Health Depression

[mactier]

Have experienced depression since my early teens. In my experience its something that I have to manage and I've done a lot to turn my life around from the horrible place I found myself languishing in in about 2007, but geez, life can throw you some curly ones, can't it.

I was doing really well, last year I was really happy: incredible new relationship, meeting new friends, branching into different areas of the arts industry and excelling. Everything was swell until I started being bullied at work and I just hit a wall and suddenly it was extremely difficult for me to even get out of bed. There was meant to be an investigation into the workplace bullying, I had a teleconference with a woman from HR who basically promised the world and delivered an atlas in that I never heard from the company again. So that was a massive kick in the face.

On top of that I had to deal with some complete psychopath of a housemate who ended up trying to poison me (and had a police record too as it turns out) which just made me lock myself in my room whenever she was at home. I barely ate, slept or functioned like a 'normal' human being. She's out of the picture now (thank ****) but all of this has severely affected me. I have to take it a day at a time, some days its difficult for me to even leave the house. Sometimes I can be so disconnected from everything, just numb. I'm mentally exhausted, irritable, prone to small bouts of paranoia, have no confidence in myself physically (to the point where its affecting my sexual relationship with my partner) and do tend to think of myself as worthless. I knew it was particularly bad a few weeks ago and have started seeing a psychologist, while I've only had one session so far it helped me to no end.

It feels good to get that out...today is one of those 'not so great' days, so I need to get off the couch and achieve some things.

This thread is a really lovely little support network.

 

[Hap Hapablap]

ive posted here before especially during my dark times. but i can safely say i think im out of the woods. granted there are times where i may get frusturated or sad but they arent prolonged.

i have a very strong social base, good job, good outlook and came off my medication in december last year after 6 years on endep (half of it on 25mg went down to 10mg)

my advice to you all out there that yes there will be times where shit gets ****ed. where you dont want to live anymore, where you want to throw it all away (nearly did after a 3 year relationship last year came to an abrupt end due to external factors) but at the end of the day you have to go through with it.

if you have a problem i cant reiterate how important is to seek help. if you dont know who to talk to there are plenty of people at beyond blue, lifeline, etc who can hear you out.

and dont be afraid to let your emotions come out. express yourself if you need to. keeping it all bottled inside nearly killed me. obviously dont become an emo or drama queen but there are times where you are allowed to let yourself go.

at the end of the day you need to ask yourself "do i really want to hurt those around me?"

and anyone that criticises you for your choices or whatnot tell them to get ****ed. as long as it isnt hurting you i dont see an issue with whatever choice you choose in life.

but i do know one day it may come back for whatever reason but from my previous experiences it has taught me how to deal with it better.

last but not least. appreciate yourself for who you are. you are here for a purpose you may not know it yet. but when you do it'll help gradually.

it takes time to move on from things and longer to deal with them (took me 8 years including with my last hiccup) but once youre there youre in good hands.

 

[brett15]

well it's been a very rough 12-14 months since I posted in this thread a year ago.

Said I started smoking for first time back then and a year later I'm now hooked

Been to hell and back, had 3 suicide attempts with the last two very serious, and about 6 or more hospital admissions.

To top it off my girlfriend passed away last year just before the GF weekend (same time all the Jill Meager stuff was happening), and it's still something I haven't recovered from, it's left me devastated, flattened and completely lost. Not an ideal combination to be adding grief on top of severe depression and anxiety.

Life likes to deal you tough hand sometimes, and all the worst shit can come down on you all at once.

That said, I've learned so much and transformed into a completely different person, I'm so much stronger now but I hardly give myself any credit for it. Anyone whose felt broken in will know what I mean when I say FML!

 

[Hand]

well it's been a very rough 12-14 months since I posted in this thread a year ago.

Said I started smoking for first time back then and a year later I'm now hooked

Been to hell and back, had 3 suicide attempts with the last two very serious, and about 6 or more hospital admissions.

