FTA-TV Big Brother 2022: Back to the Future All Stars

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If you bear with my guys just gonna re-post (am currently searching thru the thread) all the top 10 moments already done. Take a trip down the Dreamworld BB memory lane...


phantom13 said:
14th Place - Saggate (1 vote) (5ammy)

Featuring one of the BB threads fan favourites David "The Phoenix" Hodis (who upon research is ineligible for parliament due to dual citizenship) "saggate" as it became known was the definition of a mountain out of a flat, poorly supported and deceptively small molehill.

Kicking off on a lazy Sunday evening during the shows 11th season (won by future serial killer Ryan Ginns and featuring the unforgettable Gemmasaurus Rex) "da boiz" as Travvy would say, were discussing the finer features of the female housemates when talk, inevitably, turned to t***ies, specifically who has the best.

“Katie’s breasts are way better than Lisa’s" proclaimed Mensa member Travis
“They’re good, but they’re pretty low, aren’t they?” replied Dave
“They sag a bit” responded chess prodigy Travis
“I think Katie’s got the best, they’re real. They’re fantastic” concluded the Phoenix.

Unbeknownst to the gentlemen of the house, the women had devised an ingeniously clever listening device from the pamper room to eavesdrop on the boys chat known as "huddling around a little thin wall and cupping your hand around your ear".

Lisa upon hearing her prized swingers had been so horribly demeaned absolutely lost her s**t. She knocked back a full flute of whatever bubbles Dan Murphys had in the special bin and proceeded to unload to her brainwashed minions with all the class expected of a girl raised in the elite eastern beaches of Sydney

“OMG they were just bitching about my breasts" She proclaimed.

Supported by the extremely affronted women (with Katie missing cause, you know, everyone rated her ta tas) she confronted the culprit... The Phoenix. The affable host of "Travial Pursuit" was spared any wrath of the "Sultan of Sag". Leading to most on the boards rightly seeing through Lisa's anger to the mix of hatred, sexual tension and boredom that simmered just under the surface of the relationship between the bearded boy wonder and the duchess of droop.

Saggate would linger in the minds and hearts of all watchers as the phoenix tried (unsuccessfully) to apologise for thinking Katie had better breasts (editors note: She did) and like so many misremembered things from history Dave is forever linked to the words "sag" and "gate" in spite of never actually saying either of those words with reference to Lisas swingers.

The real fun of this one was watching the division on the BF boards, some agreeing that discussing lady bits was demeaning, others saying "hey maybe her knockers are a bit saggy" some randomly proclaiming that Dave himself had some saggy man bewbs but the fun we had far outweighed the controversy the show had manufactured (true in so many cases on BB)

For those playing at home wishing to pass completely arbitrary and ultimately shallow judgement on the state of Lisas puppies see below.

View attachment 460018



*For the record the correct answer to the titillating question was Penny, who from memory wasn't actually in the house at that stage, but just like Lisa, we never let the truth get in the way of our completely biased opinions about people.
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phantom13 said:
13th Place - "The Gay" Kiss and Fallout (1 vote) (NSWCROW )

Big brother 6 (or the 2006 version for those not counting every season) was, without question the most convoluted, bloated and controversial season there has been in the land down under and as superfan NSWCROW has pointed out, the season that robbed all us perverts of the famed up late or uncut versions.

To set the scene, Krystal Forscutt and her mum (named Karen by the way but who cares) went into the house with a secret (they actually had two very prominent "secrets" bolted onto their chests) of being mother and daughter, the season introduced the save vote (presumably to keep Krystal *ahem* afloat for the season) introduced the punishment room (where blokes had to compare manhood with Jamie and feel really s**tty about themselves) AND we found out former Prime Minister John Howard was both a BB superfan and had a staunch anti Turkey cruelty policy.

What I'm saying here is BB06 was completely off the rails insane.

