Perfect long term relationships that go sour

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Honestly the quicker people get back out there the happier they get quicker ...

Hey and this is coming from a counsellor ...but one that suffered a marriage break up of 14 years

My well documented free agent mission over the last 8 months has been great ...no regrets ....fun is allowed
Men espectally internalise thoughts and worry a lot abou thmeslves and we feel the pain

Sleeping with a nice random girl doesn't take all the pain away but geez it clears the head and makes you realise that someone else's trash will one day be someone's treasure

Sex release massive amounts of dopamine also so actuall science tellls us its very good for us anyway.

Then work out the other shit as you go ...I'd rather go out and have fun sex than stair at the bottom of a beer glass night after night
 
GreyCrow said:
Then its Friendzone. Sometimes you must be prepared to lose when trying to win. Its not that I don't think you should aim for a relationship, but that if it doesn't come off I'm not sure staying friends is an option either.

From the rest of your post it seems she wants commitment. You are only providing a friends commitment at the moment. Maybe some of the females here can help but to me she wants babies and a ring and is willing to grab the next person who gives that promise to her. This gets back to my previous post of taking charge, but be prepared to lose.
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That is always the risk. I'm quite amicable with one of my ex's to the point of being a big helping hand for her and her parents during her divorce last year. The other . . . Not so much.
I guess it probably comes down to the length of relationship as well; if we go on a few proper dates then decide we're better as friends that's 'safer' then being together a couple of years then splitting.
You might be right about the last part, and given I'm a broke ass uni student as well there might be hesitance on her part because I won't be in a position for at least a couple of years to support her/a family (particularly as she has expensive taste in everything haha).
We've been meaning to catch up for a couple of weeks and really talk through everything (since my apology) but have both been busy at the wrong times. Hopefully once we do manage to catch up it will provide a bit of clarity for both of us; I'll just need to nut up and make sure I actually tell her how I feel lol.

Shell said:
I doubt it's their/her fault. My parents are together (still are- in fact even all my aunties/uncles are still together, only have been separated by death, not divorce). None of my brothers are married, neither am I and have only had 1 LTR ever (i'm 37).
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It's definitely just our family lol.
There's about 10 cousins us aged between 20-32 and combined we've had about 4 x 6+ month relationships.
 
I didn't know where to post this, so I thought this thread is close enough.

I'm only young, 22 and ended a 3 1/2 year relationship about 10 months ago now. It ended up a pretty toxic relationship, but often you don't really know you're in one until you look back afterwards.

Anyway, I'd thought I'd preface this by saying I'm not looking for another relationship but would be open if the right person came along. I've dated and seen a lot of girls since then (10-15), most I find quite attractive and have got along well with all of them. The issue is that I can't seem to develop feelings for any of them, there just seems to be nothing there at all.

Has this happened to anyone? Is there some sorted or underlying issue here? Or is it just a coincidence that out of all these girls, I've not genuinely liked any of them?
 

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Golden_6 said:
I didn't know where to post this, so I thought this thread is close enough.

I'm only young, 22 and ended a 3 1/2 year relationship about 10 months ago now. It ended up a pretty toxic relationship, but often you don't really know you're in one until you look back afterwards.

Anyway, I'd thought I'd preface this by saying I'm not looking for another relationship but would be open if the right person came along. I've dated and seen a lot of girls since then (10-15), most I find quite attractive and have got along well with all of them. The issue is that I can't seem to develop feelings for any of them, there just seems to be nothing there at all.

Has this happened to anyone? Is there some sorted or underlying issue here? Or is it just a coincidence that out of all these girls, I've not genuinely liked any of them?
Click to expand...
This is where I am. Had a terrible divorce and made some poor choices so I spent some time dealing with my issues and my understanding of who I am. Part of that is not needing to invest all my emotion and energy into the next date/meeting. Maybe a big part of that is I am also a little reflective when I do go on dates etc. I then find I don't make the 2nd or 3rd effort to continue the logical conclusion. And that doesn't bother me either.

Because 1 day I will find her.
 
I've decided to give that girl a miss.
She's really not given me the impressive the past week or so to suggest she's that interested, and my emotional petrol tickets can definitely be better spent elsewhere.

Golden_6 said:
I didn't know where to post this, so I thought this thread is close enough.

I'm only young, 22 and ended a 3 1/2 year relationship about 10 months ago now. It ended up a pretty toxic relationship, but often you don't really know you're in one until you look back afterwards.

Anyway, I'd thought I'd preface this by saying I'm not looking for another relationship but would be open if the right person came along. I've dated and seen a lot of girls since then (10-15), most I find quite attractive and have got along well with all of them. The issue is that I can't seem to develop feelings for any of them, there just seems to be nothing there at all.

Has this happened to anyone? Is there some sorted or underlying issue here? Or is it just a coincidence that out of all these girls, I've not genuinely liked any of them?
Click to expand...