To top it off my girlfriend passed away last year just before the GF weekend (same time all the Jill Meager stuff was happening), and it's still something I haven't recovered from, it's left me devastated, flattened and completely lost. Not an ideal combination to be adding grief on top of severe depression and anxiety.

Life likes to deal you tough hand sometimes, and all the worst shit can come down on you all at once.

That said, I've learned so much and transformed into a completely different person, I'm so much stronger now but I hardly give myself any credit for it. Anyone whose felt broken in will know what I mean when I say FML!

You're right, it does sound very rough.

Smoking? Quit, ciggies are never going to help anything. They'll only make you feel worse.

Suicide: I know it seems like the easiest exit off the toughest road, but mate, it's not worth it. The sadness it'd draw on those around you is staggering. There is ALWAYS someone that will listen to you, whatever the problem (s) may be. Keep going mate, day by day. Promise yourself you'll never again attempt to end your own life. It's too short, and you only get one shot. Make it count, for fvcks sake. At least try to.

Sorry about your girlfriend, that must've been absolutely heartbreaking. And understandably so.

Life sure can be hard, but never let the sadness beat you. Yes, it will get on top of you from time to time, but you know, 'Fall down 7 times, stand up 8.' Chin up mate.

Give yourself the credit for still being here. You're obviously a lot stronger as a result, and in the future it is inevitable that you will handle tricky situations, whatever they are, much better than those that haven't been through the ringer.

FML? What a negative way to think. Try to be positive, appreciate the good things in life. It aint all doom and gloom.

You've got this, bro. One step at a time. I wish you all the best on your way to recovery.

 

[woopedazz]

Smoking? Quit, ciggies are never going to help anything. but never let the sadness beat you.
Yes, it will get on top of you from time to time, but you know, 'Fall down 7 times, stand up 8.' Chin up mate.

FML? What a negative way to think. Try to be positive, appreciate the good things in life. It aint all doom and gloom.

Mate, I don't know how someone who has struggled with depression can write this advice. You of all people should know how utterly infuriating it is to hear this. It only acts to further deplete someone's mood. It can reinforce the idea that someone is not up to par; "others can simply quit, ignore the bad and focus on the good, but I can't" no matter how far from the truth it may be.

It's a good intention and when someone is starting to emerge from depression it is some bloody good advice, but be careful when talking to people still under a dark cloud. No amount of well-meaning advice can penetrate us until we start to recover.

I do like your advice on suicide. Something people should always do when contemplating suicide is promise a doctor, friend, a random voice on a helpline or otherwise that they will tell them prior to following through. It is a completely reasonable promise to make; simply phoning someone before you do it and letting them know the position you are in. I strongly recommend anyone struggling with suicidal ideation makes this promise. To Brett; I hope you make this promise to someone, but more importantly I wish you the best of luck with your recovery.

 

[Run n Spread]

A big problem with depression is how do you tell the difference between somebody who has naturally been predisposed to it (born with it) as opposed to somebody who has developed it due to life circumstance. Is a person who is deeply depressed necessarily suffering from depression (as a medical condition) or just in emotional pain? Trying to categorise everyone in the one bracket and dolling out medication (which is done all too commonly imo) is a potential recipe for disaster.

All people have limits. Be it a pain threshold or physiological threshold and an emotional threshold. Sometimes people just reach their limits. The difficulties with diagnosing it as a medical condition is there is no clear cut measure. A broken leg can be x rayed a concussion MRIed yet there is no clear cut measure for depression. (The 1-10 scales don't work as that is open to interpretation as well).

All people are different so no one universal approach really works. The common theme to talk about with everyone is not foolproof imo. In my experience most people do not like discussing it. This can be from a variety of reasons. Either the person is seen as self indulgent, people don't want to hear it or a quick fix is often thought in order to get them back to normal.

Similarly suicide is not freely discussed. For one it means people have to face their own mortality and limits as well as dealing with the fact that a loved one may no longer be with them. Suicide is seen by the majority as a selfish action hence the reluctance to talk about it. Society seems to be caught in 2 minds. On the one hand we have endless promotions saying talk about it etc yet any reporting about it is banned.

