Media Rat of the Week - Official Media Thread

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jackster83

jackster83

Killing with a smile
30k Posts Veteran Womens and Childrens Hospital Fundraiser - SFA 10k Posts Sin City Swamp Rats - Sweet F.A.
Jul 31, 2007
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Sin City Swamprats, Tasmania
After weeks of resisting posters, PM’s and a change.qorg petition that garnered a whopping six signatures, I have relented and decided that the #ratoftheweek will get its own media thread.

Join me as I get up close and personal with one of Sin City’s finest each week.

More to come.
 
Last edited:
#ratoftheweek – Round 1 edition

This week sees opportunist forward sataris play his 100th game against the same club he played his 99th game against (we won’t mention the result). This elusive Rat has gained a cult following due to his tremendous finals record, and sharp banter.

I caught up with him earlier this week over a nip of whiskey and some cigars that some legit looking bloke in a market in Las Vegas claimed were Quban.

smoking-cuban-cigar-with-scotch-cigar-lounge-etiquette-1.jpg


Me: How did you come to join the Swamprats?

Sataris: Yeah, nah. It was a long and sordid story. Sex, drugs, rock and/or roll. Also Ant Bear told me that he had an opportunity where I could rub up against some of the most degenerate posters in what he called 'qooty'. He showed me some photos of him with his top off, and whether I liked what I saw and if I wanted to be involved, I thanked him and told him that Mrs Haveringham would be mad if I was late to class, ever since then I decided I wanted to be a swamp rat.

6 years later he drafted me as an 18 year old.


Me: How did you cope with the initiation (hazing) ceremony?

Sataris: Yeah, nah. I'm not going into the details of what the ceremony entails, all I will say is that the after dinner mints are essential, and that if you've ever wanted to know what makes us swampies, stick together, it's knowing that each and everyone of us has gone through ant bears casting couch. Sometimes more than a few of us at a time.

He insists it builds 'team chemistry'.


Me: Do you have a favourite team mate(s)?

Sataris: Yeah, nah. I don't think it's a good idea to single out individuals, but it's Power Raid.

If you've ever seen what the man can do with an orange, his naked body and sheer will power you'd understand.

I'd never thought a used mayonnaise salesman could be so enthralling, I have a bust of the man and a signed orange in my pool room.


Me: Will you ever quit smoking?

Sataris: Yeah, nah. I don't think it's a matter of quitting, but everything in moderation.

Too much water you die, Too little water you die.

Do you ask a sardine if he's going to quit swimming? No. You say you go little sardine, you escape those fishing trawlers and live a long happy life. The seagulls will keep hounding you, but you gotta shrug that off and keep on swimming!

So that's my message to the little kids out there, be the sardine you want to be,stay away from seagulls and if you stop swimming, even for a moment, you'll die.


Me: What do you say to the naysayers who say our run at the top is finished now that AB has been replaced by an even more corrupt admin?

Sataris: Yeah, nah. Today is a proud day for the SCS, It's not about whose more corrupt than AB, but about who commissioned the report about corruption in qooty. That was us, sure AB was corrupt, I mean, who wouldn't be? Though his idea of 'backdoor shenanigans' is definitely more.. up close and personal then the current bunch of corrupt tossers at the top.

People underestimate us but we've got a good bunch of blokes and gals here. Corruption can't stop the swamp rats. We ARE the corruption.



Well that’s it for the round 1 edition of #ratoftheweek. Stay tuned for more quality content in coming weeks.
 

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#ratoftheweek – Round 2 edition

After a successful, albeit low scoring opening match against the *checks notes* Royals, this week sees the top of the ladder Swamprats come up against old foes the Dragons, with yet another highly decorated Rat bringing up a milestone. Tackling machine Nunez will play his 100th match, and is the #ratoftheweek for this round. I caught up with the dual premiership winning, two-time Mobbs medallist earlier in the week.

3986.jpg


Me: How did you come to join the Swamprats?

Nunez: My daddy Dingster recruited me as a father son pick.


