Off-topic Bay Survivor - 2018 Edition - KINKSHAME ISLAND - Congratulations Sainter3and7

[Snake_Baker]

Challenge #3 Entry

Team Shirtlifter M.C. (Macho Chaps)

Motto: It only hurts the first time

Chapter: Brokeback Mountain

Club song: Can you quack like a duck?




President: harry000

It's a little known fact that Harry's famous "triple 0" handle emerged when he became the first and only person to ever score a perfect zero on the MENSA entrance exam.

Harry was so chuffed at his record breaking achievement that he went out and had it immortalized in ink later that day.

Vice President: boydshow

A worthy member of the "bulldog breed", as the blood of the one and only great E.J. flows through this mans veins.

Yes folks, boydshow is the only surviving fetus of the 7,382 aborted specs of Ted's protoplasm that were flushed in to the Maribyrnong River in the late 1950's and 1960's. No coat hanger exists that can keep him down.



Sergeant at Arms: Bloody_Nine

The "heavy hitter" of this motley crew

Road Captain: William Wonka

aka "The Candy Man", banned nationally from all junior sporting clubs for reasons that are currently unavailable due to various "court orders"

....and "failed business ventures"

Probationary: MAXIMUM GAWNAGE

The reigning Mr Leather of Bay 13. Recently hospitalised and incarcerated after taking "concealed weapon" to a whole new level.

 

[Sainter3and7]

Well done, Snake_Baker

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Flog Council
Time to announce the winners of this challenge and it is...

Team Turd Sandwich, congratulations, you don't have to vote this round, so please enjoy the buffet provided by Cooksen. However, before you go, I must rename you as no one enjoys a turd sandwich. From now on, you will be known as The South Cockney Foot Fetish Gang, congratulations (Boydshow).


A lack of entries did Team Douche in, despite SB's best efforts, as this challenge required a team effort. Team Douche is now known as Team CBF as it best fits into the theme of this year.

Alright Team CBF, time to submit your votes. You have until 6 p.m. Monday to submit your votes to me via a PM.

JoseMourinho
skipjack
RedVest4
sainter3and7
Snake_Baker

 

[Snake_Baker]

Flog Council
Time to announce the winners of this challenge and it is...

Team Turd Sandwich, congratulations, you don't have to vote this round, so please enjoy the buffet provided by Cooksen. However, before you go, I must rename you as no one enjoys a turd sandwich. From now on, you will be known as The South Cockney Foot Fetish Gang, congratulations (Boydshow).


A lack of entries did Team Douche in, despite SB's best efforts, as this challenge required a team effort. Team Douche is now known as Team CBF as it best fits into the theme of this year.

Alright Team CBF, time to submit your votes. You have until 6 p.m. Monday to submit your votes to me via a PM.

JoseMourinho
skipjack
RedVest4
sainter3and7
Snake_Baker

Am I supposed to turn on my team mates now?

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Am I supposed to turn on my team mates now?

Bingo

 

[William Wonka]

Am I supposed to turn on my team mates now?

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

View attachment 585633

If only you knew...

 

[William Wonka]

If only you knew...

If the challenge is anything to go by Snake will be the only one that bothers voting...

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

The votes are in from Team CBF and it is was a thrashing of a life time...

GAGF...


JoseMourinho, time to pack your bags, don't forget your Pokemon cards and Comicon pass.

Ross the Boss is waiting for you...

Now moving onto more pressing matters!

Challenge #4 - If I bring a mate are we a chance for a threesome?
Now it appears that our lord and master Jack Watts has gotten himself into a spot of bother. Now for those that have been with Jose at Esports, you may not be aware of the text messages, but some kind soul was nice enough to upload the best messages for us who believe in Jack...




Dear o Dear Jacky boy. Now what were we talking about, o yes, helping dear old Jack.

Task
Jack needs some much needed positive PR and I have offered the services of both tribes.

Your challenge will be to improve Jack Watt's now tarnished image with AFL fans. Your entry can take any form. Some suggestions include giving a presentation to a feminist or school group or give us a rundown on why Jack is such a swell guy or feel free to lean on the material in the text messages above for some much needed inspiration.

