Media Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 33

[Tonga Bob]

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Yo nerds, guess what?

[unrealistic pause for a reply that will never come]

I may be with captaincy this season, but that's not gonna stop me from getting back on my bullshit by giving you the stats that you neither requested nor craved. That's right - the Free Kick Table returns for season 33 thanks to the good person at Bob's Statistics (a division of Bob's Shitpostsᵀᴹ)!!! Here's the now customary explanation for those who came in late:

"Free kicks are a very emotive topic in football, however it seems that the 'random' nature of qootball displaces that emotion from umpires to the sim. One way to look at this is a free kick differential, which aggregates free kicks over a period of time and shows which teams receive more than others.

My Free Kick Table takes this one step further, and aggregates the impact of free kicks on a game-by-game basis to see who won the free kick count in each game. So pretty much what would happen if you replaced goals and points scored with free kicks received and conceded."

"Yeah but what do they play for, Bob?"

Great question Bob, you're sure on the ball this season! As always, the team that finishes the home and away season on top of the Free Kick Table wins the coveted Silver Whistle Trophy like the Furies did last season:



or the Roys in seasons 29 & 31 (and probably many more prior to then, I just haven't been arsed looking that far back):



or the Gumbies last-to-first fairytale in season 30:



Maybe you're not fussed about team success and are more of an individual glory seeker. Well Sir, we've got you covered. There's the Little Spoon Trophy for the player with the most free kicks received, which is currently held jointly by StFly & Pugsley.

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If you're more of a giver than a receiver however, then the Big Spoon Trophy may be what you're after. The award for the player who concedes the most free kicks in a season, this is also currently shared by two players - Bradesmaen and Brick Loosener

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Think you've got what it takes to make your mark in the heady world of randomly assigned qumpiring decisions? Then stick around over the course of the season as I chart the progress of both teams and players as they strive for immortality, infamy and imaginary trophy attainment.

​

 

[Tonga Bob]

Here's a reminder of who has won what in the four seasons that I've been running this:

Loonerty Elton Johns Wig RobR MannumPower Millky95 Cap Pugsley StFly Bradesmaen Brick Loosener ​

 

[Tonga Bob]

Now let's take a walk down memory lane and have a look at the Free Kick Tables from previous seasons. This is what happened last season:



Here's season 31, when the Roys absolutely romped away with the title:



Here's season 30, when the Good News Gumbies pipped the Bombers & Roys with the last free of the season. It was quite the finish, as I'm sure you'll remember...





And the Roys did it again in season 29:



And if you put all of the above tables into one single table, this is what it would look like:


"But what does that all mean, Bob?" Another good question, which can be answered with this legend of the columns that I prepared earlier:

Legend:

Win: Number of games where team's free kicks > opposition's free kicks;
Draw: Number of games where team's free kicks = opposition's free kicks;
Loss: Number of games where team's free kicks < opposition's free kicks;
Points: Like a normal ladder - 4 points for a win, 2 points for a draw, 0 points for a loss;
For: Total number of free kicks received;
Against: Total number of free kicks conceded;
Diff: Differential between number of total free kicks for and against;
Home: Free kick differential for games played at home;
Away: Free kick differential for games played away;
H/A Diff: Differential of home ground free kicks minus the differential of the free kicks from away games;
Victory: Free kick differential for games won;
Defeat: Free kick differential for games lost;
V/D Diff: Differential of free kicks in qooty victories minus the differential of the free kicks in qooty defeats;
%: Differential expressed as a percentage;
Ladder Var: Variation between position in Free Kick Table and Official Qooty (Points Scored) Table.

 

[Tonga Bob]

ok cool

 

[ImissFrosty]

nice list

 

[serial_thrilla]

Tonga Bob is this some kind of list?

 

[Tonga Bob]

Tonga Bob is this some kind of list?

sure why not

 

[StFly]

Going for both this time.

1. Beat Pugsley back to the pound
2. Swoon the receptionist
3. Profit

 

[Pugsley]

View attachment 1319247

View attachment 1319248​

Yo nerds, guess what?

[unrealistic pause for a reply that will never come]

I may be with captaincy this season, but that's not gonna stop me from getting back on my bullshit by giving you the stats that you neither requested nor craved. That's right - the Free Kick Table returns for season 33 thanks to the good person at Bob's Statistics (a division of Bob's Shitpostsᵀᴹ)!!! Here's the now customary explanation for those who came in late:

"Free kicks are a very emotive topic in football, however it seems that the 'random' nature of qootball displaces that emotion from umpires to the sim. One way to look at this is a free kick differential, which aggregates free kicks over a period of time and shows which teams receive more than others.