In amongst all that wildness we had David Graham and Michael McCoy (yeh that's his real name and yet he was never nicknamed "the real", pathetic) David was an openly gay farmer (and an absolute babe by the way) and Michael was a weird, pretty, semi Asian looking dude who was somehow more effeminate than all the women combined (half assed internet research also informs me he was the lead singer of a screamcore band which is hilarious and depressing all at once). At some point when drunk Michael and David got very close and may or may not have kissed, in 2006 Queensland it was probably a big deal, in 2018 if you come home from Sydney without having anonymous sex with a member of at least 3 genders youre doing it wrong (that's a MAFS joke by the way) not to mention Tully changed sexuality at least 4 times in her season (but we will get to my dear sweet Tully later).

The kiss was the least controversial thing that happened in that house if were being honest.

Cut forward to Michael being evicted (day 36 and just one removed from "game on molls" Anna, what the hell were we voting for back then!) and his interview with Gretel Killeen in which Michael had the audacity to suggest that a sleazy reality TV show might edit footage to make it seem more dramatic. Ironic and progressive given you couldn't beg borrow or steal a shot of the turkey slap later on.

Well, no one sullies the golden age champion of reality TV, not on Gretel "I totally didn't bang a housemate" Killeens watch.

Gretel flipped her s**t with some of the best passive aggressive use of the word "mate" in the history of television.

"Listen mate" with contempt dripping off her smokers wrinkled lips.

"if you're going to tell me when I've worked on a show for six years that we have edited something and it has not been edited, I would like to know who told you that" she hissed at a clearly terrified and slightly aroused McCoy.

Theres no doubt this one slots in at number 9 for two reasons,

1- I don't recall the boards having a BB thread at this time, given I joined this BF in 07 that makes a lot of sense

2- When they returned from the break Michael had been told Gretel knew three different ways to forcibly rip a mans penis off and Gretel had been told to chill with badgering the contestants, so they both played nice from then on and ruined the fun we were all having.



David went on to finish up 3rd in that season surviving 96 days after his passionate sesh with Michael (so much pent up sexual tension) a monumental effort given he had to stand in the general vicinity of Jamie Brooksby third leg and not get depressed or aroused.

Given we went photo mad for the boys, heres one that's... also... for the boys... Ive gotten something very wrong here.

View attachment 462289
"Ill kiss anyone, except Gretel"
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phantom13 said:
10th Place - Dancing Doona (2 votes)(Stevi_Tigers )(Johnboi )

Its throwback Thursday and were throwing it wayyyyy back to the OG, the granddaddy of them all, BB01. This season didn't have the gimmicks, the flash or the controversy. The first evictee, Andi, was a brazillian dominatrix in an open relationship who was bisexual and openly stated she wanted to have sex with several housemates, in 2018 she would be premier of NSW (probably not Queensland though) in 2001 she was "too edgy" for television. Need I remind you in 2014 reality TV star and "Teen Mom" alum Farrah Abraham released her SECOND fully produced porno, she went onto be on Celebrity BB 15 in the states... God bless modern progress.

Season 1 introduced us to Blair McDonough who has the distinction of being the first BB housemate to leverage a media career out of the show, which I guess in turn led to Chrissy Swan destroying what little credibility the entertainment industry in Australia had left, so thanks Blair.

Season 1 also had Peter Timbs and Christina Davis, big brothers original star crossed lovers.

Pete was 27 from Sydney and Christina "the Ballerina" (creative nickname for the former ballerina) was 27 from Sydney. Christina was the first "second hot chick" on the show. Jemma was the bombshell and Christina was the slightly plain but still hot chick, in proximity bias she starts off as attainable and about 45 seconds after realizing Jemma was stuck up and likely to never touch you Christina starts looking pretty good. Think Cat (of Clawson fame) with less adultery.

The two quickly formed a relationship and become our own bogan Aussie Kate and Wills.

BB01 also knew its market (that's us, the depraved, unwashed masses) and ran with an uplate/uncut show from week 1. In it we saw Andi doing her dominatrix thing and week 2 showed us nothing because we f**king voted the most interesting one out. Season 01 likely would have been axed by week 4 if she stayed with sexual assault allegations from the cameramen who would have come out of the house with Vietnam style flashbacks of Andi getting off on lamps and s**t.

