Dad jokes - add yours

[Samsquanch]

Whats the plural of wink?







blink

 

[Samsquanch]

A woman steps out of the shower, smiles at her boyfriend and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend replies with a flat tone of voice, "Yeah I do. It means the bloody drain is clogged again."

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

OK. This might get me banned for a week (probably a good thing anyway).

Nate7 - you need chocolate campaigner for easter bunny?

Now available in the Mona Shop: x.mona.net.au/chocolates

 

[Nate7]

OK. This might get me banned for a week (probably a good thing anyway).

Nate7 - you need chocolate campaigner for easter bunny?

Now available in the Mona Shop: x.mona.net.au/chocolates

Always room for chocolate cunnie

 

[gokangas]

I found a Port Adelaide season membership ticket nailed to a fence, so I took it.
You never know when you might need a nail.

 

[gokangas]

Greatest AFL Dynasties of the Century
Hawthorn 2011-2015
Brisbane 2001-2004
Geelong 2007-2011
Richmond 2017-2020
Carlton Round 1 - Round 3, 2022

 

[gokangas]

I broke up with my girlfriend and it was on her birthday. Did the right thing and bought her a nice bracelet. Had it engraved too - "do not resuscitate".

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Nylex]

Knock knock
Who’s there
Boo
Boo who
It’s just a joke, there’s no need to cry

 

[gokangas]

Knock knock
Who’s there
Boo
Boo who
It’s just a joke, there’s no need to cry

Classic dad joke - well done.

 

[Mav]

Ask your misses to look down her top and spell “attic”.

 

[andana]

What do you call a rebounding Irishman?

Zach Tuohy

2

Zach Tuohy

Age

35

Ht

187cm

Wt

94kg

Pos.

Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D

17.7

4star

K

11.2

4star

HB

6.5

4star

M

3.7

4star

T

1.7

4star

CL

0.7

3star

D

18.9

4star

K

15.4

5star

HB

3.5

2star

M

3.6

4star

T

1.1

2star

CL

1.1

3star

D

11.4

3star

K

7.0

3star

HB

4.4

4star

M

2.6

3star

T

1.0

3star

CL

0.4

3star

.

No. Rick O'Shea

 

[Nylex]

What do you get if you cross dad and mum?…..

Dum

 

[Samsquanch]

They told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic

But so far I've made two vases and a jug and they are lovely.

 

[Falconista]

 

[ferball]

What do you get if you cross dad and mum?…..

Dum

Or grounded...

 

[Samsquanch]

I'm pretty sure that when I pee on a lemon tree it's doing it some good.



So how come the woman in the Bunnings Garden Centre was angry at me this morning?

 

[Samsquanch]

I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.

 

[fnarr fnarr]

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic?

He went to bed every night wondering if there really was a dog.

 

[Nylex]

There are 3 types of people in life.
Those that are good at maths and those that aren’t

 

[Chewy Chewman]

What do a clitoris, anniversary and a toilet seat have in common.

Men normally miss all three.

 

[gokangas]

How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb? Ummmm, who wants to know?

 

[gokangas]

Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell? He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.

 

[gokangas]

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!