Having Kids

[Shell]

$8,250 to be exact (braces)

Surgery - $4-$5k

Ouch.

I hope the surgery and everything else goes smoothly at least

 

[Zevon]

Throughout my 20s I never wanted kids and was routinely told “it’s the best thing you’ll ever do” and “you’ll change your mind”, so I just assumed everyone was right and one day I’d come round to the idea. Well I’m now mid (ok fine, late) 30s and still haven’t got the slightest inclination or desire to have any. Thankfully I’m with a beautiful, interesting, intelligent woman who feels the same way but I feel for those who aren’t so lucky. Disagreeing on something like this in your 30s would be all but relationship-ending as other posters have said.

I will admit that every so often you see a parent having a nice moment with their child and it kicks you in the guts a little as you wonder just what you might be missing out on. I think humans are hardwired that way to a point though, so even those with the strongest of convictions not to have kids will occasionally get that same feeling out of nowhere and it’s not a reason on its own to go out and chase parenthood.

In any case, that occasional (for me anyway) feeling is outweighed by the much, much, much more frequent feeling I get when I see parents and kids where I just look and go “yeah nah, definitely not for me”.

 

[Shell]

I just look and go “yeah nah, definitely not for me”.

This particularly gets me when I see parents and kids in supermarkets or shopping centres having a particularly horrible time

 

[MP_]

Throughout my 20s I never wanted kids and was routinely told “it’s the best thing you’ll ever do” and “you’ll change your mind”, so I just assumed everyone was right and one day I’d come round to the idea. Well I’m now mid (ok fine, late) 30s and still haven’t got the slightest inclination or desire to have any. Thankfully I’m with a beautiful, interesting, intelligent woman who feels the same way but I feel for those who aren’t so lucky. Disagreeing on something like this in your 30s would be all but relationship-ending as other posters have said.

I will admit that every so often you see a parent having a nice moment with their child and it kicks you in the guts a little as you wonder just what you might be missing out on. I think humans are hardwired that way to a point though, so even those with the strongest of convictions not to have kids will occasionally get that same feeling out of nowhere and it’s not a reason on its own to go out and chase parenthood.

In any case, that occasional (for me anyway) feeling is outweighed by the much, much, much more frequent feeling I get when I see parents and kids where I just look and go “yeah nah, definitely not for me”.

When i first met my would be wife she was straight up with me that she wanted kids and that if i wasn't into that then lets not take things further. We disagreed a bit on how soon to have them but once we found out we both had infertility issues we sped the process up. Parenting isn't for everyone and i would never tell people they should become parent s because i see far too many kids in familes that don't give a shit about them. its a 100% commitment or don't do it.

 

[the_interloper]

Throughout my 20s I never wanted kids and was routinely told “it’s the best thing you’ll ever do” and “you’ll change your mind”, so I just assumed everyone was right and one day I’d come round to the idea. Well I’m now mid (ok fine, late) 30s and still haven’t got the slightest inclination or desire to have any. Thankfully I’m with a beautiful, interesting, intelligent woman who feels the same way but I feel for those who aren’t so lucky. Disagreeing on something like this in your 30s would be all but relationship-ending as other posters have said.

I will admit that every so often you see a parent having a nice moment with their child and it kicks you in the guts a little as you wonder just what you might be missing out on. I think humans are hardwired that way to a point though, so even those with the strongest of convictions not to have kids will occasionally get that same feeling out of nowhere and it’s not a reason on its own to go out and chase parenthood.

In any case, that occasional (for me anyway) feeling is outweighed by the much, much, much more frequent feeling I get when I see parents and kids where I just look and go “yeah nah, definitely not for me”.

Parenting is rewarding but it's tough, and I'll bet a lot of your mates with kids envy you at times don't worry about that.

 

[Kram]

Something I could take or leave, don't care either way.

 

[Macca19]

Moving out time, is the time, that those who kept their relationship, separate from their kids going and those that let it wither become apparent.

Wandering off topic, but this is when having a partner that could be your friend, if not your partner, IMO, is better than those who hooked up with someone they don't have that much in common with (I don't include friends / school history etc. in this). The excitement / looks etc. all fade and if all you're left with, 20 years down the track, is they are the 'co-parent', unsurprising so many divorces happen around this time.

Mine arent at moving out stage yet but thats essentially what happened with my family. We didnt have much in common anyway but let the relationship die whilst the kids became the priority. Having to sit the kids down and tell them we were seperating was by far the worst, most heartbreaking moment in my life, even though everyone involved has been better off for the seperation.

 

[Zevon]

This particularly gets me when I see parents and kids in supermarkets or shopping centres having a particularly horrible time

Lol same. Although I think the thing that clinches it for me is that it doesn’t even need to be an outwardly bad time like that. I can see parents and kids doing completely normal stuff (heck even fun stuff sometimes) and I still usually have the same reaction of just not warming to the idea barring once in a blue moon.

