By Father Millk
Welcome my children. Please be seated as we begin today's sermon. I am Father Millk. I am from house Swamprat and it is my honour to be speaking to you on this fine day. I'd like to begin today by telling you that once I was lost. I was lost on the great seas of ignorance. I did not know the name of our lord and I was blind. I was blind to what was right in front of me. It wasn't until Father ClarkeM opened my eyes to the true beauty of this world. And today I would like to share with you the 10 Qooty Commandments and remind each and every one of you how blessed we are to be sitting here today.
If you eat the token salad that comes with it, please leave your Qooty card at the door, we don't want you here
Thank you all for joining me today. Remember that Qooty is a blessid thing and shall not be taken in vein. We all live it and love it, some too much whilst some not enough. And with each new rookie we can get into this beautiful league the stronger our bond becomes. Remember and embrace our commandments and let the banter be true and the sim in your favor.
The 10 Qooty Commandments
Welcome my children. Please be seated as we begin today's sermon. I am Father Millk. I am from house Swamprat and it is my honour to be speaking to you on this fine day. I'd like to begin today by telling you that once I was lost. I was lost on the great seas of ignorance. I did not know the name of our lord and I was blind. I was blind to what was right in front of me. It wasn't until Father ClarkeM opened my eyes to the true beauty of this world. And today I would like to share with you the 10 Qooty Commandments and remind each and every one of you how blessed we are to be sitting here today.
1. Thou Shall Respect Our Lord
Our lord is not the sim, but the man who gave birth to it. Lord Mobbenfuhrer created Qooty in 6 days and on the 7th he proclaimed that "every man woman and child shall forever be at the mercy of my creation" and blessed we are to be at the mercy of the sim! Sim gives us strength! Sim gives us hope! If it were not for our Lord Mobbenfuher we'd all be blind to the blessid agony of Qooty.
2. Thou Shall Mostly Respect The User of the Sim
When we lose a game of Qooty it sucks. The pain it causes us goes deep down into our very core and it is a struggle to live. Losing twice in a row is twice as bad. There is no relief even when your captain puts in in Full Forward and you kick 6 against that campaigner of a Full Back of the Opposition. But you wear your loss like the respectful Qootier you are. But god dammit when you lose 3 in a row the simmer is clearly taking the ****ing piss! They obviously are rigging the bastard for their own selfish gains and if I ever find out who they are I will punch them in the throat. Or if there is an unholy event of a draw.
3. Thou Shall Ridicule Any Side For Their Posting
When engaging in a sacred match thread against the Opposition, if they post more than you, they must be of the SPAM Belief and if they post less than you they clearly only have 2 posters in their side and are about to fold. And your club has the EXACT number of posts a Sweet F.A side should have! And you must remind these pretenders of that.
4. Thou Shall Discuss The Correct Way To Shorten The Name of a Chicken Parmigiana At Least Once Every Two Matches
The food of Qooty is blessid and we are in it's aw. Cooked chicken breast with ham, sauce and cheese is delightful after a second pot of beer. We all agree upon this alas we cannot agree on the name of our most blessid food. No matter if they are teammate or from the Opposition if they agree with you about what to call it, they are a friend and if they disagree they must be destroyed. And it is a parma. Parmi sounds like something a Barbie doll would cook, flogs.
If you eat the token salad that comes with it, please leave your Qooty card at the door, we don't want you here
5. Thou Shall Use Shitty MS Paint Skills in Media
Whilst impressive graphic skills are to be respected, they do not make for interesting viewing. At most they get "oh that looks nice" but the avatar of dennis crumpet terribly MS Painted on the body of a very large man is much more amusing than your fancy score cards. We do appreciate the effort but save it for the graphics board mate.
6. Thou Shall Deliberately Create Controversy with Lists
Putting a Quivorir down as best captain or leaving off a legend like okeydoke7 off best media threads is not only as easy way to cause melts, but allows everyone else to complain about how valid everything else on the list is. We all know that Van_Dyke is the best poster of the Demons but putting RU_ at number one is too exciting not to do.
7. Thou Shall Listen To The Podcast Only To See If You Get A Mention
No one cares about the ladder, which team some random flog thinks will fold next or how much brahj laughs at the slightest provocation. We all just want to know if other people know who we are. They do but podcasters will only cycle through the same 5 or 6 names to seem like they are clever, when really they are just drunk and scrolling through the first page of the board.
8. Thou Shall Claim To Be A Better Admin Than The Current One
The admin does a shit job. Doesn't matter if they go back on their 22 week long season word like The Filth Wizard or if they try and do everything themselves like the Frankston Rover s of the world. You random in the audience today can and will do a better job than the bozo in charge at the moment. And you will make damn sure to remind them.
9. Thou Shall Use A Simpsons Gif To Make Your Point Stronger
You are giving someone some hardcore banter. You have them on the ropes. They have nothing. There is only one thing left to do. Gif them into submission and there is only 1 type of Gif that can do it...
10. Thou Shall Call The Match Poster A campaigner When Posting A Tight Final Quarter
We just wanna know the result, WHY DO YOU TORTURE US SO? We are 1 goal up with the ball in our backline with 2 minutes ago and you last posted 6 MINUTES AGO! You finished posting another game in that game! ARGH!
Thank you all for joining me today. Remember that Qooty is a blessid thing and shall not be taken in vein. We all live it and love it, some too much whilst some not enough. And with each new rookie we can get into this beautiful league the stronger our bond becomes. Remember and embrace our commandments and let the banter be true and the sim in your favor.