A few weeks in (side note, Pete only made it to day 49, which surprised me) Christina and Pete started getting hot and heavy under a doona one evening (the little footage I could find seemed to indicate it happened in either full daylight or full houselight) and some serious north south action on said duvet seemed to indicate that Christina might be giving Pete a little five knuckle shuffle south of the border. The action was shown on the BB uncut show and it created the first true stir in the BB house with speculation running rife. Some were quick to use analytics, biometrics and recreations of the doona positioning to confirm the hand chandy had taken place whilst others jumped to Christinas defence claiming the demure ballerina would not partake in an old fashioned on national television. Fair to say the video was rewatched and reanalysed more than the zapruder tapes, and that was just in my household. Unconfirmed reports lead me to believe technology being developed to confirm the handiwork on the skinflute led to the development of hawkeye and moral objections about its origins are the real reason the Indian Cricket board still refuses the technology.

01 was early in the internets and even ACA and Today Tonight wouldn't give a rats ass about two consenting adults engaging in some rub and tug action on a rival network so this got a little airtime and play but not as much as it would generate now. Our boards would absolutely blow up analysing angle, velocity, technique, grip strength and rhythm. The ensuing pages would be a definitive how to guide for any discerning digit disco aficionado and I feel like LukeParkerno1 would have absolutely owned said pages.

I was 14 when this occurred and I have no doubt that the idea of getting a televised hand job shaped me into not on the big brother fan I am today but also the man I want to one day be, no doubt a sentiment echoed by all men and maybe one or two women on this board (i'm looking at you Shell and NSWCROW )

I only had three prevailing thoughts on this one upon reminiscing

1- The old knuckle duster doesn't get enough kudos in this age of depraved sexual acts and accessible internet pr0n. Kudos to Christina the Ballerina for showing some love for the old arts
2- What happened to *ahem* jizzzzzzzz. I don't recall anyone discarding those sheets...
3- Thanks god the dancing doona wasn't a Chrissy Swan storyline, eugh.

So thank you Christina, I have no idea what your technique was like but when it comes to choking the chook, bashing the candle, fisting the mister, spanking the monkey, stroking the salami, flogging the log, pumping the python, dating mrs.palmer it really is about the effort and intent and you went like Dusty Martin at revs on a Sunday. God bless x.

View attachment 469978
I always look for strong forearms in my women.
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phantom13 said:
12th Place - Belindas Confession AKA Belindagate because we have nothing original left to give (1 vote) (NSWCROW)

Strap in folks cause this one gets daaaaaaaaark.

BB03 Or Big Brother 2003 was an utterly forgettable season of the show, Reggie the lovable fish and chip shop worker from Tassie won, Carlo was a bloke who liked bathing in the sink and Jo Ashton was the resident lads mag regular. The show also launched the media career of Chrissy "who doesn't love a dart when you're pregnant" Swan, which has got to be one of the triggers for the Apocalypse, well done Australia. The season also featured Gretel finding a young "soul" to suck to maintain her cosmetically enhanced youth, but that's a story for another post.

BB03 also featured Belinda Thorpe, an utterly forgettable character hailing from Queensland (thats an important fact later so write it down). Belinda got hammered on warm XXXX and Bundy Rum (both lifestyle staples north of the tweed along with rugby shorts, a superiority complex over a sport literally no one cares about outside of 3 games a year, casual racism and much more overt racism) one evening and confessed to two blokes; one called Carlo who was only known at this point for scrubbing his genitals in a kitchen sink and another called Saxon which isn't even his real name and would go on to nail the aging and vitriolic host of the show; that her underage sister was on trial for murdering a homosexual man in Queensland (racist, violent AND homophobic, I'm going to assume she was a founding member of the young Nationals party).

Half assed internet research led me to a very old version of the internet where chat boards were FAR more interested in whose testicles she was fondling whilst discussing a hate crime murder.

View attachment 464593
Given Carlos hygiene levels fondling him may have been more repugnant than killing someone


ANYWAY

It is an offence in Queensland to name a minor who is being tried for a crime, Belinda and her sister being both FROM QLD and IN QLD simultaneously, the producers of BB quickly realised they were in a whole heap of strife and not the kind they can just wheel Kyle and Jackie O in to take care of, they cut the live feed which only led to the masses flooding the official BB forums. Mods couldn't keep up with deleting the incriminating posts (if you've ever been on the Carlton board after a game you'll know exactly what this looks like) and eventually the boards were shut down as well. They were not reopened until BB05. Which leads me to ponder was nobody Belinda Thorpe from Logan Queensland the first person to break the internet :think:

Belinda walked from the house shortly thereafter, becoming the first housemate to do so, if anyone remembers Nathans brave and emotional walkout you'll know how I feel about walkouts (hint, its not positive) having said that implicating your underage sister in a violent hate crime murder in front of a bunch of strangers on national television is a slightly more valid reason than "they don't like me because I don't like them".