There are no easy answers. For whatever reasons some peoples lives become unbearable. GPs and the medical specialists are conflicted and stretched to the limit and many people are not financially well off to afford private treatment.

In a very delicate situation such as this all I could say would be to offer empathy and support. Don't offer advice unless asked for and importantly don't judge. For the sufferer I think speak to someone but be careful who as you may not always get the response you need.

 

[woopedazz]

A big problem with depression is how do you tell the difference between somebody who has naturally been predisposed to it (born with it) as opposed to somebody who has developed it due to life circumstance. Is a person who is deeply depressed necessarily suffering from depression (as a medical condition) or just in emotional pain? Trying to categorise everyone in the one bracket and dolling out medication (which is done all too commonly imo) is a potential recipe for disaster.

Depression caused by circumstance is an interesting topic. It has two links to depression: A depressive episode and major depressive disorder.

A depressive episode caused by circumstance - one that follows a stressful event - is called reactive depression. Reactive depression is a maladaptive emotional response that lasts until coping strategies are formed and does not require medication. Generally it goes away within a few weeks to months.

Major depressive disorder caused by circumstance also occurs. Most likely linked to the neuroplasticity of the brain, which is not always a positive. Be exposed to certain circumstances for a period of time and the brain reacts. Depressed mood/anxiety leads to an altered level of neurotransmitters in the brain. They are a response and also a facilitator; triggering further release/lowering threshold of the release of like neurotransmitters associated with similar emotional responses. Sort of a complicated positive reinforcement loop (massively oversimplified). Eventually like-breeds-like to a degree where the neurotransmitters are permanently out of balance and a major depressive disorder develops.

This is why it is so difficult to recover from depression quickly; it takes a long time for all of your neurotransmitters to level back out and react normally to internal mood/cognitions/behaviours and external stimuli. This is why sufferers must know that you will not wake up one day and simply be cured, it will take weeks to months and maybe even years in long term sufferers for your brain to finally work itself out and return to good health. But sufferers must also know that the brain is malleable and can recover from even from the darkest of thoughts and moods. Treatment helps to bring the balance back into a patient's favour and allow them to remould their brain to become a happier self.

I find it all very interesting. It is a shame that it causes people so much pain.

 

[Hand]

Shows what I know. A month after trying to give advice to someone, I'm back to this fuarking awful mood. It's constant, it never pisses off. I can't even go an hour without thinking about topping myself. It's bloody terrible. I just don't know what to do. I've tried everything, from keeping active to trying to sleep more, to eating healthier food, etc. It isn't working. Like, what is the point anyway? I've given up my quest to play Cricket professionally, the one and only goal I had in life. I've lost so much interest, simple as that. I'm considering not going to the MCG tomorrow night to watch the Hawks, as I see it as a $20 waste of time. I have no appetite, little interest in the opposite sex, I haven't even been following Arsenal much as of late.

I know this isn't the real me, but yeh, what is the point in trying anymore? I may as well just concede, ya know. I feel utterly useless as a human being and a complete burden to every single person that knows me. This is so darn painful.

Heres to hoping I can get out of the house tomorrow and see the brown and gold. That might cheer me up :/

 

[Run n Spread]

Shows what I know. A month after trying to give advice to someone, I'm back to this fuarking awful mood. It's constant, it never pisses off. I can't even go an hour without thinking about topping myself. It's bloody terrible. I just don't know what to do. I've tried everything, from keeping active to trying to sleep more, to eating healthier food, etc. It isn't working. Like, what is the point anyway? I've given up my quest to play Cricket professionally, the one and only goal I had in life. I've lost so much interest, simple as that. I'm considering not going to the MCG tomorrow night to watch the Hawks, as I see it as a $20 waste of time. I have no appetite, little interest in the opposite sex, I haven't even been following Arsenal much as of late.