Parenting isn’t for everyone and i would never tell people they should become parent s because i see far too many kids in familes that don't give a s**t about them. its a 100% commitment or don't do it.

I adjusted your quote to say “isn’t” because I think that’s what you meant Yeah agreed. I think one of the good things about modern life is that both options - kids or no kids - are completely valid. Some people adore being parents (sounds like you are very much one of those which is awesome btw) while for others their life just takes a different direction and that’s ok too.

Parenting is rewarding but it's tough, and I'll bet a lot of your mates with kids envy you at times don't worry about that.

Haha yeah probably at times, although I wish them every happiness (I’m only anti-kids for me and my own life, for those that want them I’m all for it) so hopefully they don’t envy me tooooo much

 

[Shell]

Lol same. Although I think the thing that clinches it for me is that it doesn’t even need to be an outwardly bad time like that. I can see parents and kids doing completely normal stuff (heck even fun stuff sometimes) and I still usually have the same reaction of just not warming to the idea barring once in a blue moon.

Yep, same.

 

[Shell]

Thinking of Xmas right now too and the fact I only have to buy for my mum and dad, is a pretty big positive also.

 

[Andre]

Mine arent at moving out stage yet but thats essentially what happened with my family. We didnt have much in common anyway but let the relationship die whilst the kids became the priority. Having to sit the kids down and tell them we were seperating was by far the worst, most heartbreaking moment in my life, even though everyone involved has been better off for the seperation.

Thankfully, with eldest (18) moving out this Saturday, it's not a worry for us. Both geeks/nerds and with down to one child (whose more severe ASD / ADHD and more likely than not ever leaving home) just looking forward to more time to attack all the board games we've paid for and haven't played yet.

 

[MC Extra Dollop]

It was good she got her 'comeuppance' in the show- but the warehouse blokes seriously should have gotten a dose of their own right back.

What a bunch of dickheads.

I suppose Leigh did in the end, but the rest of them too should have.

The manager ended up being Jay's dad on the Inbetweeners, so what goes around...

 

[MC Extra Dollop]

Thinking of Xmas right now too and the fact I only have to buy for my mum and dad, is a pretty big positive also.

Christmas would be pretty meaningless for me without kids. I'm not saying that's a cast iron uninpeachable reason to have kids, a lot of people would be thinking "Good! Can't stand all that BS."

Just me though, I'm kind of enjoying the years of the kids getting swept away in the magic, visiting the Christmas lights around the neighbourhood, elf on the shelf etc.

 

[Kram]

Tbh babies and toddlers I find annoying, kids get funny when they around 5 through to about 12.

 

[Shell]

I've never liked babies. No I don't wanna hold your baby, I don't want cuddle it, Nada nothing leave me alone.

I also don't need to see fifty million photos of your baby.

JFC

 

[the_interloper]

Tbh babies and toddlers I find annoying, kids get funny when they around 5 through to about 12.

I’m ok with babies, but I’m convinced 2 is the worst age of any human, absolute pains in the arse.

Maybe a bit harsh but seriously, testing boundaries, random tantrums, can’t take em anywhere!

 

[PT Bar None]

And apparently "no thank you"-ing an offer to hold the baby is some sort of social faux pas?

Had some friends who bred. "PT, do you want to hold the baby?" "No thanks"

Future ex wife pulls me aside "When someone offers to hold their baby you have to!" "Yeah, nah. No you don't. Not big on children, you know that" "Well stop embarrassing me then!"

Pretty sure I slept on the couch that night. It's OK though, I liked sleeping on the couch. It reminded me of camping. Plus no one would wake me up and tell me to stop snoring.

 

[Kram]

Yeah not a fan of being forced to hold the baby.

 

[Shell]

"had some friends who bred"

 

[Kram]

"had some friends who bred"

One of the better posts on here I've seen on here for a while, you just know it really would have happened like that as well.

 

[Kram]

I also don't need to see fifty million photos of your baby.

For the love of god this.

Seen one baby seen em all.

 

[swingdog]

For the love of god this.

Seen one baby seen em all.

It's the same with holiday photos.

No, I'm not interested in a picture of you in front of the Eiffel Tower.

 

[No Quarter]

Pretty sure I slept on the couch that night. It's OK though, I liked sleeping on the couch. It reminded me of camping. Plus no one would wake me up and tell me to stop snoring.

Ahh... right in the feels, this one is so relatable

 

[No Quarter]

I've never liked babies. No I don't wanna hold your baby, I don't want cuddle it, Nada nothing leave me alone.

I also don't need to see fifty million photos of your baby.

JFC

Or hear about your 32 month old

 

[Shell]

Or hear about your 32 month old

Once I really offended someone- this was years ago.

A new Grandma at work was showing me pics of her new grandson or daughter whatever. I politely looked through them all. The following week she goes "I have photos to show you!", I say "Nah I've seen them!" she got all in a huff: "Not these ones you havent!"

Geeze Lousie. Some ppl have their heads so far up their own asses they could get offended over that.

One week later it was. ONE WEEK.