1) make sure you haven't closed yourself off emotionally
2) you're not going to fall for every girl you meet/date (unless you're the guy I worked with at a hostel once)
 
Golden_6 said:
I didn't know where to post this, so I thought this thread is close enough.

I'm only young, 22 and ended a 3 1/2 year relationship about 10 months ago now. It ended up a pretty toxic relationship, but often you don't really know you're in one until you look back afterwards.

Anyway, I'd thought I'd preface this by saying I'm not looking for another relationship but would be open if the right person came along. I've dated and seen a lot of girls since then (10-15), most I find quite attractive and have got along well with all of them. The issue is that I can't seem to develop feelings for any of them, there just seems to be nothing there at all.

Has this happened to anyone? Is there some sorted or underlying issue here? Or is it just a coincidence that out of all these girls, I've not genuinely liked any of them?
Click to expand...
Stress less, one will come along and you'll feel something.

I ended a 4 yr relationship at aged 22, in about 2.5 years saw about 30-40 girls (yep, just on a rampage making up for lost time) and didn't feel a thing and got concerned. Recently a girl come along and I was ready to drop the dream single life I was doing just to be with her. Unfortunately it didn't work out and am still recovering.
 
Golden_6 said:
I didn't know where to post this, so I thought this thread is close enough.

I'm only young, 22 and ended a 3 1/2 year relationship about 10 months ago now. It ended up a pretty toxic relationship, but often you don't really know you're in one until you look back afterwards.

Anyway, I'd thought I'd preface this by saying I'm not looking for another relationship but would be open if the right person came along. I've dated and seen a lot of girls since then (10-15), most I find quite attractive and have got along well with all of them. The issue is that I can't seem to develop feelings for any of them, there just seems to be nothing there at all.

Has this happened to anyone? Is there some sorted or underlying issue here? Or is it just a coincidence that out of all these girls, I've not genuinely liked any of them?
Click to expand...
Don't put pressure on yourself to have the magic Hollywood encounter. You're probably not wired that way, I for one know that I am a slow burner and don't really develop any "real" (lets leave lust out of this) feelings until I have spent a reasonable amount of time with a person.

If you meet someone you enjoy talking to, catch up with them again, worse case scenario is you end up making a new friend. A physical attraction is the easy part, you know that straight away but to fall in love with someones personality is a different scenario.

Also, remember everyone is different and there's no right or wrong way to fall in love. Well, kind of.
 
Golden_6 said:
I didn't know where to post this, so I thought this thread is close enough.

I'm only young, 22 and ended a 3 1/2 year relationship about 10 months ago now. It ended up a pretty toxic relationship, but often you don't really know you're in one until you look back afterwards.

Anyway, I'd thought I'd preface this by saying I'm not looking for another relationship but would be open if the right person came along. I've dated and seen a lot of girls since then (10-15), most I find quite attractive and have got along well with all of them. The issue is that I can't seem to develop feelings for any of them, there just seems to be nothing there at all.

Has this happened to anyone? Is there some sorted or underlying issue here? Or is it just a coincidence that out of all these girls, I've not genuinely liked any of them?
Click to expand...

Problem is you were with your ex for 3 and a half years - that's a long time. This is where you can get in a rut and possibly even compare others to the lengthy relationship you had.

You say you are not looking for another relationship, yet have dated 10-15 in the last 10 months.

How's about slow down and take your own advice. The right person will come along when you are least expecting it.

Good luck!
 
dave123 said:
Honestly the quicker people get back out there the happier they get quicker ...

Hey and this is coming from a counsellor ...but one that suffered a marriage break up of 14 years

My well documented free agent mission over the last 8 months has been great ...no regrets ....fun is allowed
Men espectally internalise thoughts and worry a lot abou thmeslves and we feel the pain

Sleeping with a nice random girl doesn't take all the pain away but geez it clears the head and makes you realise that someone else's trash will one day be someone's treasure

Sex release massive amounts of dopamine also so actuall science tellls us its very good for us anyway.

Then work out the other shit as you go ...I'd rather go out and have fun sex than stair at the bottom of a beer glass night after night
Click to expand...

It's ok to be alone though Dave.

It's also ok to go out and have fun, companionship etc.

You make some valid points , but to me , you seem like you need to be with someone, even if its for a short period.

Are you deep down, subconsciously looking for that elusive long term relationship ?
 
Golden_6 said:
I didn't know where to post this, so I thought this thread is close enough.

I'm only young, 22 and ended a 3 1/2 year relationship about 10 months ago now. It ended up a pretty toxic relationship, but often you don't really know you're in one until you look back afterwards.

Anyway, I'd thought I'd preface this by saying I'm not looking for another relationship but would be open if the right person came along. I've dated and seen a lot of girls since then (10-15), most I find quite attractive and have got along well with all of them. The issue is that I can't seem to develop feelings for any of them, there just seems to be nothing there at all.