I know this isn't the real me, but yeh, what is the point in trying anymore? I may as well just concede, ya know. I feel utterly useless as a human being and a complete burden to every single person that knows me. This is so darn painful.

Heres to hoping I can get out of the house tomorrow and see the brown and gold. That might cheer me up :/

Mate that sucks. Unfortunately there is no magic bullet or pixie dust that will fix this. I know the last thing you probably want is advice so take it or leave it but try and go for little wins at the minute. Things will ad up over time. Having long term goals is good but focus on what you can do right now. For example if your professional cricket career is stuffed just focus on playing a bit of club cricket next year and just get back the enjoyment of the game. Just go to the hawks game and enjoy the event. Just fork out the $20 and enjoy watching a game of footy.

The motivation thing is hard. Try and eat as well as possible thou. Anything you can do to think as clearly as you can. That way in your down time you can think of solutions to anything that needs doing. No need to do anything drastic like set a dawn alarm but try and do something once a day. If it really is too much just sleep a day. Take a load off, watch TV, video games etc and things will be waiting for you the next day.

 

[woopedazz]

Shows what I know. A month after trying to give advice to someone, I'm back to this fuarking awful mood. It's constant, it never pisses off. I can't even go an hour without thinking about topping myself. It's bloody terrible. I just don't know what to do. I've tried everything, from keeping active to trying to sleep more, to eating healthier food, etc. It isn't working. Like, what is the point anyway? I've given up my quest to play Cricket professionally, the one and only goal I had in life. I've lost so much interest, simple as that. I'm considering not going to the MCG tomorrow night to watch the Hawks, as I see it as a $20 waste of time. I have no appetite, little interest in the opposite sex, I haven't even been following Arsenal much as of late.

I know this isn't the real me, but yeh, what is the point in trying anymore? I may as well just concede, ya know. I feel utterly useless as a human being and a complete burden to every single person that knows me. This is so darn painful.

Heres to hoping I can get out of the house tomorrow and see the brown and gold. That might cheer me up :/

Go see your GP. What is there to lose?

 

[Hand]

Thanks for the reply, mate. My psychologist says to just focus on the little wins, like you said. I did end up going to the game on Saturday night, sat right on the fence and supported the boys. I still feel like an absolute basket case, though. I don't understand how I'm coping.

OH, and to add on the things not going great for me, I recently had my heart broken. As well as feeling absolutely distraught, I'm panicky, teary eyed, nauseas, shaky, scared, everything bad- as I'm writing this post.

Sorry to vent like this everyone, but I haven't really got anyone to talk to.

Ugh, it surely will all pass, right?

 

[Hand]

Go see your GP. What is there to lose?

My pride?

 

[shibz_1989]

My pride?

Sometimes you have to swallow your pride.

The black dog is a nasty piece of work. I'm ok most of the time but recently had a meltdown to the point of staying in bed all day and not going to the game last week. Not like me at all.

 

[glengowan]

My pride?

Not at all mate. Quite the opposite. It would be brave and important.

I thought I understood, but really didn't understand depression, until I lost someone 18 months ago. It comes in all forms and there are all different ways of managing it - in his case, he contracted Brucellosis on a holiday several years before, and it is almost certain this was the onset of his depression (likely combined with other factors).

Perhaps this online mental health assessment link might be helpful - https://au.globalmindscreen.com/

It might be a chemical imbalance that can be treated.

 

[Bagels]

Thanks for the reply, mate. My psychologist says to just focus on the little wins, like you said. I did end up going to the game on Saturday night, sat right on the fence and supported the boys. I still feel like an absolute basket case, though. I don't understand how I'm coping.

OH, and to add on the things not going great for me, I recently had my heart broken. As well as feeling absolutely distraught, I'm panicky, teary eyed, nauseas, shaky, scared, everything bad- as I'm writing this post.

Sorry to vent like this everyone, but I haven't really got anyone to talk to.

Ugh, it surely will all pass, right?

