4
Brownlow Medallist
Note to self: Don’t make fun of Starburns_ in challenges or there is no chance you’ll win #impunity
Kangaroos4eva
TheBrownDog
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- #189
Your name was thrown up as a potential immunity winner, so you were not far off, there were a few that came close to winning immunity this challenge.
Rigged.
El Dubya
Song contest commissioner in exile
- Banned
- #191
Note to self, Packedlunch level photoshopping is not going to cut it.
Kangaroos4eva
TheBrownDog
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They paid me more than you did.
You just made a powerful enemy, friend.
Would you believe, an enemy of average strength?
How about a 12-year-old girl with rickets?
Lord_Flashheart
Chicken Twisty Epicurean
Clearly I got the name of my Island correct. campaigner.
How could you go past such beautiful prose?
How could you go past such beautiful prose?
Mow-it.
