Off-topic Bay Survivor - 2018 Edition - KINKSHAME ISLAND - Congratulations Sainter3and7

[bontshow]

Challenge #2 entry

North Melbourne's nomadic tendencies have meant their players require a special type of preseason training:

That's right, North players don't go on a preseason camp to Hobart, Canberra, Perth, Gold Coast or Ballarat, despite having sold games to all of those locations at different stages - they go wherever the plane takes them!

Instead of the 2km time trial, they watch instructional videos on the most efficient way to pack their bags:



When they arrive, instead of going through the gameplan, they are each issued with the latest edition of the Lonely Planet travel guide:

At the ground, it's not ball skills they focus on, they need to assess the local conditions first:



At the end of the day, being away from home, a healthy home-cooked meal is not an option, they have to order in:

The players return from their preseason camp well prepared for what the season has in store for them - travelling around the country like gypsies, whilst their loyal local members miss out on watching their team play

 

[William Wonka]

Challenge #2 entry

North Melbourne's nomadic tendencies have meant their players require a special type of preseason training:

That's right, North players don't go on a preseason camp to Hobart, Canberra, Perth, Gold Coast or Ballarat, despite having sold games to all of those locations at different stages - they go wherever the plane takes them!

Instead of the 2km time trial, they watch instructional videos on the most efficient way to pack their bags:



When they arrive, instead of going through the gameplan, they are each issued with the latest edition of the Lonely Planet travel guide:

At the ground, it's not ball skills they focus on, they need to assess the local conditions first:



At the end of the day, being away from home, a healthy home-cooked meal is not an option, they have to order in:

The players return from their preseason camp well prepared for what the season has in store for them - travelling around the country like gypsies, whilst their loyal local members miss out on watching their team play

You misspelled Norf.

 

[William Wonka]

Challenge #2 entry


Are you the coach of a somewhat shit football team (lets just pick one at random, say Norf for sake of example) and are you willing to try pretty much anything over the off season?

Well at William Wonkas intensive improvement camp we have what it takes to turn a somewhat shit football team (like Norf) into a powerhouse of the competition (completely unlike Norf).

Now we know footballers are normally as dumb as pigshit, so we run our camp like a primary school and we edumacate em good!


Our state of the art camp facilities are second to none:



But its our teachers that make us the best.

Obviously we dont worry about shit like Maths, English and Science (we are dealing with footballers ffs, we need to be realistic) but we do cover some important subject to improve your team of shittrucks (lets be honest its probably Norf).
All our staff are ex players (or umpires) so they can speak to your spuds in language they understand.

Subjects covered are:

Home economics.

(Learn how to cut your mates lunch)


(Try our 'Barista for a day' course)


Swimming

(A few of our tranyors with their pim... I mean coach)



Womens studies

(Pictured- our senior professor somewhat triggered at a rally)



Health and healing

(One of our 'Natural wellness' specialists)



Religious instruction

(Amen brothers!)


And introducing our new Arts faculty!

(We are honored to have one of Ballarats pre eminent modern artist heading up the department.)



So send your minnow team of shittruck spuds (its definitely Norf) and we will turn them into a team of champi...

Errrrr we will make them slightly less shit!

 

[FISTO]

wat

 

[harry000]

Challenge #2 entry.

Having trouble shaking that tag?

Not as quick as Kelly or as skillful as Clarry?

We offer you a once in a life time opportunity.

The Andrew Gaff School of Hard Knocks.

Two weeks of intensive training and we guarantee that at the end of it you WILL be able to break that tag or your money back!

Ben Jacobs getting you down? Gaff him!

James Harmes all up in your grill? Gaff him!

Or even your pesky defensive forward, you can Gaff them all!!

This one off camp is open to players from any club but spaces are filling up fast! Notable sign ups so far include Zach Merrett, Trent Cockchin and dont forget our buy 1 get the 2nd spot half price deal if you have more than one sook at your club like Geelong.

Contact Andrews management to resererve your spot on 1800 GAF HIM.

Disclaimer: DanWA will not hold Andrew responsible for any injury that occurs during the camp.

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

In breaking news, two flogs will be voted out this round because they are smart asses.

That's my official entry.
Vesty needs to come up with something original.

Very good maxy, made me laugh.

Gotta have a lol at myself and my club now and then.
Also lol Norf for trading in the bloke who made the phone call.

 

[Sainter3and7]

William Wonka , I genuinely lol'd.

 

[Snake_Baker]

Wanka just stole every concept available.

I say he is denied impunity and voted out for being an attention whore.

 

[William Wonka]

Wanka just stole every concept available.

I say he is denied impunity and voted out for being an attention whore.

I had no choice.
MAXIMUM GAWNAGE and RedVest4 had already stolen my initial idea about it being too hard and opting out.

 

[Snake_Baker]

I had no choice.
MAXIMUM GAWNAGE and RedVest4 had already stolen my initial idea about it being too hard and opting out.

You stole ALL the food, tools and firewood.

arseh*le!

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

I had no choice.
MAXIMUM GAWNAGE and RedVest4 had already stolen my initial idea about it being too hard and opting out.

First in best dressed and TBH I think only Harry or I could use that one.

 

[Bloody_Nine]

Challenge #2 entry

Forget everything you thought you knew about pre-season camps.

For the paltry sum of 10% of your salary cap (11% for Shitney Colas), come along and get prepared by the best in the business.

Previous camps too hard? Come to where the beds are soft, same as the food, where the most strenuous thing you will do is decide what flavour of blancmongue you want for supper.

Your hosts will be Minimum Effort and Softvest4. They promise not to contribute anything worthwhile.

Day 1. Learn how to draw with Tex Walker
Day 2. Get media savvy with the gushing Bruce Macveiney
Day 3. Pony rides
Day 4. Sleep in day!
Day 5. Learn the art of forum posting diahorrea with CroBrow
Day 6. How to remain loyal to your team with Lethality and Jazny
Day 7. Enough is enough, but how do you know when to go home? Special guest Jack Watts, reported to be a footballer, will let you know as he waves goodbye.

 

[Sainter3and7]

Challenge #2 entry

Alan Richardson gathers the tribe together. “Boys, St Kilda may have 27 spoons and a coach with the lowest winning percentage in history. But to quote Plugger35 we have the greatest moral victories. For instance, we always win the pre-seasons.


We St.Kilda’d celebrating our own preseason cup

Richo continues “We how to do pre-seasons. We are the best at them. Everyone agrees. I think you’re going to enjoy some of the ideas I have got for this one. I’ve ordered a group of performing dwarves and a couple of schoolgirls to start it off.”

Someone rushes over to Richo and whispers something. (Obviously not a player, cause if you ask them to run, they say GAGF).

“Oh pre-season, not off-season? Has that started again? That’s come around quick. Well, that changes things.”
Brett Ratten, who will be St Kilda coach by Round 7, says “Maybe we could organize a bonding session?”


Not listening Richo, just waiting till you get sacked.

Richo smiles. “Bonding session you say? Boys, you gotta know your club’s history. Milne and Montagna once organized a spit-roast that no-one could ever forget.”


Watch out for the pepper spray!

Jarryn Geary steps up (for the first time in his life). “Welcome everyone.” And with that display of leadership, he sits. Jarryd doesn’t overdo things.


Jarryn is always leading from behind.

Richo asks Ratten share his thoughts on Jarryn’s leadership, from the perspectives of other clubs. Ratts stifles a laugh, and the best he can come up with is “Not every captain is the best player in the team.”

Richo makes a special point of welcoming Paddy McCartin. “Now Paddy, I know footballers can have confidence issues, but don’t you believe anyone who says you are completely useless. For instance, you know how to eat. Really well. Paddy, we want you to introduce Dan to the St Kilda way."


That's right.

Hanners, we want you to play like you did in the past, except not last year.


Only St Kilda would offer you a 5-year, $800K job.

Brendon Lade calls the rucks over for their first training session. “We've got some great ruck talent,” Richo says, pointing to Billy Longer, who played five games last year and Lewis Pearce, who played three.


No, really, I did not photoshop the words “Rucks ready to rumble” - that's the club trolling it's fans.

Lade looks at Richo and mouths the words “Why?” and Richo says that “Because Richmond dominated the comp in 2016, I decided to copy their approach to rucking and Jack Lonie was going to be our ruck this year.”


St Kilda, always a day late and a dollar short... and haven't we had enough trouble already with short people?

The first training session, on goal kicking, is led by Tim Membrey and Billy Slater.


1 goal 5 against Freo was not Membrey's worst kicking performance

Slater hears the words "kicking" and "goal" and automatically looks around for the kicking tees to place the football on. He realizes that everyone is looking at him and says “It’s great to be here.”



Slater watches the Saints skills and starts to think ‘What have I done?’ This is a look that every Saints fan knows well. They have it after they've just paid their membership fee.

Welcome to pre-season training Billy! It only gets worse from here.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Time to determine our Challenge #2 victors...

It wasn't a hard decision at all, because barely any of you bothered to submit something, so congratulations William Wonka, boydshow and Bloody_Nine for winning impunity, none of you cannot be voted off the island for this round.

KINKSHAME ISLAND it is.

Moving onto more pressing matters...

Welcome to the second Flog Council.

Basically, the vote is a free-for-all, with it changing in a few rounds time to a team based voting system. Vote for the one flog you want off the island.

You will vote by sending me a PM with the name of the flog you want (Maximum) Gawn(age), before 10 a.m. Friday AEDT, you cannot change your vote either.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Morganashlee
JoseMourinho
harry000

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

skipjack
RedVest4
sainter3and7
MAXIMUM GAWNAGE
Snake_Baker

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

I submitted something.

 

[harry000]

Time to determine our Challenge #2 victors...

It wasn't a hard decision at all, because barely any of you bothered to submit something, so congratulations William Wonka, boydshow and Bloody_Nine for winning impunity, none of you cannot be voted off the island for this round.

KINKSHAME ISLAND it is.

Moving onto more pressing matters...

Welcome to the second Flog Council.

Basically, the vote is a free-for-all, with it changing in a few rounds time to a team based voting system. Vote for the one flog you want off the island.

You will vote by sending me a PM with the name of the flog you want (Maximum) Gawn(age), before 10 a.m. Friday AEDT, you cannot change your vote either.

I will Gaff you!

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

I will Gaff you!

K4E ducked into it

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

K4E ducked into it

I won’t have to, I’m a midget, not quite at sparkle levels, but still.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Btw, the immunity doll will be available next challenge.

 

[bontshow]

Kangaroos4eva did you get joke behind YDKJ's entry? Like Melbourne pulling out of preseason camp?

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

The votes are interesting to say the least...

 

[William Wonka]

The votes are interesting to say the least...

Its only early...
Lots of people voting prepoll at the electoral office hey?

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Still waiting on votes from:
JoseMourinho
skipjack
RedVest4
William Wonka