Mate I feel ya, I'm going through it too (the depression, grief and heartbreak), so I can sympathise and if you ever need to talk, even about the most stupidest things or to the most serious, please feel free to have a chat if you want too.

Going to the footy, or watching sport on tv is such a good thing, for a couple of hours more than anything it just takes your mind off things.

Hang in there buddy, your not alone

 

[Hand]

Not at all mate. Quite the opposite. It would be brave and important.

I thought I understood, but really didn't understand depression, until I lost someone 18 months ago. It comes in all forms and there are all different ways of managing it - in his case, he contracted Brucellosis on a holiday several years before, and it is almost certain this was the onset of his depression (likely combined with other factors).

Perhaps this online mental health assessment link might be helpful - https://au.globalmindscreen.com/

It might be a chemical imbalance that can be treated.

Sorry about your friend, buddy.

I've been on Fluvoxamine for 4 years, so the imbalance is at least trying to be treated. :/

Mate I feel ya, I'm going through it too (the depression, grief and heartbreak), so I can sympathise and if you ever need to talk, even about the most stupidest things or to the most serious, please feel free to have a chat if you want too.

Going to the footy, or watching sport on tv is such a good thing, for a couple of hours more than anything it just takes your mind off things.

Hang in there buddy, your not alone

Heartbreak alone is unbelievably tough. I can't stop thinking about her and each time I do I tear up. Not good. I've got to keep my chin up, though. Sport is the best distraction for me, it's like a big weight comes off my back when I'm at the footy, or watching Arsenal at 1am.


Thanks for the support guys, you don't realise how much I appreciate it.

 

[nicky]

Have any sufferers here been admitted to a hospital for your depression and if so did it help you? I've been suffering for years and have sought help from GP, psychologists and psychiatrists with little result but i'm thinking of suicide every day, like constantly so i was thinking of going to the hospital....really not sure what else to do.

You could ring the CAT team and tell them that you're suicidal and can get you into a public hospital OR if you have private health insurance ask your psychiatrist to admit you to a private hospital.

ps. i'm very sorry to hear you feel so bad.

 

[Bagels]

Have any sufferers here been admitted to a hospital for your depression and if so did it help you? I've been suffering for years and have sought help from GP, psychologists and psychiatrists with little result but i'm thinking of suicide every day, like constantly so i was thinking of going to the hospital....really not sure what else to do.

Mate i haven't my self but I know someone who was admitted to hospital when his mum found him after a failed suicide attempt, and basically it changed his life. I think the biggest thing is that if you do have those thoughts about ending your life and self harm, being at hospital can prevent them and they can monitor you for longer than a 1 hour session every so often. There is no definitive answer to should you go to the hospital, all ill say is if you feel like it will save your life, please please do it.

Always here for a chat mate

 

[Bagels]

Heartbreak alone is unbelievably tough. I can't stop thinking about her and each time I do I tear up. Not good. I've got to keep my chin up, though. Sport is the best distraction for me, it's like a big weight comes off my back when I'm at the footy, or watching Arsenal at 1am.


Thanks for the support guys, you don't realise how much I appreciate it.

Mate your dead right, I thought that after suffering depression for quite a few years I was starting to do little things the old me would do, I couldn't wait to get back to being that person, but when my ex missus walked out on me after quite a long time (btw she has been dealing with depression also), it was the first time I actually thought about and planned suicide, so not only am I back into my deep depressive state, im arguably worse.

Shedding a tear or two isn't always a bad thing, and should never be misunderstood for weakness. And yes mate keep your chin up

We are always here for you, your not alone.. Take it easy mate

 

[shibz_1989]

Have any sufferers here been admitted to a hospital for your depression and if so did it help you? I've been suffering for years and have sought help from GP, psychologists and psychiatrists with little result but i'm thinking of suicide every day, like constantly so i was thinking of going to the hospital....really not sure what else to do.

No but I did end up in ED back in late 2009. There is such a shortage of beds...it's horrific.

