Blonde Jokes

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Storm20

Storm20

Been Here A Long Time
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Aug 27, 2004
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Post your blonde jokes here

heres a good 1 -
a blond and a brunette were walking along a street when the brunette saw her boyfreind buying flowers. She sighed and the blond said "dont you like receiving flowers," the brunette said "yeah i like it but i dont want to spend the next two days with my legs in the air."

The blond looked puzzled and then said, "what dont you have a vase?" :D
 
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 12-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and, frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
 
A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, "I
locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or
something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
"Why sure," said the manager, "we have something that works
especially well for that."

A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how
the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. "No, no! A
little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.
 

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A blonde lady motorist on I-8 was two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?” “Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?” ”Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.
My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back who have to be delivered to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep the monkeys on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you fifty dollars for your trouble.” “I’d be happy to,” said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!!
There was the blonde, walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd.
With a screech of brakes, he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. “What the heck are you doing here?” he demanded, “I gave you fifty dollars to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.”
”Yes, I know, and I did take them to the zoo,” said the blonde, “but we had money left over---so we went to the movies!!!”
 
A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street and the brunette sees a dead bird and says "oh, a dead bird". The blonde frantically looks to the skies saying "where, where?"
 
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
 

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Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
 
So blonde she tried to put M & M's in alphabetical order.

So blonde that when her computer told her 'You've got mail' she couldn't fgure out why her letter box was empty.

So blonde that when she missed the 44 Bus, She caught the 22 Bus twice.

So blonde that when she got locked in a supermaket, she starved to death.
 
A blonde and a bloke were in an elevator going home and the blonde says T.G.I.F. The bloke says S.H.I.T.
The blonde says you know T.G.I.F. as in Thank god it's Friday. The bloke says S.H.I.T. you know as in Sorry Honey it's Thursday.
 
Blondes fight back!!!!

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've

heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know, " says the guy smugly. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same grass

stuff. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ********?
 
Q) What's the similarity between a blond and a 747-aeroplane?
A) Both got big ********-pits.

Q) How did the blond turn the light on after sex?
A) Opened the car door.

Q) How do you drown a blond?
A) Put a mirror on the bottom of the swimming pool.

Q) What is it, when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
A) Artificial intelligence.

Q) How does a blond hold her liquor (licker)?
A) By its ears.
 
The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.

"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets!"

The preacher fainted.
 
Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too.

After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?

The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.

The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.

The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims,.....

"NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"
 
A blonde walks up to a vending machine she puts $2 in and pushes a button and sure enough a can of coke pops out. She is amzaed and continues doing this. A woman with 3 kids walks up and asks if she can use the machine to get her kids a drink, the blonde screams F*** off im on a winning streak. :)
 
blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.

It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature".

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
 

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