Dad jokes - add yours

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I swapped my blind friends braille book for a grater. He said its the most violent book he has ever read.
 
How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.
 

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gokangas said:
I swapped my blind friends braille book for a grater. He said its the most violent book he has ever read.
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But the bloke on the cover was shredded!
 
I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there.
 
gokangas said:
I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there.
Click to expand...
Stop
 
What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
 
I told my wife she needs to start embracing her mistakes. So she hugged me.
 
My wife and I let astrology get between us. It Taurus apart.
 
I can’t find my ‘Gone in 60 seconds’ DVD. It was here a minute ago.
 
What do you call Father Christmas in an orange suit? Fanta Claus.
 
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.
 
Just paid $200 for a belt that doesn’t fit! What a huge waist!
 

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Lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
 
What do you call a typo on a headstone? A grave mistake.
 
The guy who stole my diary died yesterday. My thoughts are with his family.
 
I was in Coles when a man started to throw cheese, butter and yoghurt at me. How Dairy!
 
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? Are you having a Crisis?
 
When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?
 
Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump… But that’s comparing apples to oranges.
 
I just got a promotion at the farm. I’m the new CIEIO.
 
Went to the optometrist today and found out I am colour blind. 65 years old and I just discovered that? I thought well that just came right out of the purple.
 

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Dad jokes - add yours

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