- Apr 1, 2011
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I had a very nice date last night.
It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape.
It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape.
Lame Jokes Part 2
- Thread starter Hard Ball Get
- Start date
- Tagged users None
- Apr 1, 2011
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What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
philreich
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- Mar 2, 2014
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I spoke yesterday to a bloke who asked his parents what they did before the advent of the internet. They said they didn't know, and neither did any of his 26 brothers and sisters.
philreich
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Is that related somehow to someone getting scared half to death twice?
- Apr 1, 2011
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What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
‘But I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’
‘But I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’
- Apr 1, 2011
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I have this weird talent where I can tell what’s inside a wrapped present.
It’s a gift
It’s a gift
philreich
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- Mar 2, 2014
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There are 2 types of people in the world - those who can extrapolate from incomplete data, and
- Apr 1, 2011
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Do you know what seems odd to me?
Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.
Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.
philreich
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- Mar 2, 2014
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At one point I thought there were 4 types - those who can count, those with poor memories, and those who can count.
- Apr 1, 2011
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Everyone knows Murphy’s Law, where “anything that can go wrong will go wrong.”
But do you know Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
But do you know Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
- Apr 1, 2011
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I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.
She told me that nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.
So I bought her nothing.
She told me that nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.
So I bought her nothing.
- Apr 1, 2011
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The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and exchanged it for another one.
Free of charge!
Free of charge!
My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me.
Three years later when we broke up she gave me exactly $100 back.
I lost interest in that relationship.
Three years later when we broke up she gave me exactly $100 back.
I lost interest in that relationship.
- Apr 1, 2011
- 5,772
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- Collingwood
My friend just won the Tallest Christmas Tree competition.
I thought to myself, “How can you top that?”
I thought to myself, “How can you top that?”
- Mar 19, 2020
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I was house sitting for my friend when he called me after 2 weeks of being away to check up on everything
“First thing, how is my cat?”
“Oh your cat died, i came home one day and it was dead”
“Far out mate that’s shocking, you could atleast lead me onto that news. Like day one, the cat was playing on the roof, day 2 the cat fell off the roof and day 3 the cat died”
“Okay duly noted”
“Okay moving on, how is my nanna”
“Nanna, oh your Nanna is playing on the roof”
“First thing, how is my cat?”
“Oh your cat died, i came home one day and it was dead”
“Far out mate that’s shocking, you could atleast lead me onto that news. Like day one, the cat was playing on the roof, day 2 the cat fell off the roof and day 3 the cat died”
“Okay duly noted”
“Okay moving on, how is my nanna”
“Nanna, oh your Nanna is playing on the roof”
