Perfect long term relationships that go sour

[HBF]

I've got a couple of mates who got to about 7 years each with their respective partners, and then ended it with them. Both mentioned that the relationship simply ran out of legs, the passion had died, and was better off ending it then before they get married, have kids, etc, etc..

Me, i'm currently 7 years into my relationships and still going strong. What I think a key to this relationship working is that we both do our own thing, and not spending every minute together like some other couples.

 

[Andre]

I've got a couple of mates who got to about 7 years each with their respective partners, and then ended it with them. Both mentioned that the relationship simply ran out of legs, the passion had died, and was better off ending it then before they get married, have kids, etc, etc..

Me, i'm currently 7 years into my relationships and still going strong. What I think a key to this relationship working is that we both do our own thing, and not spending every minute together like some other couples.

Where do you think 7 year itch came from? By 7 years you've long since passed the hormone/chemical stage of love, quirks have turned into annoying flaws and if you don't have anything in common you're probably stuffed.

Although there are exceptions, if you haven't already passed 7 years together and are considering marriage, the IMO first question anyone should ask themselves is 'If I wasn't going out with/about to marry this person' could they be my friend? And if there's not enough in common there to say yes, then loud alarm bells should be going. Lust is recipe for enjoyment, not a long term relationship.

Up to 11 and a half years together with my wife now from when we first started going out, so past the biggest danger points, though you can never let yourself get complacent and start taking anyone for granted.

 

[4n20]

Hope alarms were going off in your head too then.

Yeah, i felt a little uncomfortable.

She pretty much rejected me (as a potential partner) when I said I was married (but separated), had 2 kids, was 35 yrs old (I look mid - late 20's at most Ive been told) and was still trying to finish a uni degree.
"relationships dont work for me, so im not looking for one" was her exact words.
Not long afterwards she asks if I wanted to continue the drinking sesh at her place.

I've got a couple of mates who got to about 7 years each with their respective partners, and then ended it with them. Both mentioned that the relationship simply ran out of legs, the passion had died, and was better off ending it then before they get married, have kids, etc, etc..

Me, i'm currently 7 years into my relationships and still going strong. What I think a key to this relationship working is that we both do our own thing, and not spending every minute together like some other couples.

I know how that feels.

 

[nicky]

Yeah, i felt a little uncomfortable.

She pretty much rejected me (as a potential partner) when I said I was married (but separated), had 2 kids, was 35 yrs old (I look mid - late 20's at most Ive been told) and was still trying to finish a uni degree.
"relationships dont work for me, so im not looking for one" was her exact words.
Not long afterwards she asks if I wanted to continue the drinking sesh at her place.



I know how that feels.

did you?

 

[haywood jablome]

There are lots of reasons as to why they go sour. I think the best way to give it a shot is finding someone who you respect that has a good family/upbringing. Most relationships that end were ****ed from the start, I'm surprised the divorce rate is only 50%.

 

[4n20]

did you?

I did, but we didnt have sex.

There are lots of reasons as to why they go sour. I think the best way to give it a shot is finding someone who you respect that has a good family/upbringing. Most relationships that end were ****ed from the start, I'm surprised the divorce rate is only 50%.

Yeah, there are lots of reasons why mine went south.

 

[4n20]

I did, but we didnt have sex.

But we will do later this week, she turns me on so bad I cant help it and she knows it.

 

[Brad Goodman]

Lol that took an unexepected turn.

 

[XFactor1979]

too bad

'perfect' whats that?

 

[4n20]

Lol that took an unexepected turn.

Well, she rang last night to let me know she has finished her night shifts.
Shes got more front than Myer Ill give her that. I probably should have knocked the top off it afterwards to steady the brain.

too bad

'perfect' whats that?

I honestly dont think a perfect relationship exists.

 

[XFactor1979]

I honestly dont think a perfect relationship exists.

those who are deeply deluded/ or are heavily medicated on anti depressants may beg to differ

 

[Nardz]

I honestly dont think a perfect relationship exists.

yeah they do.

when you're not in it - and your looking in from outside - it seems perfect

 

[XFactor1979]

yeah they do.

when you're not in it - and your looking in from outside - it seems perfect

^ for better results, refer my previous post

 

[fairdinkum]

I have seen and heard of several stories wherein the problem is not with either party or even the relationship itself; the problem is that when one party (or both) decide they want to 'see the world', the time apart can bring them unstuck.

