Lame Jokes Part 2

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A man is walking down the street when another man stops him and asks, "Hey, haven't I seen your face somewhere else?"

The other man replies, "No, it's always been attached to the front of my skull."
 

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Why do men have a hole at the top of their d!ck?
So they can be open-minded

Whats the diffrence between <insert name here> and a brick?
Brick gets layed

Whats the diffrence between <insert name here> and a goal post?
goal post is straight
 
A guy walks into a bar with a dog. He claims the dog can talk. "Give me a beer and I'll show you." The bartender slides a beer to him and the man asks the dog, "Fido, what is that above our heads?" The dog says, "Roof!" The irritated barten...der says, "That's not talking, he sounds like any other dog." The man says, "OK, how about this - Fido, who was the best baseball player of all time?" The dog says, "Ruth!" The bartender throws the man and the dog out of the bar. Fido says to the man, "Ya think I shouldda said DiMaggio?"
 
After a night out on the town, a drunk guy staggers into a pizza parlour and orders a pizza. When it is cooked, the employee asks him, "Would you like it cut into six pieces or eight?"

The drunk replies, "Aw, you'd better make it six. I don't think I could eat eight."
 
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into
bed when his wife complained, as usual, 'I have a headache!
'Perfect,' her husband said.'
I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin.
You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you.':mad:
 
Bomber32 said:
A passer by asks a farmer how many sheep he has so the farmer sends the dog out into the field to count them.

The dog comes back and says 730

The farmer says, "That's strange, I only bought 727."

The dog says, "I rounded 'em up."
Click to expand...

:thumbsu:
 

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I went to a couple of car dealerships last week and the first one I stopped at was Kia. Nothing caught my eye, but the price was right. Then I went to a Ford dealer, again nothing really caught my eye, but I looked anyway. After that I went to the Mazda dealer, where I saw one that I liked. The dealer did the once over with me then he opens the trunk. Disappointed, I looked at the dealer and said, "Well, there's something missing." The dealer looking puzzled asks "What?" I replied "At the Ford dealership I checked out, they had a new pair of shoes in the trunk of every car." With a smile on his face, the dealer says, "That's so they can walk home!"
 
A one sided football game was failing to hold the attention of a particular player who was on the team being thrashed. He turns to his opponent and decides to stick his boot in his backside.

"What do you think you're doing?" the opponent asks.

"Just kicking a behind."
 
A little girl and her mum were walking in the park and saw two teenagers making love. The little girl asks her mum, "Mummy, what are they doing?" Her mum then said, "They’re um… making cakes."

The next day, the girl and mum go to the zoo and see two monkeys making love. Again, the little girl asks her mum "Mummy, what are they doing?" and gets the same reply, "They’re making cakes."

The next day, the little girl tells her mum, "You and daddy were making cakes last night!" Surprised, the mum asked, "How did you know?" The little girl then says, "I licked the icing off the sofa."
 
With the decline of British manufacturing in the twentieth century, many old cotton mills in Yorkshire lay abandoned for many years, slowly crumbling. Many people considered this a shame, as these mills are of immense historical interest and were once the centre of their communities, but nobody could quite agree what was the best use for them.

Until at last an ingenious solution was found through European co-operation. In Germany the animal welfare agencies were running desperately short of land space for shelters for abandoned dogs. So the EU decided to restore the mills to use as animal shelters.

The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich.
 

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Lame Jokes Part 2

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