My Free Kick Table takes this one step further, and aggregates the impact of free kicks on a game-by-game basis to see who won the free kick count in each game. So pretty much what would happen if you replaced goals and points scored with free kicks received and conceded."

"Yeah but what do they play for, Bob?"

Great question Bob, you're sure on the ball this season! As always, the team that finishes the home and away season on top of the Free Kick Table wins the coveted Silver Whistle Trophy like the Furies did last season:

View attachment 1319266

or the Roys in seasons 29 & 31 (and probably many more prior to then, I just haven't been arsed looking that far back):

View attachment 1319269

or the Gumbies last-to-first fairytale in season 30:

View attachment 1319271

Maybe you're not fussed about team success and are more of an individual glory seeker. Well Sir, we've got you covered. There's the Little Spoon Trophy for the player with the most free kicks received, which is currently held jointly by StFly & Pugsley.

View attachment 1319275View attachment 1319276​

If you're more of a giver than a receiver however, then the Big Spoon Trophy may be what you're after. The award for the player who concedes the most free kicks in a season, this is also currently shared by two players - Bradesmaen and Brick Loosener

View attachment 1319277View attachment 1319278​

Think you've got what it takes to make your mark in the heady world of randomly assigned qumpiring decisions? Then stick around over the course of the season as I chart the progress of both teams and players as they strive for immortality, infamy and imaginary trophy attainment.

View attachment 1319294​

I like getting a free boot.

 

[Pugsley]

Going for both this time.

1. Beat Pugsley back to the pound
2. Swoon the receptionist
3. Profit

Did he tell you he was post op?

 

[StFly]

I like getting a free boot.

I've 6 legs, it'll be free and constant.

Did he tell you he was post op?

Never knew we were in Thailand, thought this was Sweet and everyone was a Ken doll anyway. As long as it's a Hemsworth, I'll allow it and regurgitate on that arse.

 

[Pugsley]

I've 6 legs, it'll be free and constant.



Never knew we were in Thailand, thought this was Sweet and everyone was a Ken doll anyway. As long as it's a Hemsworth, I'll allow it and regurgitate on that arse.

 

[Tonga Bob]

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It may be a new season but it seems as though f*ck all has changed. Hi nerds, it's Bob here to take you through the opening round of free kicks. Check it out:



The reigning Silver Whistle holders had the biggest win in round one against the almost wooden spoon having Bears, who received double the number of free kicks than their opponents. Two time winners the Roys are second after comfortably accounting for perennial ne'er-do-wells the Dragons, while other noted qumpire fanciers the Bombers and Wonders easily accounted for the Royals and Demons respectively. The only kind of surprise was that last season's wooden spooners the Swamprats managed to draw with the Phoenix, while the Gumbies and Warriors had the highest aggregate free kick count of the round as they fought out a 22-all stalemate.

Check this out though - here's a comparison between the ladder standings in season 33 (albeit one round old) on the left and the overall ladder standing from the beginning of season 29 until now on the right:

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Really makes you think, hey?

Now let's turn our attention to the individual rankings. Again it's still early days but worth a butcher's:

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Some familiar faces in here as well, even though some of the names have changed. Former Mobbs Medallist GWS Goose was kissed on the pen- beak to receive seven free kicks, as was the Hypercolour T-shirt of the Sweet FA in CrimsonViolet from the Furies. This is more than a lot of players receive in a whole season! A pair of Bombers in Bovo and The Greatest Ava were the next best with five frees for, while a host of players picked up four including DenieD Love Marlowe pantskyle Rodney Dangerfield SSwans2011 Zevon and season 31 Little Spoon winner Millky95.

The players who caught the attention of the qumpires for the wrong reasons were Swamprat GotTheGoodes and newly-minted Bear chief Muddiemoose who were pinged five times last week. One conceded free behind them are Ulahoopski serial_thrilla crazywildhorse and Hate, whose relationship with the qumpires last week was somewhat bipolar in nature.

Well that's it for this week. Stay tuned over the course of the season to see whether the plot diverges from the well worn path or whether David Byrne keeps shaking his sweaty bespectacled head. Or not, idk.

 

[SSwans2011]

Swamprat SSwans2011

 

[serial_thrilla]

Hey DenieD - Tonga Bob has stolen your bit!

 

[Tonga Bob]

just checking your pulse

 

[DenieD]

Hey DenieD - Tonga Bob has stolen your bit!

 

[Tonga Bob]

Hey DenieD - Tonga Bob has stolen your bit!

You won't be so smug when DenieD puts out a 'Doorknockers' thread later in the season.

