- Jun 7, 2015
- 1,289
- 4,903
- AFL Club
- West Coast
Round 10 West Coast vs Hawthorn
Sunday, May 21st, UTas Stadium.
West Coast and Hawthorn have shared one of the titanic rivalries of the AFL era. From the first final played outside Victoria (Hawthorn 124, West Coast 101) to the 1991 grand final (Hawthorn 139, West Coast 86), to the 2015… Look, **** Hawthorn, is what I'm trying to say.
But in 2023, the days of us playing Mothra to their poo-and-wee-coloured Godzilla are a distant memory. Now it's 18th meets 17th in Tasmania in a match that promises to be so craptacular the state will probably hand back its AFL licence and lobby for an NRL team. The most exciting thing is the loser gets to draft Harley Reid, unless he watches the game, quits footy in disgust and starts smoking weed and learning guitar instead. Yep, this match is going to be so bad that… Ugh. Much like this season, let's just get this over with!
Eagles forwards versus Hawthorn defenders
For all the heroics of Oscar Allen and the workmanlike efforts of Jake Waterman, it hasn’t been a great year for our crippled forward line. Unfortunately, Jack Darling has also joined the injury list after playing through a broken arm against Gold Coast in a performance as heroic as it was daft and pointless.
In better news, Noah Long returns to the side this week. A shining light in 2023 with his clean skills and astute decision-making, drafting Long at pick 58 was like meeting your soulmate at Metros at 4 am after several footy teams had already passed on her. Not to put too much pressure on the kid, but it’s fair to say he’s a perfect hybrid of Mark LeCras and Lachie Neale set to dominate the league for years to come.
Although generally not very good, Hawthorn’s backline does have the potential to hurt teams on the counterattack through the dash of Jarman Impey and Will Day. They’ve also got James Sicily, intercept marking maestro and Tasmania’s worst tourism ambassador since that escaped convict who ate people. If our delivery and forward pressure don’t improve, all those guys might have a much less miserable afternoon than they usually do.
Hawks forwards versus Eagles defenders
In a rare treat for fans of horrible football, Sunday offers a showdown between the league’s leakiest defence and its most ineffectual attack. Despite the cricket scores they’re conceding, it’s been tricky to assess the Eagles' backline this year. They’ve looked impressively hapless at times, but there’s only so much you can do when midfielders under no pressure feed lace-out passes to your opponent all day.
Fortunately, Hawthorn has nothing even vaguely resembling Charlie Curnow to traumatise poor Josh Rotham any further. After offloading Jack Gunston, their forward line is a bunch of kids and Luke Breust for some reason, possibly as a source of protein for them in the bleak Melbourne winter. Dylan Moore looks the best of their young guys as a handy small forward with midfield potential.
The Midfields
West Coast and Hawthorn have embarked on very different styles of rebuild, with the Hawks ruthlessly culling their list and the Eagles backing in their veterans for one last effort. If the two strategies were movies, they'd be Logan's Run versus The Bucket List, and you'd rather screw around on your phone than sit through either of them.
With Naitanui, Yeo, and Shuey all injured, it’s been left to Tim Kelly to carry a young midfield that’s being bullied so badly HR would get involved in any other workplace. 2023 is probably the last chance for guys like O’Neill and Foley to show they belong at AFL level. If they don’t step up soon, they’ll face the same fate as Greg Clark, who somehow managed to get dropped this week. On the positive side, tackling machine Reuben Ginbey has been everything you could ask for in a teenage midfielder. Bailey Williams has battled hard in the ruck, and we’ve still got Elijah Hewett waiting in the wings to bring a much-needed injection of FIGJAM.
Hawthorn boasts a midfield full of promising kids like Cam McKenzie and Jai Newcombe alongside the experience of Amon and Worpel, and Sam Mitchell has them playing an aggressive brand of footy based on attacking through the corridor. It might win them games someday, but fortunately for us, they’re still godawful at it for now.
The Wash Up
Look, we all know it's been a long and bleak winter, but… Hang on, it's still autumn? Oh. Oh shit.