During this round you flogs will be working as a united unit via your individual tribes again. This challenge is a team #impunity challenge with one tribe going to the tribal council and one flog getting catapulted off to Reject (Bombers03) Island.

You will submit an individual entry, but it will be judged in unison with your tribe's other entries.


The Rules
To enter the challenge, you must start with the words: “Challenge #4 entry.”

Once you have posted your entry, it cannot be modified. Mods can see edit histories.

If you break this rule or post incorrectly, you will be disqualified from the round.

This round will close at 6 p.m. Thursday AEDT, if you don't enter, your team may not get #impunity.

The Prize
The best set of entries from the winning tribe will receive #impunity at the next tribal council, with the winning team deciding the name of the losing team. I will assign the winning tribe's name according to my discretion.

Good luck flogs, but before you go, one final thing...

Brain Power will be issuing and handling the flog immunity idol challenge when he is ready with it, so be prepared for it.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

skipjack
RedVest4
sainter3and7
Snake_Baker

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

harry000
boydshow
Bloody_Nine
William Wonka
MAXIMUM GAWNAGE

 

[Snake_Baker]

JoseMourinho, time to pack your bags, don't forget your Pokemon cards and Comicon pass.

Ross the Boss is waiting for you...

Farewell comrade Jo

 

[RedVest4]

Challenge #4 entry



Jack Watts improved.

The end.

 

[Kangaroos4eva]

Challenge #4 entry

View attachment 586233

Jack Watts improved.

The end.

An early contender.

 

[Brain Power]

@Brain Power will be issuing and handling the flog immunity idol challenge when he is ready with it, so be prepared for it.

I am reserving this post for now and will post the idol challenge at 9AM Wednesday AEDT, so that people can be prepared in case we have a repeat of last year and the idol goes in about five minutes.

Something tells me that might be unlikely to happen this year though.

In any case, consider yourselves warned, floggos!

 

[harry000]

Challenge #4 entry

Dear Jack,

I’d like to take the time to personally welcome you to the James Hird and Co. PR consultancy family. I am extremely eager to assist you with your latest mishaps and get your reputation back on track. Let’s jump straight in!

Through years of experience I have come to learn that denying something that everyone knows is true is a bad idea. It generally doesn’t work and is an added stress that you don’t need. So in your case we will skip the deny, deny, deny stage. My other client Dayne Zorko attempted this and just made things worse for himself.

So, we will jump straight to phase 2. You will take an AFL sanctioned holiday and have the year off footy. I recommend getting away from the Aussie media for a while. Phuket is an extraordinary place with an abundance of swimming and ****. I am sure you will enjoy that! My mate bomber tells me that there are also men with **** if that’s what you’re into (NTTAWWT). I do have to warn you that if you wish to sample the local cocaine (I can tell you it’s extremely pure being so close to the golden triangle) I urge you to only go through contacts recommended by Bomber or myself. Otherwise you will likely end up in jail for life.

Whilst you are on holiday my contacts and I will be doing things behind the scenes at AFL house. I will not mention what we have to do to get this done in this letter because Gil wouldn’t like it to go public. However, the following steps will be taken:

1. While you are on holiday Port Adelaide will be allowed to tank for a year and their wooden spoon may help people forget about your indiscretion.

2. In return for their tanking efforts Port will get the number 1 pick in the 2019 draft.

3. During the off-season between 2019 and 2020, the AFL will pay for an advertising campaign pumping up Port Adelaide, you will feature in the ads so that your public image is restored prior to the 2020 season.

4. The AFL will announce an abundance of prime time games for Port Adelaide in the 2020 season so that the public is forced to watch you do your thing.

5. Prior to your first home game Kochie will announce that Port fans will be doing a march to the stadium pre game, upon their arrival you will be driven around the ground on a float wearing a crown and waving like royalty.

I think that covers the main points and we can discuss the finer details when we meet in person. I can assure you that this method is tried and tested. It may be hard to get back the respect of the general public. But using this method the AFL will ensure that at the very least your own koolaid sipping supporters will still love you and you will remain financially viable for the foreseeable future.

What do you think about that?

I look forward to working with you.

