Lame Jokes Part 2

[4evablues]

What do you call an alligator that reads maps?
A navigator.

 

[Freofalcon]

Doctor - Madam, are you sexually active ?

Woman - Sometimes I am, and sometimes I just lay there.

 

[Freofalcon]

Jesus walks in to an inn, throws 3 nails on the counter and asks the Innkeeper "Could you put me up for the night? "

 

[worbod]

A fact of life:
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says, "W T F".

 

[worbod]

What did the baby corn say to the mummy corn?

Where's Pop Corn?

 

[worbod]

What do you call a man who cuts hair in between two buildings?

Alley Barber.

 

[Deliverance]

A boy sees his mum in her room naked, touching herself and repeating "I need a man, I need a man". Next week he sees his mum in her room having sex with a man. He runs straight to his room, strips down, starts touching himself and repeats "I need a bike, I need a bike"

 

[WAFLfan1969]

Why was six scared of seven?

Because seven was a well known six offender!!!

 

[WAFLfan1969]

A dyslexic man walks in to a bra

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

'I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.'

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Two snowmen are standing in a field and one says, "do you smell carrots?"

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Why did the owner of the nudist colony fire the architect?
Too many cracks.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What do you call a flying cow?
High stakes.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Why did the blonde go to the dentist?
She found out that she had a nasal cavity.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

If a woman's last name is Acid, what does her nephew call her?
Aunt Acid.

 

[Double the Fist]

Two Chinese blokes walked into a bar. The barman said "why the same face?"

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Two Chinese blokes walked into a bar. The barman said "why the same face?"

GOLD!

Two friends walk into a Tassie bar. The bartender says "are you related?"

 

[Freofalcon]

What do Japanese do when they have erections ?

They vote.

 

[Xtreme]

what do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter??

pumpkin pi

 

[pebblestone]

Two cows are standing in a paddock in England, chewing grass. One turns to the other and says
"so what do you think about this mad cows disease then?"
The other stops chewing, looks at him for a moment and replies
"What the hell would I know about it, I'm a mailbox."

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

A slogan of a popular plastic surgery clinic. "We put a smile on your face."

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What does a tape measurer take when at war?
Drastic measures!

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What do you call a woman giving birth on a plane?
Airborne!