 

[kwame]

my best mates sisters husband just ended their marriage after a year said he just wasnt into the relationship anymore i suspect he got sick of her bossy attitude though. were together about 7 years. they have a kid also. bit sad for my mates nephew.

my mate and his gf broke up a while ago after three years together. started living together straight away....fatal mistake. she was a nutcase that needed to spend every waking moment with him. i would never have tolerated the crap he did. probably both thought its better to be with somebody than nobody. never met a girl so DESPERATE to get married and have kids. she will end up divorced coz she will marry at the first opportunity and get knocked up as it is her lifes goal.

 

[daddy_4_eyes]

I have seen and heard of several stories wherein the problem is not with either party or even the relationship itself; the problem is that when one party (or both) decide they want to 'see the world', the time apart can bring them unstuck.

Funnily enough, had a friend lose a relationship because of something like that.
Mind you, she was mid 20's and he was late 20's when this happened, so a bit weird that he chose to 'see the world' that late.

What basically happened was he wanted to experience life in a country other than Australia, so organised a working holiday to Canada for 6 months, possibly expanding it to 12.
As soon as he leaves she starts getting paranoid and snoops around. Goes into his e-mail and tracks all his e-mails. Finds some photo's of him and a chick on a beach (stop over in Greece) and assumes the worst.

2 weeks later and their 2 year relationship is over. Only months earlier she was telling me how she knows that he is the one she wants to marry and she doesn't mind him going overseas because she trusts him, blah blah blah.

 

[daddy_4_eyes]

Which reminds me of this:

[YOUTUBE]F2AV3cmEWX4[/YOUTUBE]

 

[we57st]

One good mate of mine had been with his girlfriend since they were about 20 and 5 or 6 years later, he was ready to marry her. This guy is really level-headed, smart, considerate - everything you'd want in a boyfriend.

So anyway, they went on a holiday to Hawaii where he was planning to pop the question. On the day in question, the girl got sick and was generally grumpy etc and he was in 2 minds as to whether to go ahead with the proposal. In the end he did - and she said no!!!

Eventually the relationship ended about 2 years later - at the girl's initiative - and she couldn't give him a reason why. She doesn't have another boyfriend or anything. He is still wondering why things turned the way they did, is still totally in love with her and would go back to her in a heartbeat. Personally I'm glad as I've never liked her and always found her quite awkward and unfriendly towards me.

Another friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend after 8 years together through their 20s. It really did seem like they were made for each other. Both now have other partners.

It's weird how things turn out sometimes.

 

[4n20]

One good mate of mine had been with his girlfriend since they were about 20 and 5 or 6 years later, he was ready to marry her. This guy is really level-headed, smart, considerate - everything you'd want in a boyfriend.

So anyway, they went on a holiday to Hawaii where he was planning to pop the question. On the day in question, the girl got sick and was generally grumpy etc and he was in 2 minds as to whether to go ahead with the proposal. In the end he did - and she said no!!!

Eventually the relationship ended about 2 years later - at the girl's initiative - and she couldn't give him a reason why. She doesn't have another boyfriend or anything. He is still wondering why things turned the way they did, is still totally in love with her and would go back to her in a heartbeat. Personally I'm glad as I've never liked her and always found her quite awkward and unfriendly towards me.

Another friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend after 8 years together through their 20s. It really did seem like they were made for each other. Both now have other partners.

It's weird how things turn out sometimes.

You're not wrong there, but sometimes it turns out better.

 

[Eva88]

So cool to read your opinions and sides to the story of 'woe is the gf, played around by bf'. Sometimes when people i know say that after a break-up I want to say that perhaps they we're partly responsible.

But honestly at 21 i find it crazy reading about people, the same age as me who are engaged, getting married, buying house with their boyfriend/girlfriend of two years and thinking of starting a family.
Whatever happend to taking things a little slower. Not getting engaged, getting married like six months later etc.

I've been in a relationship now for over four years, all fine and dandy as i see it. We're both on the same page with most things and take it all as it comes.

It used to be the norm to be married and starting a family at this age back in the day but soo many things have changed since then. Things are a hell of a lot more expensive, its hard to have a stay at home parent now then it was back in the 60's.

People need to consider when preparing for a baby to actually think about if they can provide for that child as well as have a happy house and lifestyle. Not just have it because they want one or 'think' its time. I see too much of that thinking in my job and seeing the affects on the kids is just not cool.

I reckon also how someone was brought up, their family lifestyle may play a part in how their relationships work. I've been brought with both parents being married for 25 odd years, my grandparents being married for over 50 years. So my views on a realtionship differ to that of a friend who has a different boyfriend every year or so.