Regards



James Hird
CEO - James Hird and Co. PR consultancy

 

[Sainter3and7]

"It is a great pleasure to speak to you ladies and gents," Jack said, as he visited the local Lesbian Womyn's Festival, hoping to salvage his reputation. Jack knew the significance of the meeting, but couldn't help himself. He has impulse control issues, particularly when he's under the influence of... well, you know, not ****. "Geez, she's got a nice rack! Is that what you call a femme?" he asked me.

Unfortunately, before I could answer, Jack was trying the old "I've got a magic trick - watch my head vanish," burying his head into her enormous orbs, motorboating.


No, not that kind.

(She did smile, initially, so I wondered if she was bi and if I had a shot... but that is another story).

I decided to get him out of there quick smart when her boyfriend girlfriend ran towards us looking for a fight.



No, I did not photoshop that image.

Thankfully, Jack is very experienced at avoiding situations where he might get hurt, so he fled. I followed soon afterwards (had to give it one last try with the femme).

I called a press conference for 2pm the next day. Jack rocked up two minutes before it was due to start, looking wasted, and I didn't have time to go over anything with him. The previous night, I'd left a note - the word "STICK TO THE MESSAGE" (to remind him to stick to the script) and the time/address. Little did I know that Jack thought we were going to a massage parlour.


Stay in school, don't be a fool.

The cameras start rolling, and Jack drops his pants and says "Ok, no blow this time, just the **** and the massage."



Took my mind back to the good ole days, when we visited Thailand.


I'm fairly sure this one was female.

A group of sex workers arrive. I immediately think, "Oh no, Jack owes them money. This is not good."

But it turns out they are his friends. He's their most frequent client.

Jack tells the press, "Yes, I asked for blow, meaning a blowjob, not drugs. Yes, I wanted oral sex from her. Cause I don't judge her. She's making a living, and I'm here to support women workers!"

The sex workers scream in orgasmic delight as their rights and roles are vindicated.


Without Jack, it would be all dressed up and no-one to blow!

"I must confess it was also me asking for the threesome. I am genderqueer, and I feel I have been vilified for it."

Another section of the crowd roars in approval - it's the lesbians from last night. They'd come over for a fight, but when they heard Jack was one of them, they all started cheering. Yay! Jack is now a hero! Three cheers for gender variance!


Nope, not photoshopped.

I suddenly notice that Jack has changed his clothing again - and sometime overnight, he must have died his hair.



"Le freak, ce chic" blares out over the speakers, and Jack is surrounded by adoring fans!

 

[Bloody_Nine]

At least you tried.

 

[bontshow]

sainter3and7 title mate

 

[Sainter3and7]

sainter3and7 title mate

I know. I had problems uploading it - the computer froze a lot and it all seemed to lock up. I was on the Big Footy site for about 90 minutes. I had a computer file called Challenge Four, but in the process of cutting and pasting it, and everything getting stuck, it got lost. I saw that the title was missing once it was posted. But you can't edit. Oh wrll. I hope my team stays in, and I apologize to the others if I've let you down.

 

[Bloody_Nine]

Mate post it with the correct title, your previous post was just random words after all!

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

Challenge #4 Entry
I have been brought in to promote Skwosh, as they expand from swimwear to other merchandise.
Skwosh swimwear is perfect for the gentleman who enjoys swimming. But we have now expanded into female swimwear for women who want their **** to be seen by men who like to look at them while swimming.

We have a fine range of pjs and tight fitting bed sheets and doonas for the gentleman who likes to be tucked in at night.

We are also getting a foot into the adult toy market - you can put one right through the middle with our huge range of vibrators. Perfect for those nights home alone, or for putting on your very own public XXX show. Our vibrators are guaranteed to never tear you apart.

At Skwosh we promise you quality swimwear and other products, with no funny business.

Contact CEO Jack Watts for free tickets to our fashion shows.

Every Skwosh purchase comes with a free 11 game Port Adelaide membership (RRP $119).

Coming soon: Skwosh Bay Tarps.

