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AFLW 2024 - Round 7 - Pride Round - Chat, game threads, injury lists, team lineups and more.
JHF1870’s Unfiltered 2024 Team Reviews: Where Honesty Meets Hilarity
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JoseMourinho
Not A Manager
You're a different kind of delusional - you think you're a dynasty and Carlton think they're a team.We won the flag last year. Carltank won the Wizard Cup some time this century
JoseMourinho
Not A Manager
They were all said in jest and as a jokeDelusional you say…
Well we are talking about Failmantle so story checks out
12th Carlton
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12th Carlton Blues, the team that always lets you down.
D
1. The Great Carlton Mirage: Promises and Pitfalls
“We’re the side that always lets you down.” Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Carlton Blues—a team that could sell sand to a desert and convince the Sahara it’s getting a beachfront property. Every year, they emerge from the off-season cocoon, fluttering their wings like overcaffeinated butterflies, promising premierships and glory. But what do we get? A damp squib. A fizzled-out firecracker. A flatter performance than a pancake on a rainy day.
2. Injury Excuses: The Carlton Alibi Factory
“This year it was injuries, previous years they were part of a highly competitive top 4.” Ah, yes, injuries—the Carlton fan’s equivalent of “the dog ate my homework.” They’ve got more excuses than a politician caught in a scandal. It’s like they’ve hired a team of injury-prone leprechauns to sprinkle bad luck dust all over the place. But hey, at least they’re consistent: consistently disappointing.
3. The Carlton Youth Academy: Where Dreams Go to Hibernate
“Drafted spectacularly, but it never eventuates.” Picture this: the Carlton youth academy—a mystical place where prodigious talents arrive, eyes wide with hope, only to be handed a membership card to the “Underachievement Club.” These kids are like Swiss watches—meticulously crafted, but ultimately just ticking away in mediocrity. And speaking of Switzerland, let’s talk about their training programs.
4. Training at Carlton: Scaling the Zermatt of Mediocrity
“Carlton tried too hard to think outside the box and reinvent tried and proven training strategies.” Ah, yes, the Carlton training regime—the Everest of futility. They’re like mountaineers attempting to conquer the Swiss Alps at Zermatt. They start strong, cramming their backpacks with untested methods, but halfway up, they realize they’re not climbing peaks; they’re just lost in a fog of confusion. And when they finally reach the summit, they discover it’s just a glorified ski resort. Bravo, Blues, bravo.
5. Individual Accolades: Carlton’s Selfie Stick Syndrome
“Carlton perennially love to rack up individual accolades.” Brownlow medals, Coleman medals—the Blues collect them like a magpie with a penchant for shiny things. But here’s the twist: they’re so busy admiring their own reflections in the trophy cabinet that they forget to play as a team. It’s like watching a synchronized swimming routine where everyone’s doing their own freestyle stroke. Spoiler alert: that’s not how you win games.
6. Crazy Vossy’s Coaching Conundrum
“At this point, we’re questioning whether Crazy Vossy can actually coach.” Ah, David Teague, aka Crazy Vossy—the man who looks perpetually surprised, like he just stumbled into a surprise party where everyone’s disappointed. His coaching style? It’s like he’s playing chess while everyone else is playing Hungry Hungry Hippos. Maybe he needs a vision board with the words “teamwork” and “strategy” in neon lights.
7. The Curnow-McKay Dependency: A Forward Line on Life Support
“Over reliance on Curnow and McKay needs to be addressed.” The Carlton forward line—it’s like a two-person relay race where Curnow and McKay are sprinting while the rest of the team is busy knitting scarves. We need more dynamism, more unpredictability. Imagine if they recruited a Lion—Strong and courageous, and great at high marks. Plus, it’d be a hit with the kids during halftime shows.
8. Daniel Gorringe: The Passionate Fan Who Deserves Better
“Talk about Daniel Gorringe, one of the club’s most passionate fans.” Ah, Daniel Gorringe—the guy who bleeds navy blue and white. He’s like a human highlighter, underlining every disappointment with fervor. But Dan, my friend, take a lesson from your beloved team: humility. Don’t sell the produce before it’s ripe. Otherwise, you’ll end up with metaphorical sour grapes, and nobody wants those in their wine.
