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I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started fecking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad.

I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."

He said, "I'm not."
 

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I met this girl last night...we were both so horny....we stumbled into the alley behind the club...our tongues in each others mouths.....my hand pulled up her skirt and I slid my hand inside her knickers and fingered her.....'you're so fecking wet' I breathed in her ear. 'Not really' she said, 'that's the last guys cum'
 
A bloke went into a pet shop an saw a magnificent Parrot for only 20$.
He said to the cashier, mate, why is that beautiful parrot only 20 bucks?
The cashier said, no refund no questions. Its just 20 bucks, take it or leave it!
The bloke thought it would be a great gift for his girlfriend. So he bought it.
He got the parrot to his car and the parrot let fly -"This car is a peice of shit! Its a shitty rust bucket you knob end!"
This went on until he got home. The abuse was filthy. When he bought the parrot inside, it did the same thing. Abused him about the state of his house, how small and crappy it was. The poor bloke was really upset.
Just then the Girlfriend arrived, well, did the parrot go to town on her. Called her awful names and swore and was really unpleasant. The girlfriend left in tears.
By this stage the bloke was very upset, he grabbed the parrot and said, right you bastard of a bird, youre going in the freezer untill you learn to be nice! With that, he threw the bird into the freezer.
After 40 minutes, when the noise had died down, the parrot was retrieved from the freezer. The ice was shaken off the icy bird. The bloke said. Have you learned your lesson you foul mouthed bird? The parrot nodded.
The parrot then said, I just have one question..... What! demmanded the bloke.
The parrot said, "What did the Turkey do???"
 
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. While her dad gets his hair cut, she stands next to the barber chair, eating a cupcake. The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.”

She replies, “Yes, I know, and I'm gonna grow a pair of boobs too.”
 
1- You are reading this.
2 - You are a human.
3- You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.
4- You just attempted to do it.
6- You didn't know that but feel silly for trying
7-You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8- You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9- You laugh at this because you have a mouth
10- You are probably going to send this to someone to see who else falls for it.


if someone else has seen or posted this already, yeah its prob wrong because I don't remember it all so made couple up lol
 

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