Me: Who is your least hygienic team mate?

Nunez: Ant Bear. You don't want to know where his long nose has been.


Me: What is your game day preparation? Any superstitions, favourite meals, etc?

Nunez: Never tag Blacky on game day. Always have a morning coffee out of my favourite "mum thinks I'm cool" mug. Practice various BRAB sayings.


Me: Some of your team mates would like to know when you are going to release a song about the Swamprats and our recent premiership triumphs?

Nunez: It's coming soon. :cool:


Me: How are the preparations for the Malibu Achievers coming along? Is it true that you've proposed a merger with the Gumbies?

Nunez: Hoos and I have been smoking working tirelessly for years preparing for the Malibu Achievers to debut in the SFA. At one time we did entertain a merger but the Gumbies only play on Sundays (due to low attendance) and we SURE AS sh*t DONT ******* ROLL ON SHABBOS


Me: What are some of the tips and tricks that you are hoping to pass on to our younger players?

Nunez: Immerse yourself in the world of writing articles that troll opposition teams. Don't be sensitive - if you cry, just tell people it's been raining. If the boys club knock on your door, lock that f***er tight.

Well I hope you enjoyed this week’s #ratoftheweek. Congratulations again to Nunez . Feel free to guess who next week’s recipient will be (the first correct guess will get to ask them a question).
 
#ratoftheweek - round 3 edition

Welcome back for another episode of #ratoftheweek. After trying to muscle in on Nunez’s party last week, I was left with little choice but to catch up with arguably the most well loved and respected notorious of the current crop of Rats players, the former leader of the SFA himself, the one and only Ant Bear!

antbear.png
Ant Bear and his mistress seen here exiting SFA HQ. Picture: Qox News

I caught up with the deposed leader at a prominent strip club on Dragon Island (name deliberately withheld), and he graciously accepted my offer of a pint of West End Draught.


Me: What was your proudest moment as admin? Anything you would change?
Ant Bear: Awarding philreich the S28 Mobbenfuhrer Medal, after unceremoniously robbing him of the S26 medal by going 3 - 3 - 3 in the last three rounds. He's a good guy, phil - he deserved one.


Me: What made you decide to leave the Wonders at the end of season 29 and re-join a real club?
Ant Bear: The Wonders had a "Responsible Drinking" policy, where apparently there is a limit on consumption. Here in Sin City, we are all responsible for drinking, as much and as often as we can.


Me: Are there any other former Rats you believe we should approach to re-join the #ratpack?
Ant Bear: My good friend Millky95 looks so lost at the Koalas, he needs to be pushed out of that tree and he can be assured of a soft landing Underground.


Me: Are you planning on a leadership spill to dethrone philreich as captain?

"


Me: Which team(s) do you see as being the biggest threat to the Rats winning another flag in season 31?
Ant Bear: Vampires, Serpents, Power. In that order.


Me: Our rookies FishingRick04, powerrrrrrrrrrrr, and Catsnlakers have made a real impact in their short time at the club. As a stalwart of the club, what are some of the things you are trying to pass on to them?
Ant Bear: Herpes, crabs, HPV, elephantisis. Definitely not COVID.


Me: Is multi-quoting the work of the devil?
Ant Bear: There is a place and time to use it. A match thread is not the place, and the 21st century is not the time.


Me: I've paid for the last three rounds. When are you going to reciprocate?
Ant Bear: I'm just going to the toilet, I will be back soon.
...
...
...
Narrator: He never returned.

Well that wraps up another thrilling edition of #ratoftheweek. Next week I’ll be catching up with one of our up and coming Rats rookies.
 
jackster83 said:
#ratoftheweek – Round 2 edition

After a successful, albeit low scoring opening match against the *checks notes* Royals, this week sees the top of the ladder Swamprats come up against old foes the Dragons, with yet another highly decorated Rat bringing up a milestone. Tackling machine Nunez will play his 100th match, and is the #ratoftheweek for this round. I caught up with the dual premiership winning, two-time Mobbs medallist earlier in the week.