 

[DenieD]

You won't be so smug when DenieD puts out a 'Doorknockers' thread later in the season.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Howdy nerds, and welcome back to the original and best analysis of all things qumpiring decisions. That's right, it's time to look at the free kick table after round two. Roll the tape, Bob.



Thanks Bob.

Still early days, but it's the same characters at the front of the bus as both the Roys and the Bombers have a perfect record. They are equal top in frees for and either equal bottom (for the Roys) or one off the bottom (for the Bombers) for frees against. The other undefeated team are the Phoenix who have a win and a draw from their two games.

Meanwhile at the other end of the table there's four teams who are yet to have a win - the Gumbies, Swampats, Warriors & Bears, with the Las Vegans the only team with two losses. Despite having the equal most frees for, it's the Warriors who are head and shoulders above the rest when it comes to conceding free kicks. Giving away 18 more free kicks than both the Roys and the Furies after only two rounds, along with the free kick differential of -14 for the Bears after two games, is the kind of shithousery that we love to see here at Bob's Statisticsᵀᴹ.

Let's go to the individual tallies now.

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CrimsonViolet backed up his 7 frees for in round one and has gone and repeated the dose to streak away to an early four kick lead over GWS Goose Bovo and Zevon, who gained six frees last week. Marlowe rounds out the top five with five of his own in round two.

GotTheGoodes retains his lead in the Big Spoon, enjoying a one kick advantage over the chasing pack of crazywildhorse Muddiemoose Ulahoopski and Zoops. Fun fact about Zoops - if he concedes a free kick from outside the 50m arc it's actually worth 9 free kicks. Wild huh?

That'll do for now nerds, I need to have a lie down after off of this statistical brilliance. Until next week...

 

[Tonga Bob]

[INSERT WELCOME REMARKS HERE]

Round Three table:



Hot takes:

• Bombers have the only perfect record after Roys lost to Mt Buller;
• Swamprats & Gumbies both winless;
• The hippodrome has the loudest affirmation noises;
• Bombers, Roys & Royals have most positive correlation between qumpiring decisions and qooty victories, while the Bears & Gumbies are doing well on the qooty field despite the qumpires not liking them.

Individual stats:

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Little Spoon:

• CrimsonViolet still in the lead with another 5 frees for, but the 6 that Zevon received edges him closer;
• Bovo Millky95 GWS Goose and Marlowe also kissed on the peen.

Big Spoon:

• Same old - GotTheGoodes leading from Muddiemoose
• Five campaigners in joint third position, being crazywildhorse JackNah_8 moginie SM and Ulahoopski

[INSERT INVITATION TO COME BACK NEXT WEEK]

Random weird yet topical gif:

 

[Tonga Bob]

Well this is awkward. Not even the empty void is replying. Good thing I'm only doing this for my own benefit.

THE SWEET FA:

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* audibly sobbing * What the hell do you know, Bill Nye? SHUT UP AND GO TO THE ROUND FOUR FREE KICK TABLE.

DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!!

• Four qooty victories, four free kick wins. The Faceless Men have been looking after the Bombers by the looks of it;
• The Roys bounce back after a shock loss, while the Royals continue their rise after obliterating the Bears 21-11;
• The Gumbies also enjoyed an extra 10 free kicks in their 85 point victory over the Demons;
• Despite not having a free kick win, the Swamprats are not on the bottom of the table. Their two draws and superior percentage are enough to jump over Las Vegas, and draw ever so close to the Wonders;
• Just like magpies and shiny objects, the qumpires can't stop looking at the Warriors. They have both the most frees for and frees against.

Now to the individuals:

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While CrimsonViolet retains the Little Spoon lead despite not receiving a free kick the big movers in round 4 were hotchilli who collected seven frees for to jump to third place, sandwiched between Bovo in second and Zevon in joint third, both of whom received four frees for. GWS Goose & Marlowe round out the top 5 after both received three frees.

It's still tight at the top of the Big Spoon, as Muddiemoose joins GotTheGoodes in the lead. The Moose's teammate kane249 was the big mover here, conceding three frees to join crazywildhorse and moginie one kick behind the leaders.

Got any free kick questions? Send them into Bob's Mailbag and I'll dig out an appropriate answer for you.

Fire up, nerds!

 

[GWS Goose]

I care, and am eagerly following, mostly so I can read my own name.

 

[Tonga Bob]

I care, and am eagerly following, mostly so I can read my own name.

You're near enough if good enough to add a Little Spoon to your Mobbs Medal.

 

[damicky]

Waiting for Round 5 update