Side Note: If we celebrate the brave ANZACs I wont rest until we celebrate the bravery of this man.
View attachment 464594
Can be seen hosting pub trivia where I'm sure one of his questions is "who bravely left the BB house because hes a true Aussie hero" whilst fondling himself... and maybe Carlo, who knows.
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phantom13 said:
11th Place - Chrissys Fat Shaming (2 votes)(Plugger35)(darklake)

* Disclaimer, I cant stand Chrissy Swan, deal with it.

The year is 2003, a simpler time, some would say a better time. In any event a time where a fish and chip shop owner from Tassie was Australias sweetheart and a fish and chip shop owner from Queensland was getting done for electoral fraud, the difference seems to be... Red Hair? Poor gingers...

Enter Chrissy Swan in BB03. The BB03 series was a strange one, a single housemate, Ben, entered on day one and had a day of peace and quiet before other housemates were added over the course of the following week.

Details on this incident itself are scant on the webs but 5 minutes of googling (that's all you get from me) show she was getting changed in the bedroom of the house one day and heard a crew member behind the glass say "I know you like big women", likely to a mate who may or may not have had a BBW fetish, I'm calling this one innaportune timing, unfortunate, or just fat shaming, who knows... Cue outrage. Only not really. This incident got little to no airtime, no real public response and aside from Swan herself being a little upset, no one really cared. Now I'm just spitballing ideas here so don't shoot the messenger, but maybe no one really cared because *leans in, whispers* Chrissy Swan might be a smidge overweight...

From memory (and theres nothing on the web that I could find while typing while checking the NRL teams for this weekend cause seriously, Chrissy Swan man) the incident wasn't ever really addressed in the house, Swan got a sympathetic ear from BB and the crew member was either fired or "counselled" (read: demoted to Gretel Kileens fluffer for the duration of production). I'm questioning how did this get to #7 when saggate was #10 guys, when has a popularity vote gone this bad... Oh yeh Trump and when Ricki Lee got voted off Idol, Boaty McBoatface, yeh we shouldn't be trusted with anything...

03 was pre big footy big brother and frankly I don't care for all this behind big brother talk on MY forum, where were all you bandwagoning campaigners when The Old Dark Navy's and I were spending days doing podcasts for your listening pleasure huh? I was banking on becoming a celebrity podcaster so I could give up my 9-5 and go poke dead bodies in Japan (google Logan Paul for that joke). So no one really blew up over this and honestly given Chrissy Swans general person she probably lied just like that time Warney got blamed for someone hanging s**t on a newbie in the team, or Davey Warner got upset over De ***** comments about Dat ****... I'm getting sidetracked... God I dislike Chrissy Swan.

Somehow out of the season that contained a girl implicating her sister in a hate crime murder (man that was so much more interesting than this), a dude who boned the host, the hot blonde, a chick with a PhD, and Vincent we made Chrissy Swan the media personality in spite of being entirely bland and unmemorable. She parlayed the public favour (or sympathy, who knows) into a gig on Brekky radio in Brisbane, for anyone who doesn't live in Brisbane, its the apocalyptic wasteland of breakfast radio, Kyle and Jackie O would literally have 90% of the market if they went up there, then onto the short lived "The Circle" which woefully underutilized the brilliant Yumi Stynes, back to brekky radio with Jane Hall, then onto "Can of Worms" then back to reality TV with "I'm a Celeb" then the Spelling Bee show and finally onto her current brekky radio gig with Sam Pang and Browny.

At best her career could be described as journeyman like, at worst it could be described as a mother smoking whilst pregnant and destroying a child before they're even born... Oh yes I did, I went there.