9. Conclusion: Carlton’s Odyssey to Mediocrity Continues
“A pass for Carlton in 2025 is to make finals irrespective of position and do some damage.” So, Carlton, here’s your mission:
D
1. The Great Carlton Mirage: Promises and Pitfalls
“We’re the side that always lets you down.” Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Carlton Blues—a team that could sell sand to a desert and convince the Sahara it’s getting a beachfront property. Every year, they emerge from the off-season cocoon, fluttering their wings like overcaffeinated butterflies, promising premierships and glory. But what do we get? A damp squib. A fizzled-out firecracker. A flatter performance than a pancake on a rainy day.
2. Injury Excuses: The Carlton Alibi Factory
“This year it was injuries, previous years they were part of a highly competitive top 4.” Ah, yes, injuries—the Carlton fan’s equivalent of “the dog ate my homework.” They’ve got more excuses than a politician caught in a scandal. It’s like they’ve hired a team of injury-prone leprechauns to sprinkle bad luck dust all over the place. But hey, at least they’re consistent: consistently disappointing.
3. The Carlton Youth Academy: Where Dreams Go to Hibernate
“Drafted spectacularly, but it never eventuates.” Picture this: the Carlton youth academy—a mystical place where prodigious talents arrive, eyes wide with hope, only to be handed a membership card to the “Underachievement Club.” These kids are like Swiss watches—meticulously crafted, but ultimately just ticking away in mediocrity. And speaking of Switzerland, let’s talk about their training programs.
4. Training at Carlton: Scaling the Zermatt of Mediocrity
“Carlton tried too hard to think outside the box and reinvent tried and proven training strategies.” Ah, yes, the Carlton training regime—the Everest of futility. They’re like mountaineers attempting to conquer the Swiss Alps at Zermatt. They start strong, cramming their backpacks with untested methods, but halfway up, they realize they’re not climbing peaks; they’re just lost in a fog of confusion. And when they finally reach the summit, they discover it’s just a glorified ski resort. Bravo, Blues, bravo.
5. Individual Accolades: Carlton’s Selfie Stick Syndrome
“Carlton perennially love to rack up individual accolades.” Brownlow medals, Coleman medals—the Blues collect them like a magpie with a penchant for shiny things. But here’s the twist: they’re so busy admiring their own reflections in the trophy cabinet that they forget to play as a team. It’s like watching a synchronized swimming routine where everyone’s doing their own freestyle stroke. Spoiler alert: that’s not how you win games.
6. Crazy Vossy’s Coaching Conundrum
“At this point, we’re questioning whether Crazy Vossy can actually coach.” Ah, David Teague, aka Crazy Vossy—the man who looks perpetually surprised, like he just stumbled into a surprise party where everyone’s disappointed. His coaching style? It’s like he’s playing chess while everyone else is playing Hungry Hungry Hippos. Maybe he needs a vision board with the words “teamwork” and “strategy” in neon lights.
7. The Curnow-McKay Dependency: A Forward Line on Life Support
“Over reliance on Curnow and McKay needs to be addressed.” The Carlton forward line—it’s like a two-person relay race where Curnow and McKay are sprinting while the rest of the team is busy knitting scarves. We need more dynamism, more unpredictability. Imagine if they recruited a Lion—Strong and courageous, and great at high marks. Plus, it’d be a hit with the kids during halftime shows.
8. Daniel Gorringe: The Passionate Fan Who Deserves Better
“Talk about Daniel Gorringe, one of the club’s most passionate fans.” Ah, Daniel Gorringe—the guy who bleeds navy blue and white. He’s like a human highlighter, underlining every disappointment with fervor. But Dan, my friend, take a lesson from your beloved team: humility. Don’t sell the produce before it’s ripe. Otherwise, you’ll end up with metaphorical sour grapes, and nobody wants those in their wine.
9. Conclusion: Carlton’s Odyssey to Mediocrity Continues
“A pass for Carlton in 2025 is to make finals irrespective of position and do some damage.” So, Carlton, here’s your mission:
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jannissary
AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
this's been a great read 
- Aug 18, 2018
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Stronzo
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Did we just go from 13th Gold Coast to CarLOLton 11th ... and 12th was missed?
Or were Gold Coast 12th and 13th was missed?
Or were Gold Coast 12th and 13th was missed?