Has this happened to anyone? Is there some sorted or underlying issue here? Or is it just a coincidence that out of all these girls, I've not genuinely liked any of them?
Click to expand...
I'm the same, I've met some lovely girls, one was quite a hike away, one weekend she asked if I was coming up, I said I wanted a quiet weekend home, didn't hear from her again... oh well. Another just recently, caught up with her on a Sunday night (I was keen to make a go of this one), got a vibe, so I was back on Tinder the next day, and tee'd up the next one. Got a message the next day saying she's really sorry, but it doesn't feel right etc. But I didn't care at all...
 
I have met the one. But she wants kiddies I do not (can't afford it at this stage, probs ever). <Plus I wish her friend would STFU and let her decide for herself instead of interfering. Whole other story. She introduced us.>. Plus life has been going Ok these last few months not sure I want to complicate it.
 

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Run n Spread said:
I have met the one. But she wants kiddies I do not (can't afford it at this stage, probs ever). <Plus I wish her friend would STFU and let her decide for herself instead of interfering. Whole other story. She introduced us.>. Plus life has been going Ok these last few months not sure I want to complicate it.
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one of the girls who told me that she loved me prior to actually meeting (there were 2 of them) was a 37 year old who desperately wanted kids of her own. i'm well past wanting more kids, so i believe a bullet was dodged
 
Run n Spread said:
I have met the one. But she wants kiddies I do not (can't afford it at this stage, probs ever). <Plus I wish her friend would STFU and let her decide for herself instead of interfering. Whole other story. She introduced us.>. Plus life has been going Ok these last few months not sure I want to complicate it.
Click to expand...

Well that was short lived. My judgement is going as well as my footy tipping. Back on the Horse I guess.
 
Dips said:
one of the girls who told me that she loved me prior to actually meeting (there were 2 of them) was a 37 year old who desperately wanted kids of her own. i'm well past wanting more kids, so i believe a bullet was dodged
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Trap to watch. Could be kids, marriage, something else but I tend to be wary of people with a pre conceived agenda.
 
cats2rise said:
This.

Focus on you and enjoy yourself. It will happen when it happens.
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Great advice C2R.

I'm living by a motto of "Good people. Good experiences."

It might sound cliche but reckon the "finding myself" again bit is bloody important.

Everyone's different. But I like the idea of "focus on you and enjoy yourself. It will happen when it happens."

I'd add that it'll happen if you want it too. If you don't that's ok too.
 
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GotTheGoodes said:
Great advice C2R.

I'm living by a motto of "Good people. Good experiences."

It might sound cliche but reckon the "finding myself" again bit is bloody important.

Everyone's different. But I like the idea of "focus on you and enjoy yourself. It will happen when it happens."

I'd add that it'll happen if you want it too. If you don't that's ok too.
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Completely agree. Thats been the most important part of my recovery, finding out who I am, and not who i was expected to be by someone who had completely unrealistic expectations

Me and laurz have now been together for 9 months. Off overseas together in about 10 weeks time. My divorce has been finalised. I've been off antidepressants now for 5 days. Can honestly say that this is the absolute time of my life at the moment.
 
Dips said:
Completely agree. Thats been the most important part of my recovery, finding out who I am, and not who i was expected to be by someone who had completely unrealistic expectations

Me and laurz have now been together for 9 months. Off overseas together in about 10 weeks time. My divorce has been finalised. I've been off antidepressants now for 5 days. Can honestly say that this is the absolute time of my life at the moment.
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well done :thumbsu:
 
Seperated for four months now
I miss not seeing my kids everyday
Miss them like crazy
Being a guy and confronting being abused mostly emotionally sometimes physically has been terribly confronting
Have a very close friend who I've known for over 20 years since we hooked up in a nightclub as kids who I'm going out to dinner with this weekend
Feels weird but I'm quite excited about it all the same
 
Glacier said:
Seperated for four months now
I miss not seeing my kids everyday
Miss them like crazy
Being a guy and confronting being abused mostly emotionally sometimes physically has been terribly confronting
Have a very close friend who I've known for over 20 years since we hooked up in a nightclub as kids who I'm going out to dinner with this weekend
Feels weird but I'm quite excited about it all the same
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one day at a time buddy :thumbsu:
 
FootyJunkie said:
Made it to mid 30s with no wife/kids.... just hearing some of these horror divorce stories is not encouraging at all, pretty content just to stay solo, tbh
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I'm early 50s and will be doing the same. I was married years ago and it only lasted a couple of years. I lost a long term job and a week later i came home to find the house empty and the other half gone. It was gut wrenching at the time, but i must say it was the best thing she could of done. That was about twenty five years ago and nowadays i couldn't be more happier. I have bought and paid off a couple of properties and have a share in one now. Got some good coin in the bank and looking at semi retirement at 60.
 

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