Whatever happens, I’m so sorry you have to see this, Harley.
Sunday, May 21st, UTas Stadium.
West Coast and Hawthorn have shared one of the titanic rivalries of the AFL era. From the first final played outside Victoria (Hawthorn 124, West Coast 101) to the 1991 grand final (Hawthorn 139, West Coast 86), to the 2015… Look, **** Hawthorn, is what I'm trying to say.
But in 2023, the days of us playing Mothra to their poo-and-wee-coloured Godzilla are a distant memory. Now it's 18th meets 17th in Tasmania in a match that promises to be so craptacular the state will probably hand back its AFL licence and lobby for an NRL team. The most exciting thing is the loser gets to draft Harley Reid, unless he watches the game, quits footy in disgust and starts smoking weed and learning guitar instead. Yep, this match is going to be so bad that… Ugh. Much like this season, let's just get this over with!
Eagles forwards versus Hawthorn defenders
For all the heroics of Oscar Allen and the workmanlike efforts of Jake Waterman, it hasn’t been a great year for our crippled forward line. Unfortunately, Jack Darling has also joined the injury list after playing through a broken arm against Gold Coast in a performance as heroic as it was daft and pointless.
In better news, Noah Long returns to the side this week. A shining light in 2023 with his clean skills and astute decision-making, drafting Long at pick 58 was like meeting your soulmate at Metros at 4 am after several footy teams had already passed on her. Not to put too much pressure on the kid, but it’s fair to say he’s a perfect hybrid of Mark LeCras and Lachie Neale set to dominate the league for years to come.
Although generally not very good, Hawthorn’s backline does have the potential to hurt teams on the counterattack through the dash of Jarman Impey and Will Day. They’ve also got James Sicily, intercept marking maestro and Tasmania’s worst tourism ambassador since that escaped convict who ate people. If our delivery and forward pressure don’t improve, all those guys might have a much less miserable afternoon than they usually do.
Hawks forwards versus Eagles defenders
In a rare treat for fans of horrible football, Sunday offers a showdown between the league’s leakiest defence and its most ineffectual attack. Despite the cricket scores they’re conceding, it’s been tricky to assess the Eagles' backline this year. They’ve looked impressively hapless at times, but there’s only so much you can do when midfielders under no pressure feed lace-out passes to your opponent all day.
Fortunately, Hawthorn has nothing even vaguely resembling Charlie Curnow to traumatise poor Josh Rotham any further. After offloading Jack Gunston, their forward line is a bunch of kids and Luke Breust for some reason, possibly as a source of protein for them in the bleak Melbourne winter. Dylan Moore looks the best of their young guys as a handy small forward with midfield potential.
The Midfields
West Coast and Hawthorn have embarked on very different styles of rebuild, with the Hawks ruthlessly culling their list and the Eagles backing in their veterans for one last effort. If the two strategies were movies, they'd be Logan's Run versus The Bucket List, and you'd rather screw around on your phone than sit through either of them.
With Naitanui, Yeo, and Shuey all injured, it’s been left to Tim Kelly to carry a young midfield that’s being bullied so badly HR would get involved in any other workplace. 2023 is probably the last chance for guys like O’Neill and Foley to show they belong at AFL level. If they don’t step up soon, they’ll face the same fate as Greg Clark, who somehow managed to get dropped this week. On the positive side, tackling machine Reuben Ginbey has been everything you could ask for in a teenage midfielder. Bailey Williams has battled hard in the ruck, and we’ve still got Elijah Hewett waiting in the wings to bring a much-needed injection of FIGJAM.
Hawthorn boasts a midfield full of promising kids like Cam McKenzie and Jai Newcombe alongside the experience of Amon and Worpel, and Sam Mitchell has them playing an aggressive brand of footy based on attacking through the corridor. It might win them games someday, but fortunately for us, they’re still godawful at it for now.
The Wash Up
Look, we all know it's been a long and bleak winter, but… Hang on, it's still autumn? Oh. Oh shit.
Whatever happens, I’m so sorry you have to see this, Harley.
