Collingwood Jokes.

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S

sainters

Club Legend
Veteran
Jul 3, 2004
2,038
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Ethiopia
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Fire away, there should be lots of these :) i will start it off.

Mick Malthouse was caught by a speed camera. "I'll do anything for 4 points," he said...

Q: What has thirty-six legs and can't climb a ladder?
A: Collingwood

Q: What goes black and white, black and white, black and white, boom?
A: Collingwood falling down the ladder.

Did you hear about the MP who was found dead wearing a Collingwood jumper? They had to dress him in women’s underwear to save his family from embarrassment.

Q: Which Pie is likely to win this year’s Copeland Trophy?
A: Four ‘n’ Twenty

Q: What is Eddie McGuire’s best chance at a new flag?
A: When Australia becomes a republic.
 
A mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes.

He walked into the embalming room where a corpse was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its arse.
Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard; "Good old Collingwood forever......." come out the guys butt.

Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the corpse and ran up the stairs to find his mentor; "Sir, you've got to come down and help me, I've just seen something I can't believe."

Annoyed by the naivety of his assistant, he said OK and followed him downstairs; "There, look at the cork in the arse of that body, I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please you do it."

The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork, and sure enough:- "Good old Collingwood forever...." began to play.

Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of ar$eholes sing that song."

 

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Two kids were having a kick in the car park outside the MCG just before a big Carlton and Essendon match. As they were playing a dog came running across and attacked one the the little kids. The dog was on top of the kids scratching and biting him so his mate who he was having a kick with pick up a stick and started to bash the dog with. Well in the end he belted the dog so hard he actually killed.

A news reporter witnissed this event and came rushing over for an interview. She said to the boy " that was great you just saved your best mates life, this could make a great story."

So the lady started think of headline....

"Carlton Supporter saves best mate from savage dog attack". No said the boy i am not a carlton supporter.

"Essendon supporter saves best mate from savage dog attack". No said the boy i am not a carlton supporter eiher. so the lady asked who he barracked for and he said collingwood.

The next days headlines where " Low Life Mongrel Maims Family Dog"
 
bigbomber said:
Two kids were having a kick in the car park outside the MCG just before a big Carlton and Essendon match. As they were playing a dog came running across and attacked one the the little kids. The dog was on top of the kids scratching and biting him so his mate who he was having a kick with pick up a stick and started to bash the dog with. Well in the end he belted the dog so hard he actually killed.

A news reporter witnissed this event and came rushing over for an interview. She said to the boy " that was great you just saved your best mates life, this could make a great story."

So the lady started think of headline....

"Carlton Supporter saves best mate from savage dog attack". No said the boy i am not a carlton supporter.

"Essendon supporter saves best mate from savage dog attack". No said the boy i am not a carlton supporter eiher. so the lady asked who he barracked for and he said collingwood.

The next days headlines where " Low Life Mongrel Maims Family Dog"
Click to expand...
That is the forth version of that joke I have heard and this version killed the joke in cold blood
 
This one's a sure fire /thread if you are having an argument at the with a Collingwood supporter at the footy. Make sure the dude isn't bigger than you though. (Or be sitting in the Collingwood members, a lesson learnt I can tell you).

Q: What's red, white and black and is found in the glove box?

A: Darren Millane.
 

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Collingwood supporter says to his doctor "doc i need help i keep getting aroused when i look in the mirror!"

The doctor replies "Well im not surprised.. you are looking at a c@nt!"
 
drew_j said:
This one's a sure fire /thread if you are having an argument at the with a Collingwood supporter at the footy. Make sure the dude isn't bigger than you though. (Or be sitting in the Collingwood members, a lesson learnt I can tell you).

Q: What's red, white and black and is found in the glove box?

A: Darren Millane.
Click to expand...

You are a low piece of sh1t aren't you champ?

Sits back at hes PC and makes jokes about dead people, where no-one can find him. Go down to one of Darren Millane's family members and say that, oh that's right your a PC hero.
 
Jak_24 said:
You are a low piece of sh1t aren't you champ?

Sits back at hes PC and makes jokes about dead people, where no-one can find him. Go down to one of Darren Millane's family members and say that, oh that's right your a PC hero.
Click to expand...

-sit's back and enjoys, my work is done here.

What did I tell you guys? %100, sure fire, pie supporter, nitro glycerine.
 
Q: What do you call two Collingwood supporters driving their car off a cliff?
A: A tragedy...at least 5 could fit in the car.

Q: What have you got when a Collingwood supporter is buried up to its neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What is the difference between a Collingwood supporter and a park bench/family pizza?
A: The park bench/family pizza can support/feed a family.
 
A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Collingwood and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Collingwood fan. She asks her students to
raise their hands if they, too, are Collingwood fans. ​
​
Everyone in
the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn’t you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Collingwood fan,” she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a
Collingwood fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I'm a Richmond fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears.

"Mary, why are you a Richmond fan?" My mum and dad were born and raised in Richmond, so my mum is a Richmond fan and my dad is a Richmond fan, and so I'm a Richmond fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Richmond fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute, your dad was a drug addict and your brother was a car thief, what would you be then?" ​
​
"Then," Mary said, "I'd be a Collingwood fan."​
 
a man and a woman both collingwood supporters walk out of the divorce courts after signing the papers, as they are leaving the woman bursts into tears and says to the man "oh my god its terrible after all these years we are no longer husband and wife"

the man replies "dont worry, im still your brother!"
 
Viva la Mattner said:
a man and a woman both Adelaide supporters walk out of the divorce courts after signing the papers, as they are leaving the woman bursts into tears and says to the man "oh my god its terrible after all these years we are no longer husband and wife"

the man replies "dont worry, im still your brother!"
Click to expand...

Edited for accuracy.
 

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