3986.jpg


Me: How did you come to join the Swamprats?

Nunez: My daddy Dingster recruited me as a father son pick.


Me: Who is your least hygienic team mate?

Nunez: Ant Bear. You don't want to know where his long nose has been.


Me: What is your game day preparation? Any superstitions, favourite meals, etc?

Nunez: Never tag Blacky on game day. Always have a morning coffee out of my favourite "mum thinks I'm cool" mug. Practice various BRAB sayings.


Me: Some of your team mates would like to know when you are going to release a song about the Swamprats and our recent premiership triumphs?

Nunez: It's coming soon. :cool:


Me: How are the preparations for the Malibu Achievers coming along? Is it true that you've proposed a merger with the Gumbies?

Nunez: Hoos and I have been smoking working tirelessly for years preparing for the Malibu Achievers to debut in the SFA. At one time we did entertain a merger but the Gumbies only play on Sundays (due to low attendance) and we SURE AS sh*t DONT ******* ROLL ON SHABBOS


Me: What are some of the tips and tricks that you are hoping to pass on to our younger players?

Nunez: Immerse yourself in the world of writing articles that troll opposition teams. Don't be sensitive - if you cry, just tell people it's been raining. If the boys club knock on your door, lock that f***er tight.

Well I hope you enjoyed this week’s #ratoftheweek. Congratulations again to Nunez . Feel free to guess who next week’s recipient will be (the first correct guess will get to ask them a question).
Click to expand...
Hey jackster83 is it you that you are interviewing next?
 
jackster83 said:
#ratoftheweek - round 3 edition

Welcome back for another episode of #ratoftheweek. After trying to muscle in on Nunez’s party last week, I was left with little choice but to catch up with arguably the most well loved and respected notorious of the current crop of Rats players, the former leader of the SFA himself, the one and only Ant Bear!

View attachment 1084517
Ant Bear and his mistress seen here exiting SFA HQ. Picture: Qox News

I caught up with the deposed leader at a prominent strip club on Dragon Island (name deliberately withheld), and he graciously accepted my offer of a pint of West End Draught.


Me: What was your proudest moment as admin? Anything you would change?
Ant Bear: Awarding philreich the S28 Mobbenfuhrer Medal, after unceremoniously robbing him of the S26 medal by going 3 - 3 - 3 in the last three rounds. He's a good guy, phil - he deserved one.


Me: What made you decide to leave the Wonders at the end of season 29 and re-join a real club?
Ant Bear: The Wonders had a "Responsible Drinking" policy, where apparently there is a limit on consumption. Here in Sin City, we are all responsible for drinking, as much and as often as we can.


Me: Are there any other former Rats you believe we should approach to re-join the #ratpack?
Ant Bear: My good friend Millky95 looks so lost at the Koalas, he needs to be pushed out of that tree and he can be assured of a soft landing Underground.


Me: Are you planning on a leadership spill to dethrone philreich as captain?

"


Me: Which team(s) do you see as being the biggest threat to the Rats winning another flag in season 31?
Ant Bear: Vampires, Serpents, Power. In that order.


Me: Our rookies FishingRick04, powerrrrrrrrrrrr, and Catsnlakers have made a real impact in their short time at the club. As a stalwart of the club, what are some of the things you are trying to pass on to them?
Ant Bear: Herpes, crabs, HPV, elephantisis. Definitely not COVID.


Me: Is multi-quoting the work of the devil?
Ant Bear: There is a place and time to use it. A match thread is not the place, and the 21st century is not the time.


Me: I've paid for the last three rounds. When are you going to reciprocate?
Ant Bear: I'm just going to the toilet, I will be back soon.
...
...
...
Narrator: He never returned.

Well that wraps up another thrilling edition of #ratoftheweek. Next week I’ll be catching up with one of our up and coming Rats rookies.
Click to expand...