There's also a bunch of links to articles where she claims to know shes fat and be totally cool with it, one even quotes her saying "It's like, I have a mirror, I know, tell me something I don't know" (I'm paraphrasing because I got sick at looking of articles with her picture)... If that's the case why was she so outraged when the cameraman said it, she was even looking into a mirror when it got said for f**ks sake. My rage for her is so undeserved even I think I sound like a prick right now.

All in all this one looks like calling a spade a spade to my simple brain, Ill let you be the judge
View attachment 467296
Unrelated photo is unrelated
View attachment 467299
Studio 10 be trollin'
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phantom13 said:
9th Place - Miriams big secret (3 Votes) (Stevi_Tigers ,Johnboi , MEB_ )

Of all the many things to have aged poorly on Big Brother, this is second on the list behind Gretel Kileen. The thing that's aged the best is Mike Goldman for those wondering, man is eternally youthful and talented.

BB04 (the 2004 version for those of you numerically challenged types) was almost unequivocally the zenith of the show in Oz. It launched the career of Ryan Fitzgerald (likely the most successful media personality from the show just edging out Chrissy "its only okay when I say I'm fat" Swan and Peter "I think I remember him getting a hand job on telly" Timbs) and had the perfect blend of great housemates, controversial moments and heartwarming stories.

Buried in this perfect storm of a season was a housemate challenge unlike any other. A salsa dance challenge. Note to self, Miriam is Mexican and the Salsa is Cuban so the producers doubled down on being woefully insensitive and offensive with that.

2004 was a very, very different time for the LBGTQI community. The idea of same sex marriage was as offensive to the vast majority of Australia as we now find the idea of Barnaby Joyce being a sex symbol and most people thought a transsexual was someone who liked to jerk off on trains. This lack of understanding and awareness culminated in the cocaine hazed office of a British television production office deciding a show with a woman who was born as a man being the bachelor(ette) on a reality dating show whereby the potential suitors (all straight males) would vie for her affections without being told she what she was packing in her pants would be a F**KING BRILLIANT IDEA. The show ended in a class action lawsuit against the producers which was a shock to precisely no one at all but also did pretty well ratings wise because before we watched stuff to be outraged we watched stuff out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Timelines are important here, you see Miriams show was filmed in 03 but aired in Oz in 04 (after the housemates were already in the house) so Big Brother producers (who do cocaine but not in the vast volumes of our British counterparts) heard the idea for the show and instead of immediately distancing themselves, put the credit card and rolled up $50 note down for a minute of lucid thinking "this gear has me buzzing" they thought, which followed with "cross dressing, man, woman, cross promotion, Miriam, big brother... Bingo". The creative process is a complex one that us mere mortals cant fully comprehend but it started with alot of recreational drugs ended with Miriam coming on Big Brother to promote her show.

Learning absolutely nothing from the impending lawsuit, the producers left Miriams gender and sexuality unknown and sent her into a house full of cooped up horny males who had openly said they weren't too interested in any of the females already in the house. Then proceeded to have Miriam perform the sexy Salsa with them all bumping and grinding and generally making things *ahem* hard to ignore all over the place.

Now details are scant on the webs regarding if anyone picked what Miriam had smuggled into the house but I do seem to recall Fryzie asking her the question extremely sheepishly (anyone feel free to confirm) but I am fairly confident there were no dancing doona moments with Miriam (with her as the Christina or as the Peter) and she left pretty uneventfully. Such an immense disappointment. It does make me ponder what would have happened had Miriam turkey slapped one of the guys in the house :think:

The cross promotional act worked with "Theres Something About Miriam" rating pretty well and a host of dudes becoming uncomfortably aroused at the sight of Miriam the Mexican marvel (now that's how you write!).

Another one in the pre BFBB era (god we would have had some board meltdowns back then) so no board reaction unfortunately. Gazing into my crystal ball I'm tipping old LukeParkerno1 would have said "lol" "beautiful" and "kind" a lot. Id have grappled with my sexuality a lot and NSWCROW would have destroyed Australias bandwidth with GIF's

As a hormone rampant teen I'm sure the Miriam saga had me confusingly aroused (to be fair most inanimate objects around that time had the same effect) but the prevailing question that me and Fryzie still lay awake at night wondering is... Would ya?


I think I would...
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