 

[Hap Hapablap]

as the great richard pryor said

a boy does not become a man until his heart is broken.

the reality is as ive been down that path before the pain is excruciating even if you find yourself something else on the side for some "relief" sometimes just being with someone for a while and knowing to yourself that you are cared and loved about in a way no one else on this planet are recipricating and then losing can causes feelings of borderline grief.

anyone who reads this just rest assured there are probably better things coming your way. just stick to your family or friends or something you love. the worst thing is to end your life because of someone inconsiderate.

 

[Hand]

The last time I had a significant bout with my mental health was in 2011.. The thing that triggered it all was probably moving countries and not settling in all that well. During that period of extreme sadness, lack of motivation and self respect, I drank a lot.. Being in a sober state was too much for me, I couldn't cope with reality. So getting pissed regularly was something that helped me get through. Another thing that I did was smoke. Yes, tobacco. It felt good, you know. It's like self harming but I didn't have to bother about hiding any scars. It settled me down alot, inhaling the smoke. I'm considering starting up the drinking/smoking again to distract me from all the negative thoughts flooding my brain. I know that it might sound silly and all, but I'm only content when I'm wasted so what is the point in staying sober?

 

[Bagels]

The last time I had a significant bout with my mental health was in 2011.. The thing that triggered it all was probably moving countries and not settling in all that well. During that period of extreme sadness, lack of motivation and self respect, I drank a lot.. Being in a sober state was too much for me, I couldn't cope with reality. So getting pissed regularly was something that helped me get through. Another thing that I did was smoke. Yes, tobacco. It felt good, you know. It's like self harming but I didn't have to bother about hiding any scars. It settled me down alot, inhaling the smoke. I'm considering starting up the drinking/smoking again to distract me from all the negative thoughts flooding my brain. I know that it might sound silly and all, but I'm only content when I'm wasted so what is the point in staying sober?

I know what you mean, I've tried so hard not to drink and I hadn't for about a month until Monday when I had enough, the ex messaged me, was being quite mean, my uni work is stressing me to the max I had to get extensions on extensions, I feel like my life has no purpose and I just couldn't sleep, so drinking just let me forget for a while, but each morning when I wake up I'm 10 times worse. So much so today I was so heavily hungover I missed my councelling appt, that was the only thing I've been looking forward to besides sport.

So as to your point I don't know what to say, but I kinda wish I didn't start drinking again coz I'm not too sure how I'm going to stop and get better, I have no strategy to get out

 

[TheFreshBanana]

Sorry to hear about the stuff you're going through guys, but I can assure you that if you ride it out, it'll be much better in the end.

But not only just riding it out, you need to figure out what you're problems are, and what you can do about them. For every problem, there is a solution.

Not exactly knowing what you're problems are, you don't have to say, but I think it's all about prioritising, giving yourself a break, and setting up tiny goals that can lead to the road out of your episode.

I wouldn't promote drinking. Might be different for everyone, but I find that alcohol doesn't necessarily make me happy, it just enhances whatever mood I'm in. So if I'm depressed, the worst things I can do is drink.

Make sure you're seeing someone every week. And make sure you're seeing someone good. Even if you have to fork out the cash. And don't be afraid to try other psychologists, if you think you're one is bad. Trust me, there are really bad ones out there.

And make sure you are taking the tablets regularly, same time every night.

 

[vonn]

I recently got in contact with BeyondBlue and some other places who told me to see someone but I never go through with it. For the past year I've just been feeling different. I have no desire to go out and socialise, and even footy doesn't seem to have the same enjoyment it did before. I have so much stress and anxiety from everything, I sometimes can't sleep from it or I wake up worried.
I keep thinking about how I'm going to turn out a failure, that I won't amount to anything in my life, or make something for myself, and just thoughts like that. It's always weighing on the back of my mind but the thing is, I can go day to day and operate/socialise normally as I can ignore it and push it away but when I'm alone or if it's at night, I just don't really know what's going on any more. I don't really know what to do. I can't think of anything else that makes life not worth the hassle and stress - family and that's it.