Hoping that 3rd best Rats rookie is your next interview
 
#ratoftheweek - Round 4 Edition

Welcome back for another edition of the segment that has the qooty world talking, the #ratoftheweek. After selecting experienced and milestone-celebrating Rats in the first three games, the Rats' faithful have been flooding the various talkback radio stations, wanting to know about the younger players, particularly with a stellar crop of rookies taking the league by force in season 31. I caught up with one who has already achieved recognition by the powers that be, much to the delight of rookies' sensei GremioPower. FishingRick04 was good enough to join me in the Starbucks that has only just opened in Sin City. I bought us both coffees, but was surprised when I did not receive change from a $50 note.

e9fef02279ef1886a481c4fd37a42ef5.jpg


Me: How did you come to join the Swamprats?

FishingRick04: I was randomly asked if I wanted to join.

Narrator: FishingRick04 was identified as a potential talent during the Rats' exhaustive session at the bar recruitment drive.


Me: Congratulations on winning the round 1 nomination for the Rookie Gun of the Year award. How does it feel to be recognised so early in your qooty career?

Rick: Natural progression for someone of my skill and intellect really.


Me: It's been rumoured that you have been unhappy with philreich's decision to start you on the bench in the first two weeks. Well more than rumoured actually – he sent me a screenshot of the conversation you had just prior to the match against the Dragons.



rats_rick.png

Now that you’re part of the starting 18, have you and Phil kissed and made up?

Rick: No, I’m the best player he’s ever seen and I should be in the guts or CHF like Leigh Matthews. Anything else is an insult. Typical of this guy to share private text too.


Me: Who are some of the more senior team mates who have taken you under their wing?

Rick: No one, I’m neglected probably due to jealous of my good looks and talent.


Me: Has SarahSmiles tried to convert you to kombucha yet?

Rick: Sarah is hot, I’d allow her 60 minutes of my time.


Me: This week will be your first home match for the Rats. Are your family going to be in attendance (Qoronavirus restrictions notwithstanding)?

Rick: ...

Narrator: A distracted FishingRick04 ignored the question as he was too busy flirting with the girl bringing him a fresh cup of coffee.


Me: What are your first impressions on the opposition for this week, the Las Vegas Bears?

Rick: Inferior scum not even worth talking about as they will inevitably lose to myself. Sorry the rats team.


Well that wraps up another episode of #ratoftheweek that is bound to get tongues wagging. Who will be next week's nominee - rumour has it that another Rat will be bringing up a milestone rookie will feature.
 

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Here you go Jabba73...

Well, after several days of driving, digging for buried treasure and then hiding a number of bodies in the holes, here it is.

#ratoftheweek - Round 5 Edition

After last week's nomination of FishingRick04 which attracted a record level of interest, I've decided to continue on the theme of focussing on our league leading season 31 rookies. This week I caught up with Catsnlakers. Being such a busy man, I had to wait until he was on his lunch break. Here he is in action below:




Me: Congratulation on your #ratoftheweeknomination. How excited were you when you found out?
CnL: I felt like my life was complete, it’s an amazing organisation to be apart of.


Me: Also, congratulation on your nomination for the rookie of the year award. Did GremioPower take you out for ice cream like he did with FishingRick04?
CnL: No ice cream, it was straight to the strippers, what a night.....


Me: This season's Rats rookies have made a big impression on the SFA. Which (if any) of the rookies for the other clubs have caught your eye? Is it true that you and FishingRick04 and powerrrrrrrrrrrr have wet towel fights in the changerooms after the games?
CnL: We have friendly competition, but no wet towel fights, we’ll leave that stuff for the Furies.....And tbh I don’t care one bit for the other teams rookies, us three are all that matters.


Me: The facilities in the Underground Stadium are known being basic and not particularly hygienic.


hilarious_design_fails_cant_believe_featured.jpg
This photo was taken after the recent upgrade.


How have you managed to adapt to these conditions?
CnL: I have no issue with our conditions, through adversity of any kind you achieve resolve, it’s no wonder we’re the envy of the competition.


Me: Which opposition club have you enjoyed bantering with the most?
CnL: I quite enjoyed the past week with the Bears, they seemed like a good bunch, unlike that other mob we played in Round 3 (that team that TJASTA plays for).


Me: It must have been exciting to play in front of your home fans for the first time. How did you find it? Is it true you received several marriage proposals?
CnL: I loved it, nothing quite compares to playing at home, & how did you find out about that??....Thought it was on the down low, I had to politely decline a few requests for marriage yes....But we come to an accord that I would make sweet love to them all, so it worked out okay.


Me: Your avatar is giving me the urge to gouge my eyes out. Will you be making foolish av. bets again in the future?
CnL: I can see myself making more bets, I just believe so much in this group & what we’re capable of.


Me: What is your favourite variey of potato-based snackfood?
CnL: Salt & Vinegar potato chips, love them.


Well that wraps up another exciting edition of #ratoftheweek, with another rookie featuring. Will next week see the rookie trifecta, or will a seasoned campaigner earn the gong?
 
omgfridge said:
Derailing the attention a bit for Gumbie 522 week also...
Click to expand...

I've already expressed my support to the Gumbies for reaching such an illustrious milestone.
 
#ratoftheweek - Round 7 Edition

In true Swamprat fashion, I had no hesitation in awarding myself the nomination the first chance I got. The new RotW hats were also a treat.

ratoftheweek2.png


Ant Bear said:
The OP casts his mind back. Way, way back, to Sweet FA Season 24.

As rookie captain of the Swamprats, we had endured a hell of a lot of heartache already, and were only halfway through the season. From Millky95's mic drop and the desertion of key players Noobz0r, Golumless and spookism, we wondered if the Swamprats would survive. But up from the shadows stepped Dingster; Cloud_ stayed when retirement was on his mind and we recruited heavily. Current skipper philreich came over from the Demons, and we invested in rookies, some of whom had short careers.

But the best of these rookies was drazah, and little did we know how dramatically this recruitment would shape us in seasons ahead.

drazah was sharp, witty and clever. He famously torched the Furies, and spread his wings wide across the league. We could all see that he was a EKA contender.

We had lost the first 8 games of the season. Coupled with the straight sets S23 exit, a club record 10 game losing streak sat on our shoulders, but come round 9 against the Roys - SUCCESS!!! Celebrations were long and loud, and as we embarked on round 10 against the Wonders we were exuberant.

Until...

On the Friday morning, I found out via the Port board that drazah had sadly passed away. We were genuinely distraught, and found solace in the win that week, with drazah famously soaring high in defence to save the game.


In the weeks and months that followed, I kept in contact with drazah's family, through his brother, jackster83, as we planned and executed several memorials to our fallen comrade. We arranged a charity match, with a tidy sum donated to Beyond Blue. Many SFA posters still wear this badge. We named our internal rookie award in drazah's honour; it still bears his name today. And without any pressure, jackster 83 came to see that we were a real club, a genuine team, and he eventually asked to join the Swamprats in Round 6 of Season 26.

Since then, he has played 99 games with the club; risen to a leadership position and won 2 Premierships. Eschewing prime positions, he has prowled the half back flank, half forward flank and been a KPP. Like others, jackster83 took his time to find his feet in the league; learned about his opponents and has become the leader that we thought we were getting way back in S24 with his brothr.

Please congratulate JACKSTER83 ON 100 Sweet FA games this week. Mate, you finally get your name on a cell (and not one of those smelly, COVID-infested hellholes at Abdu!)

Click to expand...

Thanks Ant Bear!
 
#ratoftheweek - Round 8 Edition

Well, after some weeks in the wilderness, and then a week of celebrating with Rats past and present, it's great to be back in the interviewer's chair for another installment of #ratoftheweek.

The recent 400th game milestone saw a flurry of media activity, with one Rat putting out more literature than the late Clive Cussler.

mr-burns-monkeys-typewriters1-640x381.jpg

The Sin City media department has really expanded in recent times.

I made time during the past players' luncheon last Friday to catch up with the man who has brought a Brazillian flavour (but sadly none of their women) to the SFA; the one and only GremioPower.

Me: How did you come to join the Rats?
GP: Ant Bear is a very patient and persistent person. He was trying to get me in since I arrived at BigFooty. With the lockdown and without footy, I finally decided to accept his invitation.

Me: You've really taken this season's crop of Rats rookies under your wing. What sets this year's bunch apart from other clubs' rookies?
GP: They have me! :p

Besides, they all have shown a great qooty IQ when choosing to play for the Rats. I cannot say the same for all those poor newbies that went elsewhere.

Me: Is it true that Rat Fever has taken over your home country of Brazil? By which, I don't mean the Qoronavirus, but rather the Swamprats and qooty in general.
GP: Rattaria is a thing here, didn't you know?! Just look at this:

rattaria.PNG

https://rattariabrasil.wixsite.com/rato-twister-mercol

There is also a Facebook page:



www.facebook.com


Rattaria Brasil
Rattaria Brasil. 12,984 likes · 25 talking about this. Criação com foco em melhoramento genético/fenótipo, com comportamento dócil. Ratos importados de Portugal, US e UK(os primeiros dumbos/outros...

www.facebook.com
www.facebook.com


We are taking the country by storm, mate!

Me: Could you ever see a qooty team based there?
GP: I would love too, but it's difficult from a cultural perspective. Soqqer would have a better chance of working here. Even so, there could be a Ratões-de-Banhado Qutebol Clube, why not?

Me: It was a tremendous effort by you to drive the events of #rat400week. How will you unwind afterwards?
GP: Yes. It has been a quite exhausting week, but the club deserves it. I will need to rest, of course; but it will be simple, really:


401B93BE-B2EB-4F7E-81DD-3F6E5F585B94.jpeg



Me: Do you ever sleep?
GP: I do, but you all are usually too drunk to notice it!

Me: Which club(s) do you see as the biggest threat to the Rats making it an odd numbered season treble (S27, 29, 31???)?
GP: At this time, it would be the Wazzas and the Dragons. I don't see Bombers and Wonders as a threat, at least, not yet. Any other team, I would be extremely surprised.

Me: What meals would you like to see added to the Rat's Front Bar dinner menu?
GP: Appetizer: Bolinho de Arroz

5181a5c1794f630f481eb318a769aeb8_bolinho-arroz-receitas-nestle_1200_600.jpg

Main dish: Arroz-de-Carreteiro
c63d235dda5c15c6abbd9ec854d13728_arroz-carreteiro-receitas-nestle_1200_600.jpg


Dessert: Arroz Doce
receita-de-arroz-doce-com-leite-condensado-9.jpg


I'm from the Brazilian Rice Belt and really love rice.


Well that wraps up another entertaining, yet educational episode of #ratoftheweek with one of Sin City's brightest stars. We look forward to your company again next week.
 
jackster83 said:
I made time during the past players' luncheon last Friday to catch up with the man who has brought a Brazillian flavour (but sadly none of their women) to the SFA
Click to expand...
This reminds me of a funny story about drazah. The first time I met him IRL, at a pre-game BigFooty Port meetup, he turned up with not one, but TWO, Brazilian women in tow. He was Hazard then, I used this material for months afterwards!

jackster83 said:
Me: How did you come to join the Rats?
GP: @Ant Bear is a very patient and persistent person. He was trying to get me in since I arrived at BigFooty. With the lockdown and without footy, I finally decided to accept his invitation
Click to expand...
Come to think of it, I probably recruited ALL of the current Swamprat LG to the club! And yet, they excluded me from the LG...
 
Ant Bear said:
Come to think of it, I probably recruited ALL of the current Swamprat LG to the club! And yet, they excluded me from the LG...
Click to expand...

Far Kern renamed the LG the "No Ants Club". (We're allowed one)
 
Ant Bear said:
jackster83.
From 2015, in the Geelong game review thread
Click to expand...

He certainly got about.

We couldn't go to a number of bars in the city because he'd previously had relations with the girls who worked there.
 

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