Just gotta stop people having unrealistic ideals of things.

 

[XFactor1979]

4 billion males and females

youre bound to pick the holes on why they hell you chose 1 out of 4 billion

why?

especially when you realise other people have other good traits as well

 

[Damon_3388]

This will sound a bit odd and contradictory, seeing as I believe in relationships more than just "one nighters" and "random hook ups", but I don't see the point of marriage. Not so much as that I don't see the point of a singular monogamous relationship (on the contrary, I find that idea quite appealing), but it's just the symbolic nature and financial aspects which I don't approve of. It just seems like financial and emotional suicide if it goes sour, particularly if it involves a house, kids, etc. Think about how you feel when a long-term relationship ends, and then on top of that put all the legal wrangling that goes into divorce, and it's enough to send anyone insane. As well as that, does spending all that money on a big celebration really make the relationship that much more meaningful to people? If I really loved someone, and wanted to be with them forever, I wouldn't need a big expensive ceremony and legal documents to make it feel "proper". Just being with them would be enough for me.

As for my experience with long-term relationships - my longest lasted just a year. Fellow uni students filling the void of boredom and loneliness within each of our respective lives, and we were inseperable for a fair while. Then we stopped talking like we used to and it became a drag to be around each other. I think we ended up spending too much time together in "work" situations (same uni classes etc.) that when it came to having fun away from that environment (nights, weekends, etc.), we were just sick of being around each other and wanted to be with other friends or by ourselves. We went from talking for hours on end about anything and everything to being there in silence, literally sitting there trying to think of something interesting to say. Each minor personality foible became manified, and there was often an unspoken tension whenever we were together. The odd thing was, there wasn't ever really any physical attraction lost, and the other issues never really affected the relationship sexually.

Eventually though, we mutually agreed to go our seperate ways. Somehow we'd grown apart and went from seemingly being so alike and having so much in common into being completely different people with different personalities. I took it fairly hard once we'd officially broken up, as the relationship had kind of become a bit of a security blanket, but eventually I got over it. We tried the "just being friends" bit for a while, but that petered out after a while - it turns out that despite initially having such common interests, being the same age and doing the same degree at uni, we were just two different people at different stages of our lives. I can see now that we probably weren't right for each other in the end, but it was very enjoyable while it was good.

 

[Hooley McBoob]

This will sound a bit odd and contradictory, seeing as I believe in relationships more than just "one nighters" and "random hook ups", but I don't see the point of marriage. Not so much as that I don't see the point of a singular monogamous relationship (on the contrary, I find that idea quite appealing), but it's just the symbolic nature and financial aspects which I don't approve of. It just seems like financial and emotional suicide if it goes sour, particularly if it involves a house, kids, etc. Think about how you feel when a long-term relationship ends, and then on top of that put all the legal wrangling that goes into divorce, and it's enough to send anyone insane. As well as that, does spending all that money on a big celebration really make the relationship that much more meaningful to people? If I really loved someone, and wanted to be with them forever, I wouldn't need a big expensive ceremony and legal documents to make it feel "proper". Just being with them would be enough for me.

I agree with this. Considering half of all marriages end in divorce and around 40% of married people cheat on their spouse - what's the point?

 

[4n20]

This will sound a bit odd and contradictory, seeing as I believe in relationships more than just "one nighters" and "random hook ups", but I don't see the point of marriage. Not so much as that I don't see the point of a singular monogamous relationship (on the contrary, I find that idea quite appealing), but it's just the symbolic nature and financial aspects which I don't approve of. It just seems like financial and emotional suicide if it goes sour, particularly if it involves a house, kids, etc.

Yup!

Think about how you feel when a long-term relationship ends, and then on top of that put all the legal wrangling that goes into divorce, and it's enough to send anyone insane.

Dont need to think about it, im feeling it.

As well as that, does spending all that money on a big celebration really make the relationship that much more meaningful to people? If I really loved someone, and wanted to be with them forever, I wouldn't need a big expensive ceremony and legal documents to make it feel "proper". Just being with them would be enough for me.

Couldnt agree more, but try telling that to the girl.

I agree with this. Considering half of all marriages end in divorce and around 40% of married people cheat on their spouse - what's the point?

I find that disturbing.

 

[r dub 19]

I have never had a relationship minus a couple of 4 week ones in year 8. I much prefer the random hook ups and one night stands for the time being, it's just like a big game trying to seduce women and I can't imagine being in a relationship during uni. I plan to travel around europe first and do as many european girls as possible and then I will settle down.

Surely that is a common ideology?