 

[bontshow]

Challenge #4 Entry

The below transcript was taken from a speech given by Port Adelaide President David Koch, when presenting to the AFL in response to allegations that Jack Watts has brought the game into disrepute

Ladies and gentlemen, xiawu hao! That's Chinese for good afternoon! Speaking of the Chinese, they're really excited about Port Adelaide heading back to Shanghai again next season. There is talk we will be picked up by a major broadcaster over there, which means big money for our game. There is an enormous untapped opportunity over in China. Did I say China? China.

Onto the business of the day. It seems that our new recruit Jack Watts has an aggrieved partner leaking his text messages to the media. You can understand why the Chinese are so tightly controlled in their messaging - we all know these things go on behind closed doors, but it's embarrassing to have your dirty laundry aired out for the public. Paid sexual encounters, foreign territory invasions, not the sort of stuff you want to be known for.

I feel sorry for Jack. Drafted as a number 1 pick, there was a lot of expectation on him and he did struggle to reach the heights some were hoping for. He's still a good player though and a nice guy, who was hoping for a fresh start coming to Port Adelaide, but instead he's got a girl trying to embarrass him through the media. I mean who wouldn't want some swimming & **** putting up with someone like that! Even the Chinese are into that stuff

Ahem. Give him a break guys. Essendon did much worse and none of their players was forced to play in China. I mean - oh shit. I have to go...

 

[skipjack]

Challenge #4 Entry

"It is a great pleasure to speak to you ladies and gents," Jack said, as he visited the local Lesbian Womyn's Festival, hoping to salvage his reputation. Jack knew the significance of the meeting, but couldn't help himself. He has impulse control issues, particularly when he's under the influence of... well, you know, not ****. "Geez, she's got a nice rack! Is that what you call a femme?" he asked me.

Unfortunately, before I could answer, Jack was trying the old "I've got a magic trick - watch my head vanish," burying his head into her enormous orbs, motorboating.

No, not that kind.

(She did smile, initially, so I wondered if she was bi and if I had a shot... but that is another story).

I decided to get him out of there quick smart when her boyfriend girlfriend ran towards us looking for a fight.

No, I did not photoshop that image.

Thankfully, Jack is very experienced at avoiding situations where he might get hurt, so he fled. I followed soon afterwards (had to give it one last try with the femme).

I called a press conference for 2pm the next day. Jack rocked up two minutes before it was due to start, looking wasted, and I didn't have time to go over anything with him. The previous night, I'd left a note - the word "STICK TO THE MESSAGE" (to remind him to stick to the script) and the time/address. Little did I know that Jack thought we were going to a massage parlour.

Stay in school, don't be a fool.

The cameras start rolling, and Jack drops his pants and says "Ok, no blow this time, just the **** and the massage."

Took my mind back to the good ole days, when we visited Thailand.

I'm fairly sure this one was female.

A group of sex workers arrive. I immediately think, "Oh no, Jack owes them money. This is not good."

But it turns out they are his friends. He's their most frequent client.

Jack tells the press, "Yes, I asked for blow, meaning a blowjob, not drugs. Yes, I wanted oral sex from her. Cause I don't judge her. She's making a living, and I'm here to support women workers!"

The sex workers scream in orgasmic delight as their rights and roles are vindicated.

Without Jack, it would be all dressed up and no-one to blow!

"I must confess it was also me asking for the threesome. I am genderqueer, and I feel I have been vilified for it."

Another section of the crowd roars in approval - it's the lesbians from last night. They'd come over for a fight, but when they heard Jack was one of them, they all started cheering. Yay! Jack is now a hero! Three cheers for gender variance!

Nope, not photoshopped.

I suddenly notice that Jack has changed his clothing again - and sometime overnight, he must have died his hair.

"Le freak, ce chic" blares out over the speakers, and Jack is surrounded by adoring fans!

 

[bontshow]

I know. I had problems uploading it - the computer froze a lot and it all seemed to lock up. I was on the Big Footy site for about 90 minutes. I had a computer file called Challenge Four, but in the process of cutting and pasting it, and everything getting stuck, it got lost. I saw that the title was missing once it was posted. But you can't edit. Oh wrll. I hope my team stays in, and I apologize to the others if I've let you down.

Post it again with the title - any post without a title is not a valid entry